Category: Rev Wendy Wortham

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Mr Right Or Mr Right Now?  Know Your Worth & Set Boundaries…Choosing A Life Partner Isn’t Easy…

This morning, I had a number of surprise revelations. It’s tough to surprise me. I’m old and wise and I’ve been working with the public for forty years now. I’ve also literally “seen it all” in the wedding and events business. 

Today’s eye opener was something I’ve yet to encounter so buckle up for yet another bumpy ride ya all because I literally found myself “stuck in the middle of a situation” today with two brides planning to marry the same inmate. I’m also as shocked as you are.

“You’ve seen it all? What do you mean Wendy?” Last year, a brawl at an upscale and elegant wedding in Fort Worth resulted in several arrests. Was I surprised? Absolutely. I was also hurt while trying to separate the brawling groomsmen. 

A few months ago, while signing in at the Duty Desk at Tarrant County Jail with my client, the inmates “baby mama” was waiting to visit this Don Juan herself when overhearing that my client was on site for a visit “with her minister.” 

Could we have known that the “baby mama” was on site with her minister and a Louisiana marriage license? No. Who would? But, after a verbal altercation, my client tore up her marriage license and effectively washed that man right out of her hair and her life. Just when I think I’ve seen everything- I’m consistently surprised by Events that no one could have foreseen! 

Shockingly, THIS weekends round of surprises involved an inmate writing love letters to someone in another state who had contacted me regarding a TDCJ marriage in Texas and another client scheduled to marry the same inmate this month. What the? Stay tuned. 

In August, I had a DM from someone wishing to marry an inmate. This isn’t unusual. I went through the process of advising her what she would need to do from her end to expedite the process in Texas. Why? Texas has a 3 day waiting period. To overcome this inconvenience for my out of state clients, I suggest the  Twogether In Texas Premarital Course that effectively waives the 3 day waiting period while also discounting the cost of the marriage license by $60.

Last night at a client meeting with my November 2nd clients for a backyard wedding, my groom asked about his minister “making a certificate.” I’m going to clarify that no one can “MAKE a certificate” for Twogether In Texas that will be accepted by the the county clerk UNLESS that person is a registered provider WITH Twogether In Texas. 

The Twogether certificate MUST be printed on an authorized Twogether In Texas form. Explaining this to my clients who had been taking Premarital classes through their church minister, it became apparent to me that there is widespread confusion regarding Twogether In Texas. 

Let’s review ONE MORE TIME why Twogether In Texas exists… 

TEXAS HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES COMMISSION

ALBERT HAWKINS

EXECUTIVE COMMISSIONER Date: Aug. 6, 2008 

Contact: Stephanie Goodman (512) 424-6951

New Law Promotes Free Marriage Education Classes
Couples Who Complete Courses Can Waive Marriage License Fee, AND Waiting Period..
AUSTIN – The Texas Health and Human Services Commission (HHSC) is spreading the word about a new state law, which takes effect Sept. 1, 2008 that encourages couples to attend free marriage education classes before taking the plunge. Couples who complete the skills-based course will pay less for their marriage license. 

House Bill 2685 increases the marriage license fee to $60. However, the fee will be waived for couples who complete an eight-hour premarital class, and those couples can forgo the 72-hour waiting period to get married. Counties may continue to charge up to $12 in local fees for a marriage license. 

HHSC is running a billboard campaign throughout August to raise awareness of the new law and the marriage education classes. The agency also has contracts with community-based organizations that are working to build a network of classes across the state that meet the requirements for the marriage license discount. 

The state’s initiative, called “Twogether in Texas,” promotes free marriage education classes that provide eight hours of training on communication skills, conflict resolution and other elements of a healthy marriage. Couples can find classes in their area by calling 2-1-1. 

Starting Sept. 1, 2008, any couple who complete a class will receive a certificate that they can take to their county clerk when they apply for their marriage license. The certificate is good for one year and serves as proof that the couple is eligible for the discounted marriage license fee. 

For obvious reasons, a clergy not affiliated with Twogether In Texas CANNOT create a certificate. The certificate MUST be on the state approved form. After explaining this to my clients last night, it became apparent that paying the additional $60 is easier and more beneficial than TAKING ANOTHER Premarital Class through an accredited Twogether In Texas provider. I agree although I wish they had asked me about this weeks ago. It would have certainly spared them a lot of time and grief during their wedding planning process.  

Now, back to two people trying to marry the same inmate…. I needed to verify the facts before contacting and obviously upsetting my client who is preparing to marry in less than two weeks. 

Client 1. From August had been alerted to Client 2. How? FB. It’s not just for friends. 

Due to a FB group moderator, one of the women who had contacted me in August to marry an inmate in Texas was advised that the same inmate that she was planning to marry was SCHEDULED to marry someone else. Guess who was the Officiant? That’s right. Me. FOR BOTH WOMEN TO THE SAME INMATE. I have NO contact with inmates via phone or mail. My clients are “on the outside.” I don’t even meet inmates until wedding day. I have no information other than their name and inmate ID necessary for me to contact to the Unit and verify client status with their loved one and schedule the weddings. 

After reviewing numerous texts and validating the inmate ID number, I was alarmed to realize that whomever the group moderator on FB was that had advised my out of state client that the inmate was engaged to someone else, was in fact correct. To my own shock, I was effectively “caught in a love triangle.” 

After reviewing the numerous documents sent to me via text message, I then contacted my client who HAS a marriage license and a date at the Unit to marry in order to alert her to the other woman. 

The “other woman” had already been attempting to message my client WITH A MARRIAGE LICENSE via FB. I thought it best to contact her myself rather than have her wake up on a Sunday morning with dozens of messages from the other woman. 

Last night, I also had an alarming voice mail left on my phone regarding this “love triangle” situation. 

This morning AND this afternoon, I have spoke to both women and advised them to address and confront the inmate regarding his intentions. He needs to be loyal to one woman. Both women deserve loyalty and honesty. 

Marriage is based on trust. Love is sacrifice but loving an inmate is 99.9 percent more of a sacrifice for the “person on the outside.” How so? They have far more to lose than the person on the inside. They are going to work everyday and raising their children alone. They are paying for expensive phone calls and putting money on the books of the inmate. They are driving to weekend visits and they are effectively making ALL of the sacrifices singlehandedly to make their relationship work. 

Throughout my conversations with both of these women, it became apparent to me that one of them was a pen pal who had been sending money to the inmate and had never met him in person. The inmate had benefitted from this relationship. Dishonesty hurts everyone involved though. 

My other client has known the inmate for years and had visited him at the Unit. The inmate was playing both sides of the fence. I was quickly reminded of the “Coffield Unit Con Man and The Bride That Gave Him The Boot.” 

The inmate isn’t my client. In the Coffield Con Man situation, I refunded my client and agreed wholeheartedly that she was better off without him. In fact, I married her to someone else less than a year later.

In today’s situation that began “boiling over” 48 hours ago, it would be different from Coffield in that one woman refused to let go. I asked “how long have you known him?” She had been exchanging letters, phone calls and sending money for 6 months. She was also shocked and upset that this inmate would be marrying in less than two weeks. Convincing her that stepping back was in her best interest has taken me all day. On my last phone call with her, I told her that the inmate was told to cease all communication by my client planning to marry this month. 

A few minutes ago after a two hour lull while I was on location with another couple, I read a text from her saying “he hadn’t called.” I hope he doesn’t. This inmate needed to choose one woman and stick with that decision. In my opinion, he owed an apology to both women too. This situation has hurt both women and I’m hurt for them. But, I cannot marry two women to one man. 

I had advised my client marrying this month to “put her foot down and confront him. Set boundaries. Make him choose you or cut him loose. Know your worth. No one wants to marry a cheater.” 

I then called my twin sister who was dealing with trust issues regarding her daughter, Stephaney. Addicts are sneaky too. My mother was a heroin addict. My niece has had an ongoing addiction to meth for seventeen years. Steph is back in treatment again. Our entire family is hurt AGAIN. Cindy was working on trust quotes for Pawning Planners Apparel.

“WHEN you TELL a LIE, no MATTER how FAST you RUN, the TRUTH is AT your HEELS, and EVENTUALLY, it will CATCH up WITH you” Amen.

“TRUST is like TOAST, once it’s BURNT, don’t EXPECT anybody ELSE to PUT it ON their PLATE, and SWALLOW it EITHER” God bless us all.

“DISHONESTY is EXPENSIVE, the TRUTH is FREE, don’t CREATE any new DEBT with LIES, that an APOLOGY could never REPAY.”

I HATE SECRETS. As a child, my grandfather molested not only my twin and I but also our step sister. No one stopped the abuse. No one cared. My grandfather always warned all of us “if you ever tell anyone, you will never see your sisters again.” One day our step sister, Tammy was gone. Our grandfather used this disappearance to instill fear in my sister and I. “If you ever tell, you will disappear just like Tammy.” 

At 25 years old I found Tammy by hiring a private investigator. My grandfather had nothing to do with her disappearance. My mother’s mother had adopted her. Tammy left our hellish childhood and had the normality that Cindy and I wouldn’t find until running away from home at 15. I was pregnant. I lost the baby. No one was happier at our grandfathers funeral than Cindy and I because he would never hurt another little girl again. I HATE SECRETS. I also have my reasons for hating secrets. 

For six years, I was married to a cheater. For six years my ex lied. For six years I doubted my own self worth. What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I enough? I walked and kept walking. I prefer to be alone than to be hurt or lied to. I’m no ones victim anymore. I never will be again. 

Marriage is a merger. If you can’t trust your spouse, you are in the wrong marriage. If you are planning a wedding to someone, you are entitled to know their history. You are entitled to honesty. Set boundaries… 

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Don’t Be Tardy To Your Prison Wedding. TDCJ Ellis To Crain To Hughes To Cleveland Unit…

Next week I’m seeing my Ellis client again after a reschedule due to her being over twenty minutes late to the Unit. I’m going to once again revisit the importance of arriving at least twenty minutes early. Please give yourself a wide window on wedding day. 

Wedding day apparel falls within the visitor dress code guideline. Err on the side of caution. If you are uncertain regarding your attire, text me a photo to review. No one wants to be handed a cafeteria smock!

I arrived at TDCJ Ellis Unit at 8:20AM for a 9:00AM scheduled ceremony. Upon arrival, I sent a text to Melissa to let her know I was in the Prison parking lot. For those who follow me on FB, I also check in as many times I have no cell signal once on Prison property. I will always be driving one of our black SUVs with a banner on the back window to identify my vehicle. 

Cindy will also be driving a black suv with a banner so if either I or Cindy are officiating your wedding, we will be in a black suv. If my son or his wife are conducting your ceremony, they will be driving a black 4×4 truck. 

Surprisingly, I had a good signal and returned emails while waiting on Melissa. At 8:45AM, I sent another text and walked to the guard tower to announce my arrival. 

I then returned to my suv at 8:55AM to call Melissa. She advised me that she was 10-15 minutes from Ellis. This alarmed me. Why? Because Units give a 20 minute Tardy window before cancelling and effectively rescheduling your ceremony. 

Ellis Unit has an inmate count daily that would cause a scheduling issue. At 9:18AM, Melissa arrived. I met her in the lot and returned to the guard tower. At 9:24AM, Chaplain Jasper arrived to escort us into screening. By 9:36AM, Chaplain Jasper left the screening area. 

At 9:40AM, I went to the wardens secretary to inquire about an escort. At 9:43AM, I was advised that the head count would take 1-2 hours. This WAS A PROBLEM. Why? Because I was due at Crain Unit at 1:30PM. Crain is three hours (on a good day with traffic and road construction) from Ellis Unit.

I had advised the wardens secretary of my afternoon commitment and my inability to wait on site 1-2 hours for a same day reschedule. The wardens secretary walked out to advise my client of why a forced reschedule was warranted. 

Had Melissa arrived at 9AM sharp, the inmate could have had the ceremony before being moved for the 10AM head count. 

