Love Is An Action Not An Idea. More Kids, Clients, Chaos & Celebrations…

Tomorrow I’m marrying a couple I had planned to marry at TDCJ Ferguson Unit. Over the next three months I’m marrying several other couples who have finally made it beyond prison walls. Couples who have made their love story last.

Dana contacted me regarding February and her loved one paroling to a Fort Worth transitional home. I’m as excited as she is that after two years we are finally going to get her married.

Michelle sent me a text about finding Mr Right after I had married her to Mr Wrong at Bridgeport Unit.

Amanda is finally free of the man she thought she had married who wasn’t what she had believed her would be after paroling to her home.

Valerie’s divorce from the Ellis Unit inmate who had wooed her and Brandi in North Dakota at the same will be finalized next month. She remains hopeful of finding love. Valerie and Amanda as well as Brandi and Michelle deserved better.

Brandi has entered treatment. For a time she was suicidal over Raul. For a time she was self destructive. I stay in touch with all of my clients and when there is chaos, try to direct them to support or help. For months, Brandi continued to have setback after setback. The only thing she had of value was her truck. She had no license and had to sell it in order to start over.

It’s been a year of setbacks for many of my clients who have continued to wait on TDCJ as well as ICE and County Jails to reinstate visitation.

Meanwhile, my twin grandnieces, Maryssa and Makenna are arguing about the amount of time Makenna spends with her boyfriend when she isn’t working while Makenna tells Maryssa she’s always on the phone with her boyfriend when she isn’t at school since Maryssa isn’t working because her job was shut down a few weeks ago.

My friend, Julie contacted me regarding locating a sliding scale or free counselor. Her marriage is on the rocks. Julie was left unable to walk after back surgery two years ago. Her anger about this caused issues with her husband. His inability to be sympathetic and supportive have done nothing to improve the situation. Tonight she called me while I was on site with clients at Chateau Forest Park. I walked outside to take the call. “I know you’re busy. You’re always busy. But, Jim isn’t interested in counseling. I don’t think he realizes how much of my happiness depends on him. He’s inattentive towards me and overly affectionate in front of me with our daughter. I feel invisible and cast aside. What should I do?”

Issues with Jim have been apparent to Cindy when Julie was watching Makenna’s hamster as we were traveling with the twins to CA, NY and LA over a three week window during the summer and Julie offered to watch Makenna’s pet hamster. I wasn’t with Cindy when she and Makenna dropped Charlie off. Cindy “her husband isn’t friendly. I felt unwelcome and weird there. He was yelling at the dog and we are paying them to watch Charlie?” Me “Julie is a mom and will take good care of Charlie. She won’t take charity and is excited to have something to do.”

I met Jim again at a photoshoot to promote a GoFundMe for Julie to get an MRI. She had no insurance. GoFundMe accounts are hit or miss. I never know what people will or won’t donate to.

A few years ago, my friend, Glenda died in Colorado. Her daughter, Tara contacted me because Glenda had no insurance and there was no way to get her back to Texas. Within days the money to bring Glenda home had been donated.

A few years ago, my clients Burt and Deanna lost baby DeLilah born with Trisomy 18. I baptized her immediately knowing we only had a few hours. Two days later, I conducted her memorial. Three months later, Deanna contacted me to do a GoFundMe for IVF. Like Julie’s campaign, there were very few donations made.

A few months ago, Deanna called me to baptize a baby that is being carried for her and Burt. I married them five years ago and have stayed in close contact as I do with all of my clients since then. Burt and Deanna have a happy ending. Julie and Jim are headed towards a slippery slope of trying to save their marriage. I’m deeply concerned. Julie can’t make Jim go to counseling or even take an interest. She qualified for SS Disability and insurance but it won’t be enough to support her and Aubrey in the event of a divorce. I suggested going to visit her brother. Julie and her mother don’t get along well. Julie, Jim and Aubrey are living with Jim’s parents. This isn’t the first time. Since the surgery, Julie has lost her job and last month, their home. Jim blames Julie and his animosity is obvious. What part of “for better or worse for richer or poorer” didn’t Jim understand?

Maryssa and Makenna aren’t used to sharing their time together with the inconvenience of work, school and boyfriends. Frankly, Cindy and I aren’t too pleased with the twins having boyfriends but we are keeping close tabs on this new development.

Amanda was married by me at Ellis Unit. My family and I had met her prior for a photo shoot with her three boys in Eastland. Because her husnand was paroling, her landlord suddenly decided to evict her causing an undue hardship on her with three children. Amanda made sacrifices but her new husband didn’t appreciate them and the fact that she had three children who were her priorities.

Marriage is a merger. Sometimes things aren’t what they appear to be. Other times we don’t really know a person until the chips are down. I married young. I didn’t know what to expect. I wanted to be a good wife and mother. I did all the right things. But throughout my ten year marriage, my husband found reasons to be angry. Reasons to be violent. Reasons to make me fearful of hearing that garage door close wondering which version of my husband was going to walk into the house? My divorce and child custody battle took 5 years of my life. I never planned to marry again. My custody battle was a war. It left scars.

I was working when Guy walked into my building. I wore a wedding ring because I didn’t want anyone hitting on me. I pretended to be married. It made me feel safer. He found out I wasn’t married and asked me to dinner. I took Cindy with me. I was still fighting my ex for custody. I was working two jobs to pay my bloodsucking attorneys. He offered a solution “marry me. I will hire the best custody attorney and end your war.” He kept his promise. But he never promised to be faithful and he wasn’t. Fort Worth is a small town in certain circles. Laurie would be at the Fort Worth house while I was in Arkansas or traveling. I could smell her perfume. I could tell she had worn my jewelry and put it back in the wrong place. Laurie was a ghost who haunted my 6 year marriage. After receiving a circular from the Fort Worth Club with a photo and the caption “Guy and Wendy McCollum enjoying a candlelit dinner on Valentine’s Day” I filed for divorce. Laurie was in that photo not me. I was humiliated and embarrassed. I moved out with my son. For months he begged me to come back. Promised to change. Finally, I believed him. Nothing changed. Things were worse. On the 5th year of my second marriage, Guy had me sign a joint tax return. Within months a tax lien of over 300k was sent to the house in MY NAME. They split it he owed the other half. I was furious. The affair and now a tax lien? How would I rent an apartment? Buy a car? Get a job? I fought the tax lien and won. I also filed for divorce again.

Because Guy didn’t think the car I owned when I went in the marriage was good enough, he gave my car to his nephew and put me in one of his cars. I didn’t know it wasn’t paid for. When I left him, he told me to make the $558 payments on it. I balked. $558? I was paying for my son to attend a school that helped with developmental issues that cost $750 a month. How in the Hell was I going to afford that car payment? I went to Frank Kent who serviced the McCollum cars and applied for a job. I had never sold cars. But I needed a car, income and insurance and clients. Using my modeling background, I hired a photographer and ran print ads in country clubs. I targeted my clients through photo ads. I was successful and independent when my current husband bought his first car from me. As usual, I was also wearing a wedding ring. I didn’t want anyone hitting on me I was at work to make money and support my son. A year later, Matthew walked back in to trade his SRX. I tried to talk him out of it. He was upside down. “I’m getting a divorce. My wife took my suburban and I hate this car. I want an Escalade.” Ugh. I had a demo on the lot and worked a deal. While sitting in my office, he looked at the smiling photo of my husband beside me at a Betsy Price fundraiser and said “your husband must be really proud of you.” I burst put crying and walked out of my own office. I was a two time loser. Marriage wasn’t my strong suit. I tried hard. I did all of the right things but twice I had failed to make my marriages work. I had never dated. I had always worked. I walked back into my office and told the truth. All of it. Why I wore a wedding ring. Why I was selling cars. Why I kept a happy looking photo on my desk of someone who had an affair throughout our entire marriage then tried to throw me under the bus with the IRS. Weeks later, my sister, son, nieces and grandnieces went on a date with Matthew. Months later, we were married. If he could handle my family, he was worth a shot. We’ve been together 14 years. It wasn’t always easy. He lost everything within a year of marrying. Real estate crashed. He lost his business. He lost his self esteem. He didn’t know how to do anything else. He was unemployed for 3 years. I sold everything on EBay except our house. Texas Twins Treasures became my flipping site. I replaced our expensive furniture with garage sale and thrift shop finds. I reupholstered items and worked two jobs. I swam uphill. At the same time, Cindy’s husband was laid off after 25 years at Albertsons AND her 16 year old daughter, Stephaney was pregnant with twins. Like me, Cindy sold everything too. We found furniture on the fly. We either reupholstered it or flipped it. We circled our wagons and made it through the storm. We didn’t have parents to ask for help. We didn’t have family to ask for help. We had each other, our husbands, our children and grandchildren. Our circle was small. Cindy gave up her job to care for the twins.

In early 2012, Matthew and I finally sold our house. I decided to start a business to give people the wedding I didn’t have. Cindy joined me. We brought the twins to events with us. By the time the twins could walk, our clients hired them as flower girls and ring bearers. When client’s wanted affordable photos, Cindy, my son, my daughter in law or my niece took photos for them. When clients couldn’t afford bouquets or flowers, I decided to start making my own floral designs to loan clients. My goal is and always will be to make my clients day as memorable and special as humanly possible. My family is committed to the same goals.

Not all marriages work out. The tragedy is that we don’t know this ahead of time. If we did, we would spare ourselves the pain and loss of a divorce.

I continue to hope that Jim will realize his wife needs him and understand that Julie isn’t responsible for a botched surgery. You can’t blame a partner for an unexpected health crisis.

I continue to hope that Brandi sticks with her recovery and that Valerie eventually finds someone worthy of being her partner.

Life and love are messy. For those who weather the hard times though the investment of your determination, resilience and faith pays off in having a partner committed to you long after the luster of marriage wears off. Life partners are rare but they are out there.

As a reminder to Federal Clients… visits are currently non contact. Please be aware that we cannot overcome or object to Covid visitation changes. We can’t.

State, ICE and County clients, as we continue to wait for visitation, if you haven’t emailed Gov Abbott regarding how this visitation ban is affecting you and your loved one, please do so. He shut down visitation and he has reinstated nursing home visitation as well as reopened schools while completely skipping over County, TDCJ and ICE.

Certain State facilities outside of Texas have reopened visitation. These facilities are non contact similar to Federal Facilities. Please be aware that as my client, Cindy’s client or anyone on my staffs client, Wardens expect us to be able to control our clients. What this means is that outbursts, drama or unexpected behavior reflects on us. Please don’t be disruptive on site. We have worked months to get you to wedding day. If your ceremony is non contact we must accept the things we can’t change. Thank you.

When People Make More Withdrawals Than Deposits In Your Life, Close The Account…

Last night after watching my niece, Stephaney’s behavior grow more and more erratic, after my sister had so many upsetting phone calls from her daughter behaving like a lunatic and after realizing that the “odds” of the police picking her up on their own were slim, I decided to get an involuntary hold for Stephaney put into effect.

At 7:05PM, the manager of the group home I found for Stephaney called to tell me “she ran when the ambulance came. Where would she go? Can you send me recent photo’s?”

My niece normally likes to walk to a park nearby the group home. I suggested the police search the area. Knowing that if they lost her I could easily lose her for months to the streets AGAIN, I frantically searched FB and Instagram for photos to send to officers searching for her. I have very few. For 17 years my niece has been in and out of our lives. My niece is Bipolar One and often goes off medication. She is also addicted to meth.

At 8:16PM, the police had located her. She was fighting going to the hospital. The officer required a phone interview although he admits “she appears unstable and unreasonable but being crazy doesn’t warrant an involuntary hold. Is she suicidal?” I answer “yes.” For another 27 minutes I wait to see whether or not the police will enforce an involuntary hold. They finally do.

At 2:34AM a psychologist from JPS calls Cindy to ask “are you aware of any drug use?” Of course we are as are they since Stephaney has been admitted 19 previous times at the same hospital for meth induced psychosis. Don’t these people check their own records?

My twin sister and I celebrate our birthday every year by scheduling stress tests, dental cleanings, eye exams, physicals, mammograms and well woman check ups. We go to all the same providers as we have our entire lives. Prior to Cindy’s heart attack and surgery last year on this same date, we didn’t do stress tests but we do now. For families that love an addict, health issues are only one of the many ways an addict effects their lives. I’m (as usual) worried about my mammogram as I have had not one but two surgeries due to lumps. Thankfully, both were benign. My mammogram is the one check up every year that makes me nervous.

