Category: Powledge Unit

Posted on

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen Covey

I’m always concerned when on of my clients sends me a text or DM that reads “there’s something I need to talk to you about. Are you busy?”

I always drop everything to immediately respond to messages like this because I can feel their sense of urgency.

I’m everyone’s mom. I’m always available to my clients seven days a week from 8AM-9PM.

Other vendors who follow me are often surprised that my role by far surpasses planning and officiating a ceremony.

My role expands and extends to that of a friend, counselor, problem solver and patient listener.

Karen had been concerned about what to do after realizing her fiancée was involved with K2. This problem isn’t isolated to Karen. This problem is spreading through prisons. I listened to her concerns and waited for her to express her wide range of emotions and disappointment before responding.

First, I needed to help her understand her own needs. Second, I needed her to establish boundaries. Third, I needed her to reinforce these boundaries. It’s not easy dealing with an addict. Fourth, addicts are expert manipulators and Karen would need to stop sending money. It wouldn’t be easy for her to do this. Why? Because she’s been sending money for a long time. She’s been doing what she can to support an inmate that she plans to marry.

Setting boundaries is often difficult to do. Dealbreakers always are. You need to know what’s “too much” for you. You need to find that line and establish it. I knew the inmate would be angry regarding Karen taking a stand. But my client is my focus not the inmate. I always put my clients needs and issues as my primary concerns. They need reinforcement. They need a sounding board. An unbiased listener. They need me.

The words to an Elvis Presley song immediately came to mind regarding inmates not getting what they wanted and getting upset about it.

“You know I’ll be your slave if you ask me to.
But if you don’t behave
I’ll walk right out on you. If you want my love then take my advice and treat me nice.”

We had a lengthy conversation. The following day after much grief, Karen sent me a message that she felt better about her decision although it was a difficult choice. Saying no always is. The person you are saying no to will react in a number of different ways. First, they will often use guilt. Second, they will often use anger. Hold your ground.

I’ve also had numerous clients in a number of states contacting me regarding debt collector calls. When the economy tanks, the collectors come out. Zombie debt and third party lawsuits are real. Respond to collection letters. Call me if you need help writing a verification or validation letter. Respond to a lawsuit by filing an answer. Your answer should be General Denial. Most of these lawsuits are third party debt buyers. They buy the debt then pursue the debt. The debt is often time barred from a lawsuit. To alter this, the collector establishes a new account on your credit report. This effectively re ages a previously time barred debt. I need all of you ESPECIALLY if you have ever had a defaulted debt to be diligent. Check your credit reports. Fight erroneous entries. Freeze your credit. If you don’t know how to respond to a debt lawsuit, contact me but don’t hide from a debt collector. They will find you. Erroneous debt and unscrupulous debt collectors have been around for many years. They use threats and coercion to attempt to bully you into making a payment or an agreement. These will reopen and re age the original debt. Don’t fold. Contact me.

Yet another client contacted me regarding a death row inmate and wanted to know “what’s going to happen?” First, I know you haven’t done this before. Stay calm. Nothing scary is going to happen. I will be by your side at all times inside the Unit. I will walk you through exactly what’s going to happen as well as exactly what you can or cannot do. I will prepare you. We are in this together and you will never be separated from me inside a Unit unless you need to use the restroom.

We have twenty minutes. I encourage you to write your own vows to extend our timeline. Why? My ceremony takes 11-13 minutes. Once finished we are hustled out. I encourage you to write poetry, scripture, vows and even song lyrics to “buy” an additional few minutes inside. Why? We’ve spent months getting to wedding day and I want you to savor every second.

Song lyrics can often be changed or altered easily. Badfingers Day After Day works well. “I remember finding out about you. Every day, my mind is all around you. Looking out from my lonely room, day after day. Bring it home, baby, make it soon
I give my love to you.”

Or, Al Green’s Let’s Stay Together works well too. “Let me say that since, baby, since we’ve been together. Loving you forever is what I need. Let me, be the one you come running to. I’ll never be untrue.”

There are so many song lyrics that perfectly fit an expression of love that can be easily incorporated into a wedding ceremony that the list is endless.

Tuesday morning I had a call regarding “music at the wedding ceremony.” We cannot have music at any wedding ceremony within a detention facility. Whether it’s state, federal, ICE or county. This request comes up rather frequently. Once client at Estes was so determined to have music that she asked me to sing. I’m not a hip hop singer but I did my best. My best brought riotous laughter from the inmate and the correctional officers but if it’s important to you I will try to accommodate your request. Remember though that I’m not Beyoncé.

Bridget sent me a message regarding finding an RV park near Palestine. I immediately thought of my other client, Larissa who manages an RV park and sent her a message to link Bridget and Larissa. Larissa also told me her grandmother had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, her father had suffered a heart attack and her beloved aunt whom I had met on wedding day in Beaumont was struggling with blood sugar issues during this pandemic. I was deeply saddened and concerned. Everyone is struggling through this unprecedented and troubling virus. It’s changed the way we live. It’s robbed us of structure, predictability and peace.

Many of my clients are so anxious about this “new normal” that I’ve been asked about coping strategies. Because many of my blog followers might have missed my post on FB, I’m copying and pasting tips for dealing with stress and anxiety during this pandemic below.