It is imperative to arrive early on wedding day. I cannot stress this enough. We have waited weeks or months for this day. Please plan accordingly.

Leaving Ellis and my devastated client, I made the three hour drive to Gatesville, Texas to meet Gary at Crain Unit. Gary had booked services last March. Gary and Amee had been trying to marry for months. 

Naturally, Gary was excited and nervous due to the number of setbacks trying to obtain a marriage license. The problem? Coryell County Clerks Office continually changes their requirements. 

Gary made four trips to Gatesville to buy a marriage license. FOUR. Gary finally purchased a marriage license in Harris County. 

Meeting Gary, I told him that “everyone is nervous. Stay calm. I will be by your side every step of the way.” I meant it.Getting Gary and Amee married took months which is unusual but also proves the dedication, perseverance, determination and resilience my clients exhibit in their quest to marry an inmate. 

Love knows no bounds. Gary had emailed me while I was in New York filming with Cindy and Leigh Ann about “getting a date.” I was already booked at Ellis and checked the distance on my iPhone from Huntsville to Gatesville. I knew it would be tight. 

I left home at 5AM to arrive at Ellis early. Huntsville is 3 hours from my location. Why did I leave FOUR hours early? Road construction. I overprepare. Leaving Gatesville, I pull over to reschedule Melissa at Ellis then call her to ensure she will be available. I “go over” meeting me early at the Texas Prison Museum on 10-08-2019. Why? Because Melissa became lost on her previous wedding date and because I am at 3 Huntsville Units on 10-08. I cannot afford for Melissa to be late again due to my schedule AND because a 3rd reschedule will require a new I60. Her marriage license will expire before the paperwork would be approved. To solve this problem and prevent any issues, I’m driving my client from the Prison museum to the Prison. 

Kanani had previously been scheduled to marry at Cleveland Unit. Due to flooding, her Wedding was rescheduled. As usual, I left an hour earlier than necessary. I always do. Thirty minutes early is thirty minutes late for me. I’m from a military family and I was taught at a young age that “being late is stealing and you cannot replace time.” This sage advice has stuck with me my entire life. 

Driving to Cleveland Unit, I answered calls regarding upcoming bookings at Polunsky, Connally, Garza, Michael, Coffield, Ramsey, Jester, Lewis, Allred and Gurney Units. Texas is my busiest booking state.

I do not text or email when I’m on the road. I answer texts when parked waiting on clients. I answer emails in the evening or early mornings prior to heading to locations. Please call during the week. Please text on weekends as I’m on location weekends and driving during the week. 

I’ve had 14 clients rebook for Vow Renewals due to inmate releases this month. I’m as excited as you are to be planning your wedding your way with family and friends, flowers and all of the fun stuff this time around. 

Kanani and her soon to be mother in law were on site early thank God. PLEASE ARRIVE EARLY ON WEDDING DAY. We walked in together. Her mother in law waited in the lobby.

Walking into the visitation area to greet his soon to be bride, my groom nearly cried with relief that wedding day had finally arrived. Why? Because he had started the process at Beto. He had hoped to marry two weeks prior but flooding caused yet another setback.Kanani and her mother in law followed me just outside the Unit for her bridal photos. 

The trees by Cleveland Unit were a beautiful backdrop. I had packed my suv with a wide variety of options for my new bride. Leaving Cleveland, Texas, I took calls from several clients. I look forward to seeing all of you soon at your prison weddings in Texas, Louisiana, Arkansas and Oklahoma.

Cindy and I will be in California and can’t wait to see our Cali Clients in December. 

I’ve been contacted by a reporter who wants to hear your Prison Love Stories as well as Love After Lock Up producers. If you’d like to apply for Love After Lock Up, The blog link for requirements can be found by visiting this link- Casting Now- Love After Lock Up.

If you are interested in sharing your story with this amazing and passionate journalist, contact me.

Regarding Vow Renewal Certificates, my California Client was already married. To celebrate her anniversary, she contacted me regarding a Vow Renewal. Prisons do not offer Vow Renewals. 

If you’d like to purchase a Renewal Certificate as an anniversary gift, email me wendy@texastwinsevents.com 

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The Sticky CLM Issue That Can & Will Stop Your Prison Wedding Planning Process…

Last night while texting back to a client I was asked “can a Warden deny the I60?” The answer is yes. But, there must be a valid reason for a Denial. Wardens don’t simply “just say no.”

Let’s go over the primary reason for a Denial. The old CLM issue that most inmates claim “they forgot about.” TDCJ didn’t forget. In fact, whether the inmate went into the system claiming a CLM Status off the bat or years later, filed a CLM Affidavit in order to obtain contact visits, inmate records forwarded this information to the Courts in Huntsville. 

Meaning… based on the CLM Affidavit, the inmate was granted contact visits. Let me clarify for my spies and trolls that a contact visit IS NOT a conjugal visit. A contact visit means there is no glass separating the inmate from the other person. Texas does not allow conjugal visits. 

Last nights client had a fairly unique situation that I’ve yet to encounter and because it’s difficult to surprise me, we will dive in to why TDCJ doesn’t throw away a CLM status EVEN when the inmate is no longer incarcerated. She had filed a CLM Affidavit with another inmate years ago. Because the other inmate had been released, she also assumed that her current fiancées I60 would be Approved if he wasn’t listed as CLM to someone other than her. Yes, this is a Two Fer. The inmate she’s trying to marry is also listed as CLM to someone other than her. Stay tuned. 

In order to abolish the CLM status, a Dissolution Agreement must be notarized and forwarded to inmate records from the law library by the currently incarcerated inmate. On the outside, a Dissolution Agreement must be notarized and sent to Huntsville to quash the record listing the other party as being CLM or Common Law Married to an inmate although the inmate is no longer in the system. 

Before everyone else reading this who happens to have encountered the same problem starts contacting me to send them my Dissolution Agreement, I’m not in the business of solving strangers problems. I provide Dissolution Agreements to MY CLIENTS as a courtesy. 

Certain Units May also require a Texas Marriage or Divorce Verification Sheet. How do you get one? Here’s the link– Texas Vital Statistics Marriage And Divorce Verification.

Rather than argue with strangers regarding the legality of a CLM Affidavit “outside of the system,” I will use this opportunity to educate and enlighten a few people that assume or believe that Common Law Marriage in Texas is “easy to prove.” It isn’t. The Informal Marriage Affidavit exists BECAUSE it isn’t easy to prove Common Law Marriage. 

For all of the numskulls out there contacting me to tell me “you have to get a divorce if you are CLM,” I’ve got a news flash for you, if a legal marriage cannot be proven, a divorce cannot be filed. The REQUIREMENT of an Informal Marriage in Texas is that BOTH Parties are PRESENT to file an Informal Marriage Affidavit. If one person is in prison, obviously they aren’t filing a CLM Affidavit in person.

DECLARATION AND REGISTRATION OF AN INFORMAL MARRIAGE (COMMON LAW)

An informal marriage license can be obtained and recorded by a couple who agree to be married, and after the agreement, they lived together in this state as a couple and represented to others that they were married.

Both parties must be present. An absentee affidavit cannot be used for an informal marriage license.

A person under 18 years of age may not obtain an informal marriage license.

A person may not obtain an informal marriage license if presently married to someone else.

The fee is $36 cash, Visa, Mastercard, American Express or Discover. 

Now… for everyone wondering how in the heck Informal Marriage Affidavits wound up in Texas Prisons, the widespread misuse of these Affidavits were meant to validate or at the very least verify that the inmate had a relationship other than friendship with the other party. No one likes the glass. No one likes the phones that rarely work and inmates wanted contact visits. In fact, most inmates described this document as a “piece of paper” to the person they wanted to sign it. 

Most of my clients have no idea that the inmate ever filed a CLM with someone other than themselves UNTIL they try going through the Prison Wedding Planning Process. Why? Because the I60 is DENIED based on the inmates status OR the client had signed a CLM Affidavit with another inmate in order to obtain contact visits and didn’t tell the inmate they are attempting to marry because they never assumed that it would come up. 

The CLM Sucker Punch… CLM Affidavits don’t go away on their own. If you have EVER filed a CLM Affidavit, TDCJ has kept it on file. Rather than screaming and crying, calm down. Call me. We will work through undoing the CLM Status. 

For everyone else contacting me to tell me “we are legally married. It’s easy to prove Common Law Marriage in Texas,” I hope you never need to test your theory in probate court. My father lived with Gretta for six years. My father and Gretta filed joint tax returns, shared checking accounts and lived as husband and wife but THEY NEVER FILED AN INFORMAL MARRIAGE AFFIDAVIT TOGETHER. Because they hadn’t, even with a will, my father never won or much less proved Common Law Marriage. 

These Affidavits when filed together by both parties in the clerks office ARE LEGALLY BINDING AND REQUIRE A DIVORCE BOTH IN AND OUTSIDE OF TEXAS. 

The primary difference between Informal and Formal Marriage in Texas is that a Formal Marriage REQUIRES AN OFFICIANT AND CEREMONY. An Informal Marriage Affidavit “skips” the ceremony AND Officiant requirements.