“What’s a day in your life like Wendy?” Holy cow if people knew the only predictable thing in my life was my work they would be shocked. The reality is that my niece has caused such chaos within our family that trying to save her over and over again had caused my sisters health to decline and many family members to turn against us. My own son is angry that I didn’t allow her to get kicked out of the group home or lose her job by getting her committed to dry her out and get her back on her meds. “Mom stop trying to save her.” Me “that’s your cousin and I won’t lose her to the streets again. I can’t go through it. I can’t let Cindy or her twins go through it. I can’t not try to stop what I know is coming. She will lose her place at that home and the job I spent two weeks finding for her.” He hangs up. I don’t care. I can’t. I have to at least try. I have to do everything within my power to try.

Thirteen messages are on FB waiting for me. One of them from Amanda. I’ve seen her posts and I know that things aren’t working out. If I hadn’t been dealing with Stephaney off the rails again and my daughter in laws lunatic family refusing to cremate her uncle who shot himself over a week ago refusing to even consider cremation and demanding a funeral along with my many other ridiculous suggestions from family members regarding Stephaney, I would have contacted Amanda sooner.

I finally had a chance to message back and forth with my Ellis Unit bride, Amanda yesterday.

Her husband paroled a few months ago and rather than being thankful for her loyalty during his prison sentence, he moved into her home with three children and thought he would be making the rules.

This husband was in for a surprise. Amanda is a strong and independent woman. Amanda has been doing it all and doing it alone for years. Amanda drew a line in the sand with this newcomer to her home and laid down ground rules. She didn’t need another mouth to feed that talked back. She needed a partner. She sadly accepted the fact that she had married the wrong man.

People behaving one way prior to marriage and another after marriage are “courting” their partner. They are acting in a sense to convince the other party that they are something they aren’t.

Many of my clients believe that the inmate is innocent. Many pay exorbitant attorney fees to fight the charges. Many sacrifice money from their households to pay attorneys because they believe wholeheartedly that the inmate is innocent. No one not even evidence and discovery will convince them otherwise.

Other clients are well aware that the inmate committed the crime which is why they are doing the time. Sure, they hear the cries of innocence from inmates that they love and care for but the majority of my clients knew the inmate prior to incarceration. I recall standing in Coffield Unit with one client prior to her marriage and the seriousness she displayed as she turned and said “Miss Wendy is this SOB gets out and goes in a third time he can go straight to Hell cause I’m out.”

In a prison courtship, the inmate has far more time to write romantic letters and focus on the person on the outside.

The person on the outside has far less time. Why? Because they are working, raising children, running households and doing everything alone on the outside including paying for expensive phone calls and prior to this visitation lockdown, driving long distances to visits.

A prison relationship is remarkably one sided. One person is making far more sacrifices than the other. One person is pulling the wagon alone on the outside. These people are my clients. The inmate is not my client. I don’t speak to or correspond with or even meet the inmate until my client and I are standing inside a prison for the ceremony.

Many of my clients have a lot of weight in their wagon weighing it down. Where does all this weight come from? Well for starters my clients are cheerleaders for the inmates calling them. Then there’s the bills rolling in they pay alone on a single income. Then there’s their children. Then there’s the empty bed they exhaustedly roll into alone at the end of long day to wake up and start all over again. Many of my clients work AND go to school while raising their children. Others take care of their aging mother or father or both in their home while raising their children and working.

The inmate is often upset about being incarcerated or the conditions of incarceration.

The person on the outside didn’t seal the fate of the inmate though. Anger directed at my client’s is misplaced. Inmates angry about their situation often forget that the only support system they have are my clients. I address this fact with my clients on a regular basis.

My clients are in a position of power, custody and control. They are effectively giving up their finances to put money on the books and pay for phone calls. I remind clients of “who is holding the cards” on a regular basis. Why? Because they need to assert themselves with an inmate far more often than you might think. Frequently an inmate assumes they have control when in fact they don’t. This role reversal is common for an inmate who is in the prison wedding planning process. They believe that by marrying they have a position of power even from behind razor wire.

Pom Poms can and do run out of streamers. The person on the outside in the free world has a wagon full of responsibility’s.

Soothing the inmates concerns are only one of the many things they are dealing with. Loving an inmate and committing to marrying them is one Helluva commitment. A person committed to marrying an inmate is giving up any and all of the frivolity a marriage to someone on the outside entails.

I’m often asked when someone realizes that I marry couples inside prisons, “why would they want to marry an inmate? What’s in it for them?” I can’t answer these questions. Only my clients can. A handful of them like Amanda question their decision.

I had shared a “memory” on FB of the wedding that took place at Ramsey Unit last year congratulating my bride regarding her one year anniversary. This isn’t unusual. I frequently share these types of updates.

This particular shared post however resulted in a DM from my client asking for information to file a divorce. “Miss Wendy things ain’t working out with Roy. He’s trying to control my money from prison. I don’t need somebody questioning me about how I spend my money. Can you send me the things I need to get a divorce?” Roy assumed because he was married that he would be making the rules. My client decided to let Roy find someone else to boss around.

I was a little surprised about this couple since my bride had been so happy on her wedding day. But, the actions of ownership from inmates who are finally married to someone on the outside in the free world are often the result of the divorces that occur within the first or second year of marriage. Normally if my clients make it to a third year they are in it for the long haul unless the inmate paroles and assumes to take control of my clients household. My clients have been running and paying for their households all along. They don’t hand over the reins to a newcomer whether this newcomer is their spouse or not. This particular power play is the #1 reason for divorce with the second reasons being post incarceration syndrome or drug use. Domestic violence is rare but also has occurred to 2 of my clients who immediately contacted me for information pertaining to a restraining order and divorce. I immediately got them the information they needed as well as emergency contact information for counseling and shelters for one former client fearful of returning to her own home “until she was certain he was gone.”

Inmates who “assume that they own their spouse” or that they can control their new spouse are in for a wake up call. This assumption is a mistake.

My clients are independent, educated, resourceful and well aware that if an inmate tries to control them inside, the inmate will be by far more controlling on the outside.

Marriage may be a merger but marriage doesn’t mean the person you married is your property. They are a person, a very independent person who is doing it all on the outside.

All of my client’s in all of my states whether their LO is in state, federal, ICE or county custody are independent, intelligent and decisive.

For my Texas clients who choose the option of divorce, here’s a self filing link to download… Texas Divorce Paperwork.

Amanda moved her husband to another building on her property and out of her home. She will most likely divorce him because this inmate “isn’t the person I married.”

I can’t blame her for demanding peace under the roof she pays for. The home she bought entirely on her own is her personal property.

A few of my clients in other states as well as Texas need to consider a prenuptial agreement.

Here is a link for a free download prenup that you can change or edit… Prenuptial Agreement Paperwork.

Why would you need a prenup you might be thinking? First because all of the property you own is your property that’s why.

I will always educate you about what’s in YOUR best interest.

Post Incarceration Syndrome is another scenario many of my clients aren’t prepared for but a few have experienced.

What exactly is Post Incarceration Syndrome? Here’s a link for your review… Post Incarceration Syndrome.

There are a number of clients contacting me regarding marrying who were planning to marry on the “inside” who have notified me that their “LO made parole” or “is being moved to a halfway house” who are contacting me to “marry them on the outside.”

Many of you are unfamiliar with the locations of Residential Reentry Center’s in Texas. Here’s the link for TDCJ locations… TDCJ Residential ReEntry.

I’ve been meeting couples outside of Walls Unit in Huntsville to marry them as well as in parks, downtown areas near halfway houses and other locations for months now.

The festive environment outside of Walls Unit is something that cannot be described without experiencing it firsthand. Families, balloons, cheers and more accompany the releases of inmates who have the support of their families and my client’s anxiously waiting for them to walk out with bags of personal belongings in their hands. It’s a literal block party.

Many of my clients have made their love story last after incarceration. How? They knew the inmate prior to incarceration.

Call me cynical but I don’t believe that a pen pal relationship has the same resilience as a relationship that existed prior to incarceration. Why? Because these couples have an established history. Others may argue that pen pal love stories can and do “stand the test of time.”

However, I’ve never married a couple who met through a pen pal scenario while one person was incarcerated so my view may be biased. My clients tell me how they met. How they knew the person prior to incarceration and often how they are the only person involved in the inmates life. I know far more about my client’s marrying an inmate than traditional bookings. Why? Because the prison planning process takes months. I speak to these clients far more often and intimately than I do a traditional client. They share everything with me from letters they received from an inmate to parole to problems to preparing letters of support and more. If there are problems during the planning process, I hear these problems and give my clients the same advice I would give my own children about “slowing things down. Reevaluating. Asking if this type of relationship is what is in their best interest.” My allegiance is to my clients first, foremost and always.

There are very few pen pal relationships that can stand the test of time although there are such relationships that can somehow survive incarceration.

This week I’m meeting two clients to marry in downtown Fort Worth who were Covid positive a month ago. Both brides work in the healthcare industry.

The reschedules continue in Texas. Whether the inmate is released and you choose to marry at Walls Unit or within close proximity of the halfway house your LO is assigned to or whether you have decided that your love story wasn’t what you expected when you signed up for it, only you can choose your future. Only you can decide what’s best for you and your children.

For my many couples who are living happily ever after walking away from prisons to start a life together, they prove the statistics of prisons marriage wrong. They also continue to thrive on the outside.

My niece called my sister this afternoon while I was on location. She isn’t angry, confrontational, talking in the third person or acting crazy. Why? Because she’s medicated and coming off Meth. The hospital or treatment centers are the only places my niece can safely come down. I know this I’ve had years of experience. I’m sick about it but I’m not going to pretend there’s a safe way for an addict to dry out. There isn’t. An addict outside of a controlled environment will continue using.

My son is upset about my “interference” by getting Stephaney admitted on an involuntary hold but my son is a new father and it’s easy to turn a blind eye. Between his wife’s crazy family and chaos, his work and his new son, my son is overwhelmed.

Our entire family other than Cindy and I have all turned away from Stephaney. They have all given up.

My son brings up his wife’s “Uncle Robert” who shot himself once again to me and then moves to his wife’s cousin, Donald who is back on the bottle again but he’s trying to help.

This entire conversation lights me up (as usual) but I’m on location and need to go outside to voice my dim view about her crazy family wanting an expensive funeral for a guy who spent most of his life in prison then kills himself prior to demanding a full funeral his family cannot afford before going over why helping Donald over and over is no different than trying to help my niece. My sons answer about Donald had me reaching for a Xanax. “He’s had a hard life their entire family is a mess. Donald is the youngest. He has a chance.”

I respond with “your cousin has made mistakes too. Show some empathy especially when talking to Cindy about Stephaney while you consistently try to help your wife’s family.” I meant it.

My daughter in laws entire family is full of “dope heads” this is my sons description not my own. I don’t use this type of language to describe addicts.

If I did I use the type of language my son does to describe addicts I would’ve been referring to my mom with the same term years ago.

My son and his wife have moved so many of her crazy relatives into their home over the years that I can’t keep up with all of their names. I remind my son that having these people around his son is not only stupid but to not even consider allowing them over for a visit. He agrees with me. Even he knows that these unpredictable lunatics aren’t welcome in his home for valid reasons. He no longer allows his wife to let “so and so stay until they can get back on their feet.” What changed? The birth of my grandson.

For seven years of their marriage my daughter in law moved in so many of her relatives that my son was literally supporting every Tom, Dick and Harry that walked in the door.

The arguments I have had with him over this “stray dog situation” went on for years. Stephanie’s family is the biggest train wreck of chaos I have ever seen.

Donald is living in a trailer with Kathy (his sister that lived with my son and his wife along with her Deadbeat boyfriend until they finally moved out owing rent years ago) and thirteen other family members in a trailer.

My son had allowed Donald to stay at his home prior to his sons birth. However, he quickly learned Donald has a drinking problem.

My son is intolerant of addicts as am I. His intolerance is due to my niece and her antics. My intolerance is due to my mom and my niece.

My son was considering “helping Donald.” I advised him to let Donald help himself and not involve himself with that family.

My son is too empathetic with his wife’s crazy family. I’m really working on distancing him from them. Seriously.

