Passion Is The Plow That Pushes Dreams Into Reality…Prisons, People & Places.

The holidays are “that time of the year” when holiday parties can bring out a few unexpected conversations after one too many. Loose lips sink ships. I never drink too much or have the desire to do so. There isn’t anything glamorous or funny about people who cannot handle their liquor. A glass of wine occasionally or one vodka martini on a bad day are my limit. I rarely drink even one drink on location but occasionally have based on the situation. Certain clients insist I share a celebratory cocktail or highball and I oblige. 

Corporate Christmas parties always bring the chaos. Why? Free flowing alcohol. Whether I’m working the event or a guest at my husbands Christmas gathering for work, there’s always that one employee who “wants to know more” about the person sitting next to them. Or, there’s at least one person who should have stopped at two drinks. A combination of both always proves for an enlightening conversation. 

I was recently at a corporate Christmas party where I was asked “what do I do?” The person seated next to me was talkative and entertaining but my answer sent her into a laughing fit.

This question about “what I do” comes up frequently. It’s changed from “where do you work?” 

Describing what I do to people who either have an opinion regarding inmate marriage or are unaware that inmate marriage exists can get a few less than tactful responses from the person asking me. 

My usual answer? “I own several businesses and work as a coordinator, Officiant and also barter event services as well as perform prison weddings in numerous states.” The last part is always surprising to the person asking if they don’t follow me on social media or read my blogs. My statement is either met with shocked silence or in this weeks scenario, a laugh from the person asking me an intrusive question such as “what do I do?” A better question would be “what don’t you do?” 

Not caring what others think about what I do or who I do it with is the most liberating gift that I have ever given myself. Let’s get started with “how I got here.” Years ago, I was successful in high end sales, print and commercial modeling and promotions. Years ago, my life was spent on the set, the sales floor or traveling. Years ago, I was always working and spending little time with my family. Years ago, I was working for the man to pay my bills. Years ago, someone laughing at my profession would bother me. It doesn’t anymore. 

I don’t care what others think about my job or my clients. I have the time to spend with my family that my jobs took from me for all of those years. I work for myself. I set my own schedule. I’m highly sought after in the events industry and I regularly turn down gigs with “traditional clients.” Why? Because I don’t HAVE to work. I haven’t HAD TO WORK in many years. 

I’m often “recognized” as is my twin sister. “I saw you on TV.” Or, “I saw you in an ad for Cadillac.” Or, “weren’t you in those commercials for Whataburger with Mel Tillis?” The answer is yes, I’ve been in the film industry since I was a teen. 

I’ve been a promotional model for thirty years and I’ve filmed five commercials with Mel Tillis. For the record, my favorite burger isn’t from Whataburger. It’s from Kincaids. I’m nothing if not blatantly honest. 

How did I get from Whataburger commercials to high end sales and promotional modeling? Good question. I began modeling in my 20’s to obtain an upscale wardrobe I couldn’t afford to buy. I then used my wardrobe to become a high end sales person. You’ve got to “look the part” and, I did. During the week back then, I worked a wide variety of weird jobs but on weekends I was a model for numerous brands. I preferred to get clothing rather than a paycheck. 

Modeling for clothes? It was a barter and a great deal for me. I have closets full of designer clothing and none of it was bought. In fact, my son modeled with me for Stripling & Cox a number of years and was the best dresssed kid in Fort Worth. Those mommy and me style shows kept my son in school clothes year after year. Those years on the catwalk at country clubs provided me an amazing wardrobe of clothing, furs and jewelry. The experience also taught me that I could sell anything. “How did Cadillac come into the picture?” Buckle up kids… during my second divorce my ex husband sold my car. I needed a vehicle, insurance and income. I became a Cadillac salesperson. 

To generate clients I hired a photographer and paid for print ads targeting consumers who could afford Cadillacs at the very same country clubs I had walked the catwalk at. True story. 

Experience is a great teacher. I knew where the money was and where to market. The county club had the clients who could afford Cadillac products.

Moving into an industry I had no experience at? Why not? Selling myself as a high end salesperson was easy. I knew that luxury car dealerships provided demos. I needed a car, health insurance and income. I decided to pitch myself at a local dealership. 

After all, I had sold furs, jewelry, designer clothing and even solar panels. How hard could it be to flip luxury cars? I’ve never sold anything I wouldn’t buy and I would have bought a Cadillac if I could have afforded one so I was all set to start selling. 

I decorated my office off the showroom floor and studied my manuals. I passed my GM certification courses. I also spent time wondering how to generate new clients.

Finding a client base took creativity but I did. Cadillac gave me everything I needed. I had a free demo, gas, health insurance and an income. I decided to run ads featuring myself with a different car every month at country clubs. I was investing in myself. It takes money to make money. I needed the “right clients” and found them. What I did had never been done before by a salesperson in the car industry. I was a pioneer. 

My ex was shocked at how I went from nothing to something. My ex was also one of the many country club members viewing my ads month after month. Smiling back at him from those glossy brochures making more money than I ever imagined? Absolutely. 

That smile was real folks. I wasn’t a hangar anymore hawking or flipping for clothes. My game literally stepped up for those Cadillac ads. Coordinating evening gowns? You bet from my years as a model. I have closets of options. 

In the ad below I decided to wear a chocolate gown rather than match the car. Who didn’t want an XLR? What a great car the XLR was! I loved them. I could sell anything I believed in and did.Poverty is a great teacher. If you don’t learn you will never earn. Successful people don’t start out successful unless they are lucky. I have never been lucky but I have always been resilient. Trial and error are essential to success.

I’m a survivor. I also think outside the box. Other salesmen laughed at my ads. I laughed all the way to the bank. 

I left Cadillac on top. I retired from car sales. I left laughing and moved on to my next adventure. Years of car sales, classy demos and fantastic paychecks was a wild ride but I was ready to move on. Everyone knows I’m an identical twin. This isn’t a news flash. My twin sister has been raising her twin granddaughters since birth. We are two sets of twins. 

While working for Cadillac, I even put my twin and twin grandnieces in one of my Cadillac ads for Escalades. “Got a big family? Get an Escalade!” 

I sold the $hit out of Escalades with that two sets of twins ad posted in the Ridglea and Colonial Country Club monthly brochures. The twins are now fifteen years old. 

My twin is my partner at Texas Twins Events, Texas Twins Treasures, The Pawning Planners and TDCJ Officiant.When I decided to start Texas Twins Events, Cindy and the Twins joined me on location at events and clients hired the twin as flower girls, ring bearers and ushers. This was a surprise. Taking our kids to work became a family affair.

For tips or flips, the twins loved being in weddings. They now book as princess characters for birthday parties. Within a week of going LIVE with Texas Twins Events, production companies started contacting me. This was shocking because my goal wasn’t to get famous. We filmed a Pilot for The Pawning Planners in 2015. It went with the smallest minority of our actual bookings though and our focus was helping others not filming. We don’t have any interest of fabricating our embellishing our journey or our clients.

My goal was to find a way to spend time with my family while making Events affordable to our clients. Any client. Any event. Any location. 

We welcomed diversity. Narrow minded people had opinions. Those “opinions” were THEIR luggage and THEIR trip. “What percentage of your clients are LBGT?” This idiotic question along with others used to bother me. Why? Because the person asking wasn’t supportive of my client base. 

I was the first openly LBGT friendly vendor. While everyone else was hiding their affiliation with LBGT clients fearful of backlash, I was openly LBGT friendly. All of my businesses are LBGT friendly.My first prison client all of those years ago came to me because I welcomed diversity. She had seen me on a news interview regarding support of the LBGT community. She knew I was open minded and she was right. My first Prison wedding was to help a person no one else wanted to help. 

The CW33 interview was aired on numerous stations. Cindy and were in Dallas when I was hijacked by a reporter for that interview. Two sets of twins caught his attention. The fact that we weren’t LBGT was why he stuck a microphone in my face and said “roll it.” 

Even members of my family voiced their disdain for our client bases over the years and effectively cut themselves from my life. I didn’t care about opinions. 

Those family members didn’t lift a finger when Cindy and I were homeless at 15. We had no one but each other to lean on and did. Those “family members” never once helped my sister or I. We had each other and a new family. Our clients became that family.

Prison weddings evolved from a creative request for services. I perform up to 20 prison weddings per month. 

I prefer prison weddings. There aren’t any divas or drama. There is love. There is resilience. There are happy endings. There is life after lock up. My clients are amazing!

“Why did you and Cindy go to the expense to create your own inventory of photo props? Why do you do photo shoots with clients?” Prison photos aren’t always great and guests in Texas aren’t allowed. 

Photo shoots bring the fun, the flowers, the tiaras, the family and magical moments. I’ve spent thousands on my inventory but it’s worth every penny to clients because my SUVs are treasure troves of fun stuff. 

I became the person I wanted to meet. I became the mother I never had. My twin sister and I continue to change the wedding and events industry one family or barter at a time from Fort Worth, Texas. We love our clients and our role to make their Dream Event a reality. Many of you recently saw us on the Mel Robbins show regarding “over sharing.” We are driven and passionate. What was cut from that interview and effectively missed was my explanation of why I was excited a new baby was coming though Cindy already had a full house and was raising her twin granddaughters when a call from her oldest daughter planning to come home pregnant on a one way ticket came in.