Regarding Married versus Common Law Married Status within TDCJ. These are two different things. Outside of TDCJ, there are two types of marriage licenses. One is an Informal Marriage Affidavit. This must be be filed at the clerks office by both parties to be a legally binding marriage. The main variation of the Informal Marriage License versus the Formal Marriage License is that the cost is less, there is no Officiant and there is no ceremony. 
A Formal Marriage requires a Formal Marriage License, Officiant and both parties present as well as a wedding ceremony taking place. 
The widespread misuse of the Informal Marriage Affidavit fo obtain contact visits within TDCJ is due in part to the ease of which inmates can file this document. 
Many of my clients have no idea a CLM status even exists UNTIL they attempt to marry an inmate and are denied due to a pre existing CLM status with someone other than themselves. Undoing a CLM status is and can be a hurdle. 
Although outside of TDCJ, the Informal Marriage Affidavit is invalid because it wasn’t filed at the clerks office by both parties, TDCJ will make removing the other party a real hassle by insisting on a divorce for a marriage that wasn’t legal. 
If the Informal Marriage wasn’t filed and recorded AT A COUNTY CLERKS OFFICE you cannot file a divorce regarding the union. A legal marriage must exist to file a legal divorce. 
Inmates gain the CLM classification two ways. Either they went into the system proclaiming to be Common Law Married and DID NOT sign a CLM Affidavit or after being in the system, they had their girlfriend sign one proclaiming to consider themselves Common Law Married. This changes the inmates status from Single to CLM. But only within TDCJ. 
Outside of TDCJ, the other party can easily legally marry someone else “on the outside” while the inmate cannot marry anyone else “on the outside” due to the status. Why? Because the Informal Marriage Affidavit WAS NOT FILED IN PERSON BY BOTH PARTIES at the clerks office. This allows the person on the outside to marry anyone not within TDCJ. After release, an inmate can also marry anyone they choose to. However, while incarcerated, that TDCJ CLM status is going to prevent anyone on the outside from marrying an inmate on the inside from anyone other than the party listed as being his or hers Common Law Partner within TDCJ. 
I’ve had many strangers attempt to argue the point as to a CLM affidavit filed within TDCJ “being a legally binding marriage.” Listen, I’ve spent years in courtrooms. YEARS. Prior to Texas Twins Events, Texas Twins Treasures, The Pawning Planners and TDCJ Officiant, I owned Defending Debt Lawsuits and sold it to start Texas Twins Events. Don’t attempt to argue law with me. Educate yourself. Buy a family law book for this state. Understand and comprehend marriage law. Study TDCJ policy and procedure. Comprehend the Administrative Directive but don’t attempt to convince me that you know more about marriage law than I do. You don’t. 
You cannot BE living as husband and wife when one of you is incarcerated. Think about it. Living together is a requirement of proclaiming to be CLM. Many of these CLM Affidavits filed by inmates are filed AFTER being incarcerated. How on earth are they living with another party while they are living at a prison? Short answer? They aren’t. They wanted contact visits and realized that by filing a CLM Affidavit with TDCJ they could obtain contact visits. 
Proving a Common Law Marriage is far more difficult than uninformed people believe the process to be OUTSIDE of TDCJ. Why do you think the Informal Marriage Affidavit process and option exist in the first place? You know, if it was “so easy to prove to be Common Law Married.” It isn’t. 
How do you know if your inmate is listed as CLM to someone other than you? You could ask. Or, you could plan your prison wedding and stumble upon this information yourself. It’s devastating I can assure you to be thrown a curve ball that you didn’t see coming. 
The easiest way to undo a CLM status between the inmate and someone else is to have both of them sign and notarize a Dissolution Agreement. What if you don’t know who the other person is? How to contact them? You can try to dissolve the status by having the inmate file a Dissolution Agreement but some Units refuse to notarize this document and suggest the inmate file an Unsworn Declaration instead. Others demand a divorce for a marriage that never occurred. It is a problem. It’s a problem that you will need to overcome prior to being granted permission to marry an inmate. 
What if you the person on the outside signed a CLM Affidavit with another inmate in the TDCJ system and now are trying to marry another inmate? Same scenario. Even if the initial inmate you signed the affidavit with is NO LONGER INCARCERATED, TDCJ records will reflect that you are CLM and therefore not entitled to marry another inmate. 
This widespread misuse of CLM Affidavits is an ongoing problem in Texas. However, outside of TDCJ, these “marriages” are not legally binding and do not prevent anyone being listed as CLM to an inmate from marrying someone not within TDCJ. 
Unraveling this ball of yarn requires patience and dedication. On the side of the inmate, it also requires honesty. Let’s review why they had someone sign that CLM Affidavit to begin with. Contact visits. “It’s just a piece of paper.” It isn’t. TDCJ allowed contact visits based on the Affidavit. 
Now, let’s address this “elephant in the room” with a few Units who denied an I60 Request For Inmate Marriage to couples who were listed as CLM to the same person they were trying to legally marry… back before the Administrative Directive pertaining to inmate marriage was changed to allow inmate marriages, the pre existing status of being CLM blocked a legal marriage. The new Administrative Directive allowed a legal marriage to occur within TDCJ with the SAME parties listed as CLM. My clients contacted me and explained the problem. I involved the Courts and overcame the problem. The Courts like me know the policy and procedure. They are your friends whether you realize it or not when planning your Prison Wedding. 
Knowledge and experience are how and why I overcome hurdles. I have successfully married clients who were previously CLM to each other then later denied the ability to legally marry. That’s right. Over and over again too. A Denial isn’t final but it is the beginning of a process to obtain permission to marry. I have also successfully married couples who unwittingly encountered the “sticky CLM issue” of the inmate being listed as Common Law Married to someone other than them. It took months but… we unraveled the status and finally got them married. 
A CLM status to anyone other than you is frustrating, infuriating and surprising. No one expects it. For inmates who claim that they “can’t remember” either filing this status when going in or signing an affidavit after being incarcerated, I can assure you that they do remember because they gained contact visits by doing so. Honesty is the best policy here. After all, marriage is a merger and marriage must be based on trust. Inmates DO REMEMBER having the ability to hand a contact visit. Ask any inmate how difficult obtaining contact visits is and you will quickly understand why this widespread abuse of CLM Affidavits actually exists to begin with. 
I have “other Officiants” contact me frequently because they have no idea how to solve their clients unexpected problems. It’s not my job to educate them however and I’m rather busy addressing clients from five businesses and venues I’m on staff with. Learning policy and procedure within every state I conduct marriages didn’t happen overnight. Knowing marriage law and understanding prison policy is the one thing that every prison wedding Officiant should know but they don’t. This isn’t a job that only requires you to show up. This is a job that requires you to be educated and informed. This is a job that warrants your time and attention to walk your client through a very confusing and frustrating process. This is a job that requires dedication and experience. I don’t have the time to train others on how to perform their job functions. If you have hired someone who shrugs their shoulders when you encounter a problem, you hired the wrong person. 
For those of you wondering if either you or the inmate are listed as CLM to anyone other than each other, you can contact inmate records and ask or contact the Courts in Huntsville. 
For those of you who believe “proving Common Law Marriage is easy” I hope you never have to stand before a probate judge and attempt to find out how difficult what you believed to be easy is. It isn’t. Informal Marriage Affidavits exist to prove a legal marriage occurred. They also require both parties present at the clerks office. Skipping any part of this requirement does not create a legally binding marriage I can assure you. Filing a CLM Affidavit with TDCJ creates a status but that status is limited to TDCJ and not recognized as legally binding outside of TDCJ. 
For those of you still believing that by signing a CLM Affidavit within TDCJ “created a legally binding marriage,” I’m including the Texas Marriage Verification link for you to check your “legally binding Common Law Marriage Status” yourself because I have neither the time or the patience to argue with someone who isn’t my client and who believes they know or much less understand family law or marriage law contacting me with uninformed information. 
If you believe you are legally married, don’t contact me, verify it yourself. I’m busy addressing my clients and their needs and have no time to debate with uninformed strangers… 

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“SOME people WANT to TIE you DOWN, and EXPECT you, to PAY for the ROPE”

For over a year now, I’ve had surprise emails, texts and phone calls regarding “a date at a Unit for a wedding” with people who are trying to tie me down and expecting me to provide the rope. For “anyone out there” shocked about the blatant honesty of the “rope statement,” it should be noted that this isn’t my first rodeo. 

“WE don’t have a date if you didn’t bother to check my schedule before argreeing to a date offered to you by the Unit Chaplain.” 

Scheduling of Texas Prison Weddings generally occurs 10-14 days prior to the event. Nearly ALL Texas Units use Tuesday and Thursday as their primary dates. Whether it’s the first and fourth Thursday or second and third Tuesday, you should realize that over 100 Units in Texas use the same or similar dates. 

Tuesday’s and Thursday’s are prime time booking dates. PLEASE contact me to validate availability before emailing or texting me “WE have a date.” 

You were given a date and you assumed my availability. There is a difference. There is also a possibility that I’m already scheduled  hours away at ANOTHER UNIT ON THE SAME DAY. Communication is key and subsequently essential to my schedule.

When Cindy and I started Texas Twins Events, our goal was to give others the Dream Event that Cindy and I had never had. We wanted to create affordable options and we have. 

We have NEVER ADVERTISED. EVER. Our businesses were built on dedication and referrals from happy clients. 

Texas Twins Events was the FIRST people over profit based endeavor in the events industry. My idea to help the people no one else in this industry wanted to help have a Dream Event was based entirely on personal experience. How so? Neither Cindy or I could afford the flowers, cakes, vendors and other “fun stuff” for our own weddings years ago. My Officiant charged $450 for the wedding ceremony alone. Fees for Officiants should be affordable. 

Cindy and I both knew that affordable options were non existent. We also set out to change that. Not everyone has parents to foot the bill and we didn’t either. We became the people we had never met in an industry where prior to Texas Twins Events, the “Average Joe” had previously been forced to marry at the JP due entirely to lack of finances. 

After starting Texas Twins Events, the Average Joe called the Texas Twins instead. 

We helped anyone. We welcomed anyone and we did it at prices people could afford. There’s a reason for our success in the event business and the reason is that NOT EVERYONE has tens of thousands of dollars to throw at a Life Event. 

The majority of consumers live paycheck to paycheck. Many don’t even own a credit card. A few folks coming to us had no money at all. How could we help anyone? Even folks with no money? The Texas Twins yet again found a solution. 

Six years ago, Cindy and I merged Texas Twins Events and Texas Twins Treasures to CREATE a barter option, The Pawning Planners. AGAIN, this was a FIRST.

Cindy and I are PIONEERS in the events industry. “We had effectively created a window than no one else in this industry realized existed. Cindy and I came from poverty. We knew we weren’t alone. We recognized that others had limited incomes. We fought to find a solution for them that we never found for ourselves when planning our own weddings years ago. We pitched our tents and welcomed anyone from any background.” 

I will never forget a production company executive in LA telling me “you girls are great! You have huge personalities and I love the Prison wedding angle BUT no one is really interested in helping poor people and prison weddings are controversial.” 

Hmm. Controversial. He called us. He then told us that our journey, our clients and our story weren’t “jazzy enough.” Save the fabricated storylines and frankenbiting. We don’t NEED a show. Production companies contact us frequently and have for years. The problem? Their idea and our reality are completely different. Also, unless it’s a docureality format, we have no interest. Controversial? To who? Scripted “reality TV” is controversial and it’s also not real. A group of writers sitting around a table came up with characters and personalities and then found people willing to fit their mold. I can assure you that Cindy and I are not going to fit into anyone’s mold or fabricated concept. My twin is loud, unfiltered and hilarious. She is a comedian. I’m not. I’m quiet, reflective, and organized. We are Compensating Personality Twins. Two halves literally make a whole. 

I’ve worked as a commercial and print actress but if you want me to act don’t expect me to read a script regarding my businesses or my life. There isn’t a script for a day in the life of the Texas Twins. People are unpredictable. We’ve met thousands of people over the years and can assure you that scripting their story would be impossible. 

It is tough to surprise me anymore and yet it continues to happen from production companies. “Wendy I’m casting a prison based show and need to find the talent.” Wait. What? You want me to do your job for you?! “Wendy you and Cindy would be great for TV. We need you to do over the top events though.” Really? No thanks. 

Did we realize that there were so many others out there seeking affordable options? No. But, we knew there had to be at least a few people. In fact, there were thousands. We are now national regarding inmate weddings.

Nearly three years ago, we AGAIN rebranded and expanded to offer Prison wedding services. No one including my husband or even my twin sister or even I could have guessed that inmate Officiant services would become our primary booking source? 

Prison weddings NOW compromise 85-90% of all Texas Twins Events bookings in numerous states. Upon release, previous Prison wedding clients rebook Vow Renewal Ceremonies. Repeat bookings Wendy? Absolutely! 

“Traditional” Event bookings literally became the minority rather than the majority of our bookings. We prefer real people. We prefer amazing love stories. We don’t need fluff or “over the top drama driven Divas.” THEY BELONG ON TV. Going nuts over minor details? Check. From bouncing checks to bawdy demands, if we never booked another “big event” Cindy and I wouldn’t miss it one bit. We have been there and done that for years with “affluent folks” who want it all but never want to pay for it. I turn down “traditional bookings and inquiries” on a regular basis. Daily, weekly, monthly. I no longer work as a planner for an Officiants pay either. Rich folks often “thought my entire staff came at the price of an Officiant fee.” Give me an Average Joe any day of the week! At least they are reasonable AND pay their fees. I’ve never had so much trouble getting paid as I have with “over the top” bookings. EVER. These clients are the most difficult people I’ve ever encountered. How so? I could go on and on here. After all, for years prior to prison weddings, someone would book for an Officiant then add on two photographers, set up and tear down and then balk when I issued a new contract AND a new bid. One “client” even handed my twin sister and apron to serve food? I can’t make this shit up. You don’t hire a singer and get a band. I turned my back to the choir of people contacting me and CHOSE to focus on the congregation of people who were worthy of working with instead. WHAT A RELIEF. Clients don’t interview Cindy and I anymore. We interview THEM. 

Prison Wedding Scheduling has become incredibly complicated due to a number of people putting either my name, Leigh Ann’s name or Cindy’s name on Texas I60 Request for Inmate Marriage Forms WITHOUT  retaining our services. This is a very real issue. 

UNLESS you have followed our booking process YOU are NOT a client. I refuse to advertise in order to limit bookings because we are already juggling too many booked clients and addressing new inquiries on a daily basis. 

I limit and cut off new bookings mid month every month to keep flexibility in Texas. Why? Because each Unit has only 2 days per month for a wedding ceremony available. 

Last night while walking to my gate with Cindy to return to Texas from New York, a text from Gary regarding being scheduled on September 24th came through. I was already scheduled at Ellis on the same day.

I emailed Ellis Unit to move the date and accommodate Crain Unit and Gary at 2PM. 