From helplessness to hopelessness we are going through something entirely new and foreign to us. This adjustment is a learning curve. Everything changed for us in a short window. Things we took for granted were taken away. Finding peace in a time of crisis can be challenging.

Some individuals are being heavily impacted by physical symptoms such as heart palpitations, shortness of breath, sweating, trouble sleeping, and changes in appetite. Stress affects everyone differently.

Others may find cognitive symptoms to be a greater stressor resulting in difficulties recalling memories, problems with concentration, inability to control negative thoughts, ruminating on the same thoughts, and having trouble seeing any positives.

These anxiety symptoms are the body and mind’s natural response to rapid adaptations in your familial, work, financial, and emotional environments. It is likely that they may get better with time as you adjust to your “new normal,” but you can immediately use the strategies below to help manage anxiety and other difficult feelings.

1. Separate out worries into productive and unproductive actions.

Worries can be turned into productive preparations and cautionary behaviors like taking vitamins, stocking up on essentials and food, refilling medications, and so on. It is equally important to prepare mentally. You can stock up on your favorite reading materials and calming scents like lavender; make time to socialize through phone, video calls, online gaming; and in your downtime engage in a hobby or interest you enjoy.

When you find yourself worrying about something you have no control over and can’t convert into a positive preparation, it is helpful to “shelve” that thought, or let it go completely.

2. Make a visual list of coping skills and keep it readily accessible.

In times like these, you might find your typical ways of coping don’t cut it, and you need even more tools and strategies to turn to. You may also find your mind is overwhelmed with information and new adjustments, so you forget the things that used to come more naturally to you.

First, make a list of the things you do already and have done to manage stress and remain calm. Here are some ideas to get you started: therapy, talking to a friend, exercise, prayer, reading, meditation, yoga, creative activities, positive self-talk, cooking, gardening, journaling, deep breathing, listening to music, household projects, spring cleaning, meditation, puzzles/games, playing with your pets and kids, and doing something nice for someone else.

3. Challenge negative thoughts.

Chronic stress is often the result of negative thought patterns. Individuals who focus on and replay negative thoughts find the experience to be unpleasant, counterproductive, and in some cases resulting in depression. Challenging irrational, negative thoughts can allow you to change them by learning how to examine the validity of the negative thoughts and learn how to interpret situations using a different perspective.

4. Limit your exposure to anxiety-producing news and information.

It is important to stay up to date with new information but it is just as important to make a deliberate choice to read or watch the news. Refreshing your social media feeds throughout the day, or keeping the news on in the background, is overwhelming your senses and your ability to pay attention to other needs for yourself and your family.

Trust that you can get what you need in a few structured and limited times when you check your news sources. It is especially important to limit/monitor the way your children are receiving news about the virus. Stick to reliable sources and perhaps block people temporarily on social media if their reactions are increasing your negativity or anxiety.

5. Practice a daily mindful activity.

The bulk of the fear attached to anxiety comes from the anticipation of a future threat. Many people will catastrophize what is coming and have trouble separating assumptions from facts. Practicing a daily mindful activity places a focus on the now and not the future. This is done by separating feelings from judgments and focusing on things that are true and are occurring now, not what might happen.

Pick one thing you do daily and let your senses attend to that one thing — like brushing your teeth or making your morning coffee. When your mind wanders off, bring it back gently to your activity. A daily meditation practice can also help you be more mindful. Tara Brach and Christopher Germer have wonderful free meditations available online.

There are also many apps to help you start or build upon an existing practice (Headspace, Insight Timer, Buddhify, Calm). Additionally, you can hear my guided meditations for free on Spotify and Google Play (Unwind: Guided Relaxation, by Amy Vigliotti).

6. Talk about it, write about it, let it out.

There is a common misconception that talking about anxiety makes it worse because it encourages people to think about what makes them anxious. The reality, however, is that people who experience anxiety experience it whether they talk about it or not. Research has found that expressing anxious thoughts can help individuals feel as if they are getting those negative thoughts “out of their system” and/or diminish the intensity of their feelings. You can express your thoughts to trusted friends/family, keep a journal, or write them on notes to then be discarded later.

7. Pay attention to positive events.

Picture yourself walking outside on a day where there is a mix of clouds and blue sky. In times of unusual stress, we all have a habit of focusing on the negative—the “clouds”—and missing the blue sky. If we ignore the blue sky, we make things even harder on ourselves.

You want to balance your consumption of “negative” news by reading and attending to positive events. There are always positive things to focus on even in times of great duress. We see fitness instructors giving online free workouts; neighbors lending a hand to elderly individuals; health care workers prioritizing the care of others in a selfless manner. And there are little things we can be grateful for as well: a hot shower, our morning coffee, a smile or text from a friend. If you want to take it a step further, you can be a positive change in your community. Doing something nice for someone else makes us feel good too.

We are all going through something we have never been through before. This pandemic and the uncertainty caused by it are stressful. Whether you are an essential worker or a parent now homeschooling and working, your life has changed to a “new normal.” This new normal is temporary but it is an adjustment. Take time to focus on yourself during this crisis.

