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How it was AND how it’s going…

Nearly a year ago I got the call my father was dying. Cindy and I knew we would get the debt and none of the assets. That’s our lives. We always get the shitty end of the stick. In fact, we expect it.

After getting my client married at TDCJ Terrell Unit, taking her and her twin daughters to lunch and completing bridal photos, I sat alone in my suv and called Monroe, NC to get the funeral home to go pick up the body. I tried to pay them THEN. They wouldn’t let me. I wanted CLOSURE. I didn’t give a damn what it would cost I wanted it over.

The next day I was scheduled at TDCJ Robertson Unit and in the middle of bridal photos when the funeral home “called to collect.” I used my platinum card to pay them with my name on it pay attention to that part because my name is why I started a Tik Tok. My original Tik Tok was wendymwortham which family members got banned because I was being honest. The first video on that account was me in a parking lot mad AF because the funeral home kept getting my name WRONG on the damn authorization form. I was alone, frustrated and had paid them more than they quoted while with my Robertson Unit clients to get CLOSURE. I didn’t care I wanted it over and done.

It took 4 authorization forms between 3 units to accomplish this task. In the midst of all of this I was as usual worrying about Stephaney. For 18 years Cindy and I have been worrying about Stephaney.

My blogs, my businesses and my life are a mix of family, clients, chaos and loving an addict. My entire life has been scarred due to addicts and 30 plus years ago my own twin sister didn’t know she was addicted to prescription pain medicine until she overdosed. She then quit cold turkey. We had no idea until that occurred she had a problem but upon realizing it changed it too. I don’t take pain meds and neither does she. Addiction IS a choice. No one can convince me otherwise.

At 15 years old and pregnant sitting in the shelter with Cindy I made a pact. “We won’t be like them. We won’t hit our children or be drunks or addicts. We will be the parents we never knew and the people we never met.” We kept that pact until an accident broke Cindy in half. She didn’t walk for nearly 2 years and those prescriptions are why and how she unknowingly became dependent on them.

No one speaks for the people who love an addict. They have no voice. Everywhere it’s all about the addict and not about the people who love an addict. The people traumatized and victimized by the addict are silenced. I changed the dynamics by documenting what loving an addict is like on my Tik Tok account. I didn’t care if addicts wanted to “bring the heat” and comment or others wanted to label me as an enabler. They didn’t know Jack shit about me and had no impact on my life whatsoever. Our journey IS our journey. It’s raw, candid, transparent and I make no apologies for my anger at addicts who refuse to accept responsibility or accountability for their actions. Our mother never did. She never will.

The first year of being homeless was pure survival. The shelter only allowed us to stay 6 weeks then we were homeless again. Living in the streets was hard but cleaning up in gas station bathrooms was how we kept jobs. We became waitresses so we wouldn’t starve and eventually got a shitty car we lived in until we could move into a shady apartment. We never could afford electricity. Cindy was raped coming home from her shift at ihop. I tripped over her in the dark. A few months later we were in a car accident and told she was pregnant.

Now it wasn’t only about us but also about Leigh Ann. Our entire lives have been spent surviving and raising 2 generations of kids with an addict once again affecting our lives. For four and half months since Stephaney showed up on my patio after being homeless nearly 2 years again I’ve been the cheerleader. Get her a job. A place to live. A car. Keep her sober. I’m effing exhausted. My pom Poms are out of streamers. Today I lost my shit on her after resolving an issue with a lost license in Rockwall. Why? She was upset about some stupid guy that has never done anything for her. Cindy and I are and have been the only ones who gave a shit about her and she’s worried that this idiot posted a photo with a girlfriend? I nearly slapped her.

Loving an addict is the most miserable, unrewarding and exasperating thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. They destroy your health. You lose any degree of peace in your life.

I can’t tell you the number of times I was meeting a client, walking into a venue or courthouse or onto a sound stage or standing in front of a film crew or had to walk out of my own house full of production people because I was getting yet another crazy ass phone call from Stephaney because there have been too many damn times. Cindy and I have had to act normal in abnormal situations for 18 years. It’s raw HELL.

I nearly lost Cindy due to a heart attack because she wouldn’t let me take her to an ER while driving Steph to yet another rehab in Oklahoma. A year later while telling me “trying to save Stephaney is going to give you a heart attack” my husband had 3 right in front of me. I was alone with both Cindy and Matthew when they both suffered several heart attacks. I will never get over the fear of being in that position. No one will understand how traumatic this is unless they’ve been through it.

I thrive in a structured environment. Predictability is crucial to me. Loving an addict is the most unpredictable thing you could ever imagine or endure unless you’ve done it you won’t get it.

I don’t know where this journey with Stephaney will go but 18 years is my limit. Cindys too. We’ve spent our entire lives focused on surviving or raising our children for all of these years. If Steph relapses again, we are clocking out. At almost 60 we are focusing on ourselves… we don’t know how much time we have left but by God we are going to live out the rest of our lives with peace, structure and predictability.

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When Something Is So Shocking It Reminds You Of A Lifetime Movie…

Last night Cindy called me and Leigh Ann after opening a life insurance policy in Maryssa’s name with the beneficiary being her boyfriend of less than 2 months. The policy amount was half a million dollars. We were immediately on Red Alert about this shocking development.

Maryssa’s mom, Stephaney has battled addiction for 18 years but 4.5 months ago finally came to my patio to seek help. She’s been sober 4 months. My twin sister (her mother) and I put her in detox then moved her to Volunteers of America (an organization I cannot say enough good things about) for 90 days before transitioning to an Oxford House at the tip of Westover Hills near my home.

Cindy and I helped Stephaney get a car due to the expense of Uber or Lyft. Steph had found a 2007 Mitsubishi Eclipse for $3500 but it’s had a few issues. The guy who sold it to Steph has fixed 3 things so far and not charged her anything to do so. Cindy and I were pretty sure “this guy likes Steph.” We were right because he finally asked her to dinner this past week.

Steph is struggling because one of the twins, Makenna still isn’t speaking to Stephaney after her entire lifetime of 18 years waiting for Stephaney to get it together. Makenna had hope for years but five years ago, Stephaney was still on paper (probation) in Cotton County, Oklahoma and sober due to mandatory drug testing. It would be the first time in the twins lives their mother was sober for 3.5 years. The day after mandatory testing was removed, Stephaney was back on drugs and Makenna was so devastated by this decision that she took all of her anxiety meds while Cindy was with me and clients at TDCJ Robertson Unit then sent a group text to Cindy and I. We barely saved Makenna she was hospitalized for 3 months then moved to Mesa Springs for suicidal ideation. Makenna may never trust Stephaney again to be a part of her life and it’s something neither Cindy, I or Stephaney can control.

Many of our social media connections and a few of my clients are recovering addicts who have families that “practiced” tough love. They still have no connection to their own families even though they are sober. Cindy and I have fought for 18 years to get Stephaney stable. 18 years of “looking normal” in front of our clients and the rest of our families. It’s taken a toll on both of us financially and emotionally. 24 rehabs at great financial expense since Stephaney after having the twins at 16 years old has never had health insurance and 31 involuntary commitments due to meth induced psychosis. It’s raw Hell loving an addict. Unless you’ve been through it you will never understand. Only someone who has loved an addict would. Steph has overdosed 4 times. Cindy and I have “gotten the call” 4 times.

I once had a production assistant tell me “Wendy we can’t let the networks know you have any problems.” I laughed at this ludicrous statement since 1. My blogs are diaries of my life and businesses and 2. Everyone has problems and 3. No one doesn’t have any problems. She was young and dumb in her 20’s assuming everyone lived a problem free life. What a fantasy.

My life has never been “problem free.” Cindys hasn’t either. There’s a reason we a “different.” The reason is where we came from. Our mother was a heroin addict who eventually sold all 4 of her children for $50 each. But it would be years prior to this sale of Sharon Hill neglecting Wendy, Cindy, Tammy & Jerry due to her addiction of losing or forgetting us in parks, padlocked closets and locked car trunks before she finally sold us to our grandfather, a Pedophile. “Bought and paid for” is a term he used to refer to my sisters and I until Tammy was saved by adoption from our mothers mother as she was a stepsister and not a child of our father at 10 years old. Cindy and I were 6. Jerry was 2. Our grandfather recorded this “sale.” Cindy found the tape when we were liquidating a storage unit she had been paying for at our fathers request after his death. The tape was in the storage Unit dated May 1971 with only Wendy, Cindy & Tammy’s name on it. The reason? We were the only ones forced to listen to the tape. We were the victims of a predator who reminded all 3 of us that we were barely worth $50 by playing that tape throughout our childhoods. Problem free? What an idiotic statement and belief. My life has never been problem free nor has Cindys or Jerry’s. We were the children no one wanted or cared about.

My contempt for family members who wouldn’t help us became rage so all consuming I stopped speaking for many years. No one would listen. Cindy spoke for me. A number of things led up to my decision not to speak so I will elaborate. First Tammy disappeared. Asking where she was resulted in a beating. Secondly since Tammy was our primary caretaker, Miss Dorothy was hired. A woman we were initially terrified of because she looked like a witch. Wild and long jet black hair so dark it was shocking. Equally long red fingernails. Sunken cheeks with cheekbones so strong her face was dramatically enhanced. Odd clothing we hadn’t seen before with flowing and layered skirts similar to Stevie Nicks. Ironically it would be Miss Dorothy who became the only positive influence in our young lives. She was loving, dedicated and cared about us. In fact, she cared so much that she was going to tell what was going on and told our dad which was why she was immediately fired and we never saw her again. Our father moved in one of his cousins, an angry drunk, Vern. We knew to be wary of his angry outbursts and stay away from him but I would earlier than Jerry and Cindy one morning in the kitchen. I was ironing my fathers clothes. We were maids at a very young age. Vern had hollered “get off your ass and make me some coffee.” I did and not knowing it would burn the counter, set the coffee pot on the Formica counter accidentally burning a circle on the counter. Vern punched me with such force that I was knocked into the wall which brought my father into the kitchen asking “what did that dumb ass do this time?” Vern pointed at the counter. Our father regularly beat us with a razor strap, his fists or whatever was handy. Our grandmother used a purple hairbrush. Now Vern like everyone else could do whatever he wanted too. We had no escape from the Hell we were locked into as children.

School was no better. Cindy and I walked miles to and from school. We were regularly beaten up on our travels by a group of hoodlums. It would be 5th grade when the decision to “fight back” occurred to Cindy. She explained why to me. “We are beaten up and assaulted by everyone around us at home. If we don’t defend ourselves at school we will never get away from this. We are worth defending.” She was right and her reasoning would be how we finally stopped getting beat up. In 6th grade since we were immediately separated upon entering school it wouldn’t be Cindy but instead Wendy on my way to Special Ed since I still refused to speak who was cornered. “You’re so ugly your own mother left you.” I picked her up and threw her into a brick wall not knowing how much rage I actually had in me. I was suspended but didn’t care. The rock throwing that resulted in a scar under my right eye after one student put broken glass in the dirt clog stopped. Everyday Cindy and I ran from bullies either beating us or throwing rocks. Throwing Vickie stopped all of that.

It would be at the end of 6th grade our father up and moved us to Oklahoma City. Our mothers mother was trying to get custody of Cindy, Jerry & I. We wouldn’t know this for many many years. Our aunt Mildred & uncle Bob lived in Oklahoma. The only meals we had there were free lunches ar school. I found the first teacher in my life who helped me overcome my traumatic stutter and finally speak again too. This same teacher would also save me when at school I began my menstrual cycle early not knowing what was wrong with me but believing God was punishing me due to the years of abuse at the hands of our grandfather while no one did anything to stop it. Not other relatives. Not neighbors. Not teachers. No one except Miss Dorothy had ever tried to intervene.

For a year in an Oklahoma trailer park our miserable lives became more miserable. Aunt Mildred didn’t like children. Uncle Bob saw “free labor.” We swept his chemical plant. We cleaned their house. We were helpless pawns. Our dad went out drinking and came home angry most nights. We had learned to hide as much as we could and stay out of the way. He worked for uncle Bob. There were 2 brothers that spit on me and Cindy or pushed us waiting on the bus in Oklahoma. We had never rode a bus and thought it would be fun. It wasn’t. One day one of them went after our baby brother, Jerry. It would never happen again. Cindy and I beat the daylight out of the two trailer park thugs that had terrorized everyone else forced to ride the bus. We were learning that fighting back was the only option we had.

Melissa went to school with us and rode the bus. One day in 7th grade she came to our trailer. We weren’t ever allowed to have friends in our home or go to other peoples homes either. She wanted a match but our father measured and marked everything and would beat the daylights out of us if he found we had consumed or used anything without asking. We couldn’t give her a pack of matches out of fear. She left and within minutes shot herself beside her trailer. I’ve always blamed myself for not giving her those matches. We never knew why she did it. I ran to her trailer and saw the carnage ahead of Cindy. We both stopped Jerry to keep him from it. The entire school was given the day off. It was the first funeral of someone we had ever attended. If not for Cindy and Jerry I might’ve been Melissa. I might’ve chosen an easy way out of our hellish lives but I had Cindy and Jerry to think about I had siblings to protect the same way Tammy had protected us before grandma Tinney adopted her at 10. Without realizing it back then I became the fixer. The protector. The kid who whatever happened lied and said “I did it” or “it was my fault” to spare my siblings a beating. I also hated my father. This rate would grow over the years to come only more fierce and consuming throughout the rest of my life. But I never considered following Melissa’s lead I had Cindy and Jerry to think about leaving alone and defenseless.

Grandma and grandpa showed up in Oklahoma to move us to Texas. We had been quite nearly starved after a summer of no school and no food. Nothing had changed after a year away from grandpa he immediately cornered Cindy and I loading our meager belongings and said “did you miss me?” We were miserable malnutritioned and helpless. No one would help us. No one would ever help us. Only surviving and escaping our family we would but we were still to young to pull it off.

Cindy and I stopped asking about Tammy in Oklahoma. We had suffered many beatings by asking or even mentioning her name. It was while being moved from OK to TX I decided to one day find my sister and our mother to confront her. This would take years to accomplish but I was hellbent to do it.

Texas was equally miserable. Back in school at Castleberry I was beaten up on our first day. I only had one pair of pants as did Cindy. We both cut up a flag to add length by whipstitching the flag onto the hem of our pants. Debbie cornered me in the bathroom. Cindy was by far more adept to these encounters than I was so I did the same thing I did at home. Nothing. I had taken many beatings over Vickie back in Lompoc. I didn’t want another beating when I got home from defending myself. Debbie and her sidekicks regularly cornered me coming out of Special Ed. It was miserable I knew I would get beaten up everyday and dreaded it. One day my father noticed a black eye and told me “if you keep coming home getting your ass whipped at school I’m gonna whip it again.” The next day I beat the living shit out of Debbie with my books. She never bothered me again. Survival was difficult and arduous. It was hell. Monthly I was beaten for having a period and “posing a financial hardship on our family.” Cindy wouldn’t start until years after me. I’m guessing I had precocious puberty but it was never diagnosed. We never went to a regular doctor or dentist. We were too poor for medical care. Maryssa was diagnosed with precocious puberty at 5 years old.