The uncle who shot himself is yet another “window” that opened for my daughter in laws ridiculous relatives to contact me to share a GoFundMe Campaign that is so outrageous no one is donating. I didn’t bother asking who set it up. “Aunt Margie” and her argumentative phone call telling me “what her brother wanted” although the guy is dead just irritates and annoyed me.

The campaign outlining “what he wanted was a nice funeral and not to be burned” posted in the middle of a pandemic, right before the holidays and for someone who shot himself with graphic photos isn’t doing well because it’s unrealistic to assume people are going to donate a large sum of money for a suicidal guy that didn’t want to be cremated.

Logic flies right out the window with my daughter in laws crazy family.

My sisters famous quote about entitlement immediately came to mind talking to Stephanie’s “Aunt Margie” who informed me “you are wealthy and have a huge social media following if you would just share the campaign and support it we could reach our goal.”

Cindy’s quote? “GRATITUDE is the DIFFERENCE between APPRECIATION and a SENSE of ENTITLEMENT.”

Quite frankly the main reason I was against my son marrying Stephanie all those years ago WAS his wife’s crazy family.

Eight years later they are happily married, living in a new house with a new baby, driving nice cars and STILL giving handouts to her relatives.

I couldn’t believe my son told me that he HAD donated to that GoFundMe Account for “Uncle Robert.” Seriously. I couldn’t.

My son has a family to think about and his wife’s family will suck every nickel they can out of whoever they can get it from.

I told him “I’ve been checking that campaign and didn’t see your name. I now know why after he explained that the daughter trying to raise money is specifically trying to hit a lick by doing so since she isn’t the one planning burial arrangements. “Aunt Margie” is.

This “news” about my son and his wife “matching” what another relative had donated upset me. After all, they were both exposed to Covid going to visit this guy on his deathbed.

My son sighed and explained “we wrote a check that we matched with Stephanie’s aunt. We didn’t donate to the campaign. We did it so they would have enough money for cremation. They won’t do the cremation though. Mom he was a drug addict who spent most of his life in prison but he was a good guy. I met him many times and gave him a ride or food when he needed it. I donated money because I felt that they would go on with the cremation because they had the money to do so but that family is unrealistic.”

Even my son knows this full funeral is unrealistic.

“Aunt Margie” and her phone calls are never a welcome delight to me, my son or his wife. This lady is only calling me to tell me what her dead brother wants and demanding she gets nearly $10k?

After over a week, the donations on the campaign are less than $400. My son and his wife along with another relative have all donated $1500 for cremation.

A paupers funeral is free. It’s nearly Thanksgiving. People are out of work. Come on. Aunt Margie yelling “my brother specifically did not want to be cremated” is unrealistic and entitled. How can you expect everyone outside of your family to donate to a campaign that is selfish. By the way, suicide is selfish. People who commit suicide literally leave their loved ones holding the bag.

“Uncle Robert’s” family probably didn’t want him to shoot himself either. They certainly weren’t prepared for the financial repercussions “of what HE wanted.”

I have refused to share this campaign due to the graphic photo’s as well as the explanation as to why a paupers funeral or cremation aren’t welcome suggestions. I didn’t share it last week. I won’t this week either. I told my son why.

My son read the same details. He saw the same horrible photos of a man who shot himself in the face for the main photo?

Who posts photos of a man who shot himself in the face on a public campaign. It’s so shocking and disturbing. His family needs to take the money my son, his wife and another relative have donated and cremate him then move on. I cannot unsee those horrific photos. The man is dead and that family is too demanding.

You can’t force someone to donate to a campaign. I can’t believe GoFundMe doesn’t review photos on these campaigns. Good Lord.

Tomorrow I will call Stephaney’s job to tell them she won’t be at work this week.

Tomorrow I will pay her rent at the group home. We have no idea when Stephaney will be released THIS time. She had an interview Monday that I will need to reschedule because she was trying to find a better job but she’s obviously not up to a second interview in her current condition.

Tomorrow I will file marriage licenses from this weekend and go to my annual mammogram screening hoping they don’t find a problem again. I’ve had two lumpectomies in 8 years. Thankfully both were benign.

Tomorrow I will call “Aunt Margie” who contacted me last week demanding that her brother have the funeral he wanted that his family cannot afford and once again tell her I’m not sending $10k to pay for a funeral for a person I’ve never met who decided to kill himself and then left his broke family to try and find a way to “honor his wishes.”

My opinion about this entire scenario AND the family telling me what a guy who shot himself wanted is getting on my last nerve. Aunt Margie messaging then friend requesting me in order to get me to donate this campaign isn’t swaying me one bit. The guy shot himself.

Trying to reason with unreasonable people with the holiday coming up and deciding to go virtual this year after my son and his wife were exposed to Covid going to see her uncle who shot himself in Tyler, I’m shaking my head about another ridiculous fiasco with my daughter in laws family while dealing with my niece and my clients.

At least it won’t be raining Wednesday as I have 5 weddings outdoors. I’m hoping my sister can get some sleep tonight after worrying once again about her daughter, Stephaney while raising Stephaney’s twin daughters, Maryssa and Makenna and trying to remain hopeful that Stephaney will get back on her medication and become a stable and productive person. It’s hard. I’ve had so many setbacks with her. She should’ve been married by now. She should be in her own home. She could have been anything she wanted. Addiction destroys families.

Prison marriage may but be for everyone but for those who make their story last, the commitment, loyalty and determination of their unions continue to surprise their friends and families who didn’t support the decision to marry an inmate…

Why I Don’t Respond To Shade That Comes From Trees That Don’t Bear Fruit…

We live in an opinionated society but do the opinions of others really have a direct bearing on your life or mine? Probably not. You can please some of the people some of the time but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.

I choose to ignore “Negative Nancy’s” on a regular basis because their opinions have no impact on my life or my clients. A handful of these haters are my own family members. Don’t be shocked. I’m not. After years of defending my client base at family gatherings I finally decided to cut these toxic people from my life and I’m happier for it.

The holidays are right around the corner. Do I care that I won’t be visiting family members who bring me stress and anxiety? Nope. I’m going to save money this Christmas.

I’m also going to focus on people who matter in my family which gives me a far smaller circle.

Years ago, my aunt started an argument with me regarding officiating LBGT weddings at a holiday get together. Being attacked in front of other family members regarding my belief that love is love angered me. Who was she to “butt in” on my business or my clients? What possessed her to use an opportunity where stress is at an all time high to “tell me what she thinks?”

Good Lord, after all of the money I’ve spent on gifts year after year on my family members without so much as a thank you, I’m out on asking my brother or his wife “if they received my gifts or the money I sent through PayPal?” Is it really that hard to acknowledge someone who went out of their way to send you something every year when you’ve never sent even a birthday card or much less a thank you card?

The truth is that my clients have replaced my ungrateful and opinionated family members.

Yesterday, my twin sister, Cindy told me that while talking to our sister in law, Michelle suggested sending her son to live with Cindy. What the? How convenient to assume that my sister who has been raising her twin granddaughters for 16 years would want another responsibility under her roof? Our brothers son has never had any degree of a relationship with us. He’s an adult and nearly 30 years old. Trying to push her son onto Cindy didn’t play out the way Michelle thought it would.

Years ago, our father and his sister “dumped” their mother onto my twin sister by shirking their responsibility and moving grandma into Cindy’s house for eighteen years. Eighteen years of grandma taking two rooms of Cindy’s home. Not paying any rent. Taking control of the television. Complaining if Cindy went somewhere with me. Manipulative and controlling grandma made Cindy’s life a living hell for 18 years until Cindy finally kicked her out. FINALLY.

Our dad and our aunt were angry for years that Cindy gave grandma the boot. Neither of them were angry enough to open THEIR home for their mother though. They both “had their own lives.” Even after Cindy found an apartment for grandma near her house and for the five years grandma lived after being moved from Cindy’s house my sister was still expected to drive grandma to doctor appointments 2-3 days a week, grocery shop for her and go over to visit while dragging them twins along. Cindy became a prisoner of responsibility that wasn’t hers while raising her twin granddaughters. Our dad didn’t care. Our aunt didn’t care.

After my grandmother died, our father tried to move into Cindy’s house. She had learned to say no by then and did. He then tried to move in with me. I let him have a piece of my mind. “We were homeless at 15. We were eating out of trash cans when the police found us and took us to a shelter. Our first apartment we couldn’t even afford electricity. No one in our entire lives has done anything to help us. Ever. I don’t owe you anything. Cindy doesn’t owe you anything. Our children have had no relationship with you or aunt Shirley. Our grandchildren have had no relationship with you or aunt Shirley. We have raised our children and grandchildren without any involvement from you or our mother. Never a birthday card for us or our children or grandchildren. Never a Christmas gift for us or our children or our grandchildren. The only time we hear from you people is when someone wants something from us. My brother never calls or even bothers to thank us for money and gifts we send to him. We are literally invisible to this family unless someone wants or needs something. This family took advantage of Cindy by dumping grandma on her. She didn’t owe grandma anything. Like the rest of you, grandma never helped us. Never acknowledged our birthday or Christmas either. For our entire lives we have been doing things for this family while this family never once stepped up to help us while raising our children between divorces alone with only each other to depend on. Don’t even try to tell me I owe you. I don’t owe you anything.” I meant it. My dad would NEVER live with Cindy or me. EVER.

Our dad wound up living with our brother and now our brothers wife wants to dump her problem son on my sister? I was outraged that she even suggested this idea. Cindy had heart surgery last November. Cindy is raising her granddaughters. Cindy has her hands full already.

It’s not our fault that our father is living with our brother. You don’t owe parents caring for them in their old age when they never took care of you. Period. Cut Em loose.

Our mother was a heroin addict. She never sent a birthday card or a Christmas card either. We never had birthday parties other than the one disastrous birthday party when Cindy and I were 6 years old. Left alone with our grandfather, we were both sexually assaulted. Our grandmother was angry when she came to pick us up that we were crying. So angry that she told us “you are ungrateful and you will never have another birthday party.” We didn’t. For the next 9 years the abuse continued. No one in our family stopped it. Not our father. Not our aunt. Not our grandmother. No one. We ran away from home at 15 and never looked back.

The fact that Cindy had to take care of a grandmother who never took care of us for 18 years is and always will be so preposterous that my anger as well as hers is still with us today.

My son and his wife moved in with me when their house caught on fire several years ago. This lasted 3 months. At the end of those three months, I told him it was time to leave. A few years later, between homes again, my son wanted to move in with my husband and I a second time. I declined. Why? My son had moved his wife’s cousin and his wife’s cousins son in with them as well as four dogs. I wasn’t about to move four people and four dogs into my home indefinitely. They moved in with my daughter in laws father instead while their house was being built. Was my son angry about this? Most likely but, I work 7 days a week as does my husband and our home is our sanctuary. You don’t owe anyone the luxury of moving into your home at your expense.

Cindy and I have a friend, Britney. Britney threatened to divorce Eddie when Eddie’s mother became too old to care for herself. Eddie was an only child. Eddie put his mother in a nursing home where she died several months later. Eddie went to see her on weekends. Britney was given her suv to take her to doctor appointments and visit. Britney never did. She took the car and neglected to go visit or run Eddie’s mother to doctor appointments. Eddie’s mother died waiting for a visit with her grandchildren and Britney.

You need to choose your battles. There will always be someone somewhere “throwing shade.” To hell with them. If they bring nothing to your life other than misery, they don’t belong in your life. Cut them out of your life and keep them out of your head.

The holidays are a stressful time and while federal facilities have reinstated visitation, TDCJ has yet to reinstate visitation. Abbott says he’s going to reopen Texas but when? As we continue to wait for visitation, the anxiety, stress and depression of not being able to visit loved one’s continues.

Last week I was back at Walls Unit marrying clients I couldn’t marry while the inmate was in TDCJ. I will continue to meet any client who is paroling and get you married. Keep me updated on your loved ones status and if they are chained to another facility let me know so I can update our records.

Focus on the people that really matter. If we’ve learned anything during this pandemic it’s what’s really important to us and what isn’t.