Cindy was excited to have another baby coming and posted the update on FB. Cindy offering to take her daughter in with a baby on the way gives you far more insight on how we had decided that with “two of us we could handle anything.” We do everything together including raising our children and grandchildren.

Little Maddy rode with us to Units and jumped into client photos for three years and nearly four before her father returned to the states. Leigh Ann, Maddy and Alex are now reunited in California. We miss Maddy and FaceTime  daily. We are flying to see them in a few weeks while working destination weddings in California. 

Our little Maddy is a ray of sunshine. Leigh Ann is homesick and excited about our twin trip to visit. We are honest and open. We don’t care what others think. Their opinions or negativity don’t enrich our lives. They have “limits” to what they think is controversial or acceptable. 

I was told a few years ago by a production company “what you do is just too controversial.” Really? They contacted me. I’m not going to change who I am or what I do to fit it someone’s mold of what they think I should be or do. My clients are more important than the opinions of strangers.

What Cindy and I have is each other and a desire to change the way people perceive our clients and their relationships. What we have accomplished is giving our clients the event they wanted with the kindness, compassion and attention that they deserved… 

Rolling Down The Highway. Timelines, Deadlines & Too Many Commitments…

Yesterday got off with a bang when my son went to pick up my husband’s recliner from Choates Upholstery while I waited on a FB connection to pick up the other recliner Cindy and I had bought to effectively sneak my husbands recliner out of the house. 

For my dedicated readers well aware of my husband’s eyesore chair, you know that for two years now I’ve tried everything to replace this worn out old thing. 

I’ve tried shopping for a new one. I’ve tried begging him to part with it for 7-10 days and I finally tried buying another one just to get it moved and refurbished. Ugh. 

Wanting the newly refurbished recliner “perfect,” I had bought upscale fabric at $39 a yard and even the foam. I wanted it firm so I could at least have a few years of my husband not grabbing throw pillows from around the house to “pad it.” I wanted the leg areas built up where my husband had duct tapped his own foam (bought at Hobby Lobby) and I was willing to pay whatever it took to get this job done right. I was sick and tired of his embarrassing old chair and determined to do something about it.

Many of you are aware that Cindy and I also own The Pawning Planners and occasionally barter and flip items taken in trade at Texas Twins Treasures. My furniture redesigns sell worldwide. 

In a home where I cherish my many treasures, that recliner had to go or it had to get refurbished. I don’t love refurbishing furniture. Doing so is an expensive endeavor. On the fabric alone for that haggard old recliner, I spent $379. The cost to Mr Choates to upholster it? $395. 

My son moved the temporary recliner that Cindy and I had bought last week downstairs and I sent a message to Barbara to pick it up. After posting a photo on FB that I would be putting a barely used recliner outside for pick up, a flood of messages had come in but Barbara had contacted me first and effectively had “first dibs.”

While waiting on my son to return with my husbands “new to him” recliner, I called Allred Unit to reschedule a booking on 12-18 because I was already scheduled at Buster Cole at the same time. 

The distance between Allred and Cole is 2 hours and forty five minutes. Since the chaplain at Buster Cole is on paternity leave, a visiting chaplain had scheduled me at 2PM rather than my usual early morning 9AM which gives me time to travel to Tennessee Colony or other Units including Allred in the afternoon. 

I’d had a call about “a date” at Allred Unit from someone that I had spoke to months ago. The problem? She didn’t book services and wasn’t on my roster. I cannot and will not bump a booked client so I had to notify Allred of a reschedule then give the new date to the person I had spoke to about six months ago in order to accommodate my Buster Cole client who had booked in September. 

Let’s go over “line jumping.” If I’ve talked to you, emailed you or texted you, you ARE NOT A CLIENT. Unless you’ve followed my booking procedure and signed a contract as well as paid your deposit, you are also NOT ON MY BOOKS. I do not advertise. I limit bookings to ensure availability. 

Calling me about a date at any Unit with my existing schedule when you haven’t paid your deposit or signed a contract is a continuing problem. You will be rescheduled and rolled into my roster when you meet the terms of my booking procedure and not “bumped to the front of the line” because you’ve either assumed my availability or thought you didn’t need to follow my protocol. 

Allred Unit is located near Wichita Falls in Iowa Park. The unit only schedules weddings on Wednesday’s. Every other Wednesday at 1PM. Due to their location and the fact that they only schedule at a set time with no flexibility, it’s darn near impossible to stack another Unit unless the other Unit will schedule at 9AM and they are within 3 hours of Allred. 

Unlike my other Units where I can move from Tennessee Colony to Huntsville or Huntsville to Polunsky or Lewis Units on the same day, Allred is almost always a one Unit day. Roach is within 2.5 hours of Allred but that’s a really tight window. I prefer to do Allred and call it a day. 1PM effectively kills the timeline to do anything anywhere else unless the other Unit will schedule in the morning and is within 3 hours max of Allred. 

My son returned with the recliner. It looked great until I sat in it. The seat pad was too soft and there was little if any padding on the leg areas. Damn it. $800 later, this recliner still won’t make my husband happy. I send my son to buy two more yards of fabric. I measure the seat and leg areas and go to the upholstery guy down the street and order a new seat pad and leg cushions with straps. Cost? $212 for labor $96 for fabric. Husbands reaction? Priceless. After twenty years with Mr Choates, it’s time for a change. I was very specific about what I wanted and he didn’t listen. Ugh. 

Refurbishing furniture is EXPENSIVE. Cindy won’t flip furniture due to the expense. She only barters quick flips.

Last year, my daughter in law told me her grandmother had an old sofa and since “I love to redo furniture” she volunteered my talents. I volunteered the cost. “Stephanie, tell your grandmother that she will need 8-10 yards of fabric and 5-700 dollars for labor.” I don’t love redoing furniture. I flip furniture for a profit. 

Leaving the other upholsterer, I take my son to lunch before heading to the Tarrant County Clerks Office to file Sonja’s license and request a certified copy I drop in the mail to her. I then head to Dallas County Clerks Office to meet Tasha and Keandra to sign a duplicate license. I married them September 14, 2019 and filed the license via certified priority mail and it was recorded then mailed from the clerk to my clients but never arrived. We’ve been trying to coordinate to meet at the clerks office for months now.

Leaving Dallas, I head to change clothes and wrap gifts for the McBee Christmas party at Joe T Garcia’s. My husbands coworkers are hilarious and swapped or stole gifts from each other after dinner. I always enjoy hanging out with this group.I’m up early today with indigestion because Mexican food doesn’t agree with me. I’m headed Ferguson Unit. It’s another busy weekend for this Texas Twin ya all… 

Tire Trouble, Wet Weather & Winter Weddings At Michael & Beto Units…

Leaving my office this morning at 6:15AM, I was giving myself a wide berth on time since I wasn’t on site at Michael Unit until 10AM with two beautiful brides this morning but a winter frost hit Texas last night dropping temperatures forty degrees. With wet roads and unexpected traffic situations, I prefer to err on the side of caution. Fifteen minutes early is fifteen minutes late. I prefer to be 30 minutes early always. 

Sitting on HWY 20 for 47 minutes to drive less than 12 miles to the 287 exit towards Corsicana, I knew leaving early was a smart decision. 

Rolling through Corsicana, my brother in law, Steve called while I was talking to Cindy from a gas station near the Shell station I had just filled up at. 

The “odds” of my brother in law and I being so close to each other are rare. After all, a few days ago, Steve was in Canada then California then New York then North Dakota. Steve is a truck driver. 

Passing Russell Stover with no time to stop for a candy apple, a text from my 1:30PM Beto Unit bride came through. She was confirming my arrival at Beto. I texted back “I’m at Michael with Audra and Sonja at 10AM and will meet you at Beto at 1PM.” 

I had packed two umbrellas for my brides this morning but needed three lol. “A wet day for a wedding is good luck” I told myself as I walked through puddles to the Unit. Sonja was already waiting for me. Audra was in the parking lot but I couldn’t locate her to hand her my umbrella. Michael is a massive Unit. I’m at Tennessee Colony Units at least once a month. 

My brides and I sat and waited on our escort, Miss Smith together. At 10:32AM, Miss Smith met us and advised us “the Unit camera isn’t working so we won’t have photos today. I’m so sorry.” We were sorry too. No wedding pictures. Miss Smith is an excellent photographer who always takes amazing photos. 

Walking to the Unit, I advised both my brides to use the umbrellas. After all, it was their wedding day and I wanted them beautiful and as dry as possible for their ceremonies. I don’t mind walking in the rain. 

Sadly, Sonja’s Fiancee was G4 which meant a no contact wedding. Audra was married first. We chose the area of the visitation area with a Christmas display for our backdrop which would have been beautiful for wedding photos. 

Following Audra’s wedding ceremony, I signed her license and prepared for Sonja’s ceremony. We both walked to the no contact area and picked up phones. 

I tried not to look at the broken and cracked base of the window separating us. Cracked glass at no contact unit weddings always saddens me. Someone drove for hours to visit an inmate who slammed his fists on the glass. I can’t understand this. The person who had sacrificed their time to visit was met by anger. It’s a tragedy. 