Cindy and I ran away from home at 15. We had called 911. My dad was beating me because I was pregnant. No one in our family wanted me to have that baby. No one. We couldn’t take Jerry with us. We had nowhere to run and no one to run to. The next years of our lives would be survival and without the “family” who had never cared about us or protected us. My greatest regret is and will always be having to leave Jerry behind. In that Hellish House.

It was imperative for Cindy and I to become the mothers we never had. The people we never met. We made a pact at 16 living in a shelter together. We’ve kept that pact. We must now protect Maryssa who trusts a boyfriend who has taken out a policy on her life. She’s quite literally worth more dead to him than alive. Monday we call the insurance company…

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IGNORANCE Is Not An ADEQUATE Defense Of Law..

Good morning- This week has been incredibly stressful, hectic and unpredictable regarding family issues for the Texas Twins and we appreciate your patience.

Over the weekend, I’ve had several emails regarding Prison Weddings in CA, NY, Georgia and other service area states that make “bouncing back” to Texas is a 24 hour turnaround impossible, I’m terribly sorry but in March 2020, all service area states outside of Texas had been caught up and addressed.

Last March we had many clients who were either already scheduled in Texas or close to the scheduling process that were cancelled. THESE clients are a priority BECAUSE they have been waiting for 2 and in rare cases even 3 years. Marriage licenses expired. The Units returned paperwork to other clients in the planning process stages. EVERYONE in Texas was forced to START OVER which is WHY other states are on waiting lists.

For several months now I’ve been splitting the cost to replace licenses WITH booked clients. If you ARE NOT a booked client, please stop asking and/or EXPECTING me to cover the cost to replace YOUR marriage license. My LOYALTY is to my CLIENTS.

Effectively, Texas had to start over again which is why our primary focus for the next several months will be in Texas in order to address the majority of clients we have located within this state.

We currently have a waiting list for CA. It may be January or February before we begin bouncing in order to address the many clients in Texas. Some of whom have been waiting 2-3 years.

NY it’s in the air as to when we will be back as we can cover CA in 3-5 days by stacking Units.

Currently our main and primary focus is TX and surrounding states on weekends for Federal or County as many TDCJ Units are doing date changes. Robertson is now scheduling on the last Monday and Friday of the month. These two days were previously used to fly to other states for a quick turnaround. They are now no longer available or open due to being used for TDCJ.

Weekends are booked up to 2 years and in rare instances, up to 5 and even 10 years if a previous client books their Vow Renewal in advance. What does this mean? Please contact us ASAP if you are planning your Vow Renewal to ensure our availability.

We already have Texas Twins Events, Pawning Planners, Federal Units and previous clients on our weekend schedules as well as County and occasionally ICE. We are traveling every weekend and have been for many years EVERY weekend year round.

Since I’ve been asked “which TDCJ Unit scheduled first?” I was at Jester 3 with Kim then Allred then Jordan then McConnell in the past 10 or so days. These clients restarted their paperwork immediately when visitations reopened and were therefore ready by the time the May 17th announcement was made. You know when “other officiants” were telling you that weddings WOULD NOT be reopening lol. Idiots. Gossip my arse. Dang the stupidity is hilarious with these “other officiants.” You know the ones who haven’t performed ONE wedding in a TDCJ facility YET other than ME. You “other officiants” continue to make clowns OUT of yourselves. It’s not a “good look” either. Shut up AND get your facts straight.

BOP- Many of the guidelines have been lifted. Although ceremonies are contact and don’t require us to test or wear a mask, there is still a current ban on guests. Please be aware that at this time I have no idea when this guest ban will be lifted.

Rumor Mill Gossip- regarding Contact Visits in Texas, Oklahoma and a number of other State Facilities, FALSE. It’s highly probable that it will be 2022 until Contact is reinstated in many states.

RE: TDCJ Units that are saying “we aren’t doing weddings.” Contact me. Beto and Polunsky both tried to pull this no weddings shenanigans. I will have Access To Courts contact the Unit.

RE: You held your contract or weren’t sent one because you didn’t ask or weren’t at one of the original 24 Units that were cancelled in March 2020, neither I nor my staff can be EVERYWHERE.

If YOU are calling ME “about a date” and I have no idea who YOU are, I can assure you that you are NOT a client. I don’t make dates on my calendars for non clients under ANY circumstances. I won’t even consider the possibility.

We have over 3,000 clients across the US on waiting lists in other states. Get in line and follow our booking procedures. I do not and will not “line jump anyone onto our books” SIMPLY because a Unit calls or “someone I talked to a year ago” WRONGLY assumed that I would just hop on a plane OR drive like a maniac across the country to perform a service that THEY didn’t pay for.

My TIME is precious, valuable and RESERVED for CLIENTS who have followed our booking procedures fully and wholly. If you “held” your contract that’s on you. Not me. My office mails out contracts Monday, Wednesday and Friday. My scheduling and my businesses don’t have SURPRISES.

I don’t like “surprise phone calls” from people “assuming that their failure to book properly and follow the simple and straightforward task of SIGNING and RETURNING your contract” SOMEHOW is MY PROBLEM. It isn’t.

You were mailed a contract. Our contracts are clear and concise. Return with your deposit. If you failed to do either, you ARE NOT A CLIENT. There is nothing in my contracts stating “return at YOUR convenience” or “don’t bother to return at all.”

Regarding journalists, media and other “entertainment” people calling me at YOUR convenience…listen you aren’t a priority. I don’t give a shit who you are OR who you are with. If I tell you I’m with a client and INSTRUCT you to call back in 2 HOURS and you ARE calling me back every 5 minutes while I’m on location WITH MY CLIENTS I’m going to block you. I’m also going to delete your emails and STOP further contact altogether. Don’t kid yourself Pal, you aren’t important to me OR my clients.

I CANNOT stress this enough- MY CLIENTS and my family ARE MY PRIORITY. No I’m not under contract and no I’m not signing yours. Go tie someone else down with rope you expect them to pay for and STOP assuming that MEDIA is important to me, my staff and/or especially my clients. By the way genius, when you send someone a contract you MIGHT want to sign it. Get outta here.

You people in the “entertainment industry” are a fly in my soup. Buzz off. Don’t call me at YOUR convenience then IGNORE the fact that I just told you I WAS WITH A CLIENT and I’m not available and think you are more important than the client I’m with. You ARE NOT a priority! My CLIENTS ARE MY PRIORITY. When I SAY something I can ASSURE you that I MEAN it.

I do not and will not commit myself to anyone whether it’s a client or a network WITHOUT A CONTRACT.

If ANYONE who is NOT a client thought OR assumed that “calling me with a date” WOULD create a sense of urgency for ME, these folks were wildly misinformed. I don’t have emergencies. My time AND my schedule are prioritized in such a way and so far in advance that I’m often working 7 days a week MOST of the time and AT several Units or venues on the SAME DAY.

Meaning, if I barely have time to go to the bathroom I certainly don’t have time to explain to you why you aren’t a client AND zero tolerance for arguing with someone (anyone) who is NOT a BOOKED client to explain WHY I won’t drop everything on my full AND burdened schedule in ORDER to accommodate them because “they talked to, emailed or DM’d me.”

New flash- YOU DID NOT BOTHER TO BOOK SERVICES. YOU DID NOT FOLLOW BOOKING PROCEDURES. YOU ARE NOT A CLIENT. I DO NOT COMMIT MYSELF OR MY STAFF TO ANYONE WHO IS NOT A CLIENT.

Stop calling me “about a date” when I have no idea who you are. Do you have any idea how many people contact me in A DAY? Do you have any idea how stressful and repetitive it is to continue repeating myself? Listen, I’m busy. I juggle my family, my clients, four businesses and I’m intolerant of people who ARE NOT CLIENTS attempting to argue that they are.

ESPECIALLY people who cannot follow simple instructions. If my office went to the time, trouble and expense to mail you a contract that you didn’t bother to return, that’s on YOU. Mailing you a contract didn’t create or constitute a client relationship. Anyone assuming it would is wholly and entirely inaccurate.

Now…moving forward here, IF you hired OR paid “someone else” AND you are contacting me because 1. They won’t respond or 2. Their phone was disconnected or 3. They didn’t show up or 4. You believed what they were telling you was true 5. They are too busy to respond to you (what the Hell? This is the stupidest shit I have ever heard). If your clients ARE NOT your priority you idiots then WHO or WHAT in the Sam Hill Hell IS? or 6. You paid someone money for a service that they FAILED to provide to you AND you didn’t demand a contract AND a receipt, you SHOULD have DEMANDED BOTH.

For years now I’ve been getting these types of calls AND my BOOKED CLIENTS are my priority. I CANNOT make this clearer to anyone. GET A CONTRACT! Stop sending money to ANYONE because they “won’t tell you what to do.” Christ, I tell ALL of my clients what to do in ALL of OUR SERVICE AREA STATES and Countries educate them step by step. If you hired “someone else” and they ARE NOT responding or walking you through the process, get your money back and then call me.

For the idiot “other officiants” pick pocketing everyone you can get your hands on OUT there and ESPECIALLY for those of you in New York, California, Texas and Missouri, you people are the biggest bunch of con artist snake oil salesmen in the world. I’m going to educate every consumer out there AND stop the money train you are riding on by victimizing ANYONE planning to marry an inmate by stealing from them. How do you sleep at night? Listen up crooks- I’m going to continually expose you on this page for exactly what you are heartless thugs and thieves.

California, if you HAVE lost your ability to sign a marriage license because you are completely, totally and wholly inept and idiotic and effectively screwed up someone’s marriage license, I’ve instructed EVERYONE contacting me to report you. By the way, if you LOST your ability to conduct a ceremony because even the state of California recognized what a colossal screw up you are AND you continued to accept money for services you couldn’t provide, I’m ALSO going to advise your victims on exactly how to sue your ass too. STOP victimizing people.

As for the other blood sucking “officiants” who used the desperation of ANYONE wanting to marry an inmate to their OWN advantage during this lockdown solely to financially benefit themselves and EFFECTIVELY victimized single income households, I’m reporting and will CONTINUE to report EACH and EVERY one of you to authorities that I come across ON my own OR hear about. Maybe while you are sitting in prison for your fraudulent crimes against the people you stole from by telling them what they wanted to hear all the while KNOWING that they had no idea that what they were paying YOU for was a felony that involved THEM… I hope you FINALLY realize and recognize that karma REALLY is a bitch. I’m coming after you “other officiants.” You thieves are the most deceptive and manipulative swindlers there are. Destroying and ruining someone’s life event and putting them in jeaopardy of a felonious offense? I’m going to take each and every one of you down AND this IS a promise NOT a threat. I’m pretty busy BUT I can ASSURE you that I will MAKE the time it takes to STOP you “other officiants” from stealing AND victimizing INNOCENT people wishing to marry an inmate.

For years there have been so many people that just wanted to get married in a prison literally shook down by swindling “other officiants” OUT there that it TRULY breaks my heart BUT I cannot be everywhere.

What I can do is tell you how to fight back and get your money from these sorry bastards AND I will. What I can do is report each and every one of these “other officiants” for THE felonious offenses they’ve committed pertaining to marriage fraud AND tampering with a government document. You dumb shits HAD better start “shopping” for a criminal attorney because YOU are going to NEED one.

I’m still traveling and will return to TX Monday. I will answer when I can and hope everyone traveling to visits has a safe trip. Happy Fathers Day to all of the mothers pulling double duty as both parents and/or grandparents or others taking on the role and responsibility of raising children alone. I know it’s not easy. Cindy and I were both mothers and fathers to our adult children so we know and understand how difficult it can be. Regarding pamper packages sent out to those struggling in their relationships and feeling isolated or alone, your packages were mailed out via priority yesterday in Texas. Hugs, love and hope to see all of you very soon.

I want to address two fairly alarming things that “other officiants” have been instructing you to do that can get you into criminal legal issues that you aren’t or WERE made aware of that these “other officiants” certainly should have been aware of to begin with.

Pay attention. Why? Ignorance isn’t an adequate defense of the law that’s why. Read your marriage license application. Do you REMEMBER raising your right hand to swear that all of the information that YOU provided on that marriage application was TRUE and CORRECT?

Do you recall the question on the Absentee Affidavit which BY the way also has a warning for providing false information that ASKS if the Absent Party WILL BE PRESENT for the ceremony?

There’s a REASON. Proxy marriage was banned in Texas in 2013. Only Active Duty Military Members QUALIFY for Proxy Marriage in Texas.

UNLESS the couple AND the officiant ARE all present and in the same place, the absentee affidavit was also falsely and inappropriately filed IN conjunction with YOUR marriage license application. Think about it. The clerks office would NEVER have issued a marriage license to ANYONE with an Absentee Affidavit stating the reason the other party was absent was BECAUSE the absent party WAS INCARCERATED and WOULD NOT BE PRESENT for the ceremony!

Several people have recently contacted me and stated that they either “thought” or that they were ALREADY “legally married.” These same people WERE upset that TDCJ wouldn’t accept their “marriage.” They SHOULD have been upset BUT were unaware that they were accomplices to a felonious offense.

This post is specifically addressing Texas licenses and “fraudulent marriages. So please do NOT confuse this post to Alabama and the other issues attributed to the TDCJ Alabama fiasco.

There are “other officiants” out there who will do anything to get into your pockets including lying, misleading you and in certain circumstances EVEN making numerous innocent people victims by becoming accomplices to crimes they were unaware of.

Being UNAWARE of marriage laws, tampering with a government document or even marriage fraud is NOT and will NOT prevent you from prosecution. Again, ignorance is not an adequate defense of the law.

If ANY officiant is “telling you” that THEY “can JUST sign your license” and you will be “legally married,” that are knowingly, intentionally and with forethought committing fraud. They are also tampering with a government document. A document that YOUR name is on hence the accomplice reference.

TDCJ has had a policy in place since 2015 that REQUIRES the couple AND the officiant in person and on site at the Unit. Do you know why? Because a Formal Marriage License REQUIRES all parties present whether the ceremony is contact or non contact, a ceremony with all parties present must occur. NOT by phone where 3 way calls are strictly prohibited. NOT by video where 3 way video calls are prohibited BUT in person and on site AT a TDCJ Detention Unit.

Anyone “telling you” that they can marry you by “going over, under OR around” the laws, procedure and/or policy is lying to you or THEY are too stupid to realize or recognize that what they are doing is a felony and prosecutable offense.

Regarding the Alabama marriage certificate scenario- this woman is telling people that “they can just get another license in Texas OR another state.” Again, this is NOT legal.

When you fill out a marriage application, READ it. There are warnings on it for valid reasons. READ that marriage application.

A marriage license IS A GOVERNMENT DOCUMENT. Tampering with a government document is a FELONY. Marriage Fraud IS also a FELONY.

Fraud whether it’s marriage fraud or tampering with a government document is still FRAUD. Ignorance isn’t going to protect you from prosecution.