This morning, Gary sent another text that read “they’ve moved us up to September 10th @2PM.” What the? 

 ALARMED– I sent a text back that read “I am at 3 Units in Tennessee Colony on September 10th and confirmed these weddings with the Unit! I CANNOT MOVE CONFIRMED DATES. Tennessee Colony is three hours from Gatesville. I cannot be in Tennessee Colony and Gatesville at the same time. 

Gary sent a text that read “well that’s the date the Chaplain gave.” I called Crain. The inmate had moved the date NOT the Chaplain. I advised the Chaplain that I was already scheduled at Tennessee Colony Units and had been for weeks. Therefore, I could not and would not be at Crain when I was on schedule at Beto and Michael. 

Attention TDCJ Clients… The I60 leaves the law library to inmate records. It then leaves inmate records to Huntsville. It then leaves Huntsville to the Unit Warden. It then leaves the Warden to the Chaplain to schedule. You MUST contact me to check availability on the dates. No exceptions!

I then called Gary again to advise him that the inmate and not the Chaplain had moved the date AND I’m going to use this example with Gary to educate anyone else assuming they know my schedule that they don’t. 

Without a TDCJ Approved Officiant on site- I can assure you that your wedding WILL NOT take place. 

If an inmate isn’t having my client contact me FIRST to check my SCHEDULE you have CHOICES. First, I will refund you and wish you well if you want or expect me to cancel an EXISTING and confirmed date in order to accommodate your own. 

Secondly, if you have not paid your deposit, your date will not be confirmed. If I am unavailable because you assumed that you “knew my schedule better than I do,”  you will need to file a new I60 with Cindy as your Officiant. I cannot be in two places AT THE SAME time.

Texas Department Of Criminal Justice Clients PLEASE CONTACT ME PRIOR to choosing a date. I cannot stress this enough. Get THREE POSSIBLE DATES then call me to check availability. 

I’m juggling up to 20 Texas clients each and every month. Texas unlike my other states only has 2 available days for each unit each month. Many of these dates are the same dates as other units. 

Whether it’s every other Tuesday or Thursday which are primary booking dates or another day of the week, I can assure you that I will not move a confirmed date at ANY UNIT to accommodate you because you failed to check your day with me first. 

If Cindy and I are BOTH BOOKED at existing Units in Texas and unavailable, Leigh Ann can  fly to Texas for your TDCJ wedding but be advised that booking with Leigh Ann will incur additional travel fees. 

STOP CONTACTING me saying “we have a date” without validating the date with me first. I hate surprises. 

If you fail to contact me and check availability of or if you listed my name on an I60 without bothering to follow booking procedures, I will be forced to contact the Unit myself and cancel the date if you haven’t followed my REQUIREMENT for booking procedures and paid your deposit. 

If you are a booked client and HAVE followed my REQUIRED booking procedures, the date that “you assumed that I had available in Texas on my books” MAY or MAY NOT be available on my calendar. ASK before agreeing to a date. If you don’t run a date by me first, you are running the risk of a forced reschedule. You are doing so at your own risk. Call me. Text me. Email me. Whatever you do communicate with me.

We can easily alleviate scheduling conflicts by CONTACTING ME FIRST. GET MORE THAN ONE DATE OPTION and if you aren’t a booked client, STOP using my name and credentials to obtain a date behind my back and assume I will show up. I won’t. 

What I will do though  is contact the Unit and explain why and how you were Approved by pulling my name off the internet. Nearly ALL TDCJ Units NOW REQUIRE verification from me due to the consistent misuse of my credentials from strangers who are NOT clients pulling my name off the internet. 

“We are different. We are passionate. We are dedicated. People forget words and remember actions. We are versatile. We are open minded. We are also remembered for our dedication.”

Today’s blog will outline why I insist on my booking policies being followed. I live on timelines and deadlines. Cindy does too? A free day? We haven’t had one in years.

I assume a great deal of risk each and every time I leave my location. I could be in a car accident, my windshield could be broken, my car could break down in the middle of nowhere. If I’m taking on all of the responsibilities of getting to your Unit, you must be taking on the responsibility of booking me first. 

Who goes to Walmart and leaves with bags without paying? You don’t fill up your tank without paying for gas. No one in the Prison wedding industry drives 10-18 hours a day to provide a service without compensation. If there is an Approved, Certified or Accredited “volunteer” Prison Officiant out there, I’m wholly and entirely unaware of them. 

The Unit Chaplain cannot and will not conduct a ceremony in Texas or many other states. Obtaining an Officiant is a requirement for your Prison wedding. 

Last week, I reviewed yet another email that ludicrously stated “I just need you to conduct my ceremony. It won’t take more than 30 minutes.” Let’s review this. The Unit is hours from my location. HOURS. I cannot snap my fingers and arrive on site. I spend $1000 every 9 months on tires alone. 

I don’t risk a flat or blow out on the road. My vehicle is an investment. Without it, I obviously cannot be where I need to be. I don’t skimp on necessary components of my job description. 

The time “inside a Unit” is entirely up in the air. We don’t rush the Unit. We wait. We could wait up to 3 hours at ONE UNIT and I have. “Thirty minutes” minimizes what is required of me to such great lengths that  each and every time I see this statement, I am shocked that anyone assumes that what I do “only requires thirty minutes.” 

From having my vehicle serviced to loading my car to getting my affairs at home in order or consulting with other clients, time is the only thing in my entire life that I have far too little of. I can’t buy time. I must use my time wisely. 

Certain people must stop confusing ignorance with righteousness. Let’s review righteousness for people unaware of the term. I’m honest, I’m dedicated, I’m reliable. In this industry, experience, reliability, honesty and integrity don’t come free. If I’m dropping everything in my life to accommodate your needs, I expect you to put some skin in the game. I.E. Pay your deposit. Sign your contract. 

Run possible dates by me PRIOR to agreeing to a DATE with a Unit Chaplain. 

Certain individuals are shaking my tree without being willing to eat the fruit that falls. Arrogance speaks without forethought. 

If you are assuming that you are more important than my other clients who have adhered to my booking requirements, without retaining my services, you aren’t my first priority. 

My booked clients are and always will be my first priority. Don’t assume that I have free time on my schedule. I don’t. 

Character becomes questionable when certain individuals expect others to accommodate their needs rather than those who were already standing in line when they happened to stroll up or contact me. 

Cindy, my twin sister creates iconic quotes for Pawning Planners Apparel on a daily basis. These quotes are based on real life situations. 

Here are a few truthful insights. “Without common sense, your wealth today can become your poverty tomorrow.” There aren’t any rest areas on the road to success. I don’t take short cuts. 

“Don’t expect to cherry pick a withered branch from a barren tree. People’s generosity eventually runs out. Gratitude is the difference between appreciation and a sense of entitlement.”

Now, let’s address production companies….if you are contacting me or my twin sister for casting, “we don’t hand over our paychecks to people who didn’t earn the income.” Don’t expect us to do your job for you. 

Also, investigative journalists and casting producers wishing to disrupt my day and address your needs, your sense of urgency is YOUR luggage and not OUR trip. We are busy addressing OUR CLIENTS NEEDS. “Even baggage handlers expect a tip.” 

I am paid consultant with GLG. From marketing to consumer merchandise to luxury cars and even warranties, I get paid to share my knowledge with industry leaders.

People constantly ask me “how did you come up with this idea and make it work without ever advertising? Tell me how I can do what you did.” Hmm, hey buddy, why would create competition that doesn’t exist? Answer? I won’t and don’t. 

BUY OUR book. It’s going to be chock full of surprises, twists, drama, real life people, stories and adventures. No one could fabricate a journey like ours in a million years. 

“We had an idea. A concept to create a business to help people no one else would. Others thought we were crazy. No one cared enough to help low to middle income families have a Life Event. What we wanted and strived be to do for others had never been done before. Effectively, we took coal and squeezed into a diamond. We became the people we had never met. Along the way, we met amazing families. We had inspiring adventures and the time to spend together that our former careers had taken from us. Our success is literally an amazing story.”

Truth beats the shit out of scripted “faux reality” any day of the week. Our story is genuine, riveting and real. But no one told us how to succeed. Most people laughed. We do the laughing now. 

If you aren’t passionate, driven and determined I can assure you that you don’t have the stamina to be me. Cindy and I make a helluva team. We are scrappy and resourceful but most of all– we HAVE NEVER BEEN LAZY. Lazy people might get lucky now and then but luck doesn’t last. Perseverance does.

I am also an expert in the wedding industry and the most knowledgeable Prison wedding Officiant you will ever encounter. I know Prison policy and procedure within each and every state I conduct ceremonies within. No, I didn’t “wake up one” day with this knowledge. Instead, I educated myself and continue to educate myself at my own expense. If you need something from me, get your checkbook out. My time isn’t free. I get paid to talk and people listen. I don’t get paid to listen to people pitching me. Networks do. Go pitch them. Schedule a meeting. 

“We just need to talk to you about an idea or concept.” We are BUSY. Email and schedule your Skype or conference call at OUR CONVENIENCE. “Don’t EXPECT me to EDUCATE you, WITH my EXPERTISE, without PAYING the TUITION.” 

“If you want the honey from the hive, don’t complain about the stings that come with it. Getting what you want is painful. WITHOUT RISK, DEDICATION AND PASSION, you will never begin and without perseverance you will never finish.”

Cindy Daniel

 

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Comments, Questions & Concerns? Why Prison Weddings Open A Window Of Opinions From Others That Needs To Be Closed…

Late last night, someone who apparently was searching hashtags for prison weddings found me on FB and Instagram. First off, I’d like to express that if “you don’t believe that inmates should have the right to marry,” I am confused as to why you are specifically searching for people marrying an inmate? Are you bored? Nonetheless and anyhow, Donna, this blog is for you. 

Donna, I’m going to address your concerns although I strongly disagree with your opinions regarding inmate marriage because apparently, you felt strongly enough about your opinion to message me. 

First though, I’m going to express how offended I was for my clients regarding your observation of downplaying their dedication by describing their love story as “Jailbirds turned lovebirds.” 

This description is so narrow minded and one sided that I would best describe it as outrageous. It doesn’t even begin to adequately describe the relationships of my clients or their partners. 

Your assumption that most of my clients were pen pals is also far from true. The majority of my clients knew the inmate years prior to incarceration. This is a fact and believe it or not, something my clients choose to share with me. I don’t ask why their loved one is incarcerated either. 

On the flip side of the same coin, I don’t ask my traditional clients from Texas Twins Events or The Pawning Planners or ANY Client booking me through a venue I’m affiliated with if “they or their soon to be spouse has ever committed a crime and if so what it was?” No vendor would ask a question like this and I certainly won’t either. I don’t screen anyone. I’m in the people business. I help people. 

A large percentage of the people my staff and I are helping have no one else to help them. Why? Because they are judged by other vendors and effectively “screened.”

I have several clients that went to school together and even lived in the same town or on the same street. Many were lovebirds as teens and young adults long before lock up. 

I would like to point out statistics first to educate you regarding the number of people incarcerated in the United States who either personally know or have a relative in prison. Cornell University surveyed a representative sample of more than 4000 people. 

The resulting report shows that one in seven adults has had an immediate family member incarcerated for more than one year, and one in 34 has had a loved one incarcerated for 10 years or more.

One in four American adults has had a sibling incarcerated. One in five has had a parent sent to jail or prison. One in eight has had a child incarcerated.

Today, 6.5 million adults have an immediate family member currently in jail or prison.

These are staggering numbers but the above numbers were from 2018. You had stated that “I don’t believe that there are people out there wanting to marry an inmate and if there are, they have reasons other than love for choosing to do so. Prison marriage is a fad. A trend. A plea for attention.” 

This belief and statement is so wildly inaccurate that you should know that as far back as 1996, Prison Weddings were occurring in California. These weddings were not taking place because they were “trendy.” They were taking place because someone was willing to give up their life and commit themselves to someone else who was incarcerated. 