I hope to see all of you very soon and please don’t worry about me going to Fort Worth FMC. Every precaution is being taken to ensure that Cindy and I are healthy and ready to meet you at your prison weddings…

For Love Or Money? Why Opinions From People Who Can’t Accept Your Love Story Don’t Matter…

A journalist called me Saturday who obviously had some unfounded opinions regarding marrying inmates being “all about the money.” How and why this biased belief exists I have no idea but I know this, the people I marry to inmates are dedicated, determined, resilient and do it all alone on the outside. They are warriors. They prove that love is more than a 4 letter word.

Many of you don’t have the support you deserve from family or friends. Many of you feel isolated regarding your decision to marry an inmate. Many of you feel you don’t have anyone to talk to but you do. You have me. I take calls, texts, emails and DM’s 7 days a week from 8AM-9PM. I’m here to listen and I’m here to offer you advice. I’m old and I’m wise and your concerns are important to me.

I had a bride ask me about a prenuptial agreement. She’s planning to marry at Garza East. I can prepare this document for you and understand the need to have one if the inmate has outstanding debts going into the marriage. You need to protect what’s yours. You also need to know that the ONLY way to “catch” your spouses debt is by marrying. Be cautious. Ask questions. Too many people don’t ask about their partners debt. Sexually transmitted debt occurs when a marriage happens. Marriage merges debt.

While many of you might think you don’t have anything to protect, what you are doing is isolating your future spouses debts from your own as well as your assets.

Years ago, twenty to be exact, I was opening my mail when a tax lien popped up. I had never ever had an issue with the IRS. In fact, I’m afraid of very few things but the IRS is one of the the things I’m so terrified of that I overlay my taxes. My ex husband had presented his taxes to me and instructed me to “sign this. We are married now.” By signing that document, I unwittingly assumed half of a $378k tax debt.

It took me months to successfully file an Innocent Spouse case with the IRS. In fact, to educate myself, I took a job at H & R Block to learn more about tax debts in order to represent myself. My ex had a tax attorney. I had myself. Many of you are unaware that I’ve been through some serious shit in my lifetime and had no one to ask for help. No mother or father. No grandparents, aunts or uncles. Cindy and I have always had to “figure it out.”

We have “figured it out” since leaving home at fifteen years old. Cindy and I lived at homeless shelters until we were 16. There has never been an “easy button” for solving problems in our lives. We’ve always had each other and it was Cindy who suggested filing Innocent Spouse. She had heard of it from someone else. If not for Cindy, I would have had no idea how to get rid of that lien or where to start. My credit would’ve been ruined and any money I earned taken to satisfy the debt. I had no choice other than to fight and so I did. I learned a lot about tax law. I enjoy learning about the law and spent many years in courtrooms.

A lot of people wonder why Cindy and I started Texas Twins Events. We created an opportunity that didn’t exist for anyone to enjoy a dream event. We want others to have the wedding we didn’t. We want you to have the flowers the fun photos and the wonderful memories of your life event.

I often advise you of things you need to know when committing yourself and your life to marriage because I don’t want anyone making the same mistakes Cindy or I have in our previous marriages. EXPERIENCE MATTERS. Protecting all of you is my greatest concern.

Many of you feel guilty if you don’t write enough letters or miss a phone call. You shouldn’t. You are living on the outside. You have a house to keep, kids to raise and bills to pay. Your needs should be your primary focus. You can’t save anyone else until you save yourself first. Putting too many people in your boat will drown you. Set limits. Establish boundaries.

I have 2 dealbreakers in my life and in my marriage. Violence and infidelity. I would’ve simply fought the tax lien and stayed married to my second husband if he hadn’t been being unfaithful during the entire marriage. The tax lien was the cherry on top of the cake. I had limits. We all do.

This journalist attempted to advise me of why she thought my clients chose to marry an inmate. I answered her with one of Cindy’s iconic quotes known as Cindyism Quotes.

“I would appreciate your advice and insight if I could overlook your lack of experience.”

I meant what I said although she was surprised I said it. I’m transparent. I’ve been dirt poor. I’ve ate of trash cans as a homeless teen alongside my twin sister. We lived without electricity in our first apartment because we could afford the rent but couldn’t afford electricity. I know what hard times are. I’ve been there and done that.

If you are a journalist, casting producer or media person, what you don’t know and assume to know when talking to me with an attitude will be quickly addressed and quashed. Your ignorance regarding my clients is a sure fire way to light me up. I’m being serious. I know them you don’t. Save your opinions Skippy.

For years now I’ve had production people contact me. My twin and I filmed a television pilot five years ago, Pawning Planners. We’ve also filmed numerous projects and are familiar with creative editing and frankenbiting. Our clients aren’t. Our clients don’t understand media contracts. We advise them about production companies and media portraying them in a less than positive light. We educate and protect them. For reasons I may never understand, media believe that anyone marrying an inmate is a weirdo. They aren’t. People marrying an inmate are warriors. Read that again.

Marrying an inmate is a sacrifice. My clients spend holidays alone. They carefully budget to afford expensive phone calls. They drive long hours to Units. They often put the inmates needs before their own. They are selfless. They are givers.

Many of the media people contacting me are takers. You want to take their story, their journey and their lives and twist their story into a train wreck. I won’t let you. Prey on someone else. I’m well aware of creative editing and fabricating sentences that weren’t spoken. I’m well aware of how production companies twist the truth and create “faux personalities.”

A few years ago, I was contacted on Instagram in March by someone claiming to be casting a prison show. This person wasn’t casting a show because there wasn’t a greenlight. It was March I was busy as Hell in season with clients from all three of my businesses and this jackass wanted me to do his job for him while claiming he had been cleared for a show with funding. I know what a greenlight is. I know what questions to ask. My clients don’t. This guy wanted “beautiful people.” All of my clients are beautiful. This guy wanted names and phone numbers. I told him “I don’t give out my clients information. What I will do is post a flyer and if they are interested they will contact you.” Old Chris was fishing. His job was to find the talent and with my burdened schedule, this idiot wanted me to do his job for him. How convenient. Chris thought I was a hillbilly without realizing that I was filming commercials for Whataburger at 17 years old and well aware of media and production. I’ve worked in the film industry for years. Cindy and I listened to his crazy demands for a few days while we were busy as heck before calling him out on the contract he sent me. He didn’t sign it. Chris thought he was smart. In reality he was a smart ass.

Your stories have value to media outlets. Your lives warrant protecting. A standard reality contract is entirely and wholly one sided. If someone sends you a contract and they are in a hurry for you to sign it, send it to me. I will review it and revise it to protect you. If someone isn’t paying your travel and hotel accommodations, they can’t afford you. Be aware of contracts that take everything you have and give you nothing in return. They exist. They are also called “standard reality contracts.”

Many years ago, Cindy and I were told to fly to LA for “pitch meetings.” Pitch meetings are where your production company introduces you to the network. They want to meet “the talent” AKA, you. Your the talent. I asked “who is paying for expenses?”

The production company answered “we can’t afford to cover travel but we really need you here.” If a production company can’t pay your travel, they can’t afford you. Remember this. It’s important.

Now, back to protecting yourself and your assets and assuming no liability with debts of your fiancée, if you need help creating a document that accomplishes this, contact me. Your money matters.

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time” – Leo Tolstoy

Since mid March my TDCJ Clients have been waiting for visitation to reopen. During this window of uncertainty and the chaos of a pandemic, I have heard over and over “Covid-19 isn’t real” from people who aren’t medically trained. People have plenty of opinions in the midst of a crisis but as is usually the case little or no solutions.

I’ve never been shy about voicing my beliefs and a few days ago while commenting on one of my friends and a former clients post was attacked by someone who thought he knew me based on my skin color.

Traditionally, I would allow such a shallow minded comment to go unobserved. However since we are now not only in the midst of a pandemic but also a worldwide upset and this idiot “assumed I didn’t care about black lives,” I chose to respond.

After all, who was this guy? What led him to believe that he could or should judge me when my friend and I were discussing the possibility of visitation being reinstated?

An angry person misdirecting his anger at me who ironically had no idea that I’m an advocate for not only prison reform but also bail reform AND I believe in the power of peaceful protest.

For the record, I marched in Fort Worth twice and would have attended other marches but couldn’t due to my schedule.

Unlike many marchers who are more interested in filming their presence at these peaceful protest marches, I chose not to check in or film.

Going live on FB effectively “misses” the entire point of the peaceful protest by focusing on their phone rather than the moment, I chose not to post to social media.

Posting or live feeding at an historic event is in my opinion rude. Not everyone wants their photo or video posted to social media.

People videotaping aren’t asking for permission to publish video or photos. Why? They don’t care. Children have been present at “Fort Worth Friendly Black Lives Matter Protests.” Do parents want their children’s photos all over the internet? Likely the answer is no.

Although Fort Worth is the one major city that has remained peaceful in support of Black Lives Matter, why everyone feels the need to video every aspect of the march rather than focusing on why the match exists and what it’s actually about continues to be evident everywhere we turn from social media to news outlets with teens and young adults videoing everything whether it’s peaceful or far from peaceful.

It’s alarming to me that people and opinions seem to always clash while one side judges the other. I didn’t see any clashing or anger in Fort Worth.

Instead I saw mothers, sisters, fathers, brothers, sons and daughters at Fort Worth marches.

I saw Unity within the Community. I saw people from all walks of life.

So for anyone like the person judging me in FB comments that doesn’t know me and assumed that he did by running over to my public FB Page without bothering to get to know me, my beliefs, my background or my passion for all people, I educated him. I enlightened him.

I let him know that the next time he stereotypes someone that he should ask himself why it’s so easy for him to judge others and reevaluate the need or desire to do so. He finally stopped commenting.

I was willing to go on and on. Why? Because I’m educated enough to debate with people who think they know everything who don’t that’s why.

I’m frequently contacted through DM by people trolling to find a target. These keyboard warriors sitting in their parents basements are bullies.

They love to find someone to attack and of upset. I love to respond to them publicly on my FB Page Prison Weddings With Wendy Wortham.

Nearly all of my keyboard warrior DM trolls message me through my prison page after midnight.

I’m rarely DM’d by trollers on my other main FB Page, Texas Twins Events/The Pawning Planners but occasionally it happens.

Why? Because the person contacting me “doesn’t believe inmates should have the right to marry.”

Or “I don’t believe in LBGT Marriage. I’m strongly opposed.” WHO CARES?! I don’t care. My clients don’t care. Grow up and get a life buddy.

Stop looking for something to be upset about. Stop seeking someone to unload on. I’m busy. Keep your opinions. They are YOUR luggage and YOUR trip.

Still other people want to advise me of “their stand regarding bail or prison reform” through DM’s. Hmm. You can’t silence me buddy. No one can.

There are people sitting in jail who haven’t been convicted of a crime.

These people are incarcerated SOLELY because they are too poor to post a bond. Is that justice? Is that fair? Should poverty define freedom?

If you believe being poor should factor into being just or fair then you have more issues than common sense can remedy.

Time is one thing we can’t ever regain. Time is a priceless commodity. Life is precious.

As we continue to wait for visitation to be reinstated within all of my service area states, I want to once again state for the record I believe in the power of peaceful protests. I believe in speaking for those whose voices cannot be heard.

Social injustice affects everyone. I should also add that I believe there are good police. I’m also aware that there are bad police. I don’t judge any group of people on the actions of one. I never have.

I judge people based on how they treat me. How their actions affect others.

I was sent a photo posted of an officiant who was racist a few days ago. An officiant who backtracked by posting an apology. Yes, I’ve been it. Everyone can stop sending it to me as I was well aware prior to her post of her dim views and position.

I’m also well aware of other officiants who continue to point out that I’m “LBGT Friendly.”

Guess what? If you are on ANY Wendy Wortham website and don’t recognize or realize that I’m VERY public regarding my beliefs and position, you are either blind or illiterate. I can’t solve stupidity. No one can.

What I can do is be who I am. Take it or leave it.

Don’t pretend to be who you aren’t. Your racist rant was well publicized. You know what bothers me the most is when people like you get caught with your pants down and then backtrack with some half ass apology for your own behavior. You posted something that offended everyone. In the midst of a pandemic. In the midst of social injustice. In the midst of people being unemployed for two months with job loss or wage cuts. Keep your insignificant and phony apology.

As for anyone else running around screaming “Wendy Wortham performs gay marriages” you should know ALL of my websites publicly reflect my affiliation with the LBGT community. The word gay is a slur. Stop using it. Grow up and stop gossiping.

Maybe if you’d spend more time on cultivating your business and catering to your clients rather than running around condemning others you might actually have clients. Boom.