If you have questions regarding something you were told or heard that sound too good to be true, call me, text me, DM or email me but don’t step in a bear trap because you “thought” what you were being told was accurate. It wasn’t. The person you paid to “JUST sign that license” is either a raging idiot or con artist. I don’t care which BUT know that THIS person whether deliberately or due to gross ignorance or incompetence has involved NOT only YOU but also whoever else was listed on that marriage license as accomplices.

https://casetext.com/statute/texas-codes/penal-code/title-8-offenses-against-public-administration/chapter-37-perjury-and-other-falsification/section-3710-tampering-with-governmental-record

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“Stop Setting Yourself On Fire To Keep Others Warm.” Penny Reid

This past week has been emotionally exhausting. Thursday at Harris Hospital, Virginia didn’t even recognize me. I was crushed. Shocked. Heartbroken.

After nearly 37 years since we first met when I was a contract employee at CSC working in Security, Virginia was the mother figure I had never had. Saying goodbye to her will also be the hardest experience of loss I’ve endured in this lifetime.

TDCJ Scheduled and Confirmed dates so far are June 8- Jester 3. June 9- Allred Unit. June 15- Jordan Unit. July 20- Robertson Unit.

Federal Clients- Please be aware that pre Covid guidelines have been lifted. Contact weddings are in place. Wedding rings valued at less than $100 are allowed. Currently, no guests are allowed.

ICE- No guests are allowed. Covid guidelines are still in place.

County- Tarrant County is still not allowing mobile notaries unless accompanied by an attorney. Parker County will not notarized absentee affidavits for inmates in federal custody.

All other counties- there are no further issues I’m aware of. If you encounter issues, contact me.

With Virginia dying and while trying to clean out the condo I bought and furnished, as usual, my niece, Stephaney yet again chose the worst POSSIBLE time SHE COULD to CHOOSE to relapse.

Addicts don’t care. I know you’re reading this Stephaney and probably too high to understand it BUT goodbye. You made your choice.

For the first time in 17 years I thought and believed I had YOU finally stable. The moment I used the money YOU had given me every few days to keep you from blowing it on drugs in order for you to save up to buy a car for 6 months, YOU went straight to your dealer and were off the rails on meth YET again.

Don’t call me Steph. I have nothing and I mean nothing to say to you. I will not help you again other than to buy a bus ticket to CA. Go be homeless in Venice Beach.

I’ve devoted 17 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars for YOUR treatment, bonds and more for you to trying to save you WHILE also financially helping Cindy raise the twins with NO child support whatsoever from you or that idiot, Michael Wayne Scherer Jr and I’m officially DONE. Your MOM is done too. Leave us alone.

Addicts are sociopaths. They are completely devoid of empathy and compassion for family members that their behavior victimizes. If you disagree with this statement, you either don’t have a family member with addiction issues who HAS destroyed any degree of normality in YOUR life OR you are an addict yourself. I hate drugs. I especially cannot tolerate addicts.

For over a year now, my niece, YOU Stephaney have been living at group home. The rent is $650 a month. It’s about 7-9 minutes from my West Fort Worth home. The group home isn’t in the luxurious neighborhood I live in. You “hate living with 8-10 other women. You want your own apartment. You wanted a car. You. You. You.”

They don’t have group home’s in Westover Hills. Group homes aren’t in $600-900k neighborhoods.

You didn’t like the location of the Group Home. Too bad. You had nowhere else to go. I would think after being homeless, in jail or in a psych ward 17 times during a two year window while trying to find you a job that you would appreciate having a place to live that someone else (your mother and I) were paying for. But nope not you. You never appreciate anything. You wouldn’t know TRUE sacrifice if it slapped you in the face. Sociopaths have no idea what sacrifice is.

I paid YOUR rent for months. I looked everywhere to find you a job. I drove you to AND from Jason’s until you started acting crazy and got fired again from using. Yes I called Angela at the Group Home to have you committed and dried out again. Not Cindy. Me. I did this to keep you from getting kicked out and dry you out. You are a stark raving lunatic on meth. Ask anyone. Ask coworkers at Jason’s or the other great job I got FOR you at Lucilles you screwed up. You think no one knows when you are using. EVERYONE KNOWS.

Then I find you a job at Charlestons where you were making more money than you did at Jason’s. Enough to pay a few months of your own rent for the FIRST time in your 34 year life.

Your mother and I were paying our own rent at 16 years old. Not in a beautiful neighborhood either. In a very dangerous area because we couldn’t afford a nice apartment in a nice area. Do you know what? We were thankful to have running water and a roof over our heads back then you EVEN though WE COULD not afford electricity for the THREE YEARS we lived there you ungrateful jackass.

You’re welcome you never appreciate anything. You never have and you never will. You care about getting high more than anything else in your life. You could have been married. You could have had a normal life. You could have SPARED this entire family from your destructive choices and yet over and over you have hurt us. We are sick and tired of your sociopathic tendencies, name calling and never accepting responsibility for your own actions.

I’ve drove you to work or let you use my Uber App when you got that job at Charlestons since you suddenly considered yourself “too good” to ride the bus. I worked so damn hard to get you at that upscale restaurant.

You have been fired from nearly every other restaurant in Fort Worth AND Weatherford for acting crazy on meth. You did that. We didn’t. We have screamed, cried and begged you to stay clean. You have consistently chosen not to do so.

A year and half ago BEFORE your two years back on the streets homeless and whacked out, you DELIBERATELY lied and said you were never using again. Cindy and I had as usual just picked you up from yet another psych ward “stint” because your behavior on meth leads police to believe you are crazy rather than high and experiencing meth induced psychosis.

You lied all the way to that apartment and then snuck off through the apartment complex after YOU lied to Cindy and I telling us YOU needed rent money to and that you were planned and were going to apply at Mexican Inn the following day and THEN you ran off with the rent money we GAVE to you in good faith choosing to be a homeless drug addict.

I cannot believe what you put us through over and over and over. My health has suffered. Cindys health has suffered and not one but both your twin daughters have attempted suicide BECAUSE OF YOU.

Not that you would care but since Cindy gave up on you during that 2 year window of you running off with the so called “rent money” we gave to you, Cindy wasn’t looking for you I was.

Cindy even told our dear friend, Sherri that “she was lucky her meth addicted son died sparing her ALL of the shit that we have been through trying to save you and MEANT IT.”

Sherri was shocked but Sherri hasn’t been through 17 years of this crap. She only had one year of it.

Your mother told me not to look for you but I refused to give up. I spent those 2 years searching for YOU when I wasn’t working in very dangerous areas.

Your mom spent those two years crying and heartbroken not knowing if you were dead or alive WHILE trying to act normal and raise your kids you selfish fuck.

When I did find YOU, you were out of YOUR mind AND living in a cardboard box. The police had called me because I gave up trying to find you myself and finally filed a missing persons report.

Fort Worth PD actually told me “not to try and come get you because you were out of your mind on meth.” YET Fort Worth PD also refused to take you to the JPS psych ward because they knew you were NOT out of your mind AND/OR mentally ill but instead high on meth. They left your ass in that box. I should have listenned to them and soared subjecting myself AND your daughter finding you that day. I wish I had.

You may have forgotten that night while living in a cardboard box that I had your daughter, Maryssa in my suv seeing you like that. Screaming and crawling out of that box COMPLETELY out of your mind. You wouldn’t go to treatment. We BOTH begged you. Even the police wouldn’t transfer you to the psych ward.

Have you ever wondered why Maryssa was with me? She was with me because she TRULY believed that if I found you that if she was with me that SHE could convince you to go into treatment. You screamed at your own daughter that you were Jesus Christ and she was Satan.

Do you THINK any of us have forgotten the things you’ve done and said to hurt us? News flash- we haven’t. We can’t. We never will.

I went back to that GD box every day I wasn’t traveling to meet clients to look for you and drop off food and clothing for a solid month. You never went back after you were found there. A month later, rather than you living in that bud and benefitting from everything I had left there thinking it was for you crying and humiliated, a man crawled out of that box instead.

Go be homeless somewhere, anywhere. I don’t want to find you shadow boxing light poles and acting stupid on Camp Bowie. The twins are terrified that you will show up in Weatherford and embarrass them at Cindy’s. Don’t. Cindy WILL call the police.

I spent 2 years when not working paying homeless people I showed your photo’s to trying to find you. TWO YEARS.

I wish I had left you in Oklahoma and let you do the 10-20. I wish I had. Getting you probation was the stupidest thing I have ever done. Those 3 years were the only time in your adult life you were “normal.” Your children wouldn’t care what a maniac you are on drugs if they had NOT seen you off meth for those 3 years you were on paper and follicles. Go to prison. I wish you had failed those Damn hair follicles to spare all of us getting back on meth LESS than 24 hours after your probation removed hair follicles.

Meanwhile Cindy was struggling with high blood pressure and hypertension because of YOU. Cindy nearly died because I was trying to get you back in treatment when you got off that bus in Oklahoma we put you on to get you to treatment so we could go to work and then you called us to drive 6 hours one way to take you to rehab ourselves. You selfish POS. You NEVER once considered what you have put us through. Not ONE TIME.

We hate your screaming phone calls. We now record them. Why? Because we are going to call the police and stop you from terrorizing us with them and film from our house cameras to prove you are a threat to yourself and others.

My neighbors thought I was crazy or a fanatic for installing those 16 cameras “in this neighborhood.” I knew I would need them with an out of control meth addict coming over here with a hammer. Were you planning to kill your #1 enabler. You know, ME?

The Fort Worth house is a compound of self defense. Don’t bring a hammer to a gun fight MF. You know damn well I know how to protect myself and my home AND I will.

Do you have any idea what seeing your OWN mother whacked out of their minds does to children? Tammy, Cindy and I do. Jerry was too young.

Maryssa will never forget seeing you crawling out of that box like a lunatic clawing at us like a monster.

We have tried to protect the twins from YOU. The very same children Cindy and I did everything humanly possible to give THEM the stable childhood WE didn’t have that you kept screwing up over and over and over with your outrageous and dangerous behavior.

No you don’t care and I doubt you EVER will care either. The only thing you care about is your next fix. You are the most selfish SOB I’ve ever encountered in my entire life OTHER than MY OWN MOTHER.

During that two years of you being homeless and strung out where Cindys heart was literally breaking in Parker County, I found you once again while trying to find you (as usual) in my “off time.” Do you know what it’s like trying to find a maniac on meth to convince them to get help? I DO.

That day I saw you walking down Calmont waiving your hands around and talking to yourself would be the last time I wasted my time looking for you.

While I was wasting my time looking for you, crying my eyes from weariness and frustration along with my determination to fix you, AGAIN I begged you to go into treatment. BEGGED. You screamed at me and called me names and told me you hated me. I hate you. I hate everything you’ve taken from me, my sister and this family. Cindy was right. Sherri was lucky.

If my other readers don’t know OR can’t understand what it’s like trying to save an addict WHILE raising their twin daughters for nearly 17 years, SPARE me your judgment about my language OR my transparency.

For everyone else who has lived through the nightmare of loving and trying to save an addict, I’m sure you can relate.

Someone I loved is NOW dying. The closest thing to a mother figure I have ever known doesn’t even recognize me. At the very same time- someone ELSE that I HAVE tried to save over and over, YOU Stephaney have YET AGAIN betrayed my trust for the last time. I will never “help” you by enabling you AGAIN Stephaney.

Stephaney, I wish you were in prison. I wish I hadn’t saved you from prison in Oklahoma. I wish when I was trying to send you to what I thought was a treatment center in Georgia that when you were arrested on a revoked bond in Oklahoma at the Dallas Greyhound bus station where I was relieved we were going to get you out of Texas that you decided to get into a fist fight at after we left that the Dallas PD had taken you back to Oklahoma.

I wish I hadn’t paid that damn bond because I was so determined to get a year of treatment in another state and a year of your crap away from this family. You destroy everything. EVERYTHING.

I finally got you on that bus out of Texas and a week later YOU were back here terrorizing us AGAIN. ONE WEEK? All that money spent?

The amount of money I’ve “spent” trying to save YOU is staggering at nearly half a million dollars over these last 17 years but the financial pain coupled with the emotional abuse and many other things that YOU have done to this family are equally emotionally debilitating.

I can’t go through this again with YOU and I won’t.

Stephaney you gave your mother high blood pressure and heart attacks. I nearly lost my twin. The only time in 17 years that you have ever been clean was when you were on paper from Oklahoma that REQUIRED hair follicle testing. The minute they removed hair follicles you were right back on meth and right back to abusing, harassing and stalking us AND the twins.

Stephaney-have literally abused this entire family for 17 years. Go away. I don’t care where.

Your daughters have both attempted suicide OVER YOUR CHOICE to start using. Makenna will permanently suffer with heart damage and Serotonin Syndrome BECAUSE YOU CHOSE METH after those damn hair follicles were removed from the conditions of your probation.

That 3 years of sobriety earned the twins trust only for you to destroy it and leave those two innocent children blaming themselves and attempting suicide you piece of shit! I hate you.

How DARE you lead us and your own children to believe YOU would never get back on meth by lying to all of us that you would never use again during that three year window of probation that required hair follicles? Fuck you.

Last Friday after months of saving your money for you from that good paying job at Charleston,s that I found FOR you WHILE juggling my 4 businesses and client’s. You wouldn’t EVEN bother to find a job on your own. I had to do it for you.

THEN after months of paying all of your expenses for you after yet another expensive “stint” in treatment, you got into that $5k car and took off.

You didn’t even bother to let me take you or follow to go find insurance. You were too hellbent on finding meth again you psychotic bitch.

No thank you for the many months and nearly a year of helping to pay your rent, give you rides to work, find you a job not once but three times in 3 years because you started using at the other job and got fired again. No thank you for the cigarettes, meals, treatment facilities or YOUR coffee WHILE driving you to and from work everyday when I wasn’t out of town or the state working my events while you yelled “I’m not riding the bus anymore give me access to Uber.” You are the most entitled and demanding little shit that I’ve ever encountered.

Do you HAVE ANY idea how hard it is to walk into a prison or venue acting normal AND happy for MY clients with your mom and daughters crying because you are yet again terrorizing this family?

Do you know I worry every time I travel that you will show up at our houses or our friends houses OR how embarrassing our neighbors seeing you acting crazy is to US or your children?!!!! How expensive it is to fix kicked in doors? Holes punched in our walls? Covering deductibles because you’ve stolen our cars, credit cards and checks WHILE raising your twin daughters and paying medical expenses over and over again at Mesa Springs for the twins because of your behavior? What about the treatments I’ve paid over and over and over for your sorry ass?

Stephaney, you are the most selfish son of a bitch I’ve ever encountered other than my own mother who was also a piece of shit.

The difference between you and OUR MOTHER is that YOU never had THE opportunity to SELL your children to YOUR dealer for $50 each like OUR MOTHER did to her FOUR CHILDREN. Do you know why YOU NEVER had the opportunity? Because I paid an attorney $20k to get custody of them and protect them from YOU your addiction.