Adjusting to and accepting change is different and often difficult for everyone. What works for one person might not work for another. Find a strategy that suits your individual needs. From a long walk to listening to music to visiting a friend to writing a letter to your loved one to buying a candle, what helps you relax is what will work best for you.

Because I haven’t been taking deposits for the past two months and effectively not formally booking new clients, I’ve made adjustments to assist new inquiries who may have had their marriage license expire trying to marry. Deduct $40 from the cost of your second marriage license to help you with expenses. I’m not taking deposits because I believe my clients need to keep their money during these uncertain times. You are single income households. Many of you are single parents. I want you to take care of yourselves as we wait out the reinstatement of visitation.

Booked clients are being mailed checks for 1/2 of the replacement cost of their marriage licenses for two months now. I want everyone to wait to buy that second license until we are sure that we can use it. Be patient as this too shall pass. I will get you married.

As always I’m going to remind everyone not to panic. If you need a friendly ear I’m always available and want you to know that you are not alone. We are all in this together…

Posted on

Back At TDCJ Beto Unit & Big Surprises At TDCJ Units Revoking Visitation & Rescheduling Of Confirmed Dates…

Monday while traveling from the Tarrant County Clerks Office to Parker and Palo Pinto Jails, my husband send me a text that read “buy toilet paper we are out.”

This wasn’t an unusual request from my husband as I had left with a list of weekly items that I normally buy and stock once a week.

I do not buy toilet paper every week because there are only two of us at our home and we don’t need or warrant more than 4-6 rolls at a time. But, this simple request would become extraordinarily difficult to find for me.

Welcome to the toilet paper controversy with hilarious memes and people laughing at others buying toilet paper this past Monday.

By Friday, the people laughing weren’t laughing.

By Friday people in small town Weatherford were getting into fist fights over Charmin.

By Friday I had seen the world change before my eyes. Hoarding and flipping hand sanitizer for $100 on eBay? I’ve seen it.

Toilet paper for $20 a roll on FB Marketplace? I’ve seen it. People buying all of the cold medicine, alcohol, hand sanitizer and wipes as well as canned food items, sugar, meat and food while wiping out supplies for anyone else? I’ve seen it.

I’ve seen some of the wildest scenarios in four days that I could ever imagine. I wish I hadn’t but I have.

On Friday, Cindy and I took a break between clients to go to Walmart. Shelves were empty. Baskets over turned by angry customers left lying on their sides. Ransacked shelves empty greeted shoppers who didn’t expect this type of “mission” to buy toilet paper or anything else for that matter.

Cindy and I left Walmart and headed to Dollar Tree. No toilet paper. No hand sanitizer. No bottled water.

We then drove to Dollar General and found alcohol for the injections my husband gives me at home because going to the doctor once a week with my schedule isn’t convenient. The alcohol was 50% rather than 70% but it was better than nothing. We also found 2 packs of 4 roll toilet paper. There were only 2 packs of 4 roll TP in the store.

We then left Dollar General and went to Albertsons. Still no hand sanitizer. There was coffee and cream and bread as well as eggs. The panic that would arrive a few days later hadn’t “hit yet.”

I bought cantaloupe, watermelon, broccoli and my usual staple items including coffee and cream as well as salmon and chicken breasts and a few cans of soup.

Had I known that there would be food shortages for my Sunday or Monday shopping depending on my schedule, I might have bought a few cans of soup more, some rice and even some beans or ramen noodles but, hindsight is 20/20.

Monday prior to the hysteria and hoarding going on around me, I arrived home and prepared my suv for the drive to Beto Unit in Tennessee Colony on Tuesday to meet my bride. I had loaded furs, bouquets, hats and fun items from my Texas Twins Inventory and planned a leisurely drive to Beto Unit.

Tuesday, I stopped in Corsicana to visit the Walmart and buy my new grandson the diapers and wipes since I couldn’t find at Cindy’s Walmart Monday.

I would have a few problems finding either the diapers or the water wipes my daughter in law prefers in Corsicana.

There weren’t people agitated racing down the aisles. There was bottled water. There wasn’t hand sanitizer or toilet paper, baby wipes or paper towels.

I needed a few rolls of paper towels but decided I could wing it if I had to by using my tea towels at home.

By Tuesday I still wasn’t alarmed. A few things were difficult to come by depending on where you went while others weren’t. No mass hysteria just YET.

I left Corsicana Walmart and headed to Tennessee Colony/Palestine Texas to meet my client at Beto.

While driving there, a herd of wild hogs came running across the 2 lane road with cars traveling 70-80 miles an hour. I saw the “hub bub” about half a mile ahead and slowed down thinking it was deer or elk.

On closer inspection, it was something I had never encountered on the 300,000 miles I have driven getting to Units in Texas.

Wild hogs? They were huge and could easily flip a car as their girth is low to the ground. I tip toed my way around the herd and traveled on wondering where they had come from and if a driver not paying attention wouldnt slow down until it was too late?

Arriving at Beto, I find my bride in the parking lot. We walk in together. She’s thrilled. Her smile shows her joy. We clear in and wait on the chaplain.

We walk to the traditional photo wall at Beto and it’s coveted with Coronavirus signs.

Frankly, I don’t want to use the wall and have my clients photo peppered with Coronavirus signs on wedding day. I request using the tropical wall in the vending machine area instead and we are granted the privilege to do so.