The fact that my couples can’t hold hands or hug is always difficult for me. I wish they could touch. I wish everyone had the benefit of a contact wedding but it’s something I can’t control. I looked past the cracked glass at my bride and groom a love story that would one day have a happy ending long after lock up. 

Sonja began to read her heartfelt vows which would be hard to follow as her voice cracked with emotion. She had so many memories and many things to say. Her fiancé did an amazing job writing his vows too. 

Emotion on both sides of the glass from my couple made me wish they could hold hands or seal the deal with a kiss.

Leaving Michael Unit, our three suv caravan drove to the Tennessee Colony Church for bridal photos. 

I unloaded furs, bouquets and my props. The canopy over the door protected my brides from the pouring rain. They might not have wedding photos but they would have bridal photos.  Loading up and saying goodbye to both of my new brides, I head to Palestine to Beto Unit. 

I’m somewhat hungry and get something to go from the BBQ restaurant near Beto, Gurney and Powledge. 

Returning to my suv, I see a text from my 1:30 bride Taylor. A blow out in Ennis. I check the distance to the unit from Ennis and try calling Beto for Chaplain Strange. The line is busy. Taylor has called Triple AAA. 

I decide to skip lunch and drive to Beto to locate Chaplain Strange and advise him of the situation. My phone never works at Beto, Gurney or Powledge. I have AT&T. No service (as usual). 

I walk up to the guard tower but no one comes out. This is odd. I walk to the gate and hold my State issued ID at the camera and the gate clicks open. 

I walk to the shakedown and remove my shoes, belt and watch. It’s 1PM. I ask the shakedown officer to call Chaplain Strange. I have no idea how late Taylor will be but, I plan to visit with Chaplain Strange until Taylor can make it to the unit. I always enjoy our visits and appreciate him waiting on my bride running late due to an unforeseen problem. 

Inside the Unit as I wait on the Chaplain, I notice the festive tree and Christmas lights in the window as I wait near the vending machines. Beyond the twinkling lights razor wire glistens from the falling rain. It’s a melancholy moment. The festivity Of Christmas marked by the razor wire of the prison. 

I watch officers roll in the shakedown with mail and boxes. Inmates will be spending Christmas at Units as others send cards, gifts and photos to their loved ones locked away. 

It’s not uncommon for units to be decorated for the holidays. Most units are. I recall the wedding at Hughes Unit with a backdrop that read “Merry Christmas!” I listen to the trainees excitedly preparing to start their shifts. The shakedown officer asks another officer how his daughter is doing. All prisons are busy places of employees coming or going. 

Chaplain Strange and I visit for 2 hours before he leaves to call Taylor. The officer who takes photos has left. The transport officer has left. He leaves a message regarding a reschedule on Taylor’s cell phone as I wonder if she has AT&T too?

It’s less than a minute later when I spot Taylor at the guard gate. She’s a vision in pink and white carrying the Manila folder from the clerks office. 

The duty guard is trying to locate the Chaplain while Taylor waits at the gate with 15-20 TDCJ trainees go in and out around her. The Chaplain’s left my side while trying to find a transport officer for the inmate. There will be no wedding photos but there will be a wedding. Chaplain Strange saves the day by finding a volunteer to walk the inmate to visitation. A delay results due to finding the right key. Taylor and I continue to wait. She’s relieved her wedding hasn’t been canceled. I am too. 

Leaving the unit, Taylor follows me back to the BBQ joint I was planning to order lunch from at 12:15 when I read her text about the blow out. I unload items for bridal photos. 

She’s beautiful and happy leaving while  “riding on a donut.” She will drive on to Palestine for a new tire. Palestine is closer than Corsicana. I worry about her getting there in backroads. Driving through Waxahachie, Brandi from North Dakota FaceTimed me. I had talked to Brandi last night regarding her court date next week. I had advised her to sell her truck to cover the cost of her tickets and damage to the apartment building she had driven into a few weeks ago.  Brandi always listens to my advice but rarely takes it. 

Brandi was also upset that Raul was seeing Parole “the day after her court date.” I advised Brandi to focus on solving her problems and let Raul go. He’s married to Valerie now. We shall see how focusing on Brandi works as I worry about her and her well being. 

My daughter in law calls outside of Fort Worth regarding her upcoming baby shower. 

Raymon calls about Smith Unit calling Jeremy to the law library for the absentee affidavit. I’m at Smith Unit on January 17th with another client. I’d love to stack Jeremy and Raymon but without a marriage license I can’t.  

My niece Leigh Ann calls about our trip to CA in a few weeks and is excited about the box Cindy and I sent to Maddy. She texts photos of Alex and Maddy. Cindy had found a little red velvet coat and dress for Maddy. We still shop for her and send care packages every week. My husband calls and asks if he should keep dinner warm. I send him a photo of the clouds as I drive down the freeway and call him to say I will be home late and eat cereal. I’ve been on the road 12 hours and have at least 2 more hours before I’m home. My days are long but I wouldn’t trade my life or the joy I share with clients for anything in the  world.

As I roll into Belltower Chapel and call Taylor to check on her before I meet my next clients. She has a new tire and is headed safely home. I’m relieved. I worry about my clients.

Wonderful Surprises And Happily Ever Afters…Life Events & The Endurance Of Love…

A few years ago, I married Trishelle at Michael Unit. A few months ago, Trishelle sent me a text that her husband was finally coming home. Their life after lock up as a family would finally begin. I love happy endings.

Trishelle’s mother and best friends had joined her in the drive to Tennessee Colony and because guests weren’t allowed inside the Unit, they waited with Cindy while Trishelle drove me in her car to Michael Unit. My very first maximum security prison wedding. The razor wire looked like it had been encrusted with diamonds in the sun. The guard towers and the size of the Unit were intimidating. Michael Unit has a reputation of being Texas Tough Prison. 

Looking at it through the passenger window, I was thankful that Trishelle was driving. Why? Because I was nervous. I felt intimidated. I had been at Sanders Estes Unit a minimum security Unit and assumed that other Units would be equal to it. I was wrong. Michael is massive and back then it was also intimidating to me. I mustered up the courage to tell Trishelle “I’m a bit terrified.” Trishelle laughed and said “Miss Wendy, I’m here every weekend and I know the drill. You’re with me and you will be fine.” My anxiety and claustrophobic tendencies were running high but I trusted Trishelle and her experience so… in we went. 

Taking off our shoes, belts and jewelry, we carefully put them into the containers to screen in. After a pat down, we handed our ID’s to the correctional officer at the desk and awaited our escort to the visitation area. Walking through the yard, I couldn’t help but look back at that razor wire. 

Entering the visitation area, our groom was escorted out. Vending machine trash was around the area so I moved my couple away from it to the center of the room. Trishelle was wearing a tee shirt that read Mrs Fontenot. She would change into her wedding dress later at her photo shoot with me. 

She was excited and happy and I was far more comfortable once I knew what to expect. Hearing door after door “clank” behind us, I didn’t know it then but it would take several units for me to stop jumping when I heard the clanking. We bought the photos of my newly married couple taken by a correctional officer at the Unit.The couple couple shared a brief kiss and we were escorted out of the Unit. There are no special visits at weddings. We are escorted in and escorted out within 25 minutes. 

Walking back to the parking area, I was relieved and thankful to have had Trishelle by my side throughout my first visit to a maximum security Unit. 

Driving back to meet Trishelle’s mom and friends as well as Cindy, we headed to do her bridal photos and change into her wedding dress. Cindy and I had packed bouquets and an suv of fun items for photos.Seeing Trishelle and her mom as well as Trishelle’s husband again yesterday was truly a delight and happy ending to an amazing journey. 

Lisa had contacted me to marry her to her ex husband 33 years after divorcing him. Love ALWAYS finds a way. I was honored and thrilled to share this Life Event and see Trishelle again too. I had packed a long veil that Lisa wore and brought several bouquets for her to choose from. My twin sister, Cindy handled the photos and we had a wonderful time celebrating the endurance of love and the joy of a happy family reunited… 

Affairs Of The Heart Harris Hospital To Estelle Unit Huntsville, Texas…

Juggling the past few months has been hectic. My worry and concern about my sister has preoccupied my mind and robbed me of sleep. 

Since flying to NY in August, my twin sister has struggled with pain in her chest but, her “EKG’s were normal.” Because of this and while waiting on a referral to a cardiologist from our PCP, we would both learn that a normal EKG and chest pain are not normal. We would learn in a nick of time to save Cindy from a heart attack. 

Maria had contacted me regarding marrying Erin at Estelle Unit a few months ago. Maria and Erin are both deaf. This meant my only form of communicating with her was by text. Normally my clients call, email and text but text only was how Maria and I managed her Prison wedding planning process. 

In the middle of the Prison wedding planning process, we would also learn that Erin was CLM which prevented approval to marry. Undoing this CLM status would take several weeks. 

Widespread misuse of Common Law Marriage Affidavits within TDCJ are common. How common? Thirty percent of my clients encounter the “sticky CLM issue” in the midst of the confusing process of planning to marry an inmate. How do they find out? The I60 Request For Marriage is denied based on the inmate being listed as CLM to someone other than the person attempting to marry them. 