We SAVED the twins from YOU. Stop saying we STOLE the TWINS from you. Idiot. You couldn’t take care of those kids for ten minutes.

Do you have any idea how much raising twins costs? Braces? Staying in expensive mental institutions because they’ve seen you acting crazy and screaming she is Jesus Christ? Again, fuck you.

Our FB friends message Cindy and I constantly when YOU are off her meds and back on meth. “I saw Stephaney shadow boxing a light pole near El Fenix in Camp Bowie.” We BOTH tell them all to “call the police.”

Do you know how much money Cindy and I have spent buying “psyche ward friendly” clothing FOR YOU over and over and over. JPS would release you. You would start using again and get institutionalized again. We would buy more psych ward friendly clothing. Wear what they have we aren’t bringing you ANYTHING ever again in the nut house. We aren’t EVER coming to visit again and we aren’t ever helping you again. Help yourself MF.

I’m surprised as hell that I haven’t had a nervous breakdown or heart attack myself! Stephaney- 17 times at the nut house in a 3 year window AND consistently losing all of the shit we bought for YOU over and over?! You are outrageous. OUTRAGEOUS.

Guess what you selfish narcissist, WHILE we were running and buying psych ward friendly clothing and cigarettes “because you could smoke at Sundance,” we were ALSO running to Mesa Springs where the twins were being treated for suicidal ideation because of YOU. Then we had to drive on to Wellbridge where dad was because he shot up his roof thinking someone was living in the attic.

You have NO IDEA the shit we have been through because of you AND dad. To Hell with both of you. Burn in Hell.

FOUR of our own family members in NUT HOUSES at the same time? TWO of you THAT we didn’t give a shit about were BOTH YOU and our DAD.

Yet Cindy and I were running to AND from our work and nut houses for a month while you and dad were committed at the same time as the twins.

Thanks for destroying nearly 20 years of our lives we can never get back. You life ruining bastard. You have no idea of the glass you have drug US and your children through.

Cindy’s neighbors don’t even talk to her BECAUSE your dumb ass antics that have forced us to call the police over and over and over again have embarrassed the entire family over there.

Walking back and forth across Cindy’s roof screaming you were Jesus as we rolled into the driveway with Makenna hanging her head in shame and running into the house after hours of STAAR testing to keep from seeing you YET AGAIN out of your mind on Meth terrorizing Cindy, the twins, Leigh Ann and baby Maddy? Your sister can never forgive you for the things you have said, done and taken from her. Neither can my son. Don’t call Leigh Ann or Robert. They are done too. Unlike you they have families and a normal life. Leave them alone.

Cindy and I survived the shittiest childhood ever. That’s right I said said survived. As you are well aware, our mother was the most miserable excuse for a human being I’ve ever encountered UNTIL YOU. Don’t give me your guilt trip B.S. ever again about how hard your life was because drug dealers beat you up.

Hey Steph- STOP bring stupid and blaming others BECAUSE you put yourself in those situations not us.

I never thought I could hate anyone as much as I hate our mom. But you changed that. After selling all 4 of her children for $50 each to her Heroin dealer who (not knowing what to do with us), locked us in a closet together for 7-12 days starving and urinating and crying in the dark. There was a latch on the outside of that door making it impossible for us to leave on our own. No one was looking for us. The smells alerted other neighbors to what they believed was a dead body which turned out to be 10 year old Tammy our step sister, 6 year old twins (Cindy and I) and two year old Jerry our baby brother. Cindy had cried so hard and so long out of fear and hunger that she required an emergency hernia surgery. We survived. We never used drugs because we hated drugs. You and your stupid choices have forced us to endure a childhood AND an adulthood of dealing with a piece of shit addict. I can’t wait for our mother to die so I can stop using the energy it takes to hate her for her choices.

You HAVE rarely heard me talk about “the rest of my family” because I don’t have anything good and much less positive to say. Our father didn’t want three children while grandma Tinney adopted and saved Tammy.

Our father wanted to drink and party so he left us with his father who once Tammy was safely out of the picture, began sexually abusing my twin sister and I just as he had Tammy. No one protected us from grandpa. No one. Not dad, not grandma not aunt Shirley. No one would save us. We RAN to save ourselves.

When Cindy and I ran away at 15, baby brother Jerry was left behind. Poor Jerry alone with a wicked stepmother and a violent father. Every time I hear “oh what a lonely boy” I think of our baby brother and I cry.

You wanna know where Cindy and I came from? We ran from the gates of Hell that you and your behavior drug us right back into.

The police found Cindy and I eating out of a trash can behind 7-11 at 15 years old and took us to the shelter. We were thankful to be off the streets but nothing you. You love being homeless you idiot.

I was pregnant after being raped and lost the baby shortly thereafter. We lived at Womens Haven for about a year before a church donated us a car.

We also lived in that car for another year taking births baths at area gas stations until we could save up to rent an apartment. Cindy and I both lied about our ages to get waitress jobs to keep from starving. Cindy was followed home one night while I was working late at Red Lobster. She worked at IHOP. These two men pushed her into the apartment and raped then assaulted her. I came home to find my bloody and battered twin sister on the living room floor beside the $10 sofa we had tied to the top of our donated car to bring home and have somewhere to sit. She never saw their faces. Stephaney you have no fucking idea where we have been, what we have been through OR what we have survived. You selfish idiot.

Your sister, Leigh Ann is the child of that rape. We didn’t even know Cindy was pregnant until a car hit us and she was told she was pregnant in the ER. This shocking development was a deal between us. I had lost a baby she had gained one. We would raise her together and forget how she got here. We would also “midnight move” from our dark apt in the middle of the night to an all bills paid apt about 3 miles away.

Never once did our father, grandmother or aunt offer to help us in any way. We had no one. Only each other. You have always had Cindy and I. You don’t anymore. You are dead to us.

You have stolen everything you could from this family. You had no excuses. You didn’t live our shitty childhood. You weren’t abused. You never went hungry. We raised all of you as a team. Even when you were screwing around and got pregnant, we weren’t upset. We would deal with it. We would financially handle it.

We didn’t ask you for anything other than to be a decent human being and get off drugs. PERIOD. That’s it. Their entire lifetime you have been a fucked up out of control lunatic on drugs. Cindy and I were all you had left. I refused to give up on you but NO MORE. Go away. Far away.

My first husband was violent as was your mothers. We didn’t even know or realize that violence wasn’t normal. We had grown up in very violent and abusive conditions. But once we did it was too late. Cindy was pregnant with YOU.

You (according to your Deadbeat dad, Larry Mahaney) were “supposed to be a boy.”

Your miserable excuse of a father never forgave Cindy for having a girl and within 2 years had another entire family.

Cindy was visiting me in San Clemente with you and Leigh Ann when a message on my home recorder from Larry stated “don’t bother coming home. There’s nothing left here. None of the girls clothes or toys, none of your personal items. Nothing. You should have had a boy.”

Leigh Ann was always a good baby. You never were. You were fussy and by 6 acting in a violent fashion towards your sister and my son. We couldn’t find out why until you were diagnosed as bipolar AND absolutely refused to take your medication.

Your sorry sack of shit father, Larry “skirted” child support by non servicing Cindy of the court date and claiming to have custody of YOU.

Your mother has raised NOT one but TWO generations of children with no child support whatsoever. I AM a workaholic BECAUSE I’m the only one other than her husband who had always taken care of Cindy, you, Leigh Ann and the twins financially and emotionally.

You DON’T KNOW hardship or sacrifice. You never have. Save that “sorry” shit for another sucker. Sorry is a word I would love to never hear again.

By 14 or 15, you were hanging with a rough crowd. By 15.5, she you were pregnant with twins. By 16 you were on meth “to control your weight.”

Had I not hired an attorney, the state would’ve taken the twins.

Cindy and I SAVED the twins at 40 years old. Stop saying we stole them you stupid ass. We saved them. We saved them from being drug into crack houses and sexually abused by your crackhead friends. You would have endangered them the same way our mother did to us.

For years Cindy and I have tried to save YOU and WE give up. You even stole Leigh Ann’s brand new computer, desk and chair that she saved up to buy for herself. You don’t care about anything except getting high.

YOU love meth more than the only two people who didn’t give up, me and your mom. Your “go to” enablers, Wendy and Cindy. Don’t come to us anymore. We are finished trying to save you. Save yourself.

Have a great life getting high or going to prison for your choices. I will NEVER bail you put again. I will never pay to get your towed car out of impound when you are arrested either and you will be you always are.

I can’t do this anymore. I won’t. Cindy had a heart attack when YOU relapsed and started using while we were in NY TWO DAYS to film with CBS.

You are just like our mother. The only difference is that Cindy and I protected the twins. No one protected us. We are the complete opposite of our mother and YOU. We gave you a good childhood. We have tried over and over to help you. The banks are closed.

We are the people we never had but you cannot cherry pick a withered branch from a cherry tree. We are out.

Good luck to you Steph. You will get pulled over. You will lose your car AGAIN just like you did 3 years ago after we spent thousands bonding it out because we aren’t going to bond your car OR you out.

Frankly, I wish you would go to prison. I wish I had let you go in Oklahoma an spared this family and especially your children from the things you’ve said and done.

It’s time for you to experience tough love Steph and this time WE REALLY mean it…

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The Less You Respond To Negativity, The More Peaceful Your Life Becomes..

For eight months now the stress of not being able to visit a TDCJ inmate continues. As of yet and regardless of the “chatter” AKA gossip, TDCJ is not releasing thousands of inmates due to the number of inmates transferring from county jails into state prisons.

There are so many rumors out there giving false hope to people who need hope the most that I’m writing this blog while in a truck stop parking lot to stop the rumor mill.

Last weeks conference call didn’t even touch on in person visitation. Instead the focus was on Covid cases. As of yet, we still have no official word on in person visitation in TDCJ facilities.

Meanwhile and since my other clients follow this site, Fort Worth FMC as well as other Federal Facilities has reinstated visitation with preregistration requirements. Please be aware of these requirements.

Lompoc clients, there is a large number of inmates with projected release dates. I will not be returning to Lompoc until February or March of 2021. Normally, I’m in California several times a year but due to client rescheduled event dates of Texas Twins Event’s and The Pawning Planners as well as Federal Clients, traveling to California at this time is improbable if not impossible.

2 of the three clients I was scheduled to marry this week have tested positive for Covid. Please be aware that this virus is still out there. My daughter in law, Stephanie was at a hospital in Tyler last weekend and apparently exposed to Covid while visiting her uncle who was on life support due to a self inflicted gunshot. The issues of this tragic event have caused great anxiety to my daughter in law as well as the possibility of being Covid positive after spending two days at the hospital. In fact, an argument regarding a GoFundMe account to raise money for a funeral rather than a cremation started an argument between my daughter in law and I at a birthday lunch this week. My daughter in law was arguing about what her uncle wanted. I was arguing about him wanting a $10-12k funeral because “he didn’t want to be cremated.” I advised my daughter in law that we are in a pandemic with Christmas right around the corner and people aren’t in a position to fund a full fledged funeral for someone who chose to shoot himself. I then reiterated that my daughter in laws focus needs to be on her son and her husband as well as her job and not at the demands of someone expecting their surviving family to fund an expensive funeral. I’m a realist.

Today while on messenger, “aunt Margie” my daughter in laws aunt had sent me a message and FB hid it since we weren’t connected. The message was somewhat cryptic and led me to suspect it was from one of my clients planning to marry an inmate so I responded. Apparently, Margies son is at Cole Unit in Bonham, Texas. She wanted me to send her the forms to request a Reprieve For Family Emergency. Please be aware that due to Covid, the odds of TDCJ granting a reprieve are slim. Why? Because releasing an inmate to attend a funeral can expose the inmate to Covid. I then sent her a parole packet and letters of support template. She asked me about the forms for a Hardship Transfer which I also sent. Hardship Transfers are tricky. Margie lives 90 minutes from Cole Unit.

While Bridgeport is closer, there is no guarantee that TDCJ will choose a Unit closer simply because it is closer. Further, Bridgeport while operating under TDCJ is one of the very few privately owned Units in Texas. Because of this fact, Bridgeport has different guidelines and does not require offer Unit Photos which is why you never see Unit Photos from Bridgeport unless they are from the parking lot and non authorized.

I then suggested a paupers funeral or donating the body to science since I was asked and was told “I’m not cremating my brother. That’s not what he wanted.”

Folks, I’m going to be blatantly honest about the fact that no one expects death. No one expects suicide. Texas provides paupers funerals for indigent deaths that occur in this state. Another option is cremation. Even if the deceased owns property, the expense of preparing a body along with the casket and other factors can easily run $5-7k.

In the “suicide situation” that presented itself upon my daughter in law the day she and my son were returning from the Colorado Wedding, I found it more than a little selfish that Robert was adamant about not wanting to be cremated. For reasons I don’t understand, trying to explain to my daughter in law that this wasn’t her problem resulted in an argument. My son however saw my point. I spent the rest of my day making food deliveries for our pantry recipients and wondering why on earth my daughter in law thought or expected that strangers would miraculously donate enough money to cover a costly funeral?

Texas has what’s called a Body Disposition Affidavit. If you aren’t married or the next of kin, the decision of what to do with your body can be required with a Body Disposition Affidavit. My father didn’t have one for Gretta. Because he didn’t, Gretta’s sister, Kathy contacted Greenwood and stopped my father from planning and paying for the funeral. For thirty days, Greenwood waited on Kathy to take over funeral planning. For thirty days, the bill to store Gretta grew. After 30 days her body had deteriorated to such an extent that it took me three hours to prepare her for an open casket ceremony. Gretta owned a plot at Greenwood. The cost to prepare, store and bury her was $12k.

Whatever your feelings are regarding death and expenses, if your survivors cannot afford to carry out your wishes, the options left to them are somewhat limited. After all, your family members have bills to pay and families to support.

Today my son called me to tell me about Stephanie and Covid. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to deduce that she was exposed going to visit this uncle who had shot himself. I saw photos on the GoFundMe Campaign of several relatives not wearing masks. In fact, yesterday I asked my son “why wasn’t anyone wearing a mask?” Whatever your feelings on masks are, being with a group of people is and can be an event that exposes you to this virus.

This evening while traveling back from a wedding elopement ceremony in Dallas, Cindy called me about one of our former clients, Debbie’s daughter, Hannah calling her about moving in. Hannah is pregnant, 21 and living at home with her mother. Things aren’t going well but moving in with Cindy isn’t the solution to this problem. Cindy is raising her twin granddaughters. For years when her adult daughters, Leigh Ann and Stephaney were in school, their friends would move in with Cindy over and over again. In fact, my sons friend, Jeremy lived with us off and on for a few years. His mom was an alcoholic. But, Cindy and I are older and have commitments that prevent us from housing someone because they’ve been kicked out of the house. Our pantry provides food and clothing but not shelter. We can refer you to a shelter and assistance but we cannot move you into our homes. I’m sorry but we have husbands that don’t even have children of their own and want privacy. In fact they are entitled to some degree of privacy because being married to us is a literal circus of our adult children and grandchildren already. I’m being honest and transparent about this topic.