Someone loved someone else SO MUCH that even though they had very little to bring to the marriage, their heart was in the right place. Their belief that love knows no bounds led them to the decision to marry an inmate.

Prison marriage isn’t new or unique and is far from being a trend. Prison marriage REQUIRES COMMITMENT! Prison marriage isn’t for the meek. To be married to an inmate is a difficult path. You raise your children alone. You pay your bills alone. You do everything alone. It’s a very heavy cross to bear to love an inmate and commit your life to loving an inmate by marrying one. People who do not make this decision lightly. They go in with their eyes wide open. How do I know? I have met them. 

Among prison psychologists, it’s widely accepted that marriages between people who had close relationships beforehand are more likely to endure than those between people who met while one was behind bars.

“The marriages that begin in any situation where the woman is sort of aware of the person the inmate is prior to incarceration tend to last,” said Ronald Browne, a former prison psychologist at the U.S. penitentiary in Lompoc and now in private practice in Santa Maria.

The couples I have married “on the inside” have gone through a very lengthy process in order to be legally married. It isn’t something they decided to do on a whim. 

A Prison wedding is one of the very few joyous things that occur “inside” a Prison. While you and others may feel that your opinion has an impact on my clients, their choices or even their families, I can assure you that you are incorrect. 

Getting married is an act of hope. Prison marriages may be the most vivid demonstrations of this because they are undertaken in the most restrictive circumstances and hold for the husband and wife only diminished prospects for togetherness.

Prison marriage may not be for everyone but, love surpasses all things. You may not understand this but, love knows no bounds including the separation and loneliness that anyone who loves an inmate experiences. The dedication of driving every weekend to visit. The phone calls, the letters and the love locked down. 

My clients are the most determined and resilient individuals I’ve ever met or ever will meet planning to marry someone else. Marriage is a merger. It’s a commitment for anyone entering into a marriage.

On the “outside,” my couples and often my brides in particular want the perfect dress, the perfect venue, the perfect cake. 

On the “inside,” my clients cannot have these things. They must carefully choose their clothing. They must remove their shoes and belts. They must follow stringent guidelines. 

In effect, a marriage to an inmate is far more about the other person than the frivolities of couples marrying outside of a prison. 

Donna, since you apparently assume that “all prison weddings END in divorce,” I’m going to educate you with the truth and advise you that your opinion is a myth. None of my clients have filed for divorce and I’ve married many, many people inside prisons. 

On the outside though, three of my couples over the years have divorced. They had everything my Prison Weddings Clients didn’t but they still couldn’t make their marriage work. 

Marriage is give and take. Marriage to an inmate is mostly give for my clients because they are pulling the wagon alone doing time on the outside while the inmate does time on the inside. 

Only a very strong and dedicated individual can overcome all odds and make their marriage last. My clients are very strong individuals. They are passionate and perseverant. 

Long after lock up, these clients call me to schedule a Vow Renewal. That’s right. A celebration with the dress, the cakes, the music and the family who couldn’t attend their inmate wedding. 

For these clients, celebrating freedom of their spouse, the celebration isn’t about impressing others with over the top extravagance. The celebration is of love that endured through a very difficult window. A marriage that made it through the rain and the pain that will finally see a rainbow to begin their life together. No more expensive phone calls, long drives to the Unit on the weekend to stand in line and screen in, no more running to the phone every time it rings to keep from missing a call they’ve waited all day to receive. 

Vow Renewals for my former prison couples are to celebrate my couples freedom, endurance and dedication to one another. They made it through the rain, the loneliness, the pain and the despair. They survived love locked down and their journey together at last is something so exciting that I cannot even begin to put into words the joy of a Vow Renewal after lock up. You wouldn’t understand. 

Donna, what you should understand though is that none of my clients are seeking your acceptance of their choices. None of my clients feel the need or have the desire to explain their decision to you. 

I’m a sucker for a fantastic love story. I’m also a firm believer in second chances and I will go to my grave stating that love is love regardless of who people choose to love or whether or not others accept their choices… 

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What To Expect, What To Wear And Why The Waiting Is The Hardest Part…

Yesterday at Estelle Unit, my bride Kelly was as upset as I was about waiting over two hours for her wedding but, we cannot control the amount of time we spend waiting on an inmate. 

Many things factor into the timeline of waiting on the inmate or the Unit. What are they? Well, yesterday, the count of the inmates that is usually finished at 1:30 wasn’t completed until 2:30. Good thing Kelly and I had good company. Each other I mean lol. We spent our time waiting on the groom talking about life and her job as well as her love story and really enjoyed having the time to spend together. By the time we were ready to meet her groom, Kelly was nervous, excited and joyous. I loved that they had both taken the time to write their own vows making their ceremony emotional and memorable. I bought three Unit photos and as we waited for them to print, watched thunder clouds rolling outside of the Unit. I was hoping rain wouldn’t ruin her bridal photo shoot I had planned after the wedding. 

Since Kelly wanted to run the marriage license to the Walker County Clerks Office in Huntsville, I followed Kelly only to learn that the clerk closed at 4:30PM rather than 5PM and we were a few minutes too late. No problem, I mailed the license priority mail this morning from Bonham, Texas. Congrats beautiful Kelly. 

While juggling phone calls and returning text messages and following Kelly after leaving Estelle Unit, I was also talking to a production assistant trying to orchestrate flying to NYC Tuesday after my wedding at San Saba Unit. 

Since it’s well known that I never reschedule a Prison wedding, finding the nearest airport from San Saba was Waco although American Airlines flies out of Waco to NYC. The distance from San Saba to Waco Regional Airport is 2 hours. The distance from San Saba to DFW is 3 hours. I’m hoping we can get in and out of San Saba Tuesday and planning to arrive at 9AM in the hopes of getting in a bit early. 

At this rate, Cindy and I will fly out of either DFW or Waco Regional Tuesday and return to Fort Worth Friday. 

This morning, I left early to Buster Cole due to the constant traffic issues in Dallas, I left 45 minutes sooner than necessary and needed every bit of it in order to arrive at 10:30AM for my 11AM wedding. My other Kelly at Buster Cole Unit looked adorable in white flared pants and a lace top. Sadly, the Unit didn’t approve of her wedding outfit so back to my suv for a button front shirt and Kelly’s car for a pair of jeans. Back inside the Unit, we anxiously awaited the arrival of the groom with the Chaplain. 

Kelly and her groom had also written their vows and were thrilled to finally be marrying. After signing the license and getting our Unit photos, I followed Kelly to a gas station before setting out to find a unique building for her photo shoot. 

There was an abandoned gas station I spotted just a few miles from the gas station Bonham that worked well. It was a hot day but Kelly was a good sport and tried a few different tiaras and bouquets while we both tried to stay cool.I’m off to Hutchins Unit tomorrow then Tennessee Colony and wish all of our clients much love and joy ?

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Headed To TDCJ Hilltop Unit And Gatesville, Texas A City Of Women’s Prisons…

Gatesville is one of the cities I frequent due to the number of Units located there. I had been contacted a few weeks ago by my client wishing to marry there and although this would be my first visit to Hilltop, I knew exactly where it was from passing it numerous times on my way to Hughes, Crain and my other “regular Unit stops.”

Gatesville is a city in and the county seat of Coryell County, Texas, United States. The population was 15,751 at the 2010 census. The city has five of the eight prisons and state jails for women operated by the Texas Department of Criminal Justice.

Hilltop is the hub of the six prisons in Gatesville. The Texas Department of Criminal Justice (TDCJ) described it as “a true prison farm” that “fittingly serves as the headquarters for the area’s agricultural operations.” 

The unit has pigs fed on feeder slabs and sixty horses used by field officers from surrounding prison units. The regional operations and maintenance departments are located at Hilltop. The unit hosts the pre-service and in-service area training facilities. Hilltop is the center of vehicle maintenance and repair work, and it serves as the area fuel depot.

The exteriors of the Hilltop buildings have bright white paint; the TDCJ says that the buildings “sparkle like white diamonds when the light is right.” Many building interiors have moldings dating from the 1890s. Some staircases are topped by pressed tin ceilings from era that the former Gatesville State School was built in. 

The Texas Building of Hilltop Unit was formerly Ferguson Hall; its current name stems from the concrete letters, colored in red, white, and blue, spelling “TEXAS.” The Texas Building’s first floor has classrooms and a library. The upstairs has an auditorium and a walled-in projection room. 

A cemetery containing graves of children of the former state school who died there is located across Business Highway 36.

Hilltop houses a program for female young offenders, located in the main Hilltop school. As of 2002 about 15 girls are in the program. 

The Hackberry Unit houses a Parole Modification and a Substance Abuse Felony Punishment Facility.

My groom had met his fiancée while visiting another inmate and former church member housed at Hilltop Unit. My groom was very excited to finally be marrying and I was surprised to learn he was from Azle, Texas. 

My husband has numerous developments in the Azle, Springtown, Lake Worth and Saginaw areas and as teens, Cindy and I briefly attended Azle High School. I never ask why an inmate is incarcerated however, my clients always wish to share the details. Delwyn was no exception. 

A deeply religious man, Delwyn arrived initially across the yard from my SUV at the Hilltop Unit but told me that “the visitation entry was on the other side.” Since I hadn’t been to this Unit before, I moved my SUV to follow and parked across from the Regional Directors Offices. Delwyn and I walked inside as Cindy waited in my SUV. We were of course in the wrong building and told to go back over to the main entrance. 

Delwyn and I both drove back to the main entrance at Hilltop and approached the tower guard. Due to the back and forth from one entrance to the next, Delwyn and I were both sweating profusely as we waited in the Texas sun for the guard to come out and count quarters for Unit photos after verifying our ID’s and then instructing us to go back over to the visitation entrance on the other side of the building. This was really unusual as traditionally, I enter through the main building, screen in with my clients and wait for an escort to the visitation area. 

Back parked at the visitation area, Delwyn and I were screened in. We walked across the street with two guards to wait on the gates to be unlocked but one of the keys wasn’t working. If I was overheated at the main entrance, I was really overheating waiting on another guard to come unlock the gate on the other side. But, waiting is the role of a prison wedding Officiant as well as my clients. We waited together as our escorts unlocked the gates and finally met Stacie standing smiling outside the visitation room. 

Upon entering the room, I went over “the rules.” There are strict rules regarding inappropriate contact during a prison wedding. Both parties are allowed two “pec kisses” and allowed to hold hands and briefly hug. 

Since I’m always asked about this, there are no conjugal visits at TDCJ facilities. Marriage ceremonies are generally “contact visits” unless the inmate is G4 or G5 status or for some other reason behind glass. If the inmate is behind glass, there is no contact.

Delwyn had sent me several “poses” he wanted for his wedding photos. I generally prefer to do photos after the ceremony because clients are relieved to get the wedding behind them and far more relaxed. 

Delwyn had also written his vows and the opening for my ceremony which is unusual but I enjoy creative client input. My couple were somewhat nervous as most couples marrying inside a prison are. 

Delwyn had brought a derby hat with him to the ceremony so I reached over to grab it and put it on him for one of their wedding photos together. I loved his bow tie too.

Hilltop didn’t have the painted walls in the visitation area that most Texas Units do but a beautiful tapestry had been hung on the wall which provided a dash of color. 

There are no special visits after a TDCJ wedding ceremony. We have 20-25 minutes inside the visitation area for your wedding. I time my ceremony to incorporate your vows and our timeline to give you sufficient time to say what you would like. If you have handwritten elements, please bring them with you.

As Delwyn and I were escorted back out of the visitation area, we both said goodbye to Stacie to follow the guard to the clearing area to await our photos to print. My favorite was the photo below because it shows just how much love Delwyn has for Stacie. I had decided to use the Coryell County Courthouse for a few groom photos and followed Delwyn there. Since my Grooms rarely take more than a few photos at their shoot, I had packed a few bouteniers and a sign for Delwyn and planned to incorporate his signed wedding license into the photos as well. 