Leaving the Unit, my bride follows me to an old church just outside Palestine. I begin unloading and finding my favorite areas based on lighting and background. We are laughing and having a great time together. I hand her a bottle of water from my trunk and we spend a few minutes trying different areas and have fun celebrating her marriage.

I love my job. We hug and say goodbye as I head to Dallas North Tower to meet my next client.

Cutting through Tennessee Colony, I’m leery about another encounter with those wild hogs I saw a few hours earlier. My fear is confirmed when I see a hog on the side of the road outside of Cayuga, Texas. Someone wasn’t paying attention.

Backroads in Texas give you a wide variety of surprises such as deer, elk, possums and armadillos which can jump straight off the ground four feet right into your grill. Wild hog herds though were a new one for me.

Cautiously driving towards Corsicana aware that something else could jump out on the road, I’m unaware of the widespread panic spreading across America.

I take calls from clients and Units. I check in with my husband and let my son and daughter in law know I will drop off diapers and other supplies I’ve found to them in the morning. I’m not worried about baby wipes because I assume I can find them. I will later realize I can’t.

By the time I leave North Tower in Dallas, a phone call from my niece at Point Hueneme, California regarding “people fighting over toilet paper and water.” This IS DISTURBING. Toilet paper?

Leigh Ann is frightened. People at the military base are no longer touching and running her ID. Instead, they are now simply looking at it.

People are acting differently. Leigh Ann plans to go to Ventura and try to find bottled water. I advise her to wait until her husband comes back from work since her 4 year old, Madyson is a handful.

Checking the clock on my Sahara, I don’t have time to file licenses in Tarrant County and decide to do so Wednesday morning on my way to drop off cold supplies to my son who has sinusitis and diapers for my grandson.

I decide to stop in Lake Worth to buy groceries, juice and soup. There are no paper towels, water or toilet paper at Walmart. I buy meat, pasta, bread, lunch meat and cheese as well as juice. The supplies are low but I assume the trucks are coming or running behind.

There aren’t entire empty shelves other than cleaning products, hand sanitizers and toilet paper or water. There is still fruit and vegetables. There is still soup, rice, beans and other staples.

Wednesday morning with my Jeep loaded for my sons house, I head to the clerks office. There are signs regarding the Coronavirus everywhere. The governor of California has revoked visitors to prisons. This is alarming.

I have 5 Units next week. Will TDCJ follow suit? I’m thinking no but my husband is thinking a strong maybe on my phone call to him leaving the clerk. “They are cancelling major events. NASCAR, golf, basketball. This is spiraling out of control. Update your clients and stay on top of changes. They will need to know what’s going on. Stay calm. This will pass but it may take a week or two.”

I’m worried but helpless to change what’s coming. Leigh Ann is increasingly concerned watching the news by Wednesday. Costco and Sam’s are running out of everything.

There is no hand sanitizer available anywhere. My son needs it as he is sick with a new baby. Cindy and I decide to make our own hand sanitizer.

My son is getting better but still answers the door in a mask. I begin unloading an full of items for my son and his wife and begin cooking lunch for them while checking on the baby.

Ollie is three weeks old and doing well but he’s fragile. He wears an Owlett sock to monitor his breathing, blood sugar and heart rate.

Leaving my son fully stocked other than baby wipes, I drop in on my husband down the street from my sons development. McBee Homes is just a few miles away. I invite my husband to lunch.

We choose Boo Ray about 1/2 a mile from McBee. It’s dead. There are very few people eating out. I notice it. My husband does too.

My husband decides to ask about my schedule next week and any possible changes. It’s a full plate. I’m at Green Bay Unit Monday. Wallace and Middleton Units Tuesday. Allred and Roach Units Thursday. Estes Unit Friday then back to Green Bay and Parker County. I will be driving about 2300 miles.

My husband again advises me “TDCJ may follow California. Caddo Parrish is also suspending visits.” Matthew like me is following prison news.

I consider cancelled visitation at prisons before answering my husband. “Weekend visits are thousands of people at prisons. My client and I are two people. I’ve decided to add to my booster shots a phnuemonia shot just in case and after Cindy’s heart surgery, believe it wouldn’t be a bad idea for her either.”

I’m still not even entertaining the possibility that TDCJ will cancel my confirmed dates. I cannot imagine having to tell my clients who have waited months that another delay looms in the future. I worry. I fret.

I also head to Dr Stern for an adjustment. The stress of Leigh Ann in California and people hoarding along with the possibility that my clients could be rescheduled has me with a stiff neck.

Dr Stern has been my trusted chiropractic go to for twenty years. He knows when I’m stressed I hold stress in my shoulders. My left shoulder is out. He pops it back in and goes over the importance of finding time to relax. I have none. Time is something I never have.

Thursday morning, Cindy arrives at WorthamWorld. We have a list of things to buy for an upcoming wedding at Botanic Garden and head to Hobby Lobby. We both discuss the news media and coverage of this mysterious virus. We worry about Leigh Ann and Maddy in California. But, we don’t think mass hysteria is going to come to Weatherford or Fort Worth. We are both wrong.

