“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time” – Leo Tolstoy

Since mid March my TDCJ Clients have been waiting for visitation to reopen. During this window of uncertainty and the chaos of a pandemic, I have heard over and over “Covid-19 isn’t real” from people who aren’t medically trained. People have plenty of opinions in the midst of a crisis but as is usually the case little or no solutions.

I’ve never been shy about voicing my beliefs and a few days ago while commenting on one of my friends and a former clients post was attacked by someone who thought he knew me based on my skin color.

Traditionally, I would allow such a shallow minded comment to go unobserved. However since we are now not only in the midst of a pandemic but also a worldwide upset and this idiot “assumed I didn’t care about black lives,” I chose to respond.

After all, who was this guy? What led him to believe that he could or should judge me when my friend and I were discussing the possibility of visitation being reinstated?

An angry person misdirecting his anger at me who ironically had no idea that I’m an advocate for not only prison reform but also bail reform AND I believe in the power of peaceful protest.

For the record, I marched in Fort Worth twice and would have attended other marches but couldn’t due to my schedule.

Unlike many marchers who are more interested in filming their presence at these peaceful protest marches, I chose not to check in or film.

Going live on FB effectively “misses” the entire point of the peaceful protest by focusing on their phone rather than the moment, I chose not to post to social media.

Posting or live feeding at an historic event is in my opinion rude. Not everyone wants their photo or video posted to social media.

People videotaping aren’t asking for permission to publish video or photos. Why? They don’t care. Children have been present at “Fort Worth Friendly Black Lives Matter Protests.” Do parents want their children’s photos all over the internet? Likely the answer is no.

Although Fort Worth is the one major city that has remained peaceful in support of Black Lives Matter, why everyone feels the need to video every aspect of the march rather than focusing on why the match exists and what it’s actually about continues to be evident everywhere we turn from social media to news outlets with teens and young adults videoing everything whether it’s peaceful or far from peaceful.

It’s alarming to me that people and opinions seem to always clash while one side judges the other. I didn’t see any clashing or anger in Fort Worth.

Instead I saw mothers, sisters, fathers, brothers, sons and daughters at Fort Worth marches.

I saw Unity within the Community. I saw people from all walks of life.

So for anyone like the person judging me in FB comments that doesn’t know me and assumed that he did by running over to my public FB Page without bothering to get to know me, my beliefs, my background or my passion for all people, I educated him. I enlightened him.

I let him know that the next time he stereotypes someone that he should ask himself why it’s so easy for him to judge others and reevaluate the need or desire to do so. He finally stopped commenting.

I was willing to go on and on. Why? Because I’m educated enough to debate with people who think they know everything who don’t that’s why.

I’m frequently contacted through DM by people trolling to find a target. These keyboard warriors sitting in their parents basements are bullies.

They love to find someone to attack and of upset. I love to respond to them publicly on my FB Page Prison Weddings With Wendy Wortham.

Nearly all of my keyboard warrior DM trolls message me through my prison page after midnight.

I’m rarely DM’d by trollers on my other main FB Page, Texas Twins Events/The Pawning Planners but occasionally it happens.

Why? Because the person contacting me “doesn’t believe inmates should have the right to marry.”

Or “I don’t believe in LBGT Marriage. I’m strongly opposed.” WHO CARES?! I don’t care. My clients don’t care. Grow up and get a life buddy.

Stop looking for something to be upset about. Stop seeking someone to unload on. I’m busy. Keep your opinions. They are YOUR luggage and YOUR trip.

Still other people want to advise me of “their stand regarding bail or prison reform” through DM’s. Hmm. You can’t silence me buddy. No one can.

There are people sitting in jail who haven’t been convicted of a crime.

These people are incarcerated SOLELY because they are too poor to post a bond. Is that justice? Is that fair? Should poverty define freedom?

If you believe being poor should factor into being just or fair then you have more issues than common sense can remedy.

Time is one thing we can’t ever regain. Time is a priceless commodity. Life is precious.

As we continue to wait for visitation to be reinstated within all of my service area states, I want to once again state for the record I believe in the power of peaceful protests. I believe in speaking for those whose voices cannot be heard.

Social injustice affects everyone. I should also add that I believe there are good police. I’m also aware that there are bad police. I don’t judge any group of people on the actions of one. I never have.

I judge people based on how they treat me. How their actions affect others.

I was sent a photo posted of an officiant who was racist a few days ago. An officiant who backtracked by posting an apology. Yes, I’ve been it. Everyone can stop sending it to me as I was well aware prior to her post of her dim views and position.