I’m well aware that there are racist bigots running around and I’m well aware that there are trolls trying to stir the chili.

What you need to know and understand though is that someone somewhere is always going to be on the other side.

I have a number of clients waiting on paperwork or dates across Texas.

Due to the visitation ban, when we are able to move forward, there is a very strong possibility that I will have stacked clients at numerous Units.

A stacked day means I have 2-8 clients at the same unit on the same day. Please arrive 15 minutes early on wedding day.

Remember to bring your state issued ID and marriage license.

Handwritten vows should be handed to me prior to shakedown. I will hand them back after clearing.

I look forward to seeing all of you very soon at your prison weddings.

As for the bail bondsmen who continue to wish I wouldn’t post accurate truths about the nature of their industry though they can get over themselves…

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen Covey

I’m always concerned when on of my clients sends me a text or DM that reads “there’s something I need to talk to you about. Are you busy?”

I always drop everything to immediately respond to messages like this because I can feel their sense of urgency.

I’m everyone’s mom. I’m always available to my clients seven days a week from 8AM-9PM.

Other vendors who follow me are often surprised that my role by far surpasses planning and officiating a ceremony.

My role expands and extends to that of a friend, counselor, problem solver and patient listener.

Karen had been concerned about what to do after realizing her fiancée was involved with K2. This problem isn’t isolated to Karen. This problem is spreading through prisons. I listened to her concerns and waited for her to express her wide range of emotions and disappointment before responding.

First, I needed to help her understand her own needs. Second, I needed her to establish boundaries. Third, I needed her to reinforce these boundaries. It’s not easy dealing with an addict. Fourth, addicts are expert manipulators and Karen would need to stop sending money. It wouldn’t be easy for her to do this. Why? Because she’s been sending money for a long time. She’s been doing what she can to support an inmate that she plans to marry.

Setting boundaries is often difficult to do. Dealbreakers always are. You need to know what’s “too much” for you. You need to find that line and establish it. I knew the inmate would be angry regarding Karen taking a stand. But my client is my focus not the inmate. I always put my clients needs and issues as my primary concerns. They need reinforcement. They need a sounding board. An unbiased listener. They need me.

The words to an Elvis Presley song immediately came to mind regarding inmates not getting what they wanted and getting upset about it.

You know I’ll be your slave if you ask me to.
But if you don’t behave
I’ll walk right out on you. If you want my love then take my advice and treat me nice.”

We had a lengthy conversation. The following day after much grief, Karen sent me a message that she felt better about her decision although it was a difficult choice. Saying no always is. The person you are saying no to will react in a number of different ways. First, they will often use guilt. Second, they will often use anger. Hold your ground.

I’ve also had numerous clients in a number of states contacting me regarding debt collector calls. When the economy tanks, the collectors come out. Zombie debt and third party lawsuits are real. Respond to collection letters. Call me if you need help writing a verification or validation letter. Respond to a lawsuit by filing an answer. Your answer should be General Denial. Most of these lawsuits are third party debt buyers. They buy the debt then pursue the debt. The debt is often time barred from a lawsuit. To alter this, the collector establishes a new account on your credit report. This effectively re ages a previously time barred debt. I need all of you ESPECIALLY if you have ever had a defaulted debt to be diligent. Check your credit reports. Fight erroneous entries. Freeze your credit. If you don’t know how to respond to a debt lawsuit, contact me but don’t hide from a debt collector. They will find you. Erroneous debt and unscrupulous debt collectors have been around for many years. They use threats and coercion to attempt to bully you into making a payment or an agreement. These will reopen and re age the original debt. Don’t fold. Contact me.

Yet another client contacted me regarding a death row inmate and wanted to know “what’s going to happen?” First, I know you haven’t done this before. Stay calm. Nothing scary is going to happen. I will be by your side at all times inside the Unit. I will walk you through exactly what’s going to happen as well as exactly what you can or cannot do. I will prepare you. We are in this together and you will never be separated from me inside a Unit unless you need to use the restroom.

We have twenty minutes. I encourage you to write your own vows to extend our timeline. Why? My ceremony takes 11-13 minutes. Once finished we are hustled out. I encourage you to write poetry, scripture, vows and even song lyrics to “buy” an additional few minutes inside. Why? We’ve spent months getting to wedding day and I want you to savor every second.

Song lyrics can often be changed or altered easily. Badfingers Day After Day works well. “I remember finding out about you. Every day, my mind is all around you. Looking out from my lonely room, day after day. Bring it home, baby, make it soon
I give my love to you.”

Or, Al Green’s Let’s Stay Together works well too. “Let me say that since, baby, since we’ve been together. Loving you forever is what I need. Let me, be the one you come running to. I’ll never be untrue.”

There are so many song lyrics that perfectly fit an expression of love that can be easily incorporated into a wedding ceremony that the list is endless.

Tuesday morning I had a call regarding “music at the wedding ceremony.” We cannot have music at any wedding ceremony within a detention facility. Whether it’s state, federal, ICE or county. This request comes up rather frequently. Once client at Estes was so determined to have music that she asked me to sing. I’m not a hip hop singer but I did my best. My best brought riotous laughter from the inmate and the correctional officers but if it’s important to you I will try to accommodate your request. Remember though that I’m not Beyoncé.

Bridget sent me a message regarding finding an RV park near Palestine. I immediately thought of my other client, Larissa who manages an RV park and sent her a message to link Bridget and Larissa. Larissa also told me her grandmother had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, her father had suffered a heart attack and her beloved aunt whom I had met on wedding day in Beaumont was struggling with blood sugar issues during this pandemic. I was deeply saddened and concerned. Everyone is struggling through this unprecedented and troubling virus. It’s changed the way we live. It’s robbed us of structure, predictability and peace.

Many of my clients are so anxious about this “new normal” that I’ve been asked about coping strategies. Because many of my blog followers might have missed my post on FB, I’m copying and pasting tips for dealing with stress and anxiety during this pandemic below.

From helplessness to hopelessness we are going through something entirely new and foreign to us. This adjustment is a learning curve. Everything changed for us in a short window. Things we took for granted were taken away. Finding peace in a time of crisis can be challenging.

Some individuals are being heavily impacted by physical symptoms such as heart palpitations, shortness of breath, sweating, trouble sleeping, and changes in appetite. Stress affects everyone differently.

Others may find cognitive symptoms to be a greater stressor resulting in difficulties recalling memories, problems with concentration, inability to control negative thoughts, ruminating on the same thoughts, and having trouble seeing any positives.

These anxiety symptoms are the body and mind’s natural response to rapid adaptations in your familial, work, financial, and emotional environments. It is likely that they may get better with time as you adjust to your “new normal,” but you can immediately use the strategies below to help manage anxiety and other difficult feelings.

1. Separate out worries into productive and unproductive actions.

Worries can be turned into productive preparations and cautionary behaviors like taking vitamins, stocking up on essentials and food, refilling medications, and so on. It is equally important to prepare mentally. You can stock up on your favorite reading materials and calming scents like lavender; make time to socialize through phone, video calls, online gaming; and in your downtime engage in a hobby or interest you enjoy.

When you find yourself worrying about something you have no control over and can’t convert into a positive preparation, it is helpful to “shelve” that thought, or let it go completely.

2. Make a visual list of coping skills and keep it readily accessible.

In times like these, you might find your typical ways of coping don’t cut it, and you need even more tools and strategies to turn to. You may also find your mind is overwhelmed with information and new adjustments, so you forget the things that used to come more naturally to you.

First, make a list of the things you do already and have done to manage stress and remain calm. Here are some ideas to get you started: therapy, talking to a friend, exercise, prayer, reading, meditation, yoga, creative activities, positive self-talk, cooking, gardening, journaling, deep breathing, listening to music, household projects, spring cleaning, meditation, puzzles/games, playing with your pets and kids, and doing something nice for someone else.

3. Challenge negative thoughts.

Chronic stress is often the result of negative thought patterns. Individuals who focus on and replay negative thoughts find the experience to be unpleasant, counterproductive, and in some cases resulting in depression. Challenging irrational, negative thoughts can allow you to change them by learning how to examine the validity of the negative thoughts and learn how to interpret situations using a different perspective.

4. Limit your exposure to anxiety-producing news and information.

It is important to stay up to date with new information but it is just as important to make a deliberate choice to read or watch the news. Refreshing your social media feeds throughout the day, or keeping the news on in the background, is overwhelming your senses and your ability to pay attention to other needs for yourself and your family.

Trust that you can get what you need in a few structured and limited times when you check your news sources. It is especially important to limit/monitor the way your children are receiving news about the virus. Stick to reliable sources and perhaps block people temporarily on social media if their reactions are increasing your negativity or anxiety.

5. Practice a daily mindful activity.

The bulk of the fear attached to anxiety comes from the anticipation of a future threat. Many people will catastrophize what is coming and have trouble separating assumptions from facts. Practicing a daily mindful activity places a focus on the now and not the future. This is done by separating feelings from judgments and focusing on things that are true and are occurring now, not what might happen.

Pick one thing you do daily and let your senses attend to that one thing — like brushing your teeth or making your morning coffee. When your mind wanders off, bring it back gently to your activity. A daily meditation practice can also help you be more mindful. Tara Brach and Christopher Germer have wonderful free meditations available online.

There are also many apps to help you start or build upon an existing practice (Headspace, Insight Timer, Buddhify, Calm). Additionally, you can hear my guided meditations for free on Spotify and Google Play (Unwind: Guided Relaxation, by Amy Vigliotti).

6. Talk about it, write about it, let it out.

There is a common misconception that talking about anxiety makes it worse because it encourages people to think about what makes them anxious. The reality, however, is that people who experience anxiety experience it whether they talk about it or not. Research has found that expressing anxious thoughts can help individuals feel as if they are getting those negative thoughts “out of their system” and/or diminish the intensity of their feelings. You can express your thoughts to trusted friends/family, keep a journal, or write them on notes to then be discarded later.

7. Pay attention to positive events.

Picture yourself walking outside on a day where there is a mix of clouds and blue sky. In times of unusual stress, we all have a habit of focusing on the negative—the “clouds”—and missing the blue sky. If we ignore the blue sky, we make things even harder on ourselves.

You want to balance your consumption of “negative” news by reading and attending to positive events. There are always positive things to focus on even in times of great duress. We see fitness instructors giving online free workouts; neighbors lending a hand to elderly individuals; health care workers prioritizing the care of others in a selfless manner. And there are little things we can be grateful for as well: a hot shower, our morning coffee, a smile or text from a friend. If you want to take it a step further, you can be a positive change in your community. Doing something nice for someone else makes us feel good too.

We are all going through something we have never been through before. This pandemic and the uncertainty caused by it are stressful. Whether you are an essential worker or a parent now homeschooling and working, your life has changed to a “new normal.” This new normal is temporary but it is an adjustment. Take time to focus on yourself during this crisis.

Adjusting to and accepting change is different and often difficult for everyone. What works for one person might not work for another. Find a strategy that suits your individual needs. From a long walk to listening to music to visiting a friend to writing a letter to your loved one to buying a candle, what helps you relax is what will work best for you.

Because I haven’t been taking deposits for the past two months and effectively not formally booking new clients, I’ve made adjustments to assist new inquiries who may have had their marriage license expire trying to marry. Deduct $40 from the cost of your second marriage license to help you with expenses. I’m not taking deposits because I believe my clients need to keep their money during these uncertain times. You are single income households. Many of you are single parents. I want you to take care of yourselves as we wait out the reinstatement of visitation.

Booked clients are being mailed checks for 1/2 of the replacement cost of their marriage licenses for two months now. I want everyone to wait to buy that second license until we are sure that we can use it. Be patient as this too shall pass. I will get you married.

As always I’m going to remind everyone not to panic. If you need a friendly ear I’m always available and want you to know that you are not alone. We are all in this together…

What If? Why Not? What For? When Love Isn’t Enough…

Reading text messages from my Michael Unit Bride, Bridget, it became apparent that salvaging a marriage she had wanted so badly wasn’t going to work. Why? Her husband was making financial demands of sending $500 here or $700 there or he would be the victim of gang violence? Guilt is often a form of coercion and manipulation. Was Bridget aware of this? Perhaps not but I was about to enlighten her.