Hannah balked at my suggestion for family counseling with her mom but Hannah is expecting a child and needs to understand that living with her mother requires attempting to get along with her mother. I have no idea if there’s a relationship at all with Hannah’s mother but I know this, I’ve met Hannah’s mother and she opened her house to her. Hannah needs to follow her moms rules and attempt to get along.

Many of you are already aware that Tiger King is incarcerated at Fort Worth FMC. It’s a media circus there. If you are scheduled for a ceremony at FMC, PLEASE give yourself at least an hour to wade through the traffic. We must arrive on time.

Many of you are contacting me because your LO has made parole. Ceremonies outside of Walls Unit are a celebration of freedom and perfect opportunity to marry after release. I’m happy to meet you in Huntsville.

For everyone else as we continue to wait on visitation to be reinstated at your Unit, please do not send an absentee affidavit. This document is only valid 30 days once notarized. Law libraries get crispy about having to continuously notarize these Affidavits. Hold the affidavit until we are certain visitation has been reinstated and we can move forward.

Please be aware that although Missouri Affidavits have a longer shelf life that Texas will not accept a Missouri Absentee Affidavit.

Stay safe and try to stay positive. This cannot last forever. For client’s who were scheduled in March and April who were cancelled at TDCJ Units, when visitation is reinstated, contact me and I will split the cost of your replacement marriage licenses.

Please be aware that proxy marriage was banned within TDCJ in 2013. The new Administrative Directive pertaining to inmate marriages within TDCJ requires protocol and procedure to be followed. Meaning there have been no changes to the procedure. TDCJ must approve the marriage. You must be an approved visitor. Marriages must take place in person at the Unit the inmate is located at. There have been no changes to procedure that allow for phone or video call weddings. In fact, threw way calls are strictly prohibited. TDCJ will not change an inmates status to common law married unless this status was claimed going into the system. An inmate cannot be common law married if he isn’t living with you. CLM Affidavits are no longer an option after incarceration.

If your ceremony was not approved, it is not valid per TDCJ’s policies and procedures. TDCJ will not approve any wedding until visitation is reinstated as being on site is a requirement according to their guidelines. If someone is telling you otherwise, they are misleading you. Be aware of con artists. They are out there.

I follow all policy and procedure in every state and can assure you that trying to go around mandates isn’t a good idea or one that will work. We must follow all policies strictly and to the letter.

Regarding ICE ceremonies, there are still no visitation changes that have occurred. We must be on site and in person to get you married. If we cannot get access, we cannot get you married.

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Green Bay Unit to Parker County and Points Between..

I’ve had several clients contact me regarding Gov Abbott reopening the state and visitation. Often obtaining an Absentee Affidavit in smaller “country towns” can be a bit of a hurdle. This morning while in Parker County because my client was turned away yesterday and “just couldn’t bring herself to going back to the Parker County Annex again, I decided to go for her while I was in Weatherford.

Parker County is always a challenge. In the summer of 2015 I organized a picket in order to get my clients, “the first LBGT couple to marry in Parker County” a marriage license. I’m all too aware of how opinionated clerks in Parker County are.

Walking into the annex, the clerks office door is STILL locked. There was a gatekeeper who immediately stopped me and asked “what are you here for?” I answer “an Absentee Affidavit.” The gatekeeper “I don’t know what that is.” My patience for businesses that elect the dumbest person in the room to answer the phone or greet visitors is zero. I wish businesses would learn how they lose business by making dumb decisions but since the clerks office is a government business, I doubt they care.

I’m often “pitched” on an answering service or virtual assistant. The reason I don’t let anyone take calls or messages for me is because my clients want answers. Why waste their time and mine by hiring someone who doesn’t have any real answers to take my calls? I return calls, emails and DM’s between clients. I have all of the answers. If a client is flying in from another state, I also assist with travel arrangements and hotel suggestions to ensure they are in a safe area. No one could answer the questions I do on a daily basis FOR ME.

The gatekeeper stands there after making her statement about not knowing what an Absentee Affidavit is staring at me. I sigh. “Can you go find someone who is familiar with the forms pertaining to marriage that include an Absentee Affidavit?” My patience dealing with a gatekeeper is waning. I’m not going to stand there and educate her about what a clerks office does. She walks into the office and locks the door behind her. I wait.

Another clerk walks out and interviews me regarding why I need an Absentee Affidavit. This is why I do what I can to prevent my clients from encountering crispy clerks. I’m mailing Parker County Affidavits this afternoon.

I look forward to meeting all of you at your County Jail Wedding soon and CAN’T WAIT to get back on the road to TDCJ Units after an entire year…

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Love Is An Action Not An Idea. More Kids, Clients, Chaos & Celebrations…

Tomorrow I’m marrying a couple I had planned to marry at TDCJ Ferguson Unit. Over the next three months I’m marrying several other couples who have finally made it beyond prison walls. Couples who have made their love story last.

Dana contacted me regarding February and her loved one paroling to a Fort Worth transitional home. I’m as excited as she is that after two years we are finally going to get her married.

Michelle sent me a text about finding Mr Right after I had married her to Mr Wrong at Bridgeport Unit.

Amanda is finally free of the man she thought she had married who wasn’t what she had believed her would be after paroling to her home.

Valerie’s divorce from the Ellis Unit inmate who had wooed her and Brandi in North Dakota at the same will be finalized next month. She remains hopeful of finding love. Valerie and Amanda as well as Brandi and Michelle deserved better.

Brandi has entered treatment. For a time she was suicidal over Raul. For a time she was self destructive. I stay in touch with all of my clients and when there is chaos, try to direct them to support or help. For months, Brandi continued to have setback after setback. The only thing she had of value was her truck. She had no license and had to sell it in order to start over.

It’s been a year of setbacks for many of my clients who have continued to wait on TDCJ as well as ICE and County Jails to reinstate visitation.

Meanwhile, my twin grandnieces, Maryssa and Makenna are arguing about the amount of time Makenna spends with her boyfriend when she isn’t working while Makenna tells Maryssa she’s always on the phone with her boyfriend when she isn’t at school since Maryssa isn’t working because her job was shut down a few weeks ago.

My friend, Julie contacted me regarding locating a sliding scale or free counselor. Her marriage is on the rocks. Julie was left unable to walk after back surgery two years ago. Her anger about this caused issues with her husband. His inability to be sympathetic and supportive have done nothing to improve the situation. Tonight she called me while I was on site with clients at Chateau Forest Park. I walked outside to take the call. “I know you’re busy. You’re always busy. But, Jim isn’t interested in counseling. I don’t think he realizes how much of my happiness depends on him. He’s inattentive towards me and overly affectionate in front of me with our daughter. I feel invisible and cast aside. What should I do?”

Issues with Jim have been apparent to Cindy when Julie was watching Makenna’s hamster as we were traveling with the twins to CA, NY and LA over a three week window during the summer and Julie offered to watch Makenna’s pet hamster. I wasn’t with Cindy when she and Makenna dropped Charlie off. Cindy “her husband isn’t friendly. I felt unwelcome and weird there. He was yelling at the dog and we are paying them to watch Charlie?” Me “Julie is a mom and will take good care of Charlie. She won’t take charity and is excited to have something to do.”

I met Jim again at a photoshoot to promote a GoFundMe for Julie to get an MRI. She had no insurance. GoFundMe accounts are hit or miss. I never know what people will or won’t donate to.

A few years ago, my friend, Glenda died in Colorado. Her daughter, Tara contacted me because Glenda had no insurance and there was no way to get her back to Texas. Within days the money to bring Glenda home had been donated.

A few years ago, my clients Burt and Deanna lost baby DeLilah born with Trisomy 18. I baptized her immediately knowing we only had a few hours. Two days later, I conducted her memorial. Three months later, Deanna contacted me to do a GoFundMe for IVF. Like Julie’s campaign, there were very few donations made.

A few months ago, Deanna called me to baptize a baby that is being carried for her and Burt. I married them five years ago and have stayed in close contact as I do with all of my clients since then. Burt and Deanna have a happy ending. Julie and Jim are headed towards a slippery slope of trying to save their marriage. I’m deeply concerned. Julie can’t make Jim go to counseling or even take an interest. She qualified for SS Disability and insurance but it won’t be enough to support her and Aubrey in the event of a divorce. I suggested going to visit her brother. Julie and her mother don’t get along well. Julie, Jim and Aubrey are living with Jim’s parents. This isn’t the first time. Since the surgery, Julie has lost her job and last month, their home. Jim blames Julie and his animosity is obvious. What part of “for better or worse for richer or poorer” didn’t Jim understand?

Maryssa and Makenna aren’t used to sharing their time together with the inconvenience of work, school and boyfriends. Frankly, Cindy and I aren’t too pleased with the twins having boyfriends but we are keeping close tabs on this new development.

Amanda was married by me at Ellis Unit. My family and I had met her prior for a photo shoot with her three boys in Eastland. Because her husnand was paroling, her landlord suddenly decided to evict her causing an undue hardship on her with three children. Amanda made sacrifices but her new husband didn’t appreciate them and the fact that she had three children who were her priorities.

Marriage is a merger. Sometimes things aren’t what they appear to be. Other times we don’t really know a person until the chips are down. I married young. I didn’t know what to expect. I wanted to be a good wife and mother. I did all the right things. But throughout my ten year marriage, my husband found reasons to be angry. Reasons to be violent. Reasons to make me fearful of hearing that garage door close wondering which version of my husband was going to walk into the house? My divorce and child custody battle took 5 years of my life. I never planned to marry again. My custody battle was a war. It left scars.

I was working when Guy walked into my building. I wore a wedding ring because I didn’t want anyone hitting on me. I pretended to be married. It made me feel safer. He found out I wasn’t married and asked me to dinner. I took Cindy with me. I was still fighting my ex for custody. I was working two jobs to pay my bloodsucking attorneys. He offered a solution “marry me. I will hire the best custody attorney and end your war.” He kept his promise. But he never promised to be faithful and he wasn’t. Fort Worth is a small town in certain circles. Laurie would be at the Fort Worth house while I was in Arkansas or traveling. I could smell her perfume. I could tell she had worn my jewelry and put it back in the wrong place. Laurie was a ghost who haunted my 6 year marriage. After receiving a circular from the Fort Worth Club with a photo and the caption “Guy and Wendy McCollum enjoying a candlelit dinner on Valentine’s Day” I filed for divorce. Laurie was in that photo not me. I was humiliated and embarrassed. I moved out with my son. For months he begged me to come back. Promised to change. Finally, I believed him. Nothing changed. Things were worse. On the 5th year of my second marriage, Guy had me sign a joint tax return. Within months a tax lien of over 300k was sent to the house in MY NAME. They split it he owed the other half. I was furious. The affair and now a tax lien? How would I rent an apartment? Buy a car? Get a job? I fought the tax lien and won. I also filed for divorce again.

Because Guy didn’t think the car I owned when I went in the marriage was good enough, he gave my car to his nephew and put me in one of his cars. I didn’t know it wasn’t paid for. When I left him, he told me to make the $558 payments on it. I balked. $558? I was paying for my son to attend a school that helped with developmental issues that cost $750 a month. How in the Hell was I going to afford that car payment? I went to Frank Kent who serviced the McCollum cars and applied for a job. I had never sold cars. But I needed a car, income and insurance and clients. Using my modeling background, I hired a photographer and ran print ads in country clubs. I targeted my clients through photo ads. I was successful and independent when my current husband bought his first car from me. As usual, I was also wearing a wedding ring. I didn’t want anyone hitting on me I was at work to make money and support my son. A year later, Matthew walked back in to trade his SRX. I tried to talk him out of it. He was upside down. “I’m getting a divorce. My wife took my suburban and I hate this car. I want an Escalade.” Ugh. I had a demo on the lot and worked a deal. While sitting in my office, he looked at the smiling photo of my husband beside me at a Betsy Price fundraiser and said “your husband must be really proud of you.” I burst put crying and walked out of my own office. I was a two time loser. Marriage wasn’t my strong suit. I tried hard. I did all of the right things but twice I had failed to make my marriages work. I had never dated. I had always worked. I walked back into my office and told the truth. All of it. Why I wore a wedding ring. Why I was selling cars. Why I kept a happy looking photo on my desk of someone who had an affair throughout our entire marriage then tried to throw me under the bus with the IRS. Weeks later, my sister, son, nieces and grandnieces went on a date with Matthew. Months later, we were married. If he could handle my family, he was worth a shot. We’ve been together 14 years. It wasn’t always easy. He lost everything within a year of marrying. Real estate crashed. He lost his business. He lost his self esteem. He didn’t know how to do anything else. He was unemployed for 3 years. I sold everything on EBay except our house. Texas Twins Treasures became my flipping site. I replaced our expensive furniture with garage sale and thrift shop finds. I reupholstered items and worked two jobs. I swam uphill. At the same time, Cindy’s husband was laid off after 25 years at Albertsons AND her 16 year old daughter, Stephaney was pregnant with twins. Like me, Cindy sold everything too. We found furniture on the fly. We either reupholstered it or flipped it. We circled our wagons and made it through the storm. We didn’t have parents to ask for help. We didn’t have family to ask for help. We had each other, our husbands, our children and grandchildren. Our circle was small. Cindy gave up her job to care for the twins.

In early 2012, Matthew and I finally sold our house. I decided to start a business to give people the wedding I didn’t have. Cindy joined me. We brought the twins to events with us. By the time the twins could walk, our clients hired them as flower girls and ring bearers. When client’s wanted affordable photos, Cindy, my son, my daughter in law or my niece took photos for them. When clients couldn’t afford bouquets or flowers, I decided to start making my own floral designs to loan clients. My goal is and always will be to make my clients day as memorable and special as humanly possible. My family is committed to the same goals.

Not all marriages work out. The tragedy is that we don’t know this ahead of time. If we did, we would spare ourselves the pain and loss of a divorce.

I continue to hope that Jim will realize his wife needs him and understand that Julie isn’t responsible for a botched surgery. You can’t blame a partner for an unexpected health crisis.

I continue to hope that Brandi sticks with her recovery and that Valerie eventually finds someone worthy of being her partner.

Life and love are messy. For those who weather the hard times though the investment of your determination, resilience and faith pays off in having a partner committed to you long after the luster of marriage wears off. Life partners are rare but they are out there.

As a reminder to Federal Clients… visits are currently non contact. Please be aware that we cannot overcome or object to Covid visitation changes. We can’t.

State, ICE and County clients, as we continue to wait for visitation, if you haven’t emailed Gov Abbott regarding how this visitation ban is affecting you and your loved one, please do so. He shut down visitation and he has reinstated nursing home visitation as well as reopened schools while completely skipping over County, TDCJ and ICE.

Certain State facilities outside of Texas have reopened visitation. These facilities are non contact similar to Federal Facilities. Please be aware that as my client, Cindy’s client or anyone on my staffs client, Wardens expect us to be able to control our clients. What this means is that outbursts, drama or unexpected behavior reflects on us. Please don’t be disruptive on site. We have worked months to get you to wedding day. If your ceremony is non contact we must accept the things we can’t change. Thank you.