Delwyn and I were both fairly overheated from standing outside Hilltop for over an hour together. I’m really looking forward to seeing Delwyn and Stacie again for their Vow Renewal and honored to have shared their Life Event at Hilltop Unit. Leaving the courthouse, I headed to the Dairy Queen drive through and was as surprised and delighted to see Delwyn standing at the counter across from me as he was to see Cindy and I. Like me, Delwyn had a long drive back to Azle while we were headed to Fort Worth and was thrilled to finally be married after a lengthy process to be granted permission to marry.

I’m at Connally Unit tomorrow with my beautiful bride, Victoria and at Buster Cole with Kelly on Friday. Can’t wait to meet you both.

My San Saba transfer from Plane Unit client had emailed me about August 20th at San Saba but I’m at Estelle Unit on the 20th about four hours from San Saba and due to the distance between both Units had to call San Saba for a secondary date. The first option was August 13th but, I’m at Telford Unit on the 13th so I will finally meet my groom at San Saba on August 27th at 10AM.

I answer a lot of questions about scheduling. The timeline to plan and execute your Prison wedding in Texas is 4-8 weeks. Clients booking first are my first priority. I cannot and will not “move an existing client and confirmed date at another Unit” to accommodate a new booking. What I can do is choose my next available date. As you know, I do not and will not advertise. My reasons for this are to keep my schedule flexible for my booked clients. 

I have other family members Approved to officiate your Texas Prison Wedding however, most clients only want me to officiate their wedding. Because of this, first booked clients take priority. Clients booking mid month are at the end of the month are accommodated based on my existing schedule.

My Gib Lewis booking for next Thursday was “chained out.” We now follow the groom. There are many chains in Texas at this time so when an inmate is “on a chain,” we wait and refill the I60 once the inmate is situated at the next Unit. 

For my Louisiana, Oklahoma, Arkansas and California clients, we look forward to meeting ya all soon and like you wish that you had two days per month as an option to marry. However, the limited window available for your Prison Weddings are how I can move from one state to the next. If every state had two days per month to marry, it would be impossible for me to be everywhere on the limited number of days available which is why “stacking” works not only for you but also me. Stacked clients are discounted because I’m at one Unit with more than one client. Because of this, I discount all of my clients as a courtesy. 

It’s another busy weekend coming up with destination wedding in Colorado for our traditional clients who have booked a Vow Renewal. My last visit to Colorado was to spread my father in law’s ashes and I’m looking forward to a joyous visit this time around to Colorado.

Please remember to bring your marriage license, ID and quarters if you wish to buy Unit photos with you to your Texas or other state prison wedding. 

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Out And About With Clients & More Questions Regarding Out Of State Marriage Licenses…

This morning while preparing to leave Bell Tower Chapel and head to a rehearsal brunch for my previous Coffield Unit clients wedding tonight, another question came through regarding using an out of state marriage license to marry in a Texas Prison. 

Let’s review this ongoing controversy and understand that while a marriage license from Texas CAN LEGALLY be used in other states that a prison Warden makes the final judgment on whether or not to allow an out of state marriage license at a Texas prison or any other prison for that matter.

“Can I use my Texas marriage license to get married in another state?” 

First and foremost- you should know that a Warden can and may refuse to allow you to marry in a Texas Prison with an out of state marriage license. Subsequently, a Prison in another state may refuse to allow you to marry in their state with a marriage license from another state. What’s “widely accepted” outside of Prisons isn’t always “widely accepted” inside Prisons. The Warden can and does make decisions pertaining to the inmate. The Unit also REQUIRES you have a marriage license on wedding day. 

It’s in your best interest to contact the Unit PRIOR to purchasing an out of state marriage license to inquire as to what the Unit requires by asking if an “out of state marriage license will be accepted by the Unit in place of an in state marriage license.” 

This question regarding out of state licenses continues to pop up but, each state has different rules. Each prison Warden makes the final call on what’s accepted and what isn’t. Please check with the clerks office  and ESPECIALLY the Prison Unit itself prior to purchasing an out of state marriage license for a Prison wedding in another state. 

A marriage license issued in the State of Texas can be used for ceremonies in other States. Texas law doesn’t “specifically dictate or mandate Prison Marriage” however and the Warden has the final say on what will be accepted and more importantly what won’t be accepted in terms of your marriage license on wedding day at his or hers Unit. 

Please contact your out-of-state officiate before applying for a State of Texas marriage license. 

Please also keep in mind your license will only be recorded in the County and State in which you applied for the license.

I’m going to once again strongly encourage you to contact the Unit prior to arriving on wedding day in Texas with a Louisiana marriage license or in Oklahoma with a Arkansas marriage license or in California with a Texas marriage license TO MARRY AT A PRISON. As many of you are already well aware, Prisons follow their own protocol. 

If I arrive at a Unit and the Unit denies you entry to marry based on your “out of state marriage license,” you will forfeit my fee as I’ve just driven or traveled several hours to meet you for your Prison wedding. 

If you have arrived with an out of state license “because you read on the internet” that you could do so without contacting the Unit to verify the facts, you did so at your own risk. I cannot stress this enough. 

Marriage licenses are closely scrutinized on wedding day at all prisons and the use of an out of state marriage license has been denied at Texas prisons before. 

The Warden makes the rules. Not the internet or someone posting that “you can use any other states marriage license for your prison wedding in Louisiana, Texas, Oklahoma and Mississippi.” You can only do what the Unit and the Warden authorize you to do. 

Be aware of false or misleading information as a wedding outside of a prison has BY FAR more flexibility. A wedding inside a Prison follows protocol. 

Call the Unit yourself if you have doubts but stop trusting “whatever you found on the internet to be accurate.” Stop sending me screenshots of what you read on someone else’s site too. She’s selling a service. She’s also pitching her product. She’s also not in Texas. I know who she is and I also know that her information is unverified. Are you willing to have your wedding cancelled because she gave you inaccurate information? No one else is either. Call the UNIT! 

Arriving at Fixe today to meet the wedding party for brunch before our rehearsal, I’d taken a few minutes to review the menu and loved the creative ideas for food options. Of course I opted for a spicy Bloody Mary (as usual). This was a really celebratory day. After two years, seeing my beautiful bride again was a joyous honor for me. I love happy endings. 

The brunch menu was biscuits and gravy, shrimp and grits and deviled eggs with sauerkraut and caviar along with a really unique salad featuring blue crab. I’d never tried caviar although my husband loves it and was surprised at the saltiness. 

All in all though, this was a fabulous, fun and memorable brunch. I really enjoyed meeting my brides closest friends, family and children. 

My husband checked in on me as I was preparing to head to the rehearsal. We timed the rehearsal after brunch so the wedding party had plenty of time to get ready for wedding hour on site. 

It’s unusual to have the rehearsal and the wedding on the same day for my clients but due to traveling to and from Fort Worth for the wedding, creativity was in order. My clients are leaving for a cruise from Galveston this evening. 

Cindy and Stephaney were working a Willow Lake Event Center wedding while my son was working a Baptism in Dallas. As usual on weekends, the team was split up. Leigh Ann was working a wedding in San Diego and recovering from her “near kitchen fire” yesterday afternoon at the Inns Of The Marines. Leigh Ann and Alex will be in San Diego for another 49 days before moving to their new home on the base at Point Mugu. Leigh Ann had tried to cook dinner last night for Alex and Maddy with disasterous results in San Diego. 

My niece and grandniece are adjusting to the California move aside from cooking of course and enjoying the beach. My sister, Tammy is meeting Leigh Ann this week and excited about seeing Maddy again. My sister lives in Lompoc and is “still trying to get used to driving in Los Angeles.” 

Although Cindy and I have no fear whatsoever of jumping on the highway, our older sister, Tammy prefers “driving in town.” We are working on getting Tammy comfortable on the 405 and 605. Los Angeles traffic isn’t for the faint hearted or nervous driver. It takes far too long to use the 101 from Santa Barbara all the way up the coast although Tammy loves the 101. 

If you have time to take the 101, it’s worth the drive alongside the ocean but, in the Prison wedding business, making out your location and the timeline is essential to getting to your Unit early which is why I frown on the leisurely 101. Sure, it’s less hectic but it’s also far more time consuming and riddled with red lights. I’ve driven the 101 for thirty years when I’m not in a hurry but prefer the freeway because it’s been years since I’ve had the luxury of taking my time to drive from one location to the next. 

My dog, Foxy Wortham hasn’t adjusted too well after his dental surgery and the bite marks on my fingers from trying to pry his mouth open look like I have poison ivy. 

Looking at my battered manicure while writing this blog, it should be noted that the vet suggested this idea after the ongoing battle to get Foxy to take his meds became just too much. I’ve decided that after Foxy there will be no more pets at WorthamWorld. I travel too much and my husband loves dogs but caring for a dog requires a lot of commitment. Foxy is nearly 13 years old now and set in his ways. Biting me is new but he’s old and cranky. I’ve accepted getting but every morning but it’s a pain I can assure you. 

Tomorrow I’m in Dallas County then headed to Winstar Casino to marry my “second time around senior couple” who met on a gambling trip to the casino. I love learning how my couples met and find their stories fascinating. Cindy and I will be hitting the slots as usual and looking forward to a few hours of fun. 

Tuesday I’m at Hilltop and Crain Units in Gatesville and my husband is joining me. A road trip with my husband isn’t nearly as fun as with my twin sister but, Cindy will be tied up getting the twins ready to go back to school. 

Wednesday I’m back in Parker County and looking forward to buying school supplies for the twins and grabbing a quick lunch with them. 

Thursday I’m at Connally Unit and Friday back at Buster Cole. Next week is jam packed too. I’m looking forward to finally meeting all of you in person to celebrate your wedding day. 

Like everyone else, I’m depressed and shocked at the recent shootings. Cindy and I both attended the garlic festival many times in California. I had told Leigh Ann and Alex not to stop in El Paso when they left for California last week for strong reasons. 

Thirty years ago, Cindy and I had stopped in El Paso on our way to my home in San Clemente and we’re nearly robbed. I am always aware of dangerous areas and the world is becoming a far more dangerous place. 

Tragedy seems to be occurring far more often than when I was younger. Danger lurks at every corner these days and because I’m always asked “why I prefer prison weddings to traditional events,” I will reiterate that I’ve never been hurt at a Prison wedding. I’ve never encountered a drunk on location at a Prison pushing me or being abusive. 

I’ve had some pretty wild and unpredictable occurrences at “traditional events” outside of prisons over the years and I don’t miss the open bars and brawls either. In fact, I will never miss them. My team won’t either. I’m too old to get hurt on location. I’m tired of dealing with Inlaws and Outlaws and parties of 250 and more guests. I’m picky and selective because I can be. I’m dedicated to making your Dream Event a reality and the last thing I need are broken ribs from drunken groomsmen fighting around me on location. Arrests at wedding? Yes. Over and over and over again. I prefer joy. I prefer fun and I prefer my Prison clients! 

Many of our previous clients were alarmed that I had posted pulling back from large events but the pulling back was meant for new clients. Rebookings are the mainstay of our business and Vow Renewals for our previous Prison clients are booked twenty years out. We love seeing all of you again. We are honored to have shared your journey. We are just as excited as you are to marry again long after lock up. The flowers, the friends, the cake, the champagne and all of the things you didn’t have at your Prison wedding are all of the things you will have at your Vow Renewal and we are as thrilled as you are about it. 

It was a long road for you. Many of you have told me “I was doing time too while he or she was inside. I was driving long hours to the Unit. Paying expensive phone calls. Going through the screening process. Waking up alone. Paying the bills alone and paroling out means that I will never have to make that drive along again. I paid my dues.” You’re absolutely right and the sacrifices you’ve made to make your marriage work are amazing. 