I’m also well aware of other officiants who continue to point out that I’m “LBGT Friendly.”

Guess what? If you are on ANY Wendy Wortham website and don’t recognize or realize that I’m VERY public regarding my beliefs and position, you are either blind or illiterate. I can’t solve stupidity. No one can.

What I can do is be who I am. Take it or leave it.

Don’t pretend to be who you aren’t. Your racist rant was well publicized. You know what bothers me the most is when people like you get caught with your pants down and then backtrack with some half ass apology for your own behavior. You posted something that offended everyone. In the midst of a pandemic. In the midst of social injustice. In the midst of people being unemployed for two months with job loss or wage cuts. Keep your insignificant and phony apology.

As for anyone else running around screaming “Wendy Wortham performs gay marriages” you should know ALL of my websites publicly reflect my affiliation with the LBGT community. The word gay is a slur. Stop using it. Grow up and stop gossiping.

Maybe if you’d spend more time on cultivating your business and catering to your clients rather than running around condemning others you might actually have clients. Boom.

I’m well aware that there are racist bigots running around and I’m well aware that there are trolls trying to stir the chili.

What you need to know and understand though is that someone somewhere is always going to be on the other side.

I have a number of clients waiting on paperwork or dates across Texas.

Due to the visitation ban, when we are able to move forward, there is a very strong possibility that I will have stacked clients at numerous Units.

A stacked day means I have 2-8 clients at the same unit on the same day. Please arrive 15 minutes early on wedding day.

Remember to bring your state issued ID and marriage license.

Handwritten vows should be handed to me prior to shakedown. I will hand them back after clearing.

I look forward to seeing all of you very soon at your prison weddings.

As for the bail bondsmen who continue to wish I wouldn’t post accurate truths about the nature of their industry though they can get over themselves…

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen Covey

I’m always concerned when on of my clients sends me a text or DM that reads “there’s something I need to talk to you about. Are you busy?”

I always drop everything to immediately respond to messages like this because I can feel their sense of urgency.

I’m everyone’s mom. I’m always available to my clients seven days a week from 8AM-9PM.

Other vendors who follow me are often surprised that my role by far surpasses planning and officiating a ceremony.

My role expands and extends to that of a friend, counselor, problem solver and patient listener.

Karen had been concerned about what to do after realizing her fiancée was involved with K2. This problem isn’t isolated to Karen. This problem is spreading through prisons. I listened to her concerns and waited for her to express her wide range of emotions and disappointment before responding.

First, I needed to help her understand her own needs. Second, I needed her to establish boundaries. Third, I needed her to reinforce these boundaries. It’s not easy dealing with an addict. Fourth, addicts are expert manipulators and Karen would need to stop sending money. It wouldn’t be easy for her to do this. Why? Because she’s been sending money for a long time. She’s been doing what she can to support an inmate that she plans to marry.

Setting boundaries is often difficult to do. Dealbreakers always are. You need to know what’s “too much” for you. You need to find that line and establish it. I knew the inmate would be angry regarding Karen taking a stand. But my client is my focus not the inmate. I always put my clients needs and issues as my primary concerns. They need reinforcement. They need a sounding board. An unbiased listener. They need me.

The words to an Elvis Presley song immediately came to mind regarding inmates not getting what they wanted and getting upset about it.

You know I’ll be your slave if you ask me to.
But if you don’t behave
I’ll walk right out on you. If you want my love then take my advice and treat me nice.”

We had a lengthy conversation. The following day after much grief, Karen sent me a message that she felt better about her decision although it was a difficult choice. Saying no always is. The person you are saying no to will react in a number of different ways. First, they will often use guilt. Second, they will often use anger. Hold your ground.

I’ve also had numerous clients in a number of states contacting me regarding debt collector calls. When the economy tanks, the collectors come out. Zombie debt and third party lawsuits are real. Respond to collection letters. Call me if you need help writing a verification or validation letter. Respond to a lawsuit by filing an answer. Your answer should be General Denial. Most of these lawsuits are third party debt buyers. They buy the debt then pursue the debt. The debt is often time barred from a lawsuit. To alter this, the collector establishes a new account on your credit report. This effectively re ages a previously time barred debt. I need all of you ESPECIALLY if you have ever had a defaulted debt to be diligent. Check your credit reports. Fight erroneous entries. Freeze your credit. If you don’t know how to respond to a debt lawsuit, contact me but don’t hide from a debt collector. They will find you. Erroneous debt and unscrupulous debt collectors have been around for many years. They use threats and coercion to attempt to bully you into making a payment or an agreement. These will reopen and re age the original debt. Don’t fold. Contact me.