To start the unraveling, I sent two Dissolution agreements to Maria. One for Erin and the other for the other party to the CLM status. Luckily, she was willing to sign it. Maria had given me her number and I called to explain the situation to her myself. 

Finally gaining a date to marry at Estelle, it was a sleep deprived week for me altogether. Friday morning, Cindy and I had a Skype interview with the BBC regarding a show concept. This isn’t unusual. In fact I’m contacted by reporters and production companies on a regular basis. Cindy and I have intentionally waited to sign contract for awhile now. Why? Because finding the right production company to share our unique journey isn’t easy. The BBC won’t embellish or frankenbite or fabricate our clients or ourselves which is why they have our interest. 

Cindy struggling with chest pain had me considering a reschedule but, we have never rescheduled with a production company in all these years and Cindy refused to consider a reschedule promising to go straight to the hospital immediately with me instead and following through with the Skype call. The call lasted nearly two hours. How my twin managed to be funny and entertaining I have no idea. 

We left the office and went to Harris Willow Park. As usual for the past 3 months, her EKG was normal. I insisted on more tests this time. I was sick of being told she was normal and watching her pop nitro pills like candy. Those pills are key here so stay tuned. 

At our PCP (yes, we have the same PCP, GYN and dentist as well as eye doctors), I fought to get a prescription for those nitro pills. Due to that normal EKG, the doctor didn’t want to prescribe them. 

After researching nitroglycerin pills though, I wasn’t leaving without them. They would prevent Cindy from having a massive coronary last week. Because she had them, she took them. If she hadn’t had them, at any time during four days of travel, she would have easily suffered a heart attack. 

Monday we were dealing with Stephaney again. This most likely caused the stress to Cindy. Her daughter consistently sucker punches us with her consistent relapses. Tuesday while at the PCP, Cindy’s daughter called stranded in Oklahoma after getting off the bus we had put her on to treatment hours earlier. The pain would only get worse. 

By Wednesday, I was begging Cindy to go to the hospital. The pain was so intense that she couldn’t sleep. Instead, Cindy rode with me to Goree Unit then on to Gib Lewis. 

Thursday, I again begged Cindy to go to the ER. My son and I headed to Jordan Unit to meet two brides. Cindy continued to believe nothing was wrong due to the normal EKG’s and being released over and over with chest pain. I was determined to get her into the hospital by Friday. 

Friday morning after wrapping the Skype call and bracing for yet another “normal EKG,” the additional tests I demanded showed inconsistencies. An ambulance transported Cindy while I picked up the twins from school. A stress test Saturday morning was canceled. Cindy’s heart wasn’t up to the test. The cardiologist wanted to do an angioplasty immediately but because Cindy was returned to her room and served breakfast, the surgery was moved to Monday. 

Throughout the weekend, I literally bounced from the hospital to Events to home to the hospital to Events to home. Acting normal with little or no sleep  and hiding my fear from my sister my family and even myself was no easy task. 

I handled paperwork from my sisters bedside. I took client calls and emails as I watched her. I checked in with my husband watching the twins. I sent my son to feed Cindy’s cats. I called the workers who had been paid to paint Cindy’s house and hadn’t returned all week. I called Cindy’s husband from NY to Colorado to Nevada to California. Steve finally arrived in Texas Tuesday morning.

Steve and I went to visit Cindy and I left Harris Heart Tower headed to Estelle Unit in Huntsville. I drove alone. I thought how driven I had become to find answers. I wondered why I had accepted that normal EKG? Why Cindy had? Why we didn’t ask more questions? I thanked God for arguing about the nitro and winning the argument. We had saved her. We found the answers and the solution but it took far longer than it should have.

Arriving at Estelle, I text Maria. She walks towards me smiling. I can’t text. I must leave my phone. We screen in. We wait for Erin. I loan her my ring for Unit photos. She is finally married. Cindy is finally going home. 

Anything worth having is worth fighting for. My sisters health or Maria’s ability to marry didn’t have clear cut paths but, I’ve never given up easily. Love will find a way. Maria’s Friend is also deaf. I’m going to help her marry at Estelle. Cindy is home resting and like me thankful. We are forever in debt to the amazing staff at Harris.

“It May Be The Cock That Crows, But It Is The Hen That Lays The Eggs.” Margaret Thatcher

Friday afternoon at 1PM, my sister and I walked into Harris Methodist Willow Park Emergency. Cindy could barely walk due to the pain of angina coupled with a shortness of breath. 

My twin sister had been popping nitroglycerin pills like candy all week. It should be noted that she had to argue to get a prescription for these lifesaving pills from our PCP. 

Cindy had been admitted and released from Harris Southwest on September 1st after being “diagnosed with angina.” What does angina mean? It means something is wrong. I was upset that Harris Southwest they hadn’t bothered to write Cindy a script for nitroglycerin. If you have heart problems, you need nitroglycerin. 

Cindy and I have recently learned that an EKG is unreliable regarding diagnosing heart problems. How so? Cindy’s had several EKG’s since August and all of them were “normal.” 

Here’s a tip kids, if you are having chest pain and your EKG is normal, request a blood test, CT scan and MRI. Following these revealing tests, get a stress test. It could just save your life. A normal EKG doesn’t mean you don’t have a heart problem. Each and every one of Cindy’s EKG’s have been normal. 

After being “accepted” which is a requirement by a cardiologist at Harris Heart Tower, my twin sister was moved by ambulance. I was thankful and relieved that she was finally going to get some help.

I left my suv and drove her suv to pick up her twin granddaughters, Maryssa and Makenna at the 9th grade center and had them both pack overnight bags to stay at my home AKA WorthamWorld with my husband. Thankfully, the twins are out of school this week. Running them to and from school when I live 25 minutes away can be hectic. My son, my husband and prior to moving to California, my niece have all helped Cindy and I with the twins.

Feeding the twins cats and making sure they are okay for a few days, Maryssa and I loaded up the directional signs for McBee Homes while Makenna grabbed homework to finish this weekend for extra credit.

My sister has been helping my son with his sign route by putting them out in Weatherford Friday night and picking them up Sunday night. I’ve never performed this route before so Maryssa was giving directions on where to stop and drop signs as I drove Cindy’s suv. 

Maryssa also helped me figure out how to put gas in Cindy’s suv while my suv sat at Harris Willow Park for the duration of the weekend. 

After getting the signs placed, I headed to my home to drop off the twins with my husband, Matthew. I then headed to Harris Tower to check on Cindy. 

Masking my fear and worry, I put on my “brave face”while parking Cindy’s suv in the lot and find my way to the Heart Tower. I’d been here before with my grandfather, grandmother, father and aunt. Heart disease runs in our family. Terrifying and true as this fact is, no one had heart problems that they were aware of at 55 years old. Hence my apprehension. Cindy and I now know she has heart problems. 

The greatest fear I have or have ever had is losing my sister. We’ve been through everything together. Cindy can also “read me.” 

All weekend long I’m coming and going to check on Cindy. As I park and walk to the elevators and look up at the photo painted next to the horse on the parking floor and say to myself “fourth floor horse.” This is to remind me where I’ve parked this time. 

Walking out of the parking garage, I remind myself “3rd floor C310.” Last night I was parked on floor 6 aka “sixth floor jack rabbit.” 

The entrance to the Heart Tower is private and separated from the main hospital. Even the ambulance for heart patients enters from a separate area. The visiting hours are “anytime” and the signs warning of heart disease line the walls. 

My twin sister is alone in her room. It is a private room. There are circles under her eyes. She’s tired, frightened and nervous. I’ve brought her heating pad, warm socks, a phone charger and protein bars. I forgot to bring her a toothbrush and hairbrush. I would continue to forget things for days. Lack of sleep, stress and worry do that to you. 

Throughout the weekend I would forget where I had parked. I would feel incredibly guilty leaving my sister to go meet clients and honor my schedule. I would also check in with her husband, Steve who was in Cleveland Friday, Nevada Saturday and El Paso today. Steve is a long haul driver for Ryder. Like all of us, Steve is worried about Cindy. Several times a day, my niece Leigh Ann FaceTimes me with Maddy from California. My son is out of town working a wedding this weekend. 

Saturday, my husband watched the twins and keeps them entertained with shopping sprees. I’m back at Harris after meeting clients at Belltower Chapel. Cindy is wheeled in and out for more tests. Each time she falls asleep, she’s awakened for medication or a shot in the stomach to thin her blood. Her enzymes are rising. I would learn a lot of lingo at Harris Heart Tower. 

I would also make a commitment with Cindy to quit smoking and to go vegan if only my twin can walk out if this hospital with me. I’ve prayed. I’ve asked others to pray. I’ve cried. I’ve had panic attacks. I’ve realized how fragile my sister actually is. 

I’ve recognized that my sister has always put her own needs last. From her adult daughters to her granddaughters to caring for our selfish grandmother who lived with and mooched off Cindy for 18 years while our grandmothers children (our father and our aunt) “lived their lives.” I have balked at the many times my sister’s generosity was abused by others. Usually our own family members. 