You are all warriors. You’ve overcome everything going against you to make your love last and you are the most inspiring and resilient group of amazing people I’ve ever met. I love ya all and I couldn’t be more honored to be sharing your Life Event with you whether it’s in a prison or long after lock up on the other side of the razor wire… 

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Manipulated Into Marriage? More Drama & Tough Talks To Protect My Clients…

After a long weekend of “peopling” at events for twelve days in a row, Sunday evening our caravan of SUVs headed to Dallas, Texas for a 6:30PM birthday party at Pappadeux for my TDCJ Holliday Unit client Leantrinette who had requested photography services. Meanwhile, across the street at Pappasitos, a going away party for my niece, Leigh Ann and her daughter, Maddy was going on with retirement party at the same location. Three events at the same time? Yes! It isn’t easy being the Texas Twins ya all.

Arriving and jumping out of my SUV with Cindy while her husband got behind the wheel to follow Leigh Ann, Cindy and I met Leantrinette and her children in the parking lot. This was a surprise birthday party for her mother. We really enjoyed meeting everyone and were hoping our other events across the street were going well without us on site. 

Cindy and I spent about forty minutes visiting with Leantrinette and her family capturing photos and visiting awaiting her moms arrival to get photos of the entire birthday party group.The lighting inside Pappadeux was an issue so Cindy decided to move the families outside for group shots. Photography is and can be challenging when trying to capture the perfect shot.

Last week while trying to get four year old twins to pose perfectly in Dallas, my Ellis Unit client was determined for the perfect photo but working with children all of these years has taught us to let the children play or do what they want while keeping our cameras in sport mode. 

When we are working with large groups, getting everyone facing the camera at the same time especially when children are on site isn’t always possible. Because of this, my twin and I have effectively learned   “roll with it” and allow children to express themselves naturally rather than instructing them to smile or pose on location. Letting children play and have fun together rather than trying to offer direction is the best way of capturing their personalities on film. Leantrinettes children and their cousins were happy and playful. Running from Pappadeux to Pappasitos since all of our SUVs were on site at Pappasitos, Cindy and I said a quick goodbye to Leantrinette and her mom after group shots to see how things were going at Pappasitos. A text had alerted me to the possibility of one of the retirement party guests having a “few too many” so I was anxious to get back across the street and address the issue. 

One of our clients at the retirement party had a bit too much Tequila and needed a cab. This happens at events with alcohol frequently so it’s essential that getting anyone home safely is planned well in advance. Thankfully, the retirement party went on without further interruption. 

Meanwhile at Leigh Ann’s going away party, her daughter, Maddy was having a great time. My other niece, Stephaney and her twin daughters love Pappasitos. It’s rare we have three events at the same time within a block of each other but, I always try to factor distance from Event A to Event B due to travel time. When Leantrinette needed a photographer on short notice, I had already decided that being within close proximity to the other celebrations would make everything work. 

Driving home with Cindy, Steve, Maryssa and Stephaney in my SUV, I saw a text from my Wynn Unit client that read “do you have time to talk?” I called her back on Bluetooth and spent forty minutes going over the reasons I would contact the Unit and cancel her wedding. This call was rare in that it’s not often I instruct clients not to marry. In general, all of my clients are determined to marry. But now and then, when I hear the details, I give solid reasons for my clients to step back and re evaluate. I also give them my reasons for doing so. 

An interviewer surprised that none of my Prison clients had divorced point blank stated “Wendy isn’t it true that even after marrying your clients that they contact you for advice and insight?” The answer was “yes, that it is true because my clients often have very little support on the outside.” 

I’m everyone’s mother. I never stop taking their calls and I don’t want anyone I’ve ever married to regret their decision to marry. Because of my firm belief that it’s far easier to marry than divorce, I will always advise any of clients with cold feet to hold off.

After listening to the history of my client and the inmate, alarm bells were going off not only with me but for everyone in my SUV. Apparently, this offender has a history of violence and drug abuse. 

My client has a child and she had previously believed that “the inmate would change.” After a recent visit at the Unit and subsequent two hours of verbal abuse from the inmate, my client like myself no longer believes this to be true. 

Driving back to Fort Worth, I continued to listen and grow even more concerned. Twenty three minutes into the call, I advised Melissa not to marry this inmate. “He calls up to thirty times a day which is very expensive. He’s demanding, angry and manipulating.” 

The list continued to grow. From demanding phone calls to accusations of infidelity and even having other inmates loved ones calling Melissa when she didn’t take his calls, this inmate was attempting to control her entire life “from the inside.” 

I told Melissa “he is thoughtless and has a history of violence towards you. He is destroying your emotions and your finances aling with any degree of peace or joy in your life. He is also not “the one.” 

Giving her a moment to grasp the reality and extent of control that was occurring with this inmate, I strongly advised Melissa “you must put your own needs first. You must put your child’s needs by far above the inmates. You must also change your phone number and move forward in your life. I will contact the Unit and cancel your paperwork. When you find Mr Right, call me. I will marry you myself.”

The plumbing at Cindy and Steve’s house was on the fritz due in part to having all three of her granddaughters as well as both of her daughters and her son in law, Alex and Cindy’s husband Steve in the same house. The shower wasn’t working Saturday morning which caused a great deal of chaos. I attempted to find a plumber but because we were off site all weekend working and Leigh Ann was moving to California on Monday, Cindy decided to wait until today to locate a plumber. She also instructed her entire household to “bathe in the pool.” Being overwhelmed is a constant factor at my sisters house and in her life. She has a peanut gallery of people living under her roof. 

Monday morning with a heavy heart, I drove to Weatherford to help pack up Leigh Ann and Maddy’s room. The loss of Maddy in Cindy’s house would be immense. I knew it. Cindy knew it. We also knew that Alex cannot pack a vehicle. How so? Three years ago, Alex attempted to pack a VW Jetta and it would be Cindy and I (as usual) who finally got the car packed for Leigh Ann and Alex.

Arriving at Cindy’s, there were bags everywhere. After seeing just how many items Leigh Ann WANTED to take and what would fit, I drove to Walmart and bought vacuum bags. Cindy began emptying the Ross bags Leigh Ann had filled while I began loading the vacuum bags. It was exhausting. 

Leigh Ann and Alex had waited until the last minute to even begin packing. When I tell you my family is unorganized without Cindy and I taking the wheel around here, I’m not kidding. With my dog, Foxy who had ridden with me to Weatherford for a 2PM vet appointment running wild and watching Maddy play with him while my twin grandnieces, Maryssa and Makenna cried about losing Maddy moping around the house, Cindy and I continued to get the work needed completed. Leigh Ann and Alex must check in at San Diego on August 31st. Leigh Ann and Alex were busy trying to add more items that were never going to fit without the use of vacuum bags. Their other household items are in Navy storage in Oxnard. Thank God the Navy packs and moves for them because if they didn’t, Wendy and Cindy would have to drop everything and go move Leigh Ann and Alex just like we move my son and his wife.

Alex arrived at DFW three weeks ago. Three weeks ago, Cindy and I knew we would lose Maddy. The baby who brought joy into Cindy’s home and our lives. We knew this day would come and yet we were unprepared for the sense of loss telling Maddy “goodbye for now.” We both worried about not being there to give sage advice about swimming lessons or worrying about Maddy falling or wandering off while Leigh Ann was busy shopping or preoccupied. We both strongly discussed the importance of watching Maddy at all times. Cindy and I were even more concerned when Alex was loading a few items Sunday morning and allowing Maddy to wander around in the driveway. Cindy had been backing out of the garage when her daughter Stephaney screamed “Stop! Stop! Stop!” Cindy was on her Bluetooth with her husband, Steve at Lowes trying to buy items to repair the shower and didn’t see Maddy walking behind her SUV. Poor Alex who hasn’t been around Maddy in two and a half years has no idea of how quickly taking your eyes off Maddy can turn into a dangerous situation. But, Cindy and I took this moment to advise both he and Leigh Ann that “nothing is more important than watching Maddy.” Alex loves Maddy but Maddy has had our entire family watching over her for three years. Maddy won’t have twin MiMi’s or twin cousins looking after her in California. Maddy will only have Alex and Leigh Ann. Am I worried about this? Yes. There are valid reasons I stood in Cindy’s driveway yesterday going over what not to do with two parents of a precarious and curious toddler who is a handful. The reasons are that Cindy and I won’t be there “watching over Maddy.” Leigh Ann is accustomed to our entire family watching Maddy. Alex isn’t accustomed to his young daughter saying no to everything he asks her to do. This is going to be a transition ya all. A huge transition. With their SUV finally packed, I went over removing electronic devices at the hotel there prevent a break in. I went over putting Maddy in the car seat before doing anything else. I went over putting Maddy in her stroller at the hotel. I went over using a buggy at grocery stores to keep Maddy from running off. I went over making sure Maddy can’t open doors by using the child safety locks Cindy had packed. I went over that Maddy needs constant attention at all times especially in public where she could wander off. Cindy went over never letting Maddy out of their sight. We both cried with Maryssa and Makenna and Stephaney while Maddy waved “bye see you soon.” My son and his wife are at their OB/GYN appointment this morning to check her pregnancy. I’m waiting and writing this blog while answering emails and worrying about Maddy. They made it to the hotel. Steve left for Canada at 6AM Monday. He’s on the road and worried about coming home to “no Maddy.” He will miss her. We all will. Good grief I’m heartsick as is Cindy.

I’m leaving my son and his wife’s appointment to pick up my Roach Unit client, Ashley who is afraid to drive in downtown Fort Worth to drive her to the clerks office myself to buy her marriage license. 

My schedule is jam packed and I’m working a California trip into October before Leigh Ann and Alex move to Point Mugu. Leigh Ann will almost certainly return to Texas for the holidays while Alex is on sea duty. Our homes are so empty without Maddy. 

Please keep my beautiful Michael Unit bride in your prayers as she continues her treatments. We love you Carmela.I’ve been emailing and calling plumbers since yesterday morning. Getting a plumber isn’t easy. Cindy and Stephaney attempted to repair the shower themselves with disastrous results last night. The end result? Cindy called the city to turn off the water. Ugh. 

Having plumbing problems and missing Maddy aren’t helping Cindy’s stress levels. My husband is on vacation next week an I’m on site at five different Units. My husband doesn’t understand my schedule or what I do. My husband has decided to join me at Hilltop Unit on Tuesday and Buster Cole Unit on Friday. Cindy will be rolling with me on Wednesday to Roach Unit to finally marry Ashley and on Thursday to Connally Unit to marry Victoria. 

Well the trip to the clerks office with Ashley was a bust because the clerks will no longer accept a notarized copy of the inmate ID. Clients, please make sure your inmates ID is on the TDCJ issued Offender Identification Certification Form photo of the ID. This form must be notarized. Here’s a sample photo of the correct form. Ashley called inmate records regarding getting another ID on the correct form only to learn that the inmate had Chained Out of Roach Unit so we will be following the groom again. Many Chain Outs are occurring in Texas. Please verify prior to visitation to ensure the inmate hasn’t been put on a chain ya all. The likelihood is high right now due to Trusty Camp closures. 

As usual, I’m on the run and returning calls to clients and plumbers. I haven’t heard from Leigh Ann and Alex. They were in New Mexico last night. Hopefully, a plumber gets to Cindy’s house soon because four females and no running water are a volatile mix…     

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Headed To Hobby With A Reschedule At Michael, Maddy Moving To California And More…

On my way to LeBlanc Unit Monday, a notification about a message came through. I quickly had Cindy read it to me. My Hobby Unit client was messaging me about being on site Thursday. Panicked because I go from one day to the next on a strict schedule, I had Cindy check my Thursday last week. Thankfully, I was at Green Bay Unit in the morning leaving plenty of time to “high tail it” from Fort Worth to Marlin, Texas. 

After posting photos on my page, I had several people contact me to ask “are they BOTH women?” The answer is yes. They are both women and this is my second biracial same sex wedding at Hobby. The guards remembered me from my previous wedding ceremony. Why? Because I’m friendly and courteous to TDCJ Staff at all times that’s why. 