Yet another client contacted me regarding a death row inmate and wanted to know “what’s going to happen?” First, I know you haven’t done this before. Stay calm. Nothing scary is going to happen. I will be by your side at all times inside the Unit. I will walk you through exactly what’s going to happen as well as exactly what you can or cannot do. I will prepare you. We are in this together and you will never be separated from me inside a Unit unless you need to use the restroom.

We have twenty minutes. I encourage you to write your own vows to extend our timeline. Why? My ceremony takes 11-13 minutes. Once finished we are hustled out. I encourage you to write poetry, scripture, vows and even song lyrics to “buy” an additional few minutes inside. Why? We’ve spent months getting to wedding day and I want you to savor every second.

Song lyrics can often be changed or altered easily. Badfingers Day After Day works well. “I remember finding out about you. Every day, my mind is all around you. Looking out from my lonely room, day after day. Bring it home, baby, make it soon
I give my love to you.”

Or, Al Green’s Let’s Stay Together works well too. “Let me say that since, baby, since we’ve been together. Loving you forever is what I need. Let me, be the one you come running to. I’ll never be untrue.”

There are so many song lyrics that perfectly fit an expression of love that can be easily incorporated into a wedding ceremony that the list is endless.

Tuesday morning I had a call regarding “music at the wedding ceremony.” We cannot have music at any wedding ceremony within a detention facility. Whether it’s state, federal, ICE or county. This request comes up rather frequently. Once client at Estes was so determined to have music that she asked me to sing. I’m not a hip hop singer but I did my best. My best brought riotous laughter from the inmate and the correctional officers but if it’s important to you I will try to accommodate your request. Remember though that I’m not Beyoncé.

Bridget sent me a message regarding finding an RV park near Palestine. I immediately thought of my other client, Larissa who manages an RV park and sent her a message to link Bridget and Larissa. Larissa also told me her grandmother had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, her father had suffered a heart attack and her beloved aunt whom I had met on wedding day in Beaumont was struggling with blood sugar issues during this pandemic. I was deeply saddened and concerned. Everyone is struggling through this unprecedented and troubling virus. It’s changed the way we live. It’s robbed us of structure, predictability and peace.

Many of my clients are so anxious about this “new normal” that I’ve been asked about coping strategies. Because many of my blog followers might have missed my post on FB, I’m copying and pasting tips for dealing with stress and anxiety during this pandemic below.

From helplessness to hopelessness we are going through something entirely new and foreign to us. This adjustment is a learning curve. Everything changed for us in a short window. Things we took for granted were taken away. Finding peace in a time of crisis can be challenging.

Some individuals are being heavily impacted by physical symptoms such as heart palpitations, shortness of breath, sweating, trouble sleeping, and changes in appetite. Stress affects everyone differently.

Others may find cognitive symptoms to be a greater stressor resulting in difficulties recalling memories, problems with concentration, inability to control negative thoughts, ruminating on the same thoughts, and having trouble seeing any positives.

These anxiety symptoms are the body and mind’s natural response to rapid adaptations in your familial, work, financial, and emotional environments. It is likely that they may get better with time as you adjust to your “new normal,” but you can immediately use the strategies below to help manage anxiety and other difficult feelings.

1. Separate out worries into productive and unproductive actions.

Worries can be turned into productive preparations and cautionary behaviors like taking vitamins, stocking up on essentials and food, refilling medications, and so on. It is equally important to prepare mentally. You can stock up on your favorite reading materials and calming scents like lavender; make time to socialize through phone, video calls, online gaming; and in your downtime engage in a hobby or interest you enjoy.

When you find yourself worrying about something you have no control over and can’t convert into a positive preparation, it is helpful to “shelve” that thought, or let it go completely.

2. Make a visual list of coping skills and keep it readily accessible.

In times like these, you might find your typical ways of coping don’t cut it, and you need even more tools and strategies to turn to. You may also find your mind is overwhelmed with information and new adjustments, so you forget the things that used to come more naturally to you.

First, make a list of the things you do already and have done to manage stress and remain calm. Here are some ideas to get you started: therapy, talking to a friend, exercise, prayer, reading, meditation, yoga, creative activities, positive self-talk, cooking, gardening, journaling, deep breathing, listening to music, household projects, spring cleaning, meditation, puzzles/games, playing with your pets and kids, and doing something nice for someone else.