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Planning, Preparation & Perseverance. You Don’t Need Perfect Because You Can Still Eat With A Bent Fork…

I’m OCD. I make lists. I review these lists over and over again. But even I cannot predict people. Since Wednesday I’ve been on the road bouncing from one event to the next city while on conference calls with the kids or my clients.

On Thursday, I traveled back to DFW to meet Cindy after stopping by my home to have a quick lunch with my husband who had been “cooking all day because he was bored. I’m so used to working everyday that a day off especially with you traveling is boring.”

My husband is a really good cook and while I’m still working on losing the few pandemic pounds I’ve put on the past 8 months is important to me, I indulged “just a bit” in my favorite holiday foods before I picked up my niece, Stephaney at the group home on my way to Parker County.

My niece had always been close to my son prior to his marriage. She blames his wife for the rift between them rather than her own behavior and choices. Listening to her complain about my son choosing his wife over her is an ongoing headache for me. I pulled up in front of the group home and called Stephaney who wasn’t there. Ugh. I called her. “I’m at the park down the street. Pick me up over here.”

Driving to the park in a not so nice area of Fort Worth, I pass homeless people. I see several men standing around the only convenience store open drinking out of paper bags before spotting Stephaney walking towards me. I’m instantly depressed to see my niece carrying a paper bag containing a forty. It’s Thanksgiving. Cindy and I are the only people who will even speak to my niece and she’s drinking?

I look at her and say “there are open container laws in Texas. You aren’t getting in my suv with that drink in your hand. Go throw it away.” My blood pressure is already going up.

Stephaney gets in but she isn’t happy about my rules. I don’t care. She reaches for my radio to change my favorite 70’s channel. This always annoys me. Why do passengers feel entitled to taking over the radio? I have no idea but I ignored the channel she decided on.

“Where are we going first?” I tell her I’m doing an elopement at the Parker County Courthouse then planning to meet Cindy at Film Alley. Cindy has been cooking with Steve. The twins are picky eaters. Makenna is working 4-midnight at McDonald’s. Maryssa is off until Friday at her job. It will be her first full day on the job. Neither of the twins are taking calls from Stephaney after her past relapse. In fact, Cindy and I are “catching flack” from my niece, Leigh Ann, my son, Robbie and the twins about having anything to do with Stephaney. We are both sick and tired of everyone who isn’t doing anything to help Stephaney complaining about what we do to try and help. This conflict has been going on for years now amongst our family members. Cindy sends a text “Leigh Ann is on the phone complaining that Stephaney is going to the movies with us. I’m so sick and tired of dealing with their anger. We are the only ones in the family that she has. If she relapses again, I’m out. I can’t handle any more of this. Last year I was in Harris Hospital not expecting to leave. I want peace. I want the other kids to stop complaining too. I’m doing the best I can. I look at FB and see happy families who are happy to be together then I look at our family. I’m depressed.”

I think about this. She’s right. Social media would have everyone thinking or assuming that other people have perfect lives. No one has a perfect life. I remind my twin sister of her own quote “things don’t have to be perfect to work. You can still eat dinner with a bent fork. You nearly died last year. I’m thankful you didn’t. We cannot control Stephaney or the other kids. We can control how we react. We can control being enablers. We must let her know we are drawing the line and stick with it.”

I leave the gas station in Willow Park that’s closed. Stephaney needs cigarettes. I know I shouldn’t be buying cigarettes for her but what the Hell. I prefer she smokes cigarettes than weed or meth.

My clients are already at the courthouse and excited. They have been together for 8 years and have 3 children. I’ve packed my suv with everything they need including a 5ft veil for the bride and a baptism gown for her three year old son.

The courthouse in Parker County is a beautiful building that somewhat reminds me of the Munsters House. I have no idea why but it does.

Leaving the town square to head to Film Alley, my niece wants to go to IHOP. I didn’t know they were open and we are an hour early for “War With Grandpa” so we roll in. The Christmas tree in the lobby with face masks for decorations depresses the heck out of me.

I answer texts, emails and DM’s from client’s. One of my clients tells me that “CDCR promised video visitation would be working and it isn’t. What can I do?” I send her the information she needs and move to the next DM. It’s from my Green Bay Unit bride telling me happy Thanksgiving and thanking me for getting her married. Many of my clients contact me on Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years as well as my birthday to wish me well. My clients are amazing, thoughtful, and a gift.

One of my clients who was duped by a Don Juan and wound up on a path of self destruction for several months also sent me a DM. “Miss Wendy I’m entering treatment. I’ve decided to get sober. Thank you for always taking my calls and messages even when I was strung out and especially when I was suicidal at all hours of the night. You are the mother I never had. I’m going to get clean this time and stay clean.” My heart hurts reading this as I sip my IHOP coffee. I pray for the best but always prepare for another relapse with Brandi. This isn’t her first time.

Brandi reminds me of my niece, Stephaney with the difference being that Brandi has no one. Stephaney has Cindy and I. Brandi changes her phone number constantly so I update her latest cell phone number in my phone.

Brandi was one of two women who fell for an Ellis Unit inmate who upon release was physically violent with Valerie who called me immediately even though Cindy and I were in California for information to get a restraining order and divorce.

Valerie celebrated Thanksgiving with “a new love.” I’m praying he’s Mr Right for Valerie. I will marry them if he is. Valerie has three children and a mother she also supports so the last thing she needs is yet another Mr Wrong in her life. I glance at her FB post and smile. She looks happy. I’m happy for her. Valerie works two jobs to take care of her family. She deserves happiness.

The journalist who traveled with Cindy and I to several Units last year sent me a text about my Polunsky bride. “She’s not responding to my messages and I’m getting everything ready for the editor to publish. Can you message her?”

I send a quick message to Lastacia. I’m so proud of her. Like all of my client’s Lastacia is independent, driven and dedicated. A loving mother and devoted wife whose husband finally came home a few months ago. They are happy. I’m happy for them. Lastacia immediately answers my message and will contact Ella. I then remember that Lastacia sells weaves and ask “if she can order weaves for Cindy and I? Everything we buy online is the wrong color.” I’m mailing Lastacia a piece of a broken weave Monday. I believe in supporting my clients.

Misty sends me a message. Her husband came home last year. They are happy and well adjusted. I’m happy for them. I’m mailing her a few of our designer face masks Monday because she like me “believes this mask mandate is going to be going on for awhile.”

Misty asks about my grandniece, Maddy and Leigh Ann who took her bridal photos. She is proud of the twins who are now both working. I am too. The twins are planning to buy their own car. They are independent. Makenna already pays her own cell phone bill.

I have an email from Deanna. Burt and Deanna lost their baby, DeLilah to trisomy two years ago. They’ve found a surrogate and are expecting in the next 6-8 weeks. I’ve been asked to baptize their daughter. Of course, I’m thrilled and honored.

My other couple who quite sadly lost their baby last year have a new healthy boy this year. I couldn’t be happier for them.

Juggling client’s from Federal Prisons back onto the schedule is and continues to be an issue at Fort Worth FMC. Please be aware that Tiger King is at this facility. Allow enough additional time to be screened and checked in and remember that we cannot control Covid guidelines. Do not become visibly upset about non contact limitations. We must always follow guidelines, policy and protocol. Emotional outbursts are upsetting to staff and other inmates. As my client, I’m expected to keep you calm and within the guidelines.

Press and journalists aren’t your friends. If someone is contacting you, get a contract outlining what they can or cannot publish. Limit interviews. As usual, there are production companies posting that they are “casting a show.” Folks there’s a tremendous difference between “casting” and “pitching.” If someone is contacting you because they found you in a prison support group or on other social media such as Instagram, be cautious and don’t sign anything simply because the person contacting you pressures you to do so. Production companies secure the talent and often do so by using an entirely one sided talent agreement. If you have questions, contact me.

This Thanksgiving was odd because it was different but walking into the movie, one tradition was still being followed. Cindy and I have always gone to the movies on Thanksgiving and Christmas. We skipped the popcorn.

The movie had a few funny moments but the concept of a grandson doing things that were hurtful wasn’t funny to me. We have an elderly man who lost his wife moving in with her daughter and family and a grandson upset about giving up his room. The funny parts were with the husband getting “flashed” by the grandfather.

The dynamics of families today and especially families moving in a parent isn’t lost on me. My brother and his wife moved my father in with them. Having another family member live with you IS AN ADJUSTMENT.

This is our first holiday without Foxy. I miss him but we won’t be getting another pet. Matthew and I both work too much and the freedom of being able to travel since we are now truly empty nesters along with the fact that my husband “cannot handle losing another pet in this lifetime” are why we both decided not to get another pet.

Leigh Ann called me last night while I was in the Hill Country at a wedding where (as usual) the florist forgot bouteniers. “I can’t FaceTime mom without the cats getting in front of her. It’s so funny.”

Cindy was always “anti pets” at her home UNTIL the twins both wanted cats last year after her surgery.

Of course, Cindy is very fond of both cats and became the cat lady quickly. She prepares special meals and loves on the cats the twins wanted but have no time to feed or care for while working and going to school. Cindy buys cat toys all the time. Maddy and my grandson still play with Foxy’s toys. My husband and I decided to leave Foxy’s things in all of the rooms of our house. I know it sounds odd but my grandniece and grandson prefer Cindy’s cat toys and Foxy’s dog toys to the toys we both keep for them. I have no idea why.

One of the cats is so ugly that people visiting Cindy ask “what happened?” My sister calls this cat “street cat” because he looks like he’s had a tough life. Makenna adopted him because she knew no one else would. Street cat is a fat cat. He’s loving and follows Cindy everywhere.

If you are FaceTiming Cindy at home one of those cats is going to jump in front of her or on her lap. I never expected my sister to “warm up” to pets. Her motto prior to these cats was always “I take care of everything around here. I don’t need another responsibility. No pets.” She’s changed and she spoils those cats endlessly.

Cindy is also as excited as I am that Leigh Ann and Maddy will be back in Texas Christmas Day.

Bookings with Leigh Ann for mini photo shoots are being scheduled through Leigh Ann. You can find her page on FB, Maddie & Me Photography.

I can’t wait to see my grandson, Oliver again. He’s almost crawling and my son (like Cindy and I did for so many years) takes Oliver to work with him. Robbie and Stephanie are rocking parenthood and their clients like ours have accepted that bookings are a family affair. The twins traveled with Cindy and I for years until branching off and booking Princess parities prior to taking on their jobs outside of Texas Twins Events.

Working with family can be chaotic, fun and sometimes stressful but we’ve always worked it out. Maddy thinks any camera on location is meant for her so get ready for my grandniece to jump in on those wedding photo’s saying “cheese” on location from December to February while Leigh Ann and Maddy are “back home.”

As always, I’m thankful for my clients, my connections and creating a business that allowed me to share your joy at your life event.

Bookings for Vow Renewals and early release inmate weddings that had been planned on the inside that are now being planned on the outside, January still has a few openings for Fort Worth and Dallas. I’m in Beaumont twice in February.

As we continue to wait for visitation to reopen at State, ICE and County Jails across all of our service area states, I pray that your holiday weekend is blessed AND not stressed…

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When People Make More Withdrawals Than Deposits In Your Life, Close The Account…

Last night after watching my niece, Stephaney’s behavior grow more and more erratic, after my sister had so many upsetting phone calls from her daughter behaving like a lunatic and after realizing that the “odds” of the police picking her up on their own were slim, I decided to get an involuntary hold for Stephaney put into effect.

At 7:05PM, the manager of the group home I found for Stephaney called to tell me “she ran when the ambulance came. Where would she go? Can you send me recent photo’s?”

My niece normally likes to walk to a park nearby the group home. I suggested the police search the area. Knowing that if they lost her I could easily lose her for months to the streets AGAIN, I frantically searched FB and Instagram for photos to send to officers searching for her. I have very few. For 17 years my niece has been in and out of our lives. My niece is Bipolar One and often goes off medication. She is also addicted to meth.

At 8:16PM, the police had located her. She was fighting going to the hospital. The officer required a phone interview although he admits “she appears unstable and unreasonable but being crazy doesn’t warrant an involuntary hold. Is she suicidal?” I answer “yes.” For another 27 minutes I wait to see whether or not the police will enforce an involuntary hold. They finally do.

At 2:34AM a psychologist from JPS calls Cindy to ask “are you aware of any drug use?” Of course we are as are they since Stephaney has been admitted 19 previous times at the same hospital for meth induced psychosis. Don’t these people check their own records?

My twin sister and I celebrate our birthday every year by scheduling stress tests, dental cleanings, eye exams, physicals, mammograms and well woman check ups. We go to all the same providers as we have our entire lives. Prior to Cindy’s heart attack and surgery last year on this same date, we didn’t do stress tests but we do now. For families that love an addict, health issues are only one of the many ways an addict effects their lives. I’m (as usual) worried about my mammogram as I have had not one but two surgeries due to lumps. Thankfully, both were benign. My mammogram is the one check up every year that makes me nervous.

“What’s a day in your life like Wendy?” Holy cow if people knew the only predictable thing in my life was my work they would be shocked. The reality is that my niece has caused such chaos within our family that trying to save her over and over again had caused my sisters health to decline and many family members to turn against us. My own son is angry that I didn’t allow her to get kicked out of the group home or lose her job by getting her committed to dry her out and get her back on her meds. “Mom stop trying to save her.” Me “that’s your cousin and I won’t lose her to the streets again. I can’t go through it. I can’t let Cindy or her twins go through it. I can’t not try to stop what I know is coming. She will lose her place at that home and the job I spent two weeks finding for her.” He hangs up. I don’t care. I can’t. I have to at least try. I have to do everything within my power to try.

Thirteen messages are on FB waiting for me. One of them from Amanda. I’ve seen her posts and I know that things aren’t working out. If I hadn’t been dealing with Stephaney off the rails again and my daughter in laws lunatic family refusing to cremate her uncle who shot himself over a week ago refusing to even consider cremation and demanding a funeral along with my many other ridiculous suggestions from family members regarding Stephaney, I would have contacted Amanda sooner.

I finally had a chance to message back and forth with my Ellis Unit bride, Amanda yesterday.

Her husband paroled a few months ago and rather than being thankful for her loyalty during his prison sentence, he moved into her home with three children and thought he would be making the rules.

This husband was in for a surprise. Amanda is a strong and independent woman. Amanda has been doing it all and doing it alone for years. Amanda drew a line in the sand with this newcomer to her home and laid down ground rules. She didn’t need another mouth to feed that talked back. She needed a partner. She sadly accepted the fact that she had married the wrong man.

People behaving one way prior to marriage and another after marriage are “courting” their partner. They are acting in a sense to convince the other party that they are something they aren’t.

Many of my clients believe that the inmate is innocent. Many pay exorbitant attorney fees to fight the charges. Many sacrifice money from their households to pay attorneys because they believe wholeheartedly that the inmate is innocent. No one not even evidence and discovery will convince them otherwise.