I talk my twin into getting a phnuemonia shot with me at Walgreens. We both walk into prisons on a regular basis. Keeping our vaccines up to date is important not only for our own health but also to keep from getting ill and possibly getting our family or clients sick too.

I buy colloidal silver. I buy zinc. I listen to Cindy complain about her arm pain. I have it too but it will get worse later. So painful was my left arm and shoulder by 1AM that I woke my husband crying out in pain. I go get Aleve.

My arm feels like it weighs 100lbs. I worry I’m having a bad reaction.

At 3AM, I call Cindy. Her arm is killing her too. We are both highly concerned this pain will be permanent.

I consider buying a sling the pain is so intense. After reviewing answers from others who have had the same shot, I decide to use my arm rather than prop it.

Friday morning, I drive to Weatherford. Cindy sits for me to meet her after Parker County Clerks Office. We can’t find feminine items for Cindy’s twin granddaughters and decide to set out on a mission. The twins are picky. They are also brand loyal.

Walmart is a mad house. Empty shelves and angry shoppers abound. We leave and go to Big Lots. We then leave and go to Albertsons. We then leave and go to Brookshires then H E B. We come up empty. There are no hygiene products to be found the Twins brand or otherwise.

There’s a fist fight at Brookshires. In small town America? Willow Park of all places? Two grown men fighting over toilet paper.

Someone is honking and yelling at someone else to pull out of a parking lot space. Angry honking which is rare in Texas is everywhere. People are agitated. Angry. Scared.

Governor Abbott announced a state of emergency. He also suggested removing visits from nursing homes, prisons and large gatherings of people.

Fifteen minutes later, TDCJ suspends all visitation. But, does this affect my clients and I as we go into Units during the week. I begin calling Units for next week. The revoked visitation affects my clients. Their dates are cancelled.

Arriving home, I’m still fielding panicked clients in Texas and other states. I have no idea how long this will last.

An email from Chaplain Rentz of Bridgeport Unit that reads “I’ve just got off a conference call with all Chaplains in TDCJ and they have Cancelled all Volunteer entry into Units throughout the state until further notice.”

I’m still trying to determine if my clients are affected when I find that they are. Everyone will need to reschedule. People who have waited months for a very important date. People who will be saddened and disappointed. My people. My clients.

Leigh Ann sends me photos and videos of mass hysteria in California. I advise her that Texans are equally terrified, angry and behaving in a manner I’ve never seen before.

I’m 55 years old. I’ve seen a lot of things. I’ve lived through the gas crisis in the 60’s and 70’s. I’ve never seen people fighting over food. I’ve never seen people fighting over water or toilet paper.

I’ve never seen anything like this mass hysteria occur in my lifetime. I hope I never see it again..watching people fight over gas as a child was something neither Cindy or I can or will ever forget.

We are all in this together. Please don’t hoard essential items that others need. Please don’t leave home if you are ill and please wash your hands…

Posted on

Life Is A Highway. TDCJ Powledge To Terrell To Connally Unit. Travels Of A Texas Twin..

My week started off with a bang at Tarrant County Clerks Office when I realized that their office was closed. I’m so accustomed to filing weekend licenses on Monday that the clerk being closed didn’t even occur to me. 

Due to Martin Luther King Day, the bank and my safety deposit box containing titles of vehicles I had planned to drop off and transfer at the dealership were unavailable too. 

The bank was closed. The post office was closed. I’m always forgetting holidays because I work seven days a week. My phone never stops ringing. I don’t have holidays. I worked retail for many years and I’m accustomed to only 3 non work related holidays. What are they? Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Day. 

My “regular Monday routine” was going to take a serious hit. For an OCD person like me, reworking my planned agenda for Monday and rolling everything I had planned to do to Monday to Tuesday was in order. Tuesday would be jam packed. 

Tuesday morning at 6:30AM, I headed to Tennessee Colony. I’m in Tennessee Colony or Palestine at least once a month. There are two Units in Tennessee Colony, Michael and Coffield. A few miles from them are Beto, Gurney and Powledge Units. 

My beautiful bride had traveled from Ohio to marry at Powledge Unit. After weeks of emailing, texting and calling, I was excited to meet her and thrilled that the grooms sisters had traveled with her to the Unit. The sisters waited while we went into the Unit. 

Leaving, I headed to a church a few miles from the Unit. The grooms sisters were also taking photos with me of my newly married bride. They were so much fun! I love it when clients have “travel buddies.” Running back to Fort Worth, I headed to Frost Bank. For the first time in 20 years, there wasn’t anyone available and a line for safety deposit boxes. No worries. I took a seat and returned emails and messages to clients and prospects. I reminded the bank teller “it’s heavy” since two of our boxes are at the top of the vault. 

My husband believes in gold and silver so anyone expecting a “light box” get a real run for the money handing us safety deposit boxes. Also, years ago, my husband “heard” it was a good idea to keep cash in the vault and liquidated several thousand dollars to keep in three different banks. Yep. Matthew is far too anxious to use only one bank and we have four banks. Can’t remember which vault the suv titles are in? Four trips to four banks. Argh. Matthew had split up the titles too. One was on Camp Bowie West the other was on Hulen. 

I still had to get to the post office and county clerks office. Matthew was going to have to handle taking the titles to the dealership. 