My previous clients photo at Hobby Unit brought on harsh criticism and comments that I consistently deleted. Why did I delete these racist and homophobic comments? In order to protect my client. The internet has literally become a legion of bullies who will comment on damn near anything with negativity. Here’s the photo.For those unaware of this, I pose my clients for Unit photos. Why? Because they are already nervous and need direction and insight. At their wedding, I was laughing and obviously not posed or prepared for the group photo which is why my neck is at an odd angle. My clients were relieved to finally be legally married. All of my Prison clients are. The process is difficult and lengthy to marry an inmate. I don’t “normally” have an angled pose from the side but my client, Brianna, loved this photo even though I appear to be “awkwardly posed.” Stacie had encountered traffic driving to Hobby from Beaumont, Texas. Ironically, Cindy and I were just in Beaumont three days prior to being at Hobby. Because Stacie was running late, I went on in at Hobby to check in with the Unit and advise them that my client was due any minute. 

By the time Stacie walked into the clearing Unit, she was very nervous and fearful of vomiting. Throughout my years as an Officiant, I have been vomited on and if someone tells me they “feel like throwing up,” I move. Thankfully though, Stacie didn’t throw up and the ceremony went well. Stacie has known her partner for 13 years. 

While many assume that anyone marrying an inmate was a pen pal, I’ve yet to marry anyone who had never met the inmate in person although I did marry someone at Michael Unit who hadn’t seen her fiancée in thirty years until walking into Michael on wedding day. After leaving the Unit, Cindy and I decided to use the railroad tracks and backdrop of nature for Stacies bridal photo shoot with us. 

While waiting on the photos to print or even prior to entering the visitation area, all of my clients share their story of how they met their partner. Many of these journeys are fascinating to me. Why? Because choosing to marry an inmate is a huge commitment. The relationship of marrying an inmate can often be viewed as one sided on numerous points and dedication is a factor of making the union work. 

Loving an inmate is lonely and expensive. Loving an inmate is a difficult journey. Loving an inmate requires commitment.Stacie was a lot of fun and willing to try on anything I handed her as well as a hot pink cowboy hat. I love it when clients have a good time. The reason we almost always do photos after the ceremony is because clients are finally relieved the wedding is past them. They are also far more relaxed. 

Stacie will be hiring Cindy and I again for their unique Vow Renewal. What makes it unique? The couple will renew their vows on Halloween with a theme revolving around black. The last themed wedding Cindy and I did was Beauty and the Beast. We loved it. I can’t wait to see Stacie again and celebrate parole of her wife at the Walls Unit.

Headed back to Fort Worth for my rehearsal at Mercado Event Center, one of my Michael Unit brides called me because the notary at Michael refused to notarize a Corrective Affidavit. This was a long shot but I asked “can you contact the other woman and get her to sign the dissolution agreement?” Luckily, she could. Problem solved. When inmates sign these Informal Marriage Affidavits, they have no real idea that this document doesn’t magically disappear but, it doesn’t. TDCJ keeps the CLM Affidavit on file and your inmate status isn’t single instead it’s Common Law Married.

Most Units WILL notarize a Corrective Affidavit for an inmate. In fact, I’m marrying my Telford Unit client in August after undoing yet another “CLM status of the inmate to someone other than her situation” held us up for over two months in the planning process. 

My Roach Unit bride has had weeks of hurdles. WEEKS. I met her at the Tarrant County Clerks Office two weeks ago where she was denied issuance of a marriage license. This denial was due entirely to the law librarian not notarizing the Absentee Affidavit. 

I called the librarian at Roach Unit while sitting beside my crying client and explained the “missing notary stamp situation” and more importantly, the timeline of my clients scheduled and confirmed July 17th wedding at Roach Unit. 

Due to the problems of not having the notary stamp and waiting to get a notarized Affidavit for my client to purchase a marriage license, I was forced to move the confirmed date from July to August. 

After waiting months to get approved and get that date at Roach Unit, Ashley was devastated. I mailed a new Absentee Affidavit obtained from the Tarrant County Clerk with the old Absentee Affidavit because an Absentee Affidavit is ONLY VALID 30 days in Texas. From the post office, I again called the law librarian to advise her of what I was sending and why if she Notarized the original that due to the delay of Unit mail, by the time Ashley received it back that it would be effectively void and useless. 

It’s now been nearly two weeks since I sent the documents on Friday that arrived the following Monday. What’s the hold up? Buckle up because this one is a real struggle for me to understand and much less comprehend. First, the law librarian denied not notarizing the affidavit. I was holding it on my hand at the clerks office and obviously aware that she was incorrect. I don’t argue with anyone. Instead, I lay out the facts. I don’t have time to argue. I need solutions to problems not arguments. This Roach Unit issue was about to become even more frustrating as the days and weeks wore on. 

By last Thursday on my way to Hobby, Ashley called me because she still hadn’t received the Affidavit back. Without it, she couldn’t purchase a marriage license. I had already instructed Ashley to take the Texas Premarital Class, Twogether In Texas in order to waive the three day waiting period. When I see trouble ahead, I plan ahead. When someone at the Unit blatantly refuses to perform the task they have been given, I give them every opportunity to do so. I wait. I take several calls from my hysterical client while I wait. By Thursday though with a confirmed date at Roach on August 7th, I advised Ashley to contact the Courts in Huntsville, Texas. Contacting Access To Courts is the last option when waiting for someone to do the right thing is ineffective. I never suggest this first. I only suggest it last in Texas. My reason for having Ashley contact the Courts was because the law librarian had refused to return calls to Ashley or even me regarding notarizing the Absentee Affidavit. What happened? Why was she first denying sending the document without notarizing it and then refusing to notarize the new Affidavit? I have no idea. BUT, inmates have access to legal services per the Administrative Directive. 

The law librarian at Roach Unit was telling Ashley on the rare occasions that Ashley called and actually reached her in the law library that “Shane did not have access because he was in seg.” 

Let’s take a minute to review that statement. The inmate didn’t have access to a notary because he was segregated? “The Access to Courts Department is a statewide program that provides services to, and for, all TDCJ offenders. All offenders are afforded some type of access to a meaningful law library that, at a minimum, contains self-help publications, pertinent case law, codes, rules, and fill-in-the-blank legal forms. Depending on the classification of the offender, he or she will either be given direct or indirect access to the law library. Offenders with direct law library access are afforded an opportunity to receive a minimum of 10 hours of access per week. Offenders with indirect law library access are delivered three items of legal research materials per day, on three alternating days per week to their housing location.” 

There’s a valid reason I instructed Ashley to contact Access To Courts. The reason was that the law librarian was specifically denying or refusing to provide notary services. Inmates and even loved ones may very well be unaware of policy and procedure but, I’m not. Surprised? Don’t be. My role is by far more involved than anyone realizes. 

The law librarian was at fault for sending a document she knew very well required a notary seal. Furthermore, the consistent excuses and run around while refusing to notarize the new Affidavit was illogical to me. It’s a simple procedure. Why was this happening? I couldn’t understand why this continued to drag on. The ONLY option left with a ticking clock on a scheduled date to marry at the unit that requires a marriage license was to have Ashley contact the Courts. Since the law librarian was contacted by the Courts, the notarized Affidavit is in the mail. You see, the Courts know policy and procedure. But, for those unaware of notary services to inmates, I will elaborate… 

IV. Notary Public Services

A. Documents: Under both federal law (28 U.S.C. § 1746) and state law (Texas Civil Practice and Remedies Code § 132.001), offenders incarcerated in Texas may use an unsworn declaration under penalty of perjury in place of a written declaration, verification, certification, oath, or affidavit sworn before a notary public. 

Documents for which notarization is requested by an attorney, documents specifically exempted from the laws on unsworn declarations, and documents destined for another state or country requiring notary public service shall continue to require notary public service.

B. Scheduling: Offenders may request notary public service by submitting an I-60 to the unit ATC supervisor. Offenders requesting notary public service shall explain why an unsworn declaration will not be legally sufficient. Requests shall be acted upon, either denied or provided, within 72 hours of the receipt of the request.

Let’s review the Unsworn Declaration and why it cannot be used in place of an Absentee Affidavit in Texas. An Absentee Affidavit REQUIRES a notary seal. See where I’m going with this? 

What is an Unsworn Declaration? 

CIVIL PRACTICE AND REMEDIES CODE

TITLE 6. MISCELLANEOUS PROVISIONS
CHAPTER 132. UNSWORN DECLARATIONS
Sec. 132.001. UNSWORN DECLARATION. (a) Except as provided by Subsection (b), an unsworn declaration may be used in lieu of a written sworn declaration, verification, certification, oath, or affidavit required by statute or required by a rule, order, or requirement adopted as provided by law.
(b) This section does not apply to a lien required to be filed with a county clerk, an instrument concerning real or personal property required to be filed with a county clerk, or an oath of office or an oath required to be taken before a specified official other than a notary public.

(c) An unsworn declaration made under this section must be:

(1) in writing; and

(2) subscribed by the person making the declaration as true under penalty of perjury.

(d) Except as provided by Subsections (e) and (f), an unsworn declaration made under this section must include a jurat in substantially the following form:

“My name is __________ _________ ____________, my

(First) (Middle) (Last)

date of birth is _________________, and my address is

_____________, ____________, _________, ____________,

(Street) (City) (State) (Zip Code)

and __________________. I declare under penalty of

(Country)

perjury that the foregoing is true and correct.

Executed in _______ County, State of ________, on the ________ day of ________, ________.

(Month) (Year)

____________________

Declarant”

(e) An unsworn declaration made under this section by an inmate must include a jurat in substantially the following form:

“My name is __________ _________ ____________, my

(First) (Middle) (Last)

date of birth is _____________________, and my inmate

identifying number, if any, is __________________. I

am presently incarcerated in ________________________

(Corrections unit name) 

in _____________, _________, _______, ____________. I

(City) (County) (State) (Zip Code)

declare under penalty of perjury that the foregoing is true and correct.

Executed on the _____ day of ________, _______.

(Month) (Year)

I know there are folks out there who don’t love their job. I also know that there are folks out there who do. However, if your job function is being impeded because you don’t think inmates should marry or you simply want to exert power due to your position, there are valid reasons why policy and procedure exist. Unlike Ashley and Shane, I knew darn well that even in seg Shane had access to request a notary. But, rather than argue or even attempt to argue, I redirected Ashley to the Courts. 

Ashley doesn’t need more stress. Ashley like all of my clients “just wants to get married.” This issue at Roach has never come up before but again, I’m well versed on inmates having access to legal services. Why? I educate myself that’s why.

Most people especially arrogant people assume they are smarter than others. I don’t tell people I’m smart. I don’t need to because I show them instead. Experience is a great teacher but knowledge is power. 

The law librarian at Roach Unit for some reason that I may never understand deliberately sabotaged the Absentee Affidavit. I may never fully comprehend her reasons for sabotaging this wedding. 

I recognize and realize though that there are guards who don’t believe prisoners should have the right to marry. I’m also well aware that there are people within the free sector of the world who also don’t believe inmates should have the right to marry. 

A few days ago, someone not connected to me on LinkedIn commented on one of my posts “Inmates shouldn’t be allowed to marry. They are being punished.” Why he chose to voice his opinions on my post I have no idea. Generally though, I would have deleted this comment but, I chose not to. Why? Because I chose to respond instead. 

Ignorance is bliss for far too many people who assume that their opinions are important. This commenter and his opinions don’t affect my clients or their lives. Opinions of others don’t dictate anyone else’s life. 

My clients don’t care what others think of their unions. I don’t care what others think about my role as an open minded individual committed to making Dream Events affordable to anyone. 

My role is to make life events memorable. My role is to perform a task I’ve been retained to perform. My role isn’t to argue with someone who is opinionated. Frankly, his or anyone’s else’s opinions on inmate marriage or same sex marriage or even biracial same sex inmate marriage won’t and don’t have any impact my clients or me but, I decided to use this particular opinionated person’s comment as an opportunity to advise him of my belief that “love is love” because it is. 

Your frustrations can become your blessings if you look hard enough.

Monday morning, my niece and my beloved Maddy are headed to California for their big move. Cindy and I are heartbroken to see Maddy go. Our clients are too. This will be a very difficult transition for Cindy and I but, we will be in California again soon to see Maddy…