3. Challenge negative thoughts.

Chronic stress is often the result of negative thought patterns. Individuals who focus on and replay negative thoughts find the experience to be unpleasant, counterproductive, and in some cases resulting in depression. Challenging irrational, negative thoughts can allow you to change them by learning how to examine the validity of the negative thoughts and learn how to interpret situations using a different perspective.

4. Limit your exposure to anxiety-producing news and information.

It is important to stay up to date with new information but it is just as important to make a deliberate choice to read or watch the news. Refreshing your social media feeds throughout the day, or keeping the news on in the background, is overwhelming your senses and your ability to pay attention to other needs for yourself and your family.

Trust that you can get what you need in a few structured and limited times when you check your news sources. It is especially important to limit/monitor the way your children are receiving news about the virus. Stick to reliable sources and perhaps block people temporarily on social media if their reactions are increasing your negativity or anxiety.

5. Practice a daily mindful activity.

The bulk of the fear attached to anxiety comes from the anticipation of a future threat. Many people will catastrophize what is coming and have trouble separating assumptions from facts. Practicing a daily mindful activity places a focus on the now and not the future. This is done by separating feelings from judgments and focusing on things that are true and are occurring now, not what might happen.

Pick one thing you do daily and let your senses attend to that one thing — like brushing your teeth or making your morning coffee. When your mind wanders off, bring it back gently to your activity. A daily meditation practice can also help you be more mindful. Tara Brach and Christopher Germer have wonderful free meditations available online.

There are also many apps to help you start or build upon an existing practice (Headspace, Insight Timer, Buddhify, Calm). Additionally, you can hear my guided meditations for free on Spotify and Google Play (Unwind: Guided Relaxation, by Amy Vigliotti).

6. Talk about it, write about it, let it out.

There is a common misconception that talking about anxiety makes it worse because it encourages people to think about what makes them anxious. The reality, however, is that people who experience anxiety experience it whether they talk about it or not. Research has found that expressing anxious thoughts can help individuals feel as if they are getting those negative thoughts “out of their system” and/or diminish the intensity of their feelings. You can express your thoughts to trusted friends/family, keep a journal, or write them on notes to then be discarded later.

7. Pay attention to positive events.

Picture yourself walking outside on a day where there is a mix of clouds and blue sky. In times of unusual stress, we all have a habit of focusing on the negative—the “clouds”—and missing the blue sky. If we ignore the blue sky, we make things even harder on ourselves.

You want to balance your consumption of “negative” news by reading and attending to positive events. There are always positive things to focus on even in times of great duress. We see fitness instructors giving online free workouts; neighbors lending a hand to elderly individuals; health care workers prioritizing the care of others in a selfless manner. And there are little things we can be grateful for as well: a hot shower, our morning coffee, a smile or text from a friend. If you want to take it a step further, you can be a positive change in your community. Doing something nice for someone else makes us feel good too.

We are all going through something we have never been through before. This pandemic and the uncertainty caused by it are stressful. Whether you are an essential worker or a parent now homeschooling and working, your life has changed to a “new normal.” This new normal is temporary but it is an adjustment. Take time to focus on yourself during this crisis.

Adjusting to and accepting change is different and often difficult for everyone. What works for one person might not work for another. Find a strategy that suits your individual needs. From a long walk to listening to music to visiting a friend to writing a letter to your loved one to buying a candle, what helps you relax is what will work best for you.

Because I haven’t been taking deposits for the past two months and effectively not formally booking new clients, I’ve made adjustments to assist new inquiries who may have had their marriage license expire trying to marry. Deduct $40 from the cost of your second marriage license to help you with expenses. I’m not taking deposits because I believe my clients need to keep their money during these uncertain times. You are single income households. Many of you are single parents. I want you to take care of yourselves as we wait out the reinstatement of visitation.

Booked clients are being mailed checks for 1/2 of the replacement cost of their marriage licenses for two months now. I want everyone to wait to buy that second license until we are sure that we can use it. Be patient as this too shall pass. I will get you married.

As always I’m going to remind everyone not to panic. If you need a friendly ear I’m always available and want you to know that you are not alone. We are all in this together…

More Clerks And Chaos. Why Buying Your Marriage License Isn’t Easy…

This morning I began trying to contact clerks for clients who have their paperwork but can’t find a clerk to buy a license from.

Harris County is still closed to the public. Travis County is too. Bexar County is taking appointments. Tarrant County is booked through May 15th. Dallas County is closed.

Bexar County is booking appointments. For a month now finding a clerks office for my clients has required diligent research.