Wednesday, I was up at 4AM to leave by 5AM for TDCJ Terrell Unit. Matthew woke up with me although I wish he had slept in. He’s still grieving Foxy. Our happy home is now a shell of its former chaotic routines with Foxy either waking us up, demanding to go outside or wanting food. 

Monday while wondering what I could get done on a holiday, I had a call from VCA to pick up Foxy’s ashes. Walking back in there again was stressful. I didn’t call Matthew about the ashes being ready for pick up.He couldn’t handle it. Foxy was like his son. It was tough for me to handle it to be honest with you. Twenty six hundred feet of no Foxy at WorthamWorld and no “Foxy’s routines” have left our home an empty shell. We still think we hear him. We still think we see him. Fourteen years of Foxy. The adjustment is odd. Difficult. Different.

Driving into the entrance for Ramsey, Terrell and Stringfellow Units, I see the sign Cindy had pointed out on our last trip in black and yellow “Hitchhikers may be escaping inmates.” 

Years ago, a sign similar to this one was the first sign I had seen like this regarding “escaping inmates” near Huntsville. I immediately looked around driving down the freeway wondering how they would manage to escape? It’s so rare for an inmate to escape that hitchhiking would certainly draw attention I would think. 

Twenty plus wenty years ago, I would have never imagined that while others were driving to the office, I WOULD BE DRIVING TO A PRISON. But over the course of the last few years, my bookings have shifted to prison weddings during the week with traditional events on the weekend.

Twenty plus years ago, a sign regarding possible hitchhikers being escaping inmates was “unsettling and alarming.” It isn’t anymore. Why? Twenty plus years ago, I had never been inside a prison and I had never met an inmate. I have now met hundreds of inmates on wedding day. They are courteous and respectful to me. They are people not numbers. They are someone’s son or daughter. They deserve love although many people might disagree.

I am by far safer at a prison than a venue with drunk guests. I have never been in a brawl at a prison. I have been in several at an exclusive venue. Open Bars are bad ideas. I prefer prisons. I prefer the people. Affluent people are unrealistic. People who love an inmate are realistic. They are down to earth and they are determined to make their love story last long after lockup. 

“Do what you love, and put your whole heart into it, and then just have fun.” – Tim Cook

Mary Martin has never touched Lester. She called me to tell me his status had finally changed and for the first time they will have a contact visit. This is a milestone. My clients always share their victories. 

I drive to Prisons 3-4 days a week and have for several years now and I’ve never seen a hitchhiker. I also Officiate far more weddings in prisons than anywhere else these days. I love my job. I love my clients and I love driving down the highway listening to rock and roll music headed to my next adventure.

Last year, Sandy Malone of Wedding Island apparently “noticed” I officiated Prison Weddings and posted that she was against inmate marriages and that “all inmate marriage ends in divorce” on LinkedIn. This lit me up. Why? Because Sandy is assuming all inmate marriages end in divorce when in actuality they don’t. I perform Vow Renewals for nearly all of my former clients previously married in jail or prison after release. I baptize their children. I Officiate funeral ceremonies. I help plan their birthday parties. I’m not a “once and done Officiant.” My clients become a fabric of my life. 

Does Sandy know anyone married to an inmate? NO. Does Sandy even know an inmate? NO. Does Sandy think her bias and opinions matter to me since her post was obviously directed at me? Probably. Do I care? Absolutely not. 

Was Sandy seeking an audience of uninformed supporters? Most likely. Sit down and shut up Sandy. How many of your couples are STILL MARRIED? I bet you don’t know. I stay in touch with my clients. I celebrate their victories and I mourn their defeats. I care about them and their journey.

The American criminal justice system holds almost 2.3 million people in 1,719 state prisons, 109 federal prisons, 1,772 juvenile correctional facilities, 3,163 local jails, and 80 Indian Country jails as well as in military prisons, immigration detention facilities, civil commitment centers, state psychiatric hospitals, and prisons in the U.S. territories. These people have loved ones on the outside. They have families. They have siblings. For many, they also have someone who loves them enough to marry them under fairly extreme conditions. 

Marrying in a prison has rules. Regulations. Protocol that must be followed. Only an Approved Officiant can walk into a state or federal Unit. I’m one of those people. My twin sister is as well. Not just in Texas either. We service numerous states.

While there will always be opinions regarding marrying an inmate, my clients don’t base their decisions on the opinions of others. Sandy’s or anyone else’s for that matter. 

Ignorance speaks without Forethought. Peoples opinions are their luggage and their trip. I know my clients and their story. I stay in touch with them. They are my friends. An extension of my family. 

They love an inmate. They also work, they raise their children and like me they don’t care about “uninformed opinions.” They are resilient, compassionate, educated and determined to make their love story last. 

My bride pulled up beside me at Terrell Unit. I handed her my umbrella. We walked in together. She was nervous and excited. My clients wait months to marry through an lengthy paperwork process. No one runs off and marries at a prison. State or Federal. The policy and procedure put in place are followed fully. Marrying an Inmate isn’t a “spontaneous decision.”