Bridget met her future husband in middle school. They hadn’t seen each other in thirty years. How did they reconnect? Her future husbands mother put Bridget in touch with her son.

At the time Bridget contacted me about marrying at Michael Unit, she was excited and thrilled to have found love. They hadn’t seen one another in person for thirty years. Their only correspondence was by mail or phone. I was a bit concerned about the fact that Bridget hadn’t had a visit and mentioned this to her but she wanted the emotional surprise and delight of seeing each other on wedding day.

I rolled into the parking lot at Michael in one of our Santa Fe suvs that day. I sent a text to Bridget and met her in the parking lot. We walked into the shakedown area.

For the record, I remember each moment I finally meet my clients marrying an inmate in person. Why? Because my traditional clients have always met me in person long before wedding day.

Clients marrying an inmate talk, text and email. We have a virtual relationship long before an in person meeting.

As we waited for our escort at Michael Unit, Bridget gave me the details of how this love story came about. It was romantic and filled with precious memories of their childhood. I loved the dynamics of “love finding a way.”

I never ask why an inmate is incarcerated. Often though my clients share this information on their own. Bridgets soon to be husband had a 55 year sentence. This alarmed me. Why? Because 55 years is a very long time.

While it’s true I have many clients who marry a lifer or death row inmate, I wondered with a sentence that heavy and a virtual courtship if Bridget could make this marriage work? After all, Bridget had children and grandchildren. The expenses of being a prison wife are many. Money on the books of an inmate, expensive phone calls, long drives to the Unit and lonely nights and holidays are hard on the person on the outside.

I recalled another client at Stiles who had been on the outside not once but twice for an inmate who claimed he wanted a fresh start only to wind up back in prison. My bride had called me after he was again back in the system. She needed an ear to listen. She needed a way to vent her frustration at loving someone who chose to go back to his old ways. He was released last month. Will he fly straight? Only time will tell but his beautiful wife won’t be around for a third stint. Everyone has limits.

My Wynn Unit bride contacted me about a divorce two months ago. My Ellis Unit client contacted me about a divorce while Cindy and I were in California.

Now Bridget is contacting me about a divorce. This is alarming. Why? All of these clients are in Texas. Not other service area states but only in Texas? Why the trend?

I sent Bridget information to self file her divorce. She’s in Dallas County. The clerks offices and courts are closed. Her husband continues to accuse her of being unfaithful. This type of tactic is a form of control. Generally it’s used to put the victim on the defensive. Why? To rattle their cage. To force them into being defensive. Manipulative people use emotion to bend or break someone. Bridget’s husband claimed the gang going after him was going after him for drugs. How did he obtain drugs in prison? Why did he consistently accuse her of being unfaithful. Why did he use guilt to attempt to coerce her into sending hundreds of dollars she didn’t have to send? Control.

Let’s go back to a client a few years ago who told me the inmate wanted her to send risqué photos of herself to him. She was uncomfortable about this and said so. The inmate became infuriated about her refusal. He then accused her of being unfaithful. He then demanded she send half of her income to him “to create a nest egg for our future.”

When I heard these red flags flying, I advised her to cut him off entirely. Stop taking his calls. Stop sending money. Stop being manipulated. Why? She has 3 children. She works two jobs. The last thing she needs are upsetting phone calls and accusations along with monetary demands. She cancelled plans to marry this con artist and found love on the outside.

Let’s go back to the two brides and one groom “scenario.” It’s tough to shock me but that catastrophe did. On the one hand I had someone in North Dakota wanting to marry someone in TDCJ. On the other hand I had someone in San Antonio wanting to marry the SAME INMATE.

How did I know it was the same inmate? The Unit, the inmates ID number and the inmates name perfectly matched. It was the same person. This Don Juan had a lot of time on his hands. He also had not one but two women sending him money in exchange for him sending these two women identical love letters. North Dakota sent me videos of the love letters to prove it was the same inmate she also sent copies of the envelopes. San Antonio sent me copies of the letters too. I advised both of these women to dump the flim flam man.

For weeks I continued to lay out all of the reasons this unethical scoundrel wasn’t marriage material. San Antonio demanded he “choose” between the two brides. She also decided to go ahead and marry him. He was paroled two weeks after the marriage.

While Cindy and I were in California he also hit the young lady who had offered her heart and her home to this abusive con man.

There are a number of names for scoundrels. Let’s review them… Charleton, Fraudster, Dastard, Scallywag, Bagabond, Hooligan, Grifter, Swindler, Rat, Villain, & Rogue to name a few. I’m going to add Insincere and Treacherous.

For the “prisoner attempting polygamy” all of the above references fit what he had been doing to not one but TWO WOMEN.

Betrayed by her husband, the bride that decided to marry the emotionally unfaithful con man who had prayed and played two women at the same time (that we knew of since there could have been more) she sent me a message on FB for her help filing a divorce. Cindy and I were in Oceanside. I asked what had happened? She told me he had struck her. That was enough information for me and certainly too much for her. Two weeks out of the joint and physically abusive only added to the emotional abuse this inmate had put her through. She’s divorced now and happy I might add. Well rid of a snake that crawled into her life and begrudgingly slithered out of it.

Bridget like all of my clients is worthy of true love. True love doesn’t have a price tag or demands. True love is freely given and freely received.

“When Kindness Is Consistent It Becomes Constant.” Cindy Daniel

Bridget like all of my clients deserves to find love and have love. Sadly, she married someone unworthy of her. Together we will fix that by obtaining a divorce and freeing the chains that bound her to someone hellbent on taking advantage of her…

Love, Life, Loss And The Power Of Patience. Clerks Office Closures & Chaos..

Yesterday my Ferguson Unit bride contacted me regarding buying her license. The Unit had finally sent the Absentee Affidavit and Inmate ID but she lives in another state and many Texas clerks are either closed altogether or requiring an appointment to purchase a marriage license.

Dallas county is no longer taking appointments and is closed until further notice.

Walker county is only booking appointments with residents living in the county.

Tarrant county is taking appointments but they are booked two weeks out towards the end of the month.

The Absentee Affidavit has a 30 day shelf life once notarized. Often 8-10 days have passed by the time my clients receive this vital document from the Unit.

Because many of my clients are having trouble finding anywhere to buy a marriage license, the possibility of having to send a second Absentee Affidavit exists.

Normally, law libraries at prisons (state or federal) are hesitant to notarize a second Affidavit for an inmate but these are extraordinary times. I’ve spoke to nearly 100 Units to advise law libraries that many of my clients are unable to find a clerks office to buy a marriage license in order to give them a heads up that a flood of second I60 Affidavit notary requests are not only a possibility but most likely a probability.

Don’t worry ya all the law libraries are aware of your struggle to find a county clerk open within the short shelf life of the state issued absentee affidavit.

Many people as shocked and disheartened at learning after finally obtaining the paperwork they waited months to receive that they can’t find a clerk to sell them a marriage license.

In a sense this new trend of no clerks available is deja vu for me. How so? I’ve encountered my clients having problems getting marriage licenses before. In June 2015 to be precise. Oh my the summer of 2015 was a carnival of chaos! Due entirely to opinionated clerks refusing to issue a marriage license to same sex couples? Yes.

The problems lasted for months in Texas. There wasn’t a pandemic. There was something equally extraordinary going on. The Supreme Court ruling granting same sex couples the right to marry. This decision occurred on June 26, 2015.

What happened next in Texas would surprise my excited couples running to the courthouse.

Couples who had never expected to have the right to marry.

Couples who were celebratory in their anticipation of dashing off to the clerks office to buy a marriage license.

Couples who then contacted me when no one would issue them a license at a clerks office. The first call shocked me. The second call infuriated me but the calls kept coming and I effectively saddled up to drive and meet clients here, there and everywhere to walk into the courthouse with them. They were too intimidated to walk in alone.

The news of others being turned away caused further anxiety for them. “Please Ms Wendy we need you to come with us.” In Parker County my clients called crying and said “we will never get married they nearly threw us out of the clerks office.” I orchestrated a picket in Parker County. My clients Kat and Tiffany were the first same sex couple to be issued a marriage license. But it wasn’t easy. It was a hurdle that took days to overcome.

Yes, I’ve seen problems getting a marriage license before and firsthand.

Many of my clients the summer of 2015 had me calling clerks across Texas to see who would issue a license. Others wanted me to go with them. Still others chose for me to marry them in Oklahoma or Arkansas. They gave up on getting a license in Texas.

My team and I saddled up and drove to Oklahoma so many times that the “Welcome to Texas” or “Welcome to Oklahoma” signs were like a revolving door for our suvs running here or there.

It was a trying time in Texas. The controversy went on for months.

I was all over Texas, Oklahoma and Arkansas that summer of 2015. Covering every base.

In 2017, I would (yet again) encounter opinionated clerks. THIS time for different reasons. This time because they didn’t believe inmates should have the right to marry. Especially LBGT inmates. Heaven help us. Texas clerks who forgot their job description included issuing marriage licenses?

People who had been hired to issue marriage licenses for a living that refused to do their job.

Opinionated county clerks refusing to issue marriage licenses based on religious reasons? AGAIN? I was as shocked as my clients.

Tarrant County was by far the nicest clerks office I have ever encountered in Texas and still is.

Tarrant County is also accepting from other counties which is why they are backlogged.

If you are a booked client and your marriage license expires waiting for a date, I will reimburse you reimburse you 1/2 the cost of your marriage license but this offer is ONLY VALID for previously booked clients as a courtesy.

Yesterday I was also interviewed by a journalist in California apparently following my blogs and social media who “found me on LinkedIn.” Was I lost? Lol. Media people always “find me on LinkedIn.”

It’s a running joke with Cindy and I. Cindy “how did they find us?” Wendy “apparently they were looking on LinkedIn.” We both laugh.

This journalist was initially only interested in my balcony elopement ceremonies at my home due to restrictions of group gatherings.

Love will find a way and for clients canceled by the venue, it did right in my front yard.

After discussing the challenges this virus has brought to my clients marrying an inmate in the many states that Cindy and I service, the interview switched over to “why and how I became a prison officiant in Texas?” Oh brother here we go again… I’m so controversial or so a few people think.

I had been marrying people in jails and federal facilities for many years in other states long before I began officiating in Texas state prisons.

Why? No one had asked me to officiate in a TDCJ facility until April 2017.

In three years now I’ve officiated several hundred Texas Department Of Criminal Justice weddings.

So many in fact that nearly my entire client base shifted to inmate weddings predominantly in Texas and California but also in 36 other states.

Other service area states only schedule inmate weddings 1 to 2 days per year. Mostly scheduling only occurs 1 day a year in many states which is why and how “we can cover so many states including Texas.”

Texas Units schedule EVERY inmate wedding at their facility two days a month.

Shocking as it may sound, I now regularly “turn down traditional bookings” unless the gig is at a venue that I’m on staff at such as Belltower Chapel.

For three years now, my client base has shifted to prison weddings which (not surprisingly) shocks anyone contacting me from media.

Don’t be shocked. I prefer inmate weddings. Why? Because there are no drunks at a detention center wedding that’s why. There is no drama. There are no divas. There are no guests.

When you’ve been planning and officiating events as long as I have you have seen drama. You have encountered drunks.

I’m picky about large Events and have been for years now. Why? Because I can be that’s why. I don’t have to work. I work because I enjoy the clients, the travel and the special moments I share with my clients.

My life is an adventure from one day right into the next. Retirement? How boring.

Cindy and I are born entrepreneurs. We created a people over profit based business to help anyone. Texas Twins Events and Texas Twins Treasures were merged in order to create a barter option, The Pawning Planners in 2015.

While other vendors laughed, we laughed all the way to the bank.

We helped rich people AND poor people along with any economic level in between. We opened a window to help low to middle income clients that had never existed.

Creative people are often laughed at until someone realizes they are successful.

In 2017, due to the demand for inmate weddings, we again rebranded and expanded Texas Twins Events to include inmate weddings in 38 states. Federal, ICE, Private, County or State operated.