One of my clients told me that McClennan County is open to the public. Galveston is open to the public.

Your paperwork has a shelf life. We only have 30 days once the Absentee Affidavit is notarized at the law library. Often it takes up to ten days to get the paperwork from the Unit. The clock starts ticking the moment the Absentee Affidavit is signed.

May 1st could possibly be the date that clerks offices reopen but we can’t be sure. Harris, Travis, Dallas and Tarrant County continue to have rising numbers of Covid-19.

If your paperwork expires while trying to find a clerk, you will send another Absentee Affidavit to the clerks office. The Certified Offender Form doesn’t carry the same shelf life as the Absentee Affidavit. It’s valid for one year verses the 30 day timeline of the Affidavit.

I’ve had several clients send me photos of Affidavits sent from the Unit that were not notarized. In order to be legal, an Absentee Affidavit requires a notary stamp and signature. If you have received an Affidavit that hasn’t been notarized, we will need to send the Affidavit back to the Unit.

Stay calm. This Covid-19 situation is temporary. It will pass. Keep the inmates in your prayers as this virus spreads through Units. Sadly, this is by far worse than the Swine Flu which also spread through prisons a few years ago.

A journalist contacted me Saturday asking “how Covid-19 has affected my clients?” How hasn’t it affected us all? I have 51 clients in Texas alone waiting to marry an inmate. Fifty one people who are left holding the bag and waiting. Worrying about their loved ones.

I’m hoping that May reopens the visitation to most Units but we have a large portion of TDCJ Units that are currently on medical lockdown. These Units are on 14 day lockdowns from the date an inmate tests positive. As long as this virus is running through Units, we are unable to begin scheduling.

I’ve had a few former clients that have contacted me regarding parole packets and letters of support. I’m happy to send you the links.

A few clients have encountered visitation suspensions. Remember that’s it essential to prepare your appeal in a timely fashion. If you need assistance preparing your appeal, contact me.

Walker County is preparing Marriage Licenses by mail.

Sadly, I’ve had four clients contact me regarding a divorce. These are trying times for relationships. Before you make a permanent decision regarding a temporary situation, step back and understand that this too shall pass.

Emotions are running wild right now for everyone. As I write this blog, I’m answering texts from a former client who was rope a doped into a Catfish Adoption ring. Sending money to someone she hadn’t met? Yes. Deanna is desperate for a baby. Desperate enough to do anything.

I’m also on the phone with my sister in law, Michelle who had to call the police this weekend because they had both their adult kids and their spouses and all of their grandkids and our father living under one roof in Monroe, North Carolina. Michelle has been having problems with her daughters husband. A shiftless jerk who won’t work. My brother is supporting everyone under his roof. Michelle is doing all of the cooking and cleaning. Jerry and Michelle’s daughters husband is and has been disrespectful and combative to Michelle. Friday night, Hope’s husnand threatened to kill Michelle. This is shocking. Michelle has no choice. The ongoing arguments between her son in law and his stupidity have robbed Jerry and Michelle’s home of any peace. My brother works 6 days a week. Michelle is and has been caring for my dad, her grandkids, her adult children and why her daughter doesn’t see what a Deadbeat she’s married to. Michelle’s daughter manipulates her by using her three children. “If you make him leave, I’m leaving with him and I’m taking the kids with us.”

Michelle had to make a decision. You cannot live in your own home in fear. You cannot be afraid your son in law is going to kill you, your daughter or one of your grandchildren. Cindy and I have advised Michelle to hold her ground. You cannot allow someone violent to live in your home.

Michelle is now being manipulated by her daughter. How? Hope is using her three children. Michelle has been forced into either allowing someone violent in her home or worrying about her daughter and grandchildren. Hope’s husband is a violent, lazy and shiftless bum. Why she had three kids with this loser none of us can understand.

Michelle has been cooking and cleaning singlehandedly for 10 people. My brother, Jerry is supporting an entire household singlehandedly. With shingles no less. Jerry’s stress levels are through the roof. Cindy and I continue to send Jerry and Michelle whatever we can to help our baby brother and his wife. But we can’t control from Texas what’s going on in North Carolina. Michelle has been reaching a boiling point for weeks now.

Jerry was unaware of just how bad it is at his home between Michelle and their son and law. Why? Michelle doesn’t tell Jerry.

Will Hope leave an abuser with a violent temper? We don’t know.

Will Deanna ever find a baby to fill the void losing Delilah left in her life? We don’t know.