We wait for the groom to be located for over an hour. I learn my client met her fiancé at Daniel Unit. I learn she’s so nervous that she’s nauseous. The wait furthers her anxiety. The Chaplain keeps us entertained but my bride is wondering aloud “where is he?” When he finally walks in, her anxiety melts like the butter. She’s relieved. Her moment has finally arrived. I find a painted wall. The cage in visitations bothers her. I will move them to ensure the cage isn’t visible intentionally.Leaving the Unit, the rain continues to pour as my client follows me until I find a location for her bridal photos. I unload a few options for her to choose from.

I always let my clients choose their favorite bouquets and other items. I also always bring a wide variety of inventory.

Driving 5.5 hours back to Fort Worth, I’ve got another 5AM departure for TDCJ Connally Unit. 

The rain stopped just outside of Waco today. My drive to Garza East or West, McConnall or Connally almost always involve a broken windshield. Today, I got lucky. I also encountered a missing road. No broken windshields. No road? No problem.All of our vehicles are 4wheel or all wheel drive. My role requires getting anywhere and I do.

Amber parked beside me and we walked in. 

Walking into visitation, I see a painted wall and ask “if we can go outside?”Amber is thrilled to finally be married. I sign the license and we wait on photos before walking out. I follow her to a park and unpack my veil and let her choose a tiara and bouquet. I love the location she chose.I ask if Amber is hungry as I know I’m facing a nearly 6 hour drive home and want to buy her lunch. Amber tells me that we can run by her job at Pizza Hut and have the salad although I know I’m going to have at least one piece of pizza. 

Together Amber and I drove to her restaurant, Pizza Hut for lunch. I learned a lot at my first job at fifteen years old as did Cindy. Cindy and I had taken a job at Pizza Hut together. We were hired as waitresses and were never trained. Instead, we were stuck in the kitchen washing dishes. We learned that managers lie. We also learned to say no. Amber loves her job and her coworkers. They made her a beautiful dessert pizza with cherries and whipped cream in the shape of a heart. Amber also insisted on buying my lunch although I determined to try and buy hers. 

We have a wonderful visit talking about our families and our lives. Ambers coworkers swing by our table and visit. I’m in a loving and supportive restaurant of happy employees and frankly I’m not a hurry to leave either. I’m having a great time and I’m thankful for the opportunity to meet amazing people like Amber and all of my clients.

Amber and I had laugh as I tell her about Cindy and I walking out of Pizza Hut in our bras. Why? Because we were hired as waitresses not dishwashers and after a month at our first job making waitress wages of $2.17 to wash dishes one Friday night with Cocaine playing on the jukebox, these Texas Twins told our manager “pay us minimum wage or put us on the floor.” The manager told me to go wash dishes. We told him we quit. He wanted his shirts. We took them off and threw them at him. 

I’ve had miserable managers. Fifteen years old and our first job was working for an idiot who thought we would work for waitress wages forever so he “could have twin dishwashers for the price of one” was idiotic on his part. Telling the cook who in turn told us since we were unaware that dishwashers were paid double waitress wages in Texas was eye opening. We were unaware of this. Even today all of these years later, waitress wages in Texas are $4 and change. 

That manager expected us to stay because we were wearing company shirts was also an underestimation of our ability to remove them. 

Pizza Hut wouldn’t be the first time in my life a manager took advantage of me but, I don’t work for anyone anymore. I work for myself. I don’t HAVE TO WORK. I work because I enjoy my job and love my clients. 

Arriving at Pizza Hut today, there were cheers for my beautiful bride. There was joy. There was laughter and there was Pizza. There was friendship and there was fun. 

The best decision I’ve ever made was walking out of Pizza Hut. A month later, a scout for Mel Tillis chose me from behind the cash register of Whataburger for five commercials filmed in Texas. I was sixteen years old. The rest is history.. 

Some people stay far away from the door

If there’s a chance of it opening up

They hear a voice in the hall outside

And hope that it just passes by.

Billy Joel

Posted on

The Goodbye Makes The Journey Harder Still. Road Trips, Rest Areas, Rental Cars And Working It Out…

With my schedule having an suv down is and can be frustrating. I drive 1-3k miles a week to not only Texas Prisons but also Louisiana, Oklahoma, Arkansas and Missouri for county jail as well as prison weddings during the week and on weekends to destination bookings through Texas Twins Events. 

I drive a lot because flying is expensive and a burden to clients which is why I stack surrounding state bookings that require air travel. 

Every two years, I flip out of at least 2 SUVs into new SUVs. Why? I cannot afford to have problems getting to Units that’s why. I don’t take chances and hope for the best. Instead, I plan for the worst and have never not been on location due to mechanical issues of our vehicles. I’m ocd. Oil and maintenance are regularly addressed. 

The best tires are an investment. I don’t skimp when it comes to driving 12-16 hours a day in a vehicle. You can count on me or my staff to be on site ALWAYS. Getting there is one of the most important elements of our role for your prison or jail wedding. Rest assured, we WILL ALWAYS be on site and early. 

A few months ago, I put $1200 into tires on the Santa Fe and less than a month later, heard a tapping noise. Damnit. Engine problems are why my husband spent his Saturday flipping the Santa Fe for a 2020 Jeep Sahara. Black on black. I always drive black vehicles. The Nissan is being flipped for a Grand Cherokee. 