“Entrepreneurs are people that will use any obstacle they encounter as a vehicle towards success.” Cindy Daniel

Now and then, someone noticing our success asks us to train them. This always takes me off guard a bit. I begin reading an email that starts with “I noticed you are the most sought after inmate officiant and decided I would like to start a business like yours. When can I call you to find out how?” Short answer? Don’t bother. I’m not hiring and my entire family work with me as inmate officiants. You will never be successful in the inmate officiant business without three critical components. What are they? Knowledge. Don’t ever walk into a Unit without being fully informed regarding policy and procedure. Educate yourself. Second you will need the clients to make your business successful. Third, you will be required to do far more than simply show up. You will need to assist your clients through a very lengthy paperwork process. Unless you can successfully do all of the above and support yourself financially in your quest to compete, you will fail. This role requires answering your phone 24/7. This role requires knowledge, passion and dedication. This role often requires answering 10-30 emails from the same client throughout the prison wedding planning process.

Traditionally, an officiant spends 30 minutes on site at a wedding and less than 2 hours preparing for the ceremony.

Inmate weddings involve travel. I can map out several Units on the same day and do on a regular basis. Are you ready to drive 2-4k miles a week? If you aren’t this isn’t the business for you.

“We don’t create competition that we don’t have.” We set out to be different from the start. Others laughed. Prison weddings? Where will they find the clients? Heads up we don’t they find us.

Bartering event services? Those twins are crazy. Yea, crazy like a fox. We have been flipping items for most of our lives. We are also experienced appraisers. If we can’t flip it we don’t take it in trade.

We also are capable of creating our own inventory and do including bouquets, bouteniers, veils and floral designs. We bring everything our clients need on wedding day. We own the inventory we loan.

Cindy and I were different from the beginning of Texas Twins Treasures by flipping refurbished items as early as 2003 with our first EBay account. We had to be creative! Why? Both of our husbands were unemployed.

Flipping items at Texas Twins Treasures literally saved our farms. We circled our wagons and figured it out. Cindy and I even sold our own furniture to pay the bills and replaced our homes with refurbished furniture items. We found flips then bartered the fabric then bartered the labor with a local upholsterer.

Cindy and I learned how to be creative. Why? We had no choice. We didn’t have parents to call for help. We had each other.

Poverty is a great teacher. You learn how to survive while learning to think outside the box. Cindy and I aren’t in the teaching industry. Sure if we had time we could be but we don’t. We have three businesses with a very diverse group of clients that warrant our attention.

Cindy and I are in the entrepreneurial industry. Experienced public speakers, problem solvers and selling geniuses. We’ve worked in sales for thirty years. We’ve also worked as brand ambassadors. People are either born to sell or they aren’t.

Cindy and I don’t just sell what other people sell. We sell what people want. Dedication, quality, transparency, honesty and integrity. You can build a business from the ground up. We did.

Cindy and I have built all of our businesses solely on happy clients referrals. Loyalty is important to us. We have never advertised or needed to.

“Without common sense your wealth today can become your poverty tomorrow.” Cindy Daniel

My candor often shocks media people contacting me now and then.

Perhaps they are unprepared for my transparency? Oh well that’s THEIR LUGGAGE and THEIR TRIP.

If you are contacting me for an interview, buckle up for transparency, honesty and candor. My life and my business are a wild mix. From an exclusive venue to a prison? You bet.

Any journalist contacting me is contacting me because they are either shocked we make our diversity work or surprised at our success.

Often, “media people” are equally taken back by our grit, drive, determination and ambition.

These Texas Twins are just as resilient as our clients. Our inmate wedding clients are warriors. They do it all and they do it on the outside alone. They are resilient, passionate and perseverant.

“If you don’t focus on your journey to success you will end up working for the person who did.” Cindy Daniel

Monday I was contacted by someone with the Dallas Morning News who had read my blog on Texas Twins Events regarding “Catfish Adoption Scams.”

Did I think at the time that the person contacting me was using me as bait to get to my client, Deanna? No. I thought someone contacting me because she wanted to give up her baby was a blessing.

After all, April 11 was and will always be a heartbreaking day for Deanna and Burt. It was the day they lost DeLilah at Harris Hospital. It was the day I baptized DeLilah.

Two days later I officiated Delilahs memorial.

Several months later, my niece and twin sister joined me at a photo shoot for the Villareal IVF fund.

Deanna needed family photos for her campaign. Months later Deanna learned she couldn’t conceive. Months later Deanna decided to try surrogacy. A year later, Deanna still had no success.

Fast forward November 2019. A message sent to my FB account by Lacey stated “I’m pregnant and I want to give my baby up for adoption.” It’s hard to surprise me.

FB hid this message from me until I was searching hidden messages last Tuesday and found it. No one was more shocked to see that message than I was.

But over the course of a few days, Lacey would show her true colors. Lacey never did speak to me on the phone. She always had an excuse. She would only correspond by text and messenger.

Lacey could have been a man for all I know. Here’s what I do know, Lacey wanted to get her claws on Deanna and used me to get to her.

Deanna would do anything for a baby and somehow some way Lacey knew it.

Each and every day I’m contacted by someone who is trying to accomplish this or do that and has no idea how. I’m accustomed to unique situations. I wasn’t familiar with the situation of someone like Lacey. I prefer transparency in all areas of my life.

I’m still reeling from Lacey and the drama that unfolded Easter Sunday. Deanna is too but we will both be far more cautious from this point forward.

If you missed the blog on Texas Twins Events, here’s my last eye opening blog post about Lacey and her for profit adoption scheme… Deception And Direct Deposit? Adoption Scam.

Back to county clerks chaos… Whether you find a clerk in time to obtain your marriage license or not, stay calm. We can send another Affidavit to the Unit.

For my county jail clients, it’s often easier to wait until the inmate is transferred. Why? Because currently no county inmates are being chained into the system. County Jails have no law library.

An Absentee Affidavit REQUIRES a notary.

If a County Jail won’t allow a mobile notary into their facility, you cannot obtain the Texas required Absentee Affidavit.

I’m off today to ship our latest addition to Texas Twins Treasures, logo designed face masks. We have sold out twice which is pretty surprising to Cindy.

Cindy and I are currently sold out of all Texas Twins Treasures logo detailed face masks and we will have new stock in two weeks.

Cindy and I will not be restocking Versace until mid May as Chanel and LV outsold the Versace masks hands down.

We sell what sells and apparently the Versace isn’t as popular. I don’t know why because I liked the Versace because it was different but apparently not everyone else did.

My twin grandnieces, Maryssa and Makenna are models our latest additions to Texas Twins Treasures. Maryssa is a ham for selfies anyway so she’s having fun hamming it up for the camera.

Why did we go into the mask business? The possibility of all my service area states and State as well as Federal Units possibly requiring not only Cindy and I but also all of our clients to wear masks after the Coronavirus exists.

Walking into a prison after Covid-19 wearing a mask will be different but it’s safety first issue.

Unable to find masks for ourselves or our clients, Cindy and I decided to make our own.

Our success by offering designer masks has shocked a few of our competitors who didn’t think of it themselves or who wonder where we are getting our fabric.

Our fabric is straight out of my closet. From designer scarves, dresses, slacks and pants to bathing suits, I’ve been collecting designer logo clothing for some thirty plus years now and used what I had on hand to create these amazing one of a kind designs.

We do not sell fabric for our masks or refurbished furniture items in my Texas Twins Treasures storefront. Why? Because the average Joe has no idea how expensive quality fabric is for one and for two it wouldn’t be a Texas Twins Treasure if you could find it anywhere.

“Some people may get jealous when you find success because they are too lazy to look for it themselves.” Cindy Daniel

Prisons, People, Phobias & Fears. Why I’m Not Afraid To Be A Prison Wedding Planner & Officiant…

I answer a lot of questions. Questions from people who disagree with inmate marriage. Questions from people wanting to marry an inmate. Questions from media about whether the Coronavirus will affect me in the future.

For the record, when I walk into the Unit with my client or alone to meet my client or clients in the shakedown area, fear isn’t part of my day.

As a prison wedding officiant, my role is and always will be to remain calm and ensure that my clients wedding day is as pleasant and memorable as possible.

I was at Beto Unit on March 10. A month ago, it was business at usual at Beto. I visited with Chaplain Strange. We waited for my clients fiancée to arrive in the visitation area with an escort.

I’m never in general population with inmates at any Unit in any State, Federal or ICE Detention Facility.

The number of people my client and I are with at a wedding can range from 2 correctional officers to 1 and the Unit Chaplain or several correctional officers based on the day or whether the visitation area is being used for training.

It’s not uncommon for the visitation area to be “in use” on wedding day at many Units. When this occurs, my client an I are often redirected to either another room or we wait for the visitation area to clear.

Generally other than my client and their fiancée, one officer and the chaplain, we are alone.

Prison weddings are remarkably intimate. There are very few people present. Often I have more than one client at the same Unit on the same day. Certain Units will allow all of my clients and I to enter together while other Units only allow me to enter with 1 client at a time while the others wait for me to finish my ceremony then return to the shakedown area with my next client.

I’m often asked “how can you do so many Units in the same day?” This works in Texas and other states based on timing and distance from one Unit to the next. It’s not always possible to pull off a multi Unit day but it happens with frequency the past three years for me. Why? I’m the most sought after prison officiant in the United States. Why? Because I make every clients wedding as special as they are. It’s important to me. From creating a massive inventory of bouquets, tiaras, stylish hats and more to crafting an individual and unique ceremony script for each client, weddings are Life Events to me and a one time shot to get everything as close to perfect as I can under extraordinary circumstances.

“Your twin sister and your niece are also prison officiants. Your son and daughter in law officiate are county jails and BOP facilities. Do you see moving your son and daughter in law into state ceremonies?” For now, my son and his wife are on a paternity leave and generally I’m able to cover all of my clients by stacking Units.

“The visitation ban has affected your booking schedule. Will you be overwhelmed when visitation is reinstated with reschedules?” To a certain extent the answer is yes. My March clients were canceled and will be scheduled first. Bookings in Texas State Facilities are often scheduled on either a Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. Mondays and Fridays are rare. They can happen but not on a regular basis.

“How do you map out your day on the road?” I usually start in Tennessee Colony on a Tuesday or Thursday as most Units in Palestine (Beto, Powledge, Gurney) schedule on both days as do Michael and Coffield. Generally I’m in the Tennessee Colony/Palestine area very early in the morning. I then move to Huntsville Units. Frequently, I can also move to Polunsky by evening as they schedule after 5:30PM.

“How many miles do you drive a week as a traveling prison officiant?” In Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas and Louisiana, I drive and can easily drive up to 3k miles a week. I fly to other states in order to save time.

“Are you concerned about traveling with Covid-19 being widespread at this time?” To a certain extent a bit but I’m a germaphobic and have always sanitized my area on the plane when I fly as does Cindy.

“Will you be nervous when the visitation ban is lifted and you return to visiting 1-4 prisons on the same day again?” I will follow my same protocol of washing and sanitizing my hands prior to walking into a Unit as well and be aware of everything I touch. I go through 2 gates to enter most Units and these are the same gates that staff and visitors use so I’m well aware of the number of hands touching the gates. I will no longer shake hands in greeting my clients fiancees or the staff at Units to limit what I touch and with whom.

“You don’t bring your own pen into Units? How do you sign marriage licenses?” A pen can be used as a weapon and I’ve always borrowed a pen from the chaplain or an officer in the visitation area. Like the gates though, I will be washing and sanitizing my hands after using a pen on site.

“I’ve read that a small number of clients from your other businesses and venues you are on staff at are alarmed regarding your other clients. How do you address someone who realizes that you officiate LBGT unions or prison weddings?” Well, it’s complicated and rare for another client to express concerns regarding my other clients but it has occurred and may occur again in the future. I cut them loose. I move on. I must focus on my congregation. That congregation being the majority rather than the minority of my client’s. I’ve learned over my lifetime that negativity regarding my diverse client bases is viewed as “the choir.” I turn my back on the choir an focus on the congregation. If someone is concerned about my other clients and people that they will never meet or much less share their event date with then that’s “THEIR luggage and THEIR trip” not mine. I cut them loose and wish them luck. I’m not going to change who I am or who I help based on opinions of others.

“THERE Is No ENTRANCE For KNOWLEDGE In A CLOSED Mind.” Cindy Daniel

“Did you see yourself walking into prisons to conduct wedding ceremonies when you decided to start an event business?” No but I was open to anything as was my twin sister. We wanted to make life event’s affordable to anyone anywhere and we have.