As usual, there are workers at Cindy’s house. Jessie and his crew go around and around with me. After twenty plus years of Jessie and others charging Cindy and not performing the work they’ve been hired to perform. I have also threatened not to pay the barrage of jicky handy men who show up but never come back to Cindy’s house after collecting money. Cindy’s handymen and I are always at odds. Frequently, Cindy’s handymen are always disappointing her. This week, Jessie and his crew were supposed to be at working on the gutters of her house but each time I ran over to check on them, they weren’t there. Cindy has roofers coming Wednesday that want the handymen gone on Monday. 

Today, I brought one of Cindy’s twin granddaughters, Makenna up to visit Cindy while her sister stays home with my husband. Originally, both twins wanted to come but I don’t have all day to wait around and one or both of the Twins is almost always bored. The last thing I need to hear.

I caught up with the cardiologist and addressed contracts for my clients and handling paperwork for Texas Twins Events and TDCJ Officiant while worrying about my sister and pretending I wasn’t worried. 

After several hours, I finally had stacks of contracts ready to mail along with photos from all four of my brides last week. Makenna was also bored and ready to go back to Uncle Matthew. 

Guilt and worry haunt me each and every time I leave the hospital and my twin sister. I’m anxious. I pray tomorrow the cardiologist can find the blockage causing her all of these problems. I pray her health can be restored.

My husband asks what he can do to help while Cindy’s husband tells me when he will be here and asks what he can do? I tell them both continue praying. 

Leigh Ann feels guilty because she’s in California and we haven’t heard from Stephaney which is an actual relief. Cindy’s daughter is the primary cause of our health issues. 

“It takes courage to have hope.”

Louise E. Johnson 

Love Is An Action Not An Idea. TDCJ Goree Unit to Gib Lewis To Jordan Unit. Travels Of A Prison Wedding Officiant…

Monday was a mess due entirely to dealing with my niece, Stephaney. Worrying about my niece is a full time job and the primary cause of all the stress in my life. 

For my twin sister, the stress of her daughter and her consistent shenanigans has caused not only stress but also high blood pressure and hypertension. 

I wouldn’t realize until Friday that the stress my niece brings to our lives would affect my sister to such an extent that she is currently awaiting heart surgery at Harris Methodist Hospital. 

We had a very full week and Monday as well as Tuesday had Cindy and I slammed busy dealing with her daughter Stephaney AGAIN. Stephaney would ruin both days for our schedules (as usual) and by Wednesday I was driving to several cities with Cindy complaining of chest pain yet refusing to go to the ER. Watching my sister pop nitro pills like candy my fear mounted day after day this week. The nitro wasn’t helping. 

Friday morning at 10:30AM, we had a Skype conference with the BBC and ITV. I suggested a reschedule. Cindy wouldn’t even consider a reschedule. “We have never rescheduled in our lives and this won’t take 20-40 minutes.” The call took over 2 hours. With incredible chest pain, my twin sister laughed her way through those 2 hours with the determination of a skilled actor. No one knew she was in extreme pain. Cindy and I have work ethics that surprise everyone. 

In Los Angeles, I walked into a pitch meeting with my production company with a broken foot. I had tripped getting to my rental and knew it was broke when I heard the snap. Cindy looked and me and said “we have an hour to be on here and then we will run to the hospital. Suck it up and smile buddy.” I did. No one knew my swelling foot was bothering me. A pitch meeting lasting two hours as opposed to the twenty minutes our production company expected left me limping out of Lifetime. The ER cut my shoe off hours later. Cindy and I both have a high pain tolerance so when my sister complains about pain know she is in pain.

Friday after the Skype call, we went immediately to the hospital. An hour later, Cindy was admitted to the hospital. Cindy’s EKG was normal but her enzymes high. More tests were ordered. Her heart surgery is scheduled Monday morning. 

Life with an addict in it causes more stress than people realize. You never stop wondering if the next phone call is more bad news when you have a loved one with a drug problem. Late night phone calls scare Cindy and I both.

Tuesday, Stephaney had walked away from the very same bus that Cindy and I had put her on from Dallas to Muskogee at 6:30AM. A bus that should have gotten a break from Stephaney that didn’t. 

Within 2.5 hours though, Stephaney would yet again upset our schedules and our lives with her consistent ability to focus all of our attention on her needs. Her emergencies and how nothing is ever her fault. Sigh. 

By Tuesday afternoon, after yet another “Stephaney situation” phone call of her claiming the bus had left her at a McDonalds in Oklahoma, Cindy and I were forced to drive several hours to Oklahoma then go find Stephaney and drive her to the to Oklahoma treatment center ourselves. Naturally, the treatment facility for severL hours from where Stephaney has left the bus and decided to relax while we drive to find her before she wandered off yet again.

My life has never been easy. Cindy’s hasn’t either. The number of times I’ve prayed, screamed and begged my niece to straighten up would astound you. 

Consistently trying to force Stephaney to choose her family rather than drugs is a twisted merry go round of torture for the few people who still care about my niece. Who are those few people? My sister and I. Everyone else has given up. 

By midnight Tuesday after hours of driving through Oklahoma, Cindy and I finally rolled into my driveway thankful that we didn’t have to worry about yet another phone call from Stephaney for at least  a few hours and get some sleep.

Stephaney is going to find her usual complaints of course as she always does. If we can keep her in this program, it’s worth the money to get 6 months of peace in Texas with Stephaney in Oklahoma. 

I still kick myself everyday for keeping my niece out of prison five years ago in Oklahoma. Maybe if I had let do hard time I could have spared Cindy and I as well as her twin daughters the past three years? Maybe if I hadn’t believed her when she said she would never do drugs again in Oklahoma and convinced me into getting her a plea deal and paying court ordered rehab she might have a life and a future right now after doing a few years in prison?  I can assure you that I won’t try to save Stephaney from prison by throwing thousands of dollars to defend her again. 

Having Stephaney where we know she can’t find drugs is and has been the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to accomplish. I understand now why people give up on addicts. It’s taken me years but I understand why people just give up. They just can’t take it anymore. Who can blame them? Addicts pull you in every direction mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. How did our mothers mother manage our heroin addicted mother? I will never know. I do know that grandma Tinney survived our mothers addiction forty years. I do know that my grandmother died far too young. Stress kills you.

Wednesday morning after getting approximately 2 hours of sleep, Cindy and I headed to Huntsville. We were exhausted from dealing with Cindy’s daughter, Stephaney Monday and Tuesday. 

Stephaney and her antics consistently rob of us of any degree of joy. Work is our salvation. Our escape. Our reward. We shake off our stress of Stephaney and focus on our clients instead. 

The pain and loss of having an addict in your family will never be understood by others unless of course they’ve been pulled through the dust storm of their loved ones choices themselves. 

The worry, frustration and anger don’t go away. Years later, Stephaney and her choices have also affected her twin daughters, Maryssa and Makenna (like Cindy and I) will never understand why drugs were more important to their mom than they themselves were. 

Cindy and I will never understand or accept our mother’s choices either. We can’t. I hate addiction and what family members addiction issues has brought to our lives. I hate that my twin sisters health has been affected by trying over and over to rehabilitate Stephaney. I hate that my own efforts have failed too. Addicts shouldn’t be allowed to have children.

Getting Stephaney into treatment in Oklahoma after she walked out of treatment in Fort Worth was as stressful as you might imagine. In Dallas, a man was lying in the street near the bus station. I didn’t know if he was dead or alive. It was 3AM in the morning. I told Cindy “call 911.” Stephaney said “who cares about him? I only care about my family.” 

As usual, I lost my composure at this ridiculously stupid statement. “Your mom is having chest pains. Your children won’t talk to you. Your sister wants nothing to do with you. Our husbands are sick of watching us try to save you. A man is lying in the street and you don’t care? Jesus, Stephaney, I wish you could find compassion, understanding or comprehension regarding why we are in Dallas at 3AM in the morning hellbent on getting you to Oklahoma. I have at least 10-12 hours of driving twice this week. For God’s sakes get on this bus and get your shit together. We NEED a break from you. You are killing our family. Do not get off that bus until Muskogee. I do not want another phone call from you until you are back in treatment. The counselors will meet you at the station.” 

Stephaney (as usual) would find a way to screw up our Tuesday. Wednesday we were on a twofer unit day from Goree to Lewis and Thursday I had two brides at Jordan Unit in Pampas, Texas. It would be another week of driving 1500-2000 miles for me this week. 

Arriving at TDCJ Goree Unit, the chaplain met me in the parking lot. There was a CLM issue and my clients wedding would need to be rescheduled. Not surprisingly, she would be devastated. The chaplain and I walked to her car together leaving my sister in my suv. Genekia had her sister with her in her suv. I spoke with her and tried to assure her that we would work through this issue together with the inmate and the law library. 

The warden and chaplain returned to Genekia’s car and the warden granted her a contact visit. This is rare and remarkable. For Genekia it was also a gift of generosity. 

You will hear me say this often because it’s true “prison weddings are rainbows in the dark.” More importantly, without the assistance of TDCJ personnel there would be far more hurdles to overcome as Goree had moved Genekia to 10AM and Gib Lewis had moved my other client to 2PM in order to accommodate my drive time between Units.