My husband hates buying new vehicles but not nearly as much as I do. I don’t have the time or the patience to deal with the finance department or the sales manager. We don’t finance vehicles. We write a check. 

Get the exact vehicle I want and give my husband the keys. It’s easier all the way around. No one has time for tire kicking in my family. 

Yesterday, the exact vehicle I wanted took my husband to four dealerships. Cindy and were in Austin. Today we are in San Antonio. I am picky about features. I’m in our vehicles all day everyday. Because of this finding the exact vehicle with under 10k miles wasn’t easy. I need four wheel drive. 

The Santa Fe was the first and last Vehicle I will own that didn’t have AWD. The Enclave lasted three months with me. Why? It couldn’t U turn. Thanks to Navigation Lady, U turns occur frequently and if an suv can’t turn on a dime, I’m out on it. 

Getting to my safety deposit box Monday is also out. Why? Martin Luther King Day. I’m at Powledge Tuesday. Terrell Wednesday. Connally Thursday. Parker and Palo Pinto Friday. 

My husband will have to run to the bank and drive the titles to the dealership to transfer ownership for me. As usual, my schedule prevents me from doing this myself. Goodbye Santa Fe. You lasted EXACTLY 2 years. 

My husband and I discussed giving the Santa Fe to Cindy and giving Cindy’s Outlander to the twins. Makenna starts driving school in February while Maryssa hasn’t even started the written portion. Since the Santa Fe had a tapping noise, we are going to move Cindy into the Nissan Rogue and move the Outlander to the twins. 

My husband gave Cindy’s husband the Toyota Tundra for Christmas when he flipped out of it and into an suv. Steve loves the Tundra. My husband and I usually flip our other vehicles to family but that tapping was going to be a problem maintenance wise and why I traded it in. I can’t have anyone on my team driving a vehicle with mechanical problems. The risk isn’t worth it. 

I don’t like trucks because they don’t suit my needs. I move people and inventory. My son loves his 4X4 truck. It’s also black. 

With my daughter in law’s Jeep and our other suv in the shop, it was back to Enterprise. I considered buying the Sahara from Enterprise but the only one they had was in Pennsylvania that fit my criteria. 

The fee to move it to Texas? $1200. Why spent $1200 when I could find find the same vehicle in Texas? Hence my husband’s Saturday of setbacks. As usual, Matthew commented “it would have been easier to buy the Jeep from Pennsylvania. Next go round, I will. I need a martini. Lol. 

Matthew hates buying vehicles but Wendy hates it more. Lol. Matthew is also still grieving the loss of Foxy though and keeping him busy while Cindy and I were out of town gave him something to do. 

Like me, Matthew drives a lot. He has several developments going on that require him to drive and check progress at. From meeting the builders to discussing issues to shopping for lots, Matthew is out of the office frequently. Today though he’s in the office transferring money for the checks he wrote at the dealership yesterday and viewing lots in Azle. 

The vehicles you will be looking for myself, Cindy, my son, my daughter in law or my niece to be driving will be black. Text us when you are on site at the Unit. 

Regarding Valentines Day requests, we are booked solid and cannot add on any new bookings on this date. I have a Vow Renewal with my Luther Unit bride in San Antonio February 15th so that date is occupied as well. 

FMC, FCI and FBOP clients and inquiries…my credentials are on file and it’s best to have the facility contact me for scheduling. Please do not assume you know my schedule and agree to a date without contacting me to confirm.

Leigh Ann and Maddy will be in Florida for a week in February so if you aren’t a confirmed California booking, be aware of her travel in February and limited availability. 

Cindy will be in Florida in March and unavailable in Texas. 

My son and his wife are taking off and not taking on new bookings through April due to the expected arrival of baby Hafele March 3rd. 

I currently have 32 clients on my roster in Texas awaiting dates. Because of my heavy schedule, we will once again revisit why I limit new bookings. The Prison Wedding Planning Process takes approximately 4-8 weeks from the inception to wedding day. Because I have existing clients who roll over into the following month, I limit new bookings. 

If you have talked to me, emailed me or messaged me on social media, you HAVE NOT booked my services. I require a contract and retainer. 

The consistent use of my name and my credentials to obtain date without FIRST obtaining and securing services and effectively line jumping booked clients will not secure my services. 

Be aware that I can and will contact the Unit and cancel an Approved Ceremony for anyone who HAS FAILED TO FOLLOW BOOKING PROCEDURES. 

Pertaining to a TDC I60 Request For Inmate Marriage, you are required to book services FIRST be aware of this. I can’t be everywhere and limit new bookings to ensure my availability for booked clients.

By the way, if you are sending me a connection request on LinkedIn or friend request on FB, please don’t pitch me marketing or advertising. I do not advertise and have no need to market new clients. 

Attention ALL clients and inquiries… if you call and hang up without leaving a detailed message, I WILL NOT return your call. I’m busy and don’t have the time or desire to call back everyone contacting me who fails to provide a message. Leave your name, the Unit, your question and the best number to reach you. I will return your call within 2 hours. 

Emails after 9PM are returned the following day.

Arrive a minimum of 15 minutes early on wedding day. 

Call, email or text if you have additional questions or concerns…