Texas Twins Events was the first people over profit based event endeavor for my twin sister and I. Two years in we recognized and realized that a handful of clients couldn’t afford even low cost options. To solve this problem, we merged Texas Twins Events and Texas Twins Treasures to create a barter option, The Pawning Planners. We were never trying to “be like everyone else.” That market was saturated.

What we wanted to do and have accomplished was to be the people we would like to meet…

Back At TDCJ Beto Unit & Big Surprises At TDCJ Units Revoking Visitation & Rescheduling Of Confirmed Dates…

Monday while traveling from the Tarrant County Clerks Office to Parker and Palo Pinto Jails, my husband send me a text that read “buy toilet paper we are out.”

This wasn’t an unusual request from my husband as I had left with a list of weekly items that I normally buy and stock once a week.

I do not buy toilet paper every week because there are only two of us at our home and we don’t need or warrant more than 4-6 rolls at a time. But, this simple request would become extraordinarily difficult to find for me.

Welcome to the toilet paper controversy with hilarious memes and people laughing at others buying toilet paper this past Monday.

By Friday, the people laughing weren’t laughing.

By Friday people in small town Weatherford were getting into fist fights over Charmin.

By Friday I had seen the world change before my eyes. Hoarding and flipping hand sanitizer for $100 on eBay? I’ve seen it.

Toilet paper for $20 a roll on FB Marketplace? I’ve seen it. People buying all of the cold medicine, alcohol, hand sanitizer and wipes as well as canned food items, sugar, meat and food while wiping out supplies for anyone else? I’ve seen it.

I’ve seen some of the wildest scenarios in four days that I could ever imagine. I wish I hadn’t but I have.

On Friday, Cindy and I took a break between clients to go to Walmart. Shelves were empty. Baskets over turned by angry customers left lying on their sides. Ransacked shelves empty greeted shoppers who didn’t expect this type of “mission” to buy toilet paper or anything else for that matter.

Cindy and I left Walmart and headed to Dollar Tree. No toilet paper. No hand sanitizer. No bottled water.

We then drove to Dollar General and found alcohol for the injections my husband gives me at home because going to the doctor once a week with my schedule isn’t convenient. The alcohol was 50% rather than 70% but it was better than nothing. We also found 2 packs of 4 roll toilet paper. There were only 2 packs of 4 roll TP in the store.

We then left Dollar General and went to Albertsons. Still no hand sanitizer. There was coffee and cream and bread as well as eggs. The panic that would arrive a few days later hadn’t “hit yet.”

I bought cantaloupe, watermelon, broccoli and my usual staple items including coffee and cream as well as salmon and chicken breasts and a few cans of soup.

Had I known that there would be food shortages for my Sunday or Monday shopping depending on my schedule, I might have bought a few cans of soup more, some rice and even some beans or ramen noodles but, hindsight is 20/20.

Monday prior to the hysteria and hoarding going on around me, I arrived home and prepared my suv for the drive to Beto Unit in Tennessee Colony on Tuesday to meet my bride. I had loaded furs, bouquets, hats and fun items from my Texas Twins Inventory and planned a leisurely drive to Beto Unit.

Tuesday, I stopped in Corsicana to visit the Walmart and buy my new grandson the diapers and wipes since I couldn’t find at Cindy’s Walmart Monday.

I would have a few problems finding either the diapers or the water wipes my daughter in law prefers in Corsicana.

There weren’t people agitated racing down the aisles. There was bottled water. There wasn’t hand sanitizer or toilet paper, baby wipes or paper towels.

I needed a few rolls of paper towels but decided I could wing it if I had to by using my tea towels at home.

By Tuesday I still wasn’t alarmed. A few things were difficult to come by depending on where you went while others weren’t. No mass hysteria just YET.

I left Corsicana Walmart and headed to Tennessee Colony/Palestine Texas to meet my client at Beto.

While driving there, a herd of wild hogs came running across the 2 lane road with cars traveling 70-80 miles an hour. I saw the “hub bub” about half a mile ahead and slowed down thinking it was deer or elk.

On closer inspection, it was something I had never encountered on the 300,000 miles I have driven getting to Units in Texas.

Wild hogs? They were huge and could easily flip a car as their girth is low to the ground. I tip toed my way around the herd and traveled on wondering where they had come from and if a driver not paying attention wouldnt slow down until it was too late?

Arriving at Beto, I find my bride in the parking lot. We walk in together. She’s thrilled. Her smile shows her joy. We clear in and wait on the chaplain.

We walk to the traditional photo wall at Beto and it’s coveted with Coronavirus signs.

Frankly, I don’t want to use the wall and have my clients photo peppered with Coronavirus signs on wedding day. I request using the tropical wall in the vending machine area instead and we are granted the privilege to do so.

Leaving the Unit, my bride follows me to an old church just outside Palestine. I begin unloading and finding my favorite areas based on lighting and background. We are laughing and having a great time together. I hand her a bottle of water from my trunk and we spend a few minutes trying different areas and have fun celebrating her marriage.

I love my job. We hug and say goodbye as I head to Dallas North Tower to meet my next client.

Cutting through Tennessee Colony, I’m leery about another encounter with those wild hogs I saw a few hours earlier. My fear is confirmed when I see a hog on the side of the road outside of Cayuga, Texas. Someone wasn’t paying attention.

Backroads in Texas give you a wide variety of surprises such as deer, elk, possums and armadillos which can jump straight off the ground four feet right into your grill. Wild hog herds though were a new one for me.

Cautiously driving towards Corsicana aware that something else could jump out on the road, I’m unaware of the widespread panic spreading across America.

I take calls from clients and Units. I check in with my husband and let my son and daughter in law know I will drop off diapers and other supplies I’ve found to them in the morning. I’m not worried about baby wipes because I assume I can find them. I will later realize I can’t.

By the time I leave North Tower in Dallas, a phone call from my niece at Point Hueneme, California regarding “people fighting over toilet paper and water.” This IS DISTURBING. Toilet paper?

Leigh Ann is frightened. People at the military base are no longer touching and running her ID. Instead, they are now simply looking at it.

People are acting differently. Leigh Ann plans to go to Ventura and try to find bottled water. I advise her to wait until her husband comes back from work since her 4 year old, Madyson is a handful.

Checking the clock on my Sahara, I don’t have time to file licenses in Tarrant County and decide to do so Wednesday morning on my way to drop off cold supplies to my son who has sinusitis and diapers for my grandson.

I decide to stop in Lake Worth to buy groceries, juice and soup. There are no paper towels, water or toilet paper at Walmart. I buy meat, pasta, bread, lunch meat and cheese as well as juice. The supplies are low but I assume the trucks are coming or running behind.

There aren’t entire empty shelves other than cleaning products, hand sanitizers and toilet paper or water. There is still fruit and vegetables. There is still soup, rice, beans and other staples.

Wednesday morning with my Jeep loaded for my sons house, I head to the clerks office. There are signs regarding the Coronavirus everywhere. The governor of California has revoked visitors to prisons. This is alarming.

I have 5 Units next week. Will TDCJ follow suit? I’m thinking no but my husband is thinking a strong maybe on my phone call to him leaving the clerk. “They are cancelling major events. NASCAR, golf, basketball. This is spiraling out of control. Update your clients and stay on top of changes. They will need to know what’s going on. Stay calm. This will pass but it may take a week or two.”

I’m worried but helpless to change what’s coming. Leigh Ann is increasingly concerned watching the news by Wednesday. Costco and Sam’s are running out of everything.

There is no hand sanitizer available anywhere. My son needs it as he is sick with a new baby. Cindy and I decide to make our own hand sanitizer.

My son is getting better but still answers the door in a mask. I begin unloading an full of items for my son and his wife and begin cooking lunch for them while checking on the baby.

Ollie is three weeks old and doing well but he’s fragile. He wears an Owlett sock to monitor his breathing, blood sugar and heart rate.

Leaving my son fully stocked other than baby wipes, I drop in on my husband down the street from my sons development. McBee Homes is just a few miles away. I invite my husband to lunch.

We choose Boo Ray about 1/2 a mile from McBee. It’s dead. There are very few people eating out. I notice it. My husband does too.

My husband decides to ask about my schedule next week and any possible changes. It’s a full plate. I’m at Green Bay Unit Monday. Wallace and Middleton Units Tuesday. Allred and Roach Units Thursday. Estes Unit Friday then back to Green Bay and Parker County. I will be driving about 2300 miles.

My husband again advises me “TDCJ may follow California. Caddo Parrish is also suspending visits.” Matthew like me is following prison news.

I consider cancelled visitation at prisons before answering my husband. “Weekend visits are thousands of people at prisons. My client and I are two people. I’ve decided to add to my booster shots a phnuemonia shot just in case and after Cindy’s heart surgery, believe it wouldn’t be a bad idea for her either.”

I’m still not even entertaining the possibility that TDCJ will cancel my confirmed dates. I cannot imagine having to tell my clients who have waited months that another delay looms in the future. I worry. I fret.

I also head to Dr Stern for an adjustment. The stress of Leigh Ann in California and people hoarding along with the possibility that my clients could be rescheduled has me with a stiff neck.

Dr Stern has been my trusted chiropractic go to for twenty years. He knows when I’m stressed I hold stress in my shoulders. My left shoulder is out. He pops it back in and goes over the importance of finding time to relax. I have none. Time is something I never have.

Thursday morning, Cindy arrives at WorthamWorld. We have a list of things to buy for an upcoming wedding at Botanic Garden and head to Hobby Lobby. We both discuss the news media and coverage of this mysterious virus. We worry about Leigh Ann and Maddy in California. But, we don’t think mass hysteria is going to come to Weatherford or Fort Worth. We are both wrong.

I talk my twin into getting a phnuemonia shot with me at Walgreens. We both walk into prisons on a regular basis. Keeping our vaccines up to date is important not only for our own health but also to keep from getting ill and possibly getting our family or clients sick too.

I buy colloidal silver. I buy zinc. I listen to Cindy complain about her arm pain. I have it too but it will get worse later. So painful was my left arm and shoulder by 1AM that I woke my husband crying out in pain. I go get Aleve.

My arm feels like it weighs 100lbs. I worry I’m having a bad reaction.

At 3AM, I call Cindy. Her arm is killing her too. We are both highly concerned this pain will be permanent.

I consider buying a sling the pain is so intense. After reviewing answers from others who have had the same shot, I decide to use my arm rather than prop it.

Friday morning, I drive to Weatherford. Cindy sits for me to meet her after Parker County Clerks Office. We can’t find feminine items for Cindy’s twin granddaughters and decide to set out on a mission. The twins are picky. They are also brand loyal.

Walmart is a mad house. Empty shelves and angry shoppers abound. We leave and go to Big Lots. We then leave and go to Albertsons. We then leave and go to Brookshires then H E B. We come up empty. There are no hygiene products to be found the Twins brand or otherwise.

There’s a fist fight at Brookshires. In small town America? Willow Park of all places? Two grown men fighting over toilet paper.

Someone is honking and yelling at someone else to pull out of a parking lot space. Angry honking which is rare in Texas is everywhere. People are agitated. Angry. Scared.

Governor Abbott announced a state of emergency. He also suggested removing visits from nursing homes, prisons and large gatherings of people.

Fifteen minutes later, TDCJ suspends all visitation. But, does this affect my clients and I as we go into Units during the week. I begin calling Units for next week. The revoked visitation affects my clients. Their dates are cancelled.

Arriving home, I’m still fielding panicked clients in Texas and other states. I have no idea how long this will last.

An email from Chaplain Rentz of Bridgeport Unit that reads “I’ve just got off a conference call with all Chaplains in TDCJ and they have Cancelled all Volunteer entry into Units throughout the state until further notice.”

I’m still trying to determine if my clients are affected when I find that they are. Everyone will need to reschedule. People who have waited months for a very important date. People who will be saddened and disappointed. My people. My clients.

Leigh Ann sends me photos and videos of mass hysteria in California. I advise her that Texans are equally terrified, angry and behaving in a manner I’ve never seen before.

I’m 55 years old. I’ve seen a lot of things. I’ve lived through the gas crisis in the 60’s and 70’s. I’ve never seen people fighting over food. I’ve never seen people fighting over water or toilet paper.

I’ve never seen anything like this mass hysteria occur in my lifetime. I hope I never see it again..watching people fight over gas as a child was something neither Cindy or I can or will ever forget.

We are all in this together. Please don’t hoard essential items that others need. Please don’t leave home if you are ill and please wash your hands