After a 15 minute contact visit, the chaplain escorted Genekia and I back to the gate. Because she had her sister with her and was dressed for wedding day, I suggested leaving the Unit and taking a few photos nearby before heading on to Lewis Unit.While on the side of the road unloading my inventory, a car stopped with a couple who offered to allow us to use their home for photos. This WAS unusual. I followed them in my suv with Cindy while Genekia and her sister followed us. My timeline was tight but within range to get to Lewis Unit. 

The location was actually perfect. My bride and her sister loved the trees and pond and we captured a few fun pics before I thanked our new friend and drove on to Lewis Unit.Arriving at Gib Lewis Unit at 1:30PM, I sent a text to my 2PM client to let her know we were on site.

Gib Lewis Unit is located in a beautiful wooded area. My excited bride and I entered together.The couple had both written their own heartfelt and memorable vows. Leaving the Unit, I found an area for a few bridal photos.Headed back to Fort Worth, Cindy and I are equally tired now. Cindy’s in pain that she thinks is angina. I’m very concerned. My son is staying at Cindy’s house caring for Maryssa and Makenna. We are hours from home.

Thursday morning at 6AM, my son and I leave for a five hour and fifteen minute drive to Pampas to meet my 1 o’clock bride at her hotel and drive her to Jordan Unit.

It’s 39 degrees outside so we take photos in the hotel then check in with my 2PM bride as we head to the Unit.

All three of us walk in together. The Unit has stacked my clients closely together on the same day which is truly a gift due to my travel time to Jordan Unit. The warden was so nice and accommodating that he even moved my 2PM bride to 1:30 so we weren’t left waiting. 

I want to give a shout out to the wardens at Goree and Jordan as well as the Chaplain at Goree for their assistance this week. I cannot say enough good things about TDCJ staff and their amazing efforts to make prison weddings a reality for our clients. 

Leaving Jordan Unit, my son drove my bride and I while my other bride followed to a nearby restaurant where we celebrated over lunch with both of my clients before headed back to Fort Worth. 

“Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.” –Shakespeare

After a long weekend of traveling to Galveston to San Antonio, my Monday started off with a bang back at Solis for my semi annual mammogram Monday morning. Why semi annual? Because over the past ten years I’ve had not one but two lumpectomies. My visits to Solis make me a nervous wreck. At 7:15AM, my shaking hands handed the tablet back to the receptionist at Solis. By 8:12AM, I was disrobed and going through my X-rays. My phone continued to ring. It never stops. For obvious reasons, I ignored the sound of Westminster chimes on my ringtone. 

By 8:37AM, I was walking to the locker to get my clothing and head to the changing area. My phone rang again. It was Cindy. “Stephaney has been kicked out of rehab and is by your house.” My blood pressure shot through the roof. Seventeen years of my niece and her choices have caused more emotional and financial devastation than I could ever put into words. 

Disappointment after disappointment aside, surprise phone calls about Stephaney consistently upset our entire family. Now literally throwing my clothes on to go look for Stephaney AGAIN, I rolled out of Baylor Health Systems to drive to my home wondering what in the Hell we were going to do with Stephaney NOW?! Two months into her 6 month treatment and yet again, sheer despair and disappointment were literally near my doorstep. 

Kicking myself for paying her bond when she was arrested at Dallas Greyhound months ago when I Cindy and I had tried to get Stephaney into what I believed was a rehab in Valdosta, Georgia and she somehow managed to get herself into a brawl that resulted in the Dallas PD finding a revoked bond from Cotton County, Oklahoma regarding Stephaney missing her probation payment. Driving home, I wished I had let Dallas transport Stephaney to Cotton County. Would jail straighten her out? Who knows. 

For three years now, my niece has had relapse after relapse to the point that not only my twin sister but also I have been hospitalized for hypertension. I reach for my Xanax as I drive preparing myself for yet another version of Stephaney blaming everyone but herself for being kicked out of treatment AGAIN. 

A few blocks from home, I pull over and call the treatment center myself. Stephaney is a pathological liar and I know it. Me “my niece called her mother and said she had been released from treatment.” The center “Stephaney volunteered to leave the program by leaving the hospital.” Hmm, I knew it. Two blocks later, I see my niece at the park near my house. I bark “get in.” 

Stephaney starts in with “it wasn’t my fault.” I turn to her and say “your mother has spent 15 years raising your twins. She has sacrificed her life over and over. You have cost us tens of thousands of dollars trying to fix you. You aren’t our priority. Your children are. You are 32 years old and you are killing us. I’m going to find you another rehab and you WILL finish the program!” 

Stephaney barks “I want a cigarette.” My niece is selfish, self destructive and reminds me of pigpen with a whirlwind of chaos constantly surrounding her. I drive to a convenience store. 

I’m deflated and depressed. I’m desperate to catch a break from Stephaney and her stupid choices. I’m determined to protect Cindy and the twins from yet another episode of “trying to Save Stephaney.” I google Oklahoma rehabilitation facilities. I need Stephaney in another state. I need to act quickly too. 

By the time Stephaney walked out of Quick Way, I had located a rehab. I’m nothing if not determined. As usual, Stephaney had excuses. “I lost all of the things you bought me and my ID.” Lit, I said “what are you talking about?” My niece (laughing as usual) said “I signed a waiver giving up my property to the facility.” 

More drama. More chaos. More stress. MORE EXPENSES due to a 32 year old that flat out refuses to get her shit together and be a responsible adult.

Now in order to get Stephaney into treatment, I would have to go buy a birth certificate and then drive her to the DMV as well as go to the bank for a cashiers check for the new facility. Ugh. Facilities (even cash paying facilities since Stephaney doesn’t have insurance) require proper identification. 

Waiting at the clerks office, I book a bus from Fort Worth to Muskogee Oklahoma for Stephaney at 1:58AM. I have less than 12 hours to replace Stephaney’s clothes, shoes, toiletries and other items Cindy and I have replaced again and again. Grrr.

Cindy meets me at Walmart. We are miserable together as Stephaney throws item after item into the buggy. Three hundred plus dollars later, we roll out of Walmart to Fort Worth. I’m exhausted. Cindy’s too tired to cry. 

My son has picked up the twins and taken them home with him so they can spend the night at his house. My son will take the twins to school Tuesday while I take Foxy to the vet and Cindy goes to an appointment. We are up all night Monday getting Stephaney on that bus to Oklahoma.

At midnight, Cindy and I sit for two hours waiting on the bus with Stephaney to make damn sure she gets on it. At 2:15AM, we realize that the bus has come and gone. SOB. I load up and drive Stephaney to Dallas while Cindy takes a nitroglycerin tablet. I swear if anybody ever believed that dealing with our family was easy they have no idea what sheer, raw, hell my niece has brought to our lives. Acting normal is a full time job waiting on the next sucker punch from Stephaney. Literally. 

Tuesday morning, Cindy and I are Green Bay Unit thinking our latest “Stephaney Situation” is solved. 

Leaving Green Bay to Dr Richwine, by the time Cindy’s getting an EKG, Stephaney is calling to say she missed the bus and that the three hundred dollars worth of items we had just bought Monday are on the bus. Good Lord! We are at the doctor because of Stephaney’s latest sucker punch Monday and yet hours after getting her on the bus in Dallas she gets off in Oklahoma and misses the bus? 

Cindy and I both take a Xanax. The doctor wants bloodwork. We have no time. We leave the doctor to drive to Oklahoma and find Stephaney AGAIN. 

Hours from Fort Worth with no sleep after staying up all night to get Stephaney on that damn bus to Muskogee. I’m beyond exhausted. Cindy’s angina is killing her. I worry about Cindy. I’m always worrying about Cindy.

We find Stephaney at Choctaw Too Travel Center. Three hours from the rehab facility. Cindy and I have had less than two hours of sleep. I call the center to pick up Stephaney’s luggage from Greyhound. I want to cry but I can’t. I’m too angry. Stephaney ignores her mother and I by listening to her music. No apologies. No thank you. There never are with Stephaney.

At 4:37PM Tuesday, I cannot find the facility. We are in a corn field. I am having a meltdown. Cindy is silently crying. Stephaney is listening to music. I call the facility and ask them to meet me near Chateau at Hookers Restaurant. 

At 4:42PM, a car with two nice ladies pulls up next to us. Stephaney gets out. They invite Cindy and I to follow them to the facility. I decline by explaining “we are 6 hours from home. Wednesday morning I’m in Huntsville then Woodsville. Thursday, I’m in Pampas. I’m sorry but we have my son looking after Stephaney’s twin daughters and husbands worried about us getting home tonight. Thank you for meeting us.”

Without a goodbye, Stephaney walked to the other car…

Hello Again Houston. Huntsville to Ramsey Unit And Meeting Elena In Person…

Leaving WorthamWorkd at 4:30AM to head to Ramsey I Unit, I had been coordinating with Elena who was landing at Hobby to arrange a meeting with her while Cindy and I were in the Houston area. Ramsey I Unit is about twenty minutes outside of Houston near Stringfellow Unit which was previously Ramsey II Unit. It’s unusual for  TDCJ Unit to have a number behind the name. 

Darrington, Terrell, Stringfellow and Ramsey I are located within close proximity of one another. In fact, Ramsey I, Terrell and Stringfellow are within 5 minutes of one another similar to Michael and Coffield within 15-20 minutes of Beto, Gurney and Powledge Units in Tennessee Colony. 