Other clients are well aware that the inmate committed the crime which is why they are doing the time. Sure, they hear the cries of innocence from inmates that they love and care for but the majority of my clients knew the inmate prior to incarceration. I recall standing in Coffield Unit with one client prior to her marriage and the seriousness she displayed as she turned and said “Miss Wendy is this SOB gets out and goes in a third time he can go straight to Hell cause I’m out.”

In a prison courtship, the inmate has far more time to write romantic letters and focus on the person on the outside.

The person on the outside has far less time. Why? Because they are working, raising children, running households and doing everything alone on the outside including paying for expensive phone calls and prior to this visitation lockdown, driving long distances to visits.

A prison relationship is remarkably one sided. One person is making far more sacrifices than the other. One person is pulling the wagon alone on the outside. These people are my clients. The inmate is not my client. I don’t speak to or correspond with or even meet the inmate until my client and I are standing inside a prison for the ceremony.

Many of my clients have a lot of weight in their wagon weighing it down. Where does all this weight come from? Well for starters my clients are cheerleaders for the inmates calling them. Then there’s the bills rolling in they pay alone on a single income. Then there’s their children. Then there’s the empty bed they exhaustedly roll into alone at the end of long day to wake up and start all over again. Many of my clients work AND go to school while raising their children. Others take care of their aging mother or father or both in their home while raising their children and working.

The inmate is often upset about being incarcerated or the conditions of incarceration.

The person on the outside didn’t seal the fate of the inmate though. Anger directed at my client’s is misplaced. Inmates angry about their situation often forget that the only support system they have are my clients. I address this fact with my clients on a regular basis.

My clients are in a position of power, custody and control. They are effectively giving up their finances to put money on the books and pay for phone calls. I remind clients of “who is holding the cards” on a regular basis. Why? Because they need to assert themselves with an inmate far more often than you might think. Frequently an inmate assumes they have control when in fact they don’t. This role reversal is common for an inmate who is in the prison wedding planning process. They believe that by marrying they have a position of power even from behind razor wire.

Pom Poms can and do run out of streamers. The person on the outside in the free world has a wagon full of responsibility’s.

Soothing the inmates concerns are only one of the many things they are dealing with. Loving an inmate and committing to marrying them is one Helluva commitment. A person committed to marrying an inmate is giving up any and all of the frivolity a marriage to someone on the outside entails.

I’m often asked when someone realizes that I marry couples inside prisons, “why would they want to marry an inmate? What’s in it for them?” I can’t answer these questions. Only my clients can. A handful of them like Amanda question their decision.

I had shared a “memory” on FB of the wedding that took place at Ramsey Unit last year congratulating my bride regarding her one year anniversary. This isn’t unusual. I frequently share these types of updates.

This particular shared post however resulted in a DM from my client asking for information to file a divorce. “Miss Wendy things ain’t working out with Roy. He’s trying to control my money from prison. I don’t need somebody questioning me about how I spend my money. Can you send me the things I need to get a divorce?” Roy assumed because he was married that he would be making the rules. My client decided to let Roy find someone else to boss around.

I was a little surprised about this couple since my bride had been so happy on her wedding day. But, the actions of ownership from inmates who are finally married to someone on the outside in the free world are often the result of the divorces that occur within the first or second year of marriage. Normally if my clients make it to a third year they are in it for the long haul unless the inmate paroles and assumes to take control of my clients household. My clients have been running and paying for their households all along. They don’t hand over the reins to a newcomer whether this newcomer is their spouse or not. This particular power play is the #1 reason for divorce with the second reasons being post incarceration syndrome or drug use. Domestic violence is rare but also has occurred to 2 of my clients who immediately contacted me for information pertaining to a restraining order and divorce. I immediately got them the information they needed as well as emergency contact information for counseling and shelters for one former client fearful of returning to her own home “until she was certain he was gone.”

Inmates who “assume that they own their spouse” or that they can control their new spouse are in for a wake up call. This assumption is a mistake.

My clients are independent, educated, resourceful and well aware that if an inmate tries to control them inside, the inmate will be by far more controlling on the outside.

Marriage may be a merger but marriage doesn’t mean the person you married is your property. They are a person, a very independent person who is doing it all on the outside.

All of my client’s in all of my states whether their LO is in state, federal, ICE or county custody are independent, intelligent and decisive.

For my Texas clients who choose the option of divorce, here’s a self filing link to download… Texas Divorce Paperwork.

Amanda moved her husband to another building on her property and out of her home. She will most likely divorce him because this inmate “isn’t the person I married.”

I can’t blame her for demanding peace under the roof she pays for. The home she bought entirely on her own is her personal property.

A few of my clients in other states as well as Texas need to consider a prenuptial agreement.

Here is a link for a free download prenup that you can change or edit… Prenuptial Agreement Paperwork.

Why would you need a prenup you might be thinking? First because all of the property you own is your property that’s why.

I will always educate you about what’s in YOUR best interest.

Post Incarceration Syndrome is another scenario many of my clients aren’t prepared for but a few have experienced.

What exactly is Post Incarceration Syndrome? Here’s a link for your review… Post Incarceration Syndrome.

There are a number of clients contacting me regarding marrying who were planning to marry on the “inside” who have notified me that their “LO made parole” or “is being moved to a halfway house” who are contacting me to “marry them on the outside.”

Many of you are unfamiliar with the locations of Residential Reentry Center’s in Texas. Here’s the link for TDCJ locations… TDCJ Residential ReEntry.

I’ve been meeting couples outside of Walls Unit in Huntsville to marry them as well as in parks, downtown areas near halfway houses and other locations for months now.

The festive environment outside of Walls Unit is something that cannot be described without experiencing it firsthand. Families, balloons, cheers and more accompany the releases of inmates who have the support of their families and my client’s anxiously waiting for them to walk out with bags of personal belongings in their hands. It’s a literal block party.

Many of my clients have made their love story last after incarceration. How? They knew the inmate prior to incarceration.

Call me cynical but I don’t believe that a pen pal relationship has the same resilience as a relationship that existed prior to incarceration. Why? Because these couples have an established history. Others may argue that pen pal love stories can and do “stand the test of time.”

However, I’ve never married a couple who met through a pen pal scenario while one person was incarcerated so my view may be biased. My clients tell me how they met. How they knew the person prior to incarceration and often how they are the only person involved in the inmates life. I know far more about my client’s marrying an inmate than traditional bookings. Why? Because the prison planning process takes months. I speak to these clients far more often and intimately than I do a traditional client. They share everything with me from letters they received from an inmate to parole to problems to preparing letters of support and more. If there are problems during the planning process, I hear these problems and give my clients the same advice I would give my own children about “slowing things down. Reevaluating. Asking if this type of relationship is what is in their best interest.” My allegiance is to my clients first, foremost and always.

There are very few pen pal relationships that can stand the test of time although there are such relationships that can somehow survive incarceration.

This week I’m meeting two clients to marry in downtown Fort Worth who were Covid positive a month ago. Both brides work in the healthcare industry.

The reschedules continue in Texas. Whether the inmate is released and you choose to marry at Walls Unit or within close proximity of the halfway house your LO is assigned to or whether you have decided that your love story wasn’t what you expected when you signed up for it, only you can choose your future. Only you can decide what’s best for you and your children.

For my many couples who are living happily ever after walking away from prisons to start a life together, they prove the statistics of prisons marriage wrong. They also continue to thrive on the outside.

My niece called my sister this afternoon while I was on location. She isn’t angry, confrontational, talking in the third person or acting crazy. Why? Because she’s medicated and coming off Meth. The hospital or treatment centers are the only places my niece can safely come down. I know this I’ve had years of experience. I’m sick about it but I’m not going to pretend there’s a safe way for an addict to dry out. There isn’t. An addict outside of a controlled environment will continue using.

My son is upset about my “interference” by getting Stephaney admitted on an involuntary hold but my son is a new father and it’s easy to turn a blind eye. Between his wife’s crazy family and chaos, his work and his new son, my son is overwhelmed.

Our entire family other than Cindy and I have all turned away from Stephaney. They have all given up.

My son brings up his wife’s “Uncle Robert” who shot himself once again to me and then moves to his wife’s cousin, Donald who is back on the bottle again but he’s trying to help.

This entire conversation lights me up (as usual) but I’m on location and need to go outside to voice my dim view about her crazy family wanting an expensive funeral for a guy who spent most of his life in prison then kills himself prior to demanding a full funeral his family cannot afford before going over why helping Donald over and over is no different than trying to help my niece. My sons answer about Donald had me reaching for a Xanax. “He’s had a hard life their entire family is a mess. Donald is the youngest. He has a chance.”

I respond with “your cousin has made mistakes too. Show some empathy especially when talking to Cindy about Stephaney while you consistently try to help your wife’s family.” I meant it.

My daughter in laws entire family is full of “dope heads” this is my sons description not my own. I don’t use this type of language to describe addicts.

If I did I use the type of language my son does to describe addicts I would’ve been referring to my mom with the same term years ago.

My son and his wife have moved so many of her crazy relatives into their home over the years that I can’t keep up with all of their names. I remind my son that having these people around his son is not only stupid but to not even consider allowing them over for a visit. He agrees with me. Even he knows that these unpredictable lunatics aren’t welcome in his home for valid reasons. He no longer allows his wife to let “so and so stay until they can get back on their feet.” What changed? The birth of my grandson.

For seven years of their marriage my daughter in law moved in so many of her relatives that my son was literally supporting every Tom, Dick and Harry that walked in the door.

The arguments I have had with him over this “stray dog situation” went on for years. Stephanie’s family is the biggest train wreck of chaos I have ever seen.

Donald is living in a trailer with Kathy (his sister that lived with my son and his wife along with her Deadbeat boyfriend until they finally moved out owing rent years ago) and thirteen other family members in a trailer.

My son had allowed Donald to stay at his home prior to his sons birth. However, he quickly learned Donald has a drinking problem.

My son is intolerant of addicts as am I. His intolerance is due to my niece and her antics. My intolerance is due to my mom and my niece.

My son was considering “helping Donald.” I advised him to let Donald help himself and not involve himself with that family.

My son is too empathetic with his wife’s crazy family. I’m really working on distancing him from them. Seriously.

The uncle who shot himself is yet another “window” that opened for my daughter in laws ridiculous relatives to contact me to share a GoFundMe Campaign that is so outrageous no one is donating. I didn’t bother asking who set it up. “Aunt Margie” and her argumentative phone call telling me “what her brother wanted” although the guy is dead just irritates and annoyed me.

The campaign outlining “what he wanted was a nice funeral and not to be burned” posted in the middle of a pandemic, right before the holidays and for someone who shot himself with graphic photos isn’t doing well because it’s unrealistic to assume people are going to donate a large sum of money for a suicidal guy that didn’t want to be cremated.

Logic flies right out the window with my daughter in laws crazy family.

My sisters famous quote about entitlement immediately came to mind talking to Stephanie’s “Aunt Margie” who informed me “you are wealthy and have a huge social media following if you would just share the campaign and support it we could reach our goal.”

Cindy’s quote? “GRATITUDE is the DIFFERENCE between APPRECIATION and a SENSE of ENTITLEMENT.”

Quite frankly the main reason I was against my son marrying Stephanie all those years ago WAS his wife’s crazy family.

Eight years later they are happily married, living in a new house with a new baby, driving nice cars and STILL giving handouts to her relatives.

I couldn’t believe my son told me that he HAD donated to that GoFundMe Account for “Uncle Robert.” Seriously. I couldn’t.

My son has a family to think about and his wife’s family will suck every nickel they can out of whoever they can get it from.

I told him “I’ve been checking that campaign and didn’t see your name. I now know why after he explained that the daughter trying to raise money is specifically trying to hit a lick by doing so since she isn’t the one planning burial arrangements. “Aunt Margie” is.

This “news” about my son and his wife “matching” what another relative had donated upset me. After all, they were both exposed to Covid going to visit this guy on his deathbed.

My son sighed and explained “we wrote a check that we matched with Stephanie’s aunt. We didn’t donate to the campaign. We did it so they would have enough money for cremation. They won’t do the cremation though. Mom he was a drug addict who spent most of his life in prison but he was a good guy. I met him many times and gave him a ride or food when he needed it. I donated money because I felt that they would go on with the cremation because they had the money to do so but that family is unrealistic.”

Even my son knows this full funeral is unrealistic.

“Aunt Margie” and her phone calls are never a welcome delight to me, my son or his wife. This lady is only calling me to tell me what her dead brother wants and demanding she gets nearly $10k?

After over a week, the donations on the campaign are less than $400. My son and his wife along with another relative have all donated $1500 for cremation.

A paupers funeral is free. It’s nearly Thanksgiving. People are out of work. Come on. Aunt Margie yelling “my brother specifically did not want to be cremated” is unrealistic and entitled. How can you expect everyone outside of your family to donate to a campaign that is selfish. By the way, suicide is selfish. People who commit suicide literally leave their loved ones holding the bag.

“Uncle Robert’s” family probably didn’t want him to shoot himself either. They certainly weren’t prepared for the financial repercussions “of what HE wanted.”

I have refused to share this campaign due to the graphic photo’s as well as the explanation as to why a paupers funeral or cremation aren’t welcome suggestions. I didn’t share it last week. I won’t this week either. I told my son why.

My son read the same details. He saw the same horrible photos of a man who shot himself in the face for the main photo?

Who posts photos of a man who shot himself in the face on a public campaign. It’s so shocking and disturbing. His family needs to take the money my son, his wife and another relative have donated and cremate him then move on. I cannot unsee those horrific photos. The man is dead and that family is too demanding.

You can’t force someone to donate to a campaign. I can’t believe GoFundMe doesn’t review photos on these campaigns. Good Lord.

Tomorrow I will call Stephaney’s job to tell them she won’t be at work this week.

Tomorrow I will pay her rent at the group home. We have no idea when Stephaney will be released THIS time. She had an interview Monday that I will need to reschedule because she was trying to find a better job but she’s obviously not up to a second interview in her current condition.

Tomorrow I will file marriage licenses from this weekend and go to my annual mammogram screening hoping they don’t find a problem again. I’ve had two lumpectomies in 8 years. Thankfully both were benign.

Tomorrow I will call “Aunt Margie” who contacted me last week demanding that her brother have the funeral he wanted that his family cannot afford and once again tell her I’m not sending $10k to pay for a funeral for a person I’ve never met who decided to kill himself and then left his broke family to try and find a way to “honor his wishes.”

My opinion about this entire scenario AND the family telling me what a guy who shot himself wanted is getting on my last nerve. Aunt Margie messaging then friend requesting me in order to get me to donate this campaign isn’t swaying me one bit. The guy shot himself.

Trying to reason with unreasonable people with the holiday coming up and deciding to go virtual this year after my son and his wife were exposed to Covid going to see her uncle who shot himself in Tyler, I’m shaking my head about another ridiculous fiasco with my daughter in laws family while dealing with my niece and my clients.