Powledge, Beto, Coffield, Gurney, and Michael work in cooperation: Feedmill and Grain Storage, Farm Shop, Cow/Calf Operation, Poultry Laying Operation, Swine Farrowing/ Nursery/Finishing Operations, Pork Processing Plant, Security Horses, Security Pack Canines, Edible and Field Crops, and Unit Garden.

There are many cities in Texas that feature clusters of Units within close proximity of one another. Gatesville as well as Huntsville, Rosharon and Tennessee Colony have numerous Units within minutes of one another. 

Last month, I had a wedding at Ellis Unit in Huntsville in the morning and another at Crain Unit in the afternoon. Huntsville to Gatesville is a haul. Two hours and forty six minutes from one another (based on traffic) makes for a very long day. Gatesville Units house predominantly females although Hughes Unit (also in Gatesville) houses men. 

Because I must “estimate the time inside each unit” as well as the distance between them when stacking unit weddings the same day, a wide berth of at least an hour “inside” is required. Factors that can cause a delay are waiting on the Chaplain or our escort as well as waiting on the inmate to be located. Because of timelines, it’s best to have your loved one request a lay in the day prior to your scheduled inmate wedding. 

My first conversation with Elena was approximately a year ago. I had been returning from Huntsville Units with Cindy when Elena called me regarding inmate marriages. This isn’t unusual as I’m frequently contacted by reporters, production companies and networks regarding my unique client bases. 

Inmate Officiant services are available in many states although Texas is my “busiest booking” state. I’m not geographically limited to one state. Neither are Cindy or my niece, Leigh Ann. We cover numerous states.

Elena is not only a journalist but also an award winning documentary filmmaker. She had called while in Houston doing research for her film project and we’ve stayed in touch over the past year. Elena was looking for Dutch women marrying death row inmates in Texas. She is passionate about this project and has found two women to date. One is living in Arizona and married to her inmate while the other is living in the Netherlands and unmarried.

It had been hoped that Elena could visit Polunsky Unit as she had heard that Wednesday’s are media days at Polunsky. But, in order to get media access, you must go through TDCJ as a journalist who travelled with me a few weeks ago to several TDCJ Units did to obtain access and clearance. 

During my two days with Ella, she had hoped to visit all of my scheduled Unit weddings but TDCJ wouldn’t give Ella access to all 4 of my Units but did give her the option of choosing one Unit to witness me officiating a marriage. Ella chose Polunsky. Getting into Polunsky requires being on the list. 

TDCJ Unit weddings are scheduled between 9AM and 4PM. TDCJ Unit weddings do not take place on weekends as the visitation area is in use by visitors. Weddings at Polunsky take place after 5PM. 

Because Polunsky schedules weddings after 5PM, I was able to schedule Coffield Unit at 9:30AM, Michael Unit at 11:30AM, Holliday Unit at 2PM and Polunsky Unit at 5:30PM on the same day. Three cities and four Units in ONE DAY is a long day. Ella was in my suv for 14 hours from Fort Worth to Tennessee Colony to Huntsville to Livingston to Fort Worth. A day in my life always involves driving, careful planning and orchestrating. I’m OCD and constantly aware of distance and time. I have to be. 

Polunsky houses death row inmates in Texas. Polunsky was named after Allan B. Polunsky, a former chairman of the Texas Board of Criminal Justice who is now the chairman of the Public Safety Commission, the governing board of the Texas Department of Public Safety.

Polunsky houses Texas’s “supermax” units and is notable for being the location of Texas’s death row for men (executions, though, are conducted at the Huntsville Unit in Huntsville).
Due to the timeline and requirements to visit Polunsky, Elena was unable to visit the Unit this trip. An inmate must also agree to an interview or media access. 

Media access inquiries must go through TDCJ. In order to obtain access, you will need the inmates name and ID number as well as consent from the inmate and TDCJ. 

Since I’m always asked about gaining access to Units, I’m attaching the following information from TDCJ Communications. 

Media Policies and Guidelines for Offender Interviews:

Reporters wishing to interview offenders incarcerated within the Texas Department of Criminal Justice (TDCJ) should submit their request in writing, by fax or e-mail to Jeremy Desel, Director of Communications, at (936) 437-6055 or jeremy.desel@tdcj.texas.gov.
All requests must be submitted on the news organization’s letterhead, and should include the reporter’s name and contact information, including an e-mail address. The request should also include the offender’s name and other identifying information (date of birth, TDCJ number, etc.) when known.
Interviews with general population offenders may be scheduled any weekday during regular business hours with the permission of the unit warden.
Request for interviews must be submitted at least three working days prior to the date of the reporter’s desired visit. Reporters will have one hour to interview an individual offender. A reasonable amount of time will be allowed for camera crews to set up equipment. This set-up time is not considered part of the hour granted to the reporter.
Interviews with men on Death Row are conducted on Wednesdays from 1:00 p.m to 3:00 p.m. Requests for these interviews must be submitted no later than noon on Monday prior to the desired Wednesday visit.
Reporters will have one hour to interview an individual offender on Men’s Death Row. A reasonable amount of time will be allowed for camera crews to set up equipment. This set-up time is not considered part of the hour granted to the reporter.
Interviews with women on Death Row are conducted on Tuesdays from 1:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. Requests for these interviews must be submitted no later than noon on the Monday prior to the desired Tuesday visit.
Reporters will have one hour to interview an individual offender on Women’s Death Row. A reasonable amount of time will be allowed for camera crews to set up equipment. This set-up time is not considered part of the hour granted to the reporter.
All interviews will take place in the unit’s regular visitation area. No other photos or video footage may be taken in or outside the unit unless specified by a Communications Officer, or the unit warden.
Crews are limited to no more than three people. Each crewmember must have a valid driver license, passport or other official form of photo identification in order to enter a unit.
Reporters are not allowed to take the following items with them into TDCJ units:

Cellular phones
Tablets

Laptops

Cash

Tobacco products or lighters

Purses or briefcases

Pocketknives, fingernail clippers, or similar items.

The following items are allowed in the reporter’s possession: recording devices, wireless microphones, notepads, writing instruments and camera equipment.
It is recommended that reporters arrive at the unit at least 30 minutes before their scheduled interview time.
Everyone entering the unit will be subjected to a pat-down security search.
Conservative dress is encouraged for all visitors. Clothing that is tight fitting, revealing, or made with see-through fabrics is not allowed. Sleeveless shirts and dresses are allowed, but must cover the shoulders. Dresses or skirts should be no shorter than three (3) inches above the middle of the knee. It is also preferred that reporters and their crew members not wear white.
Reporters are generally allowed to interview individual offenders once every 90 days. Exceptions may be made by the Director of Communications if there is a major status change in the offender’s case.
Attorneys, families, spiritual advisors, and other individuals on an offender’s personal visitation list are not permitted to be present during media interviews, nor are reporters able to accompany any of these individuals on their personal visits.
Media representatives may not be listed on an offender’s visitation list if they wish to be recognized as media by the Communications Department. Any journalist who is placed on an offender’s personal visitation list will not be allowed to visit that offender as a media representative. The organization affiliated with the reporter placed on the offender’s personal visitation list will also not be able to visit the offender.
Failure to adhere to the agency’s media policies and/or guidelines may result in removal from the unit. Such failure may also jeopardize the organization’s ability to conduct future interviews at TDCJ facilities.

Questions about TDCJ’s media policies may be directed to the Communications Department at (936) 437-6052.
At the time Elena initially contacted me, I didn’t know of anyone from the Netherlands and had no one from Europe on my client roster. But, I posted on my FB and Instagram pages in search of ladies for Elena’s project just the same in the event that there were ladies who would reach out to Elena. 

Several months ago, while en route to TDCJ Wynn Unit, a call from a Germany number came through. It was a daughter who wanted assistance getting her mother married to an inmate at Wynn. 

Since I was driving there, I found this to be ironic. Calling about Wynn Unit while headed to Wynn Unit that is. The more I listened though, the flags started flying. The problem? The mother didn’t speak English and the inmate didn’t speak German. 

Heads up for anyone wondering why this would be a problem… marriages of convenience are strictly forbidden in the United States and constitute marriage fraud. 

Marriage fraud is a felony. If you cannot communicate with your partner, I can assure you that neither I or anyone else on my staff will conduct a marriage ceremony. 

I’m marrying a deaf inmate to a deaf client in a few weeks at Estelle Unit but they can communicate and understand each other. They can also understand my marriage ceremony. 

The daughter wanting help marrying her mother to an inmate DID speak English. But, she didn’t want to help her mother because she is already married to an inmate at another Unit and “busy with her own life.” I found this statement odd and alarming. The daughter could have traveled to Walker County or assisted her mother with the process but chose not to. Why? She was too busy? She wanted someone to help her mother get a marriage license I.E. me and also to marry her to an inmate at Wynn Unit but the fact that her mother couldn’t communicate with the inmate was a huge red flag. This problem would be a hurdle. 

I spoke to this young lady of my concerns and drove at the same time explaining why and how the communication aspect would be difficult. After all, I don’t speak German. The daughter speaks English. The daughter didn’t want to get involved. Hmm. I am more than a little familiar with marriage law. I advise people on a regular basis of why marriages of convenience are not in their best interest AND a crime.