At least it won’t be raining Wednesday as I have 5 weddings outdoors. I’m hoping my sister can get some sleep tonight after worrying once again about her daughter, Stephaney while raising Stephaney’s twin daughters, Maryssa and Makenna and trying to remain hopeful that Stephaney will get back on her medication and become a stable and productive person. It’s hard. I’ve had so many setbacks with her. She should’ve been married by now. She should be in her own home. She could have been anything she wanted. Addiction destroys families.

Prison marriage may but be for everyone but for those who make their story last, the commitment, loyalty and determination of their unions continue to surprise their friends and families who didn’t support the decision to marry an inmate…

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An Addict Will Celebrate Anything Even If It’s The Grand Opening Of A Pack Of Cigarettes..

I knew my niece would relapse. I expected it. No matter what her mother and I did to rehabilitate her, no matter how much money we spent on rehab or how much time we spent trying to find her in shady and dangerous areas to beg her to get help, we could not change Stephaney’s choices or her addiction.

On December 5, 2018, the police called to tell me they had found my niece, Stephaney living in a box on Camp Bowie. If you missed the blog, here’s the link.. Addiction Destroys Families- Girl In A Box finding my niece out of her mind and trying to convince her to re-enter treatment as I stood on a busy road was an escapade in futility. We lost Stephaney to the streets for another year. No one and I mean no one who doesn’t have an addict for a loved one can understand the depths of despair you fall into.

I once had someone tell me “don’t hate the addict hate the addiction.” How I kept from slapping that guy I have no idea. Addicts have s choice. No one is holding a gun to their heads to destroy everything around them. I hate the drug and the addict. People telling you to forgive someone who consistently hurts you and your family don’t have a clue of what they are asking or expecting. How my mothers mother dealt with her addiction for forty years I have no idea. I can’t do this another twenty years. I can’t do it another year with Stephaney. I’ve lost any ounce of hope I formerly had. I’m now hopeless. Void. Empty.

My sister called me tonight upset about another “crazy phone call from Stephaney.” Why Cindy doesn’t hang up and suffers through these abusive phone calls from a daughter we’ve tried to help the past 17 years I have no idea. I would’ve hung up. I wish Cindy would learn to.

During my first divorce and five year custody battle, one attorney finally gave me advice about phone calls from my ex that I needed to hear. What was it? “Hang up.”

My niece, Stephaney has been hitting the sauce again. I’m guessing for at least a few weeks now based on her behavior. Last week after being screamed at in my own vehicle over telling her to pay her own rent , I strongly suspected that Stephaney was using again.

The violence and anger of someone on meth is difficult to describe unless you’ve experienced it. I wasn’t afraid of my agitated and angry niece yelling at me from the passenger seat. Instead I was angry. Mad as heck I spent money on 9 months of rehab AGAIN. She should have been afraid of me and the 17 years of her antics that have affected our entire family. I have no idea how I didn’t have an accident. I even called Cindy on my Bluetooth so she could hear all of this screaming my niece was doing while riding in my car.

Years ago, in Cindy’s home with yet another escapade of Stephaney out of her mind on drugs, I called her out on it. She grabbed a knife and held it to my throat in front of my shocked sister who called the police. The things we’ve been through with Stephaney are shockingly sad. Things that we can’t forget but she doesn’t remember. How convenient.

Stephaney is and always has been the biggest challenge our family has faced. From punching holes in the walls to stealing credit cards or even our cars and wrecking them to saying horrible things to us, Stephaney has no idea why no one other than Cindy and I bother to help her. Even her own daughters won’t speak to her. They are 16 and sick of her relapses. We all are. Our husbands can’t understand why Cindy and I keep trying to Save Stephaney. Our other children can’t. Her own children can’t.

Tonight while leaving Greenwood Cemetery, a text from Cindy confirmed my suspicions. Stephaney had called Cindy’s house and demanded to speak to her kids. Cindy was busy trying to comfort Makenna who was holding her dying guinea pig. Her twin sister, Maryssa was making dinner. Cindy was alone with the twins when a call from a cell phone that Cindy pays for destroyed her night. Her daughter, Stephaney was on the other end of that cell phone screaming and demanding to talk to her kids. More upsetting than the screaming is the fact that we know when Stephaney is using. We always know. Crazy talk from a crazy person. My niece has been committed over and over because even the police think she’s insane when she’s using.

In 2010 on Super Bowl Sunday, Stephaney overdosed. Cindy was preparing to sign the death certificate when a doctor walked out to announce that “he had saved her.” My sister looked right at him and screamed “why?!” She meant it. We knew she would never change but like other families we tried over and over to change her. We hoped. We prayed. We paid for rehab after rehab after rehab. Inadvertently we enabled Stephaney. We didn’t know what tough love was. We never have. That Dr gave our family another 10 nearly 11 years of dealing with Stephaney while raising the twins. Cindy knew it and I knew it too.

Many of our friends have lost their kids to drugs. They post how broken they are with their son or daughter gone. They mourn the child they knew without knowing how an addict sucks every bit of joy out of your life. Without experiencing the painful merry go round of them being clean then using over and over again.

One of our friends, Sherri lost her son to heroin. She was forced to kick him out of her home after he broke several of her bones. He died of an overdose. She mourns his death everyday. I talked to her about accepting he made his choices. She needs to stop blaming herself. She needs to move on. How many parents and loved ones blame themselves and suffer through physical and verbal abuse are finally relieved that the addict they couldn’t reform is finally gone? There are parents relieved “it’s over.” Sherri isn’t one of them. The guilt she carries has caused her many health issues.

I walk into prisons on a regular basis. Often I’m thinking “would prison have reformed my niece, Stephaney?” She spent 6 months in Jacksboro at the state jail after breaking into Cindy’s house. Stephaney blames Cindy for pressing charges.

Stephaney stole a semi in Oklahoma and spent another 6 months in Cotton County Jail. These “stints” didn’t reform my niece. I saved her from a 20 year sentence in Oklahoma. Looking back, I wish I had let her go to prison.

I wish I had the past 6 years of Stephaney being out of of jail back.

Nineteen involuntary commitments because she was out of her mind on meth over and over and over. Ruined holidays with her upsetting the entire family.

Three years ago, Cindy and I spent two years spent searching the streets for her in Fort Worth. The angst of these emotionally debilitating scenarios with Stephaney literally broke my sisters fragile heart. Addicts don’t care. Over and over again buying “psych friendly clothing” to drop off at the nut house. We hated going to visit her at psych wards as she demanded to “come home.” The first opportunity she had to use again she did. The pain my niece has brought to our family is as big as Texas.

Trying to act normal while wondering if she was dead or alive. Addicts are the most entitled, narcissistic, demanding, self absorbed, irresponsible, reckless, self indulgent idiots in the world. I hate my mother for being a heroin addict. I hate my niece for being a meth addict. I hate what both of them have done to our family. HATE IT.

6 months months ago, Stephaney returned from treatment in Oklahoma. For three months she lived with Cindy. Laying around and refusing to look for work. Then one day acting so irrationally that I called the police to have her committed due to her behavior.

When she was released this time, I advised her that she wouldn’t be returning to Cindy’s house. This created an argument. I held firm.

Stephaney “believes” Cindy owes her a place in her home. Stephaney is misinformed. She had ruined every opportunity in her life that we’ve given her over and over again.

My sister didn’t need anymore drama. The twins didn’t either. I located a group home. The rent was $650. I paid it. I spent a week driving Stephaney to job hunt. I found her a job. The following month, I paid half the rent. The ONLY bill Stephaney had was the rent. Cindy pays her cell phones bill. I buy her bus tickets. The rent is due next Wednesday. Stephaney has been so erratic at her job that they sent her home for four days last week. She’s only saved $300 towards the rent. I picked her up this morning to tell her to find another job. I picked her up this morning to tell her to start being a responsible adult. I was yelled at. “Don’t upset me when I’m going to a job I hate. Don’t upset me when I’m living in a place I hate. I need to be happy and not worried about paying rent.”

When did we become enablers? I have no idea. I wish I knew. Why did we overcompensate as mothers to our children? Our own mother was a heroin addict. A loser. A miserable excuse for a mother. In fact, she sold all four of her children for $50 each to go buy heroin. My grandfather tape recorded this deal. He kept the tape to remind us that no one wanted us. He also sexually abused my sisters and I for years until we finally ran away. Tammy was four years older than Cindy and I. We ran away at 15. We had no one. We lived in a shelter until we were 16. I obtained a hardship drivers license and we saved up and lived in a $200 car after we left the shelter until we could afford an apartment. We never did have the money for electricity at that apartment. But we had a roof over our heads and by 19 years old we moved to an apartment and finally had electricity. Cindy was pregnant with Leigh Ann. She was followed home from IHOP to that first apartment with no electricity. She was raped in the dark. We raised Leigh Ann together. We moved from the first apartment in the middle of the night behind on the rent because we were using it to move away from the apartment Cindy would never feel safe in again. Leigh Ann was born at JPS 8 months later.

Arguing with Stephaney in my car about her only responsibility being to pay the rent, she screamed “you’re lucky and my mom is lucky. You have homes, businesses, cars. You’re lucky.”

Whenever I’m told I’m lucky or I’ve been lucky, I want to slap the shit out of the misinformed idiot telling me I’m lucky. I’ve never been lucky. I’ve always worked my ass off to take care of my sister and Leigh Ann. Cindy was in a hospital bed for two years after an accident. She had two kids, Leigh Ann and Stephaney, no child support and me. She didn’t have help from our shitty family. We never have. We’ve always had each other. We’ve never been lucky but we have always been willing to work, thankful for the opportunity to work, devoted, loyal, determined and steadfast. We had to be.

Stephaney was pregnant at 15 with the twins. After their birth, Stephaney moved from marijuana to meth “to lose weight.” I will never forget having to find an attorney at Harris willing to come to NICU to keep the state from taking the twins. I found someone and knowing we were in a bind, he was expensive. Attorneys are always driven by greed. Cindy and I committed together to “saving the twins and giving them the life we never had.”

There were tough times the first few years. Stephaney would drop by high as a kite demanding to take the twins. We would call the police. We never let her take the twins because she was never sober enough for the responsibility. Protecting the twins has been a 16 year investment.

Stephaney has never paid rent in her life. She’s never paid her own car insurance when she has had cars. She has never paid her own cell phone bills. Cindy always buys a new phone when Stephaney loses the old phone. She pays the phone bill because it’s the only way we can try to find Stephaney when she disappears again.

Last year, Cindy and I flew to NY to film with CBS. Stephaney was clean and doing well. For the first time in the twins lives, we trusted her to watch them for two days. Our flight landed at Newark and a text from Maryssa read “she’s acting funny. I think she’s on something again.” Getting off that plane, Cindy clutched her heart. This was the first sign that my twin had heart issues. We were under contract to film and always honor our obligations. I suggested going to the hospital. Cindy declined and said “if we aren’t on that set, they will sue us. Give me a Xanax.” But the Xanax didn’t take away this pain. For the duration of our commitment in NY, Cindy had chest pain.

Getting on the plane to fly home, I gave Cindy 6 aspirin and a bottle of water. Her heart Dr later told me “the aspirin and water most likely kept her from having a heart attack on that flight.”

We returned to Texas and I informed Stephaney I was putting her back into treatment after she failed a drug test at Cindy’s house. I had a full schedule as usual and a heart doctor appointment for Cindy the following day so I put Stephaney on the bus. Hours later, Stephaney called halfway to treatment. She had gotten off the bus and I had to drive and pick her up to take her to Grove, Oklahoma myself. Cindy insisted on going with me. I wish she hadn’t. Finding Stephaney singing and dancing at a truck stop wasn’t what either of us wanted to see. We’ve seen it before. She’s either happy or angry.

It was an awful drive to the facility. Happy went to angry pretty quick. I didn’t care. I couldn’t get to Grove, Oklahoma soon enough. Cindy’s chest pain continued.

The following day I took Cindy to the ER. She was having a heart attack. She had 3 blocked arteries. She was transported while I picked up the twins from school to Harris Heart Center.

A year ago, I almost lost my sister. A year ago saving Stephaney finally made me realize that she didn’t want to be saved.

A year ago, my attitude changed. Stephaney would have to support herself and be a member of society. She would have to work. She would have to be responsible. She would have to grow up. None of these things happened. Instead, after picking her up following 9 months of treatment, Stephaney moved into Cindy’s home until her behavior became so erratic that I had no choice other than to call a 51/50 on her to get her out of Cindy’s house.

Stephaney will tell you that the 19 times she’s been involuntarily committed were everyone’s fault but her own. JPS told us every time they kept her “she’s positive for meth.”

Stephaney never admits to drug use. Even when see fails a drug test, Stephaney insists “it’s wrong.”

We know when she’s using. She thinks we don’t. Everyone knows. Her jobs, her friends, her family. Addicts think they are sneaky and no one’s the wiser. Sneaky and stupid go hand in hand. I’m so sick of Stephaney’s antics.

Tonight’s phone calls forced Cindy to take her heart pill, nitroglycerin. Tonight’s phone calls left Makenna mourning a guinea pig slowly dying. My worry about Cindy continues.

Months ago, my husband announced that Stephaney isn’t allowed into our home. This hurt me. She was doing well at the time. “Your niece ruins every holiday or family get together. I’m sick of watching you and Cindy on the merry go round of Saving Stephaney. She’s clean and normal. She’s high and agitated jumping in front of my car screaming she’s God and embarrassing us when a neighbor stops me to tell me that they saw Stephaney bathing in the fountain at the park. I just can’t take it anymore. I want normality and Stephaney ruins every shred of predictability there is. She will relapse and when she does, I don’t want her in our house. I’m uncomfortable around her. I don’t like screaming and yelling under my roof. I’m sorry but this decision is firm. I want a normal holiday.”

Of course I was hurt by this but he’s right. Every single holiday is ruined by my niece. Her sister, Leigh Ann can barely speak civilly to her. Stephaney’s stolen from Leigh Ann over and over or called her names. Stephaney has simply done too much.

My son tried to help by offering to let her stay with him. Stephaney started calling my daughter in law names and knocking holes in their walls.

Stephaney is unpredictable. Stephaney on meth is angry, confrontational and unpredictable.

I can’t do anything more to change the shape of things to come. I must pull back and stop trying to run to the rescue. I hate to admit that I’ve finally realized that my help is actually enabling my niece.

I dropped her off this morning after driving through McDonalds to buy her a coffee with her screaming her order from my passenger seat at the cashier. Being around someone on meth is and can be dangerous to others. You cannot predict what they will do or how they will behave. I was relieved to drop her off at work but concerned about her getting fired if she didn’t stop being hateful and rude.

Based on this evenings string of phone calls to Cindy’s house, my niece, Stephaney is back on the sauce and off the rails. I’m heartbroken but I must harden my heart and focus on my sister, my husband, my son, my twin Grandnieces, Maddy and Leigh Ann as well as my clients. It’s difficult to stop worrying about Stephaney and her choices but I no longer have a choice..