The daughter wanted to drop her mother in my lap but this situation needed an immigration attorney first and foremost. I am blunt. This hot potato situation needed a hot minute. How was her mother going to file for a marriage license when they are only available in English and Spanish? I had a wide array of questions pertaining to the problems and the daughter “not wanting to get involved” really bothered me. It’s her mother. Why wouldn’t she want to get involved or help her? After going over all of the reasons this request wasn’t simple, I never heard from the daughter again.

Marriage Fraud is a crime… ICE Marriage Fraud Brochure. Whether the inmate is unaware of the penalties associated with marrying an illegal Alien who is trying to obtain citizenship or not, if you call me with suspicious reasons or intentions, I’m going to advise you of what a marriage of convenience is and suggest you seek an attorney.

The inmate is not my client. The person in the free world is. But if I cannot communicate with you, you are not a client. I will not conduct a marriage ceremony via electronic device. 

Both parties marrying at a prison with me officiating (whether one is behind glass or not) can both hear and understand me AND are standing within 3-5 feet in front of me. 

I do not perform proxy marriages and personally feel such marriage ceremonies are as far removed from “traditional” as you could possibly get. 

Yesterday morning, someone stopped me at the Parker County Jail to advise me of their belief that “people only marry inmates to obtain conjugal visits.” Ignorance speaks without forethought. Texas does not allow conjugal visits. The states with conjugal visits are California, Connecticut, New York and Washington.

I’m well aware there are are other states and even other countries that allow such visits but can assure you that none of my clients are marrying an inmate solely to benefit from a conjugal visit. For those unaware of what a conjugal visit is, here’s the Wikipedia link… Wikipedia Conjugal Visits.

I follow the letter of the law pertaining to marriage ceremonies and am well versed on family law and marriage law. There are those who aren’t but I’m not one of them. People going online to officiate marriages that have no idea of the burden their role carries need to educate themselves. 

Proxy Marriage is no longer an option within TDCJ. Both parties must be present and coherent. There must be a valid marriage license. No someone cannot get a marriage license for you. You must do that yourself. There cannot be two absent parties. An absentee affidavit is only available for one party. The absent party AKA the inmate who is unable to appear in person. 

Other states require the inmate to incur the expense of being transported to the clerks office while Texas eases the financial burden by allowing Absentee Affidavits in place of the person appearing at the clerks office. 

Communication is vital to marriage. If you cannot communicate with your partner and you happen to be here on a Visa, your marriage will be closely scrutinized. Why would you want marry someone you cannot communicate with? 

For the past year, I’ve not found any European women marrying death row inmates other than the one call from the daughter wanting someone to help marry her mother to an inmate at Wynn. I don’t speak German which is obviously a problem as well. TDCJ does have hearing impaired translators.

Marrying a death row inmate or “lifer” is a heavy burden. They will never come home. They will never see parole. There is no happy ending or Vow Renewal long after lock up. Only a very driven person could take on such a complicated relationship. I’ve met several. They accept what they cannot change. Their relationship is based on letters, phone calls and visits. They will never hold hands or touch. They will forever be separated by bullet proof glass. 

Since Cindy and I were on site at Ramsey meeting Shenequil, I sent an email to Elena letting her know our timeline. Shenequil and I waited in the lobby at Ramsey for our escort to the visitation area while Cindy waited in my suv fielding phone calls and emails. 

This wedding was a reschedule and I was excited to finally meet my bride and client in person. We sat and waited on her groom and his escort together. 

As he walked into the room, I decided to use a painted wall for the backdrop and moved tables and chairs to clear an area for the ceremony. 

Shenequil told me that she hoped to have her husband home for Christmas. He’s hopeful too. As we drove out from the Unit, searching for an area for photos our drive brought us to city hall. 

Cindy and I began unloading our inventory for some colorful and fun photos while visiting with my new bride. I love learning more about my amazing clients. 

Shenequil had a long drive back to Henderson and Cindy and I were headed to finally meet Elena. I chose Taste Of Texas which was about 20 minutes from Hobby and 38 minutes from our location in Angleton.

We had never been to this restaurant but liked the name. Festively decorated for the holidays, Cindy, Elena and I all enjoyed a meal at Taste Of Texas and a great visit together. 

Elena told us about the book, Death Row Dollies and her interest in women choosing to marry Death Row inmates. She had travelled to Arizona prior to Texas to meet a model who had married an inmate and was running a successful business from home. We also discussed another lady from the Netherlands who has had a seven year relationship with an inmate at Polunsky Unit. I offered to officiate the wedding. 

Elena told us about her family and asked about our own. We are very close and very open. Elena’s mother suffered with mental illness. Our mother struggled with addiction and bad choices. Elena’s mom jumped off a building our mom sold us for $50 each on our 6th birthday. All of us became the mothers we had never known. 

Hardships can define you or empower you to be stronger, more driven, more determined and more resilient. Hardship teaches compassion and wisdom. 

Elena’s project will put the unique and often misunderstood stigma of prison love stories into perspective. Shining a positive light on those who love an inmate is a challenge mainly because widestream media chooses to muddy the water rather than portray these men and women who love an inmate as the warriors they truly are. They do it all and they do it alone on the outside. The live on one income. The raise their children alone. They run to answer expensive phone calls from inmates. They make their love last through extreme circumstances. Their passion and commitment are remarkable.

We look forward to seeing Elena again in the Spring as she begins filming Unconditional Love.

TDCJ Ellis Unit Huntsville, Texas & Hitting The Road…

Just last week I was driving through Houston headed to TDCJ Scott Unit meeting my beautiful bride. The number of miles I burn through on a weekly basis often shocks people. My son had hitched a ride with me to Houston last week. My husband feels better knowing I’m not out on the road alone to Units 5 plus hours one way. Since I’m asked about our other states, I fly beyond Oklahoma and Arkansas. It’s just too much to drive to other states although I have driven to Ohio. For years I drove back and forth to California but driving puts a lot of stress on my timelines. I prefer to fly to other states and have for the past few years. 

Driving to Huntsville one day to turn around and drive past it the next makes for an exhausting 48 hours. 

This week my copilot was my sassy twin sister. Cindy is never without something to say about everything. In fact, yesterday as a belated birthday gift, I had assumed that a relaxing spa day and Swedish massage would be the perfect birthday gift yesterday but Cindy hated the entire experience. 

Cindy “they made me take off my clothes? What’s relaxing about that? I can go to the mall any day of the week and for $5 with my clothes on get a relaxing massage and people watch. Save your money sister and remember that most stuff you don’t like I do and vice versa. Get a massage for yourself because that was far from relaxing for me Pal.” Humph. 

Tuesday morning, I pulled out of Fort Worth towards Huntsville. For two months now, the inmate who had two brides wanting to marry him. One in North Dakota and a devoted pen pal who had been sending money. The other lives in San Antonio and was  a regular visitor to Ellis Unit and this particular inmate. North Dakota had never met the inmate in person.

Warily, I knew that the inmate was (most likely) nervous about finally meeting me in person because in this situation, I knew far more about this tangled web than is traditionally the situation. Brandi (North Dakota) and Valerie (San Antonio) were two people who would (most likely) have never encountered or even heard of each other had they both not been involved with Raul at Ellis Unit. My heart was heavy. I hoped Raul was prepared for the commitment marriage requires.

Driving to Huntsville solo, Elvis played on my car stereo. Love songs and faith played through my mind. Elvis can sing the praises of God like no one before him and no one after him. 

Would Raul break Valerie’s heart and abuse her trust the same way he had Brandi? Was there a future for Raul and Valerie after lock up? Would he be a loyal and faithful husband? All things far beyond my control. I can discuss the setbacks and problems marrying an inmate entails with my clients but I can’t always “talk anyone out of marrying an inmate.” 

Walking up to the tower from the parking area, I saw Valerie. The sun hitting her hair was like a halo. She was so tiny, petite, beautiful and beaming. She immediately hugged me. We’ve been through months of phone calls and texts. This was our first time to meet in person. 

I didn’t talk Valerie out of marrying although I spent several weeks going over the importance of love being based on trust. Valerie loves Raul. Brandi is heartbroken.The moments spent in the visitation area for weddings are somewhat brief. Fifteen to twenty minutes then signing the license before posing for photos and being escorted out. 

Valerie and I had time to discuss her life and her dedication to Raul as we waited for Unit photos to print. She is driven and dedicated. Her mother lives with her. She’s a mother herself working two jobs and doing it all alone. Her brother is also incarcerated and Valerie drives to visit him as well. 

At a young age, Valerie has many responsibilities. I discussed the need for her to set limits with her mother and Raul. She is pulled in far too many directions. 

Leaving the Unit, I found area for photos with Valerie and her friend. It was a chilly morning in Huntsville and my furs came in handy for Valerie and her friend. All too soon, Valerie was headed back to San Antonio. A long drive for a young bride who would be driving back to Ellis this weekend to visit her new husband.

“Families are similar to a pot luck dinner, you don’t have to like everything they bring to the table to appreciate the meal.” 

Cindy Daniel