But we know this, these are trying times for everyone. Jerry and Michelle’s adult children and their spouses are now out of work. Michelle worries about her grandchildren eating. Her daughter should have left the children with Jerry and Michelle but didn’t. Instead she left with her husband who had just threatened to kill her mom.

Will my sister in law be able to see her grandchildren after all this? I don’t know. I hope so. I pray her daughter sees the light and realizes what’s best for herself and her children…

Love, Life, Loss And The Power Of Patience. Clerks Office Closures & Chaos..

Yesterday my Ferguson Unit bride contacted me regarding buying her license. The Unit had finally sent the Absentee Affidavit and Inmate ID but she lives in another state and many Texas clerks are either closed altogether or requiring an appointment to purchase a marriage license.

Dallas county is no longer taking appointments and is closed until further notice.

Walker county is only booking appointments with residents living in the county.

Tarrant county is taking appointments but they are booked two weeks out towards the end of the month.

The Absentee Affidavit has a 30 day shelf life once notarized. Often 8-10 days have passed by the time my clients receive this vital document from the Unit.

Because many of my clients are having trouble finding anywhere to buy a marriage license, the possibility of having to send a second Absentee Affidavit exists.

Normally, law libraries at prisons (state or federal) are hesitant to notarize a second Affidavit for an inmate but these are extraordinary times. I’ve spoke to nearly 100 Units to advise law libraries that many of my clients are unable to find a clerks office to buy a marriage license in order to give them a heads up that a flood of second I60 Affidavit notary requests are not only a possibility but most likely a probability.

Don’t worry ya all the law libraries are aware of your struggle to find a county clerk open within the short shelf life of the state issued absentee affidavit.

Many people as shocked and disheartened at learning after finally obtaining the paperwork they waited months to receive that they can’t find a clerk to sell them a marriage license.

In a sense this new trend of no clerks available is deja vu for me. How so? I’ve encountered my clients having problems getting marriage licenses before. In June 2015 to be precise. Oh my the summer of 2015 was a carnival of chaos! Due entirely to opinionated clerks refusing to issue a marriage license to same sex couples? Yes.

The problems lasted for months in Texas. There wasn’t a pandemic. There was something equally extraordinary going on. The Supreme Court ruling granting same sex couples the right to marry. This decision occurred on June 26, 2015.

What happened next in Texas would surprise my excited couples running to the courthouse.

Couples who had never expected to have the right to marry.

Couples who were celebratory in their anticipation of dashing off to the clerks office to buy a marriage license.

Couples who then contacted me when no one would issue them a license at a clerks office. The first call shocked me. The second call infuriated me but the calls kept coming and I effectively saddled up to drive and meet clients here, there and everywhere to walk into the courthouse with them. They were too intimidated to walk in alone.

The news of others being turned away caused further anxiety for them. “Please Ms Wendy we need you to come with us.” In Parker County my clients called crying and said “we will never get married they nearly threw us out of the clerks office.” I orchestrated a picket in Parker County. My clients Kat and Tiffany were the first same sex couple to be issued a marriage license. But it wasn’t easy. It was a hurdle that took days to overcome.

Yes, I’ve seen problems getting a marriage license before and firsthand.

Many of my clients the summer of 2015 had me calling clerks across Texas to see who would issue a license. Others wanted me to go with them. Still others chose for me to marry them in Oklahoma or Arkansas. They gave up on getting a license in Texas.

My team and I saddled up and drove to Oklahoma so many times that the “Welcome to Texas” or “Welcome to Oklahoma” signs were like a revolving door for our suvs running here or there.

It was a trying time in Texas. The controversy went on for months.

I was all over Texas, Oklahoma and Arkansas that summer of 2015. Covering every base.

In 2017, I would (yet again) encounter opinionated clerks. THIS time for different reasons. This time because they didn’t believe inmates should have the right to marry. Especially LBGT inmates. Heaven help us. Texas clerks who forgot their job description included issuing marriage licenses?

People who had been hired to issue marriage licenses for a living that refused to do their job.

Opinionated county clerks refusing to issue marriage licenses based on religious reasons? AGAIN? I was as shocked as my clients.

Tarrant County was by far the nicest clerks office I have ever encountered in Texas and still is.

Tarrant County is also accepting from other counties which is why they are backlogged.

If you are a booked client and your marriage license expires waiting for a date, I will reimburse you reimburse you 1/2 the cost of your marriage license but this offer is ONLY VALID for previously booked clients as a courtesy.

Yesterday I was also interviewed by a journalist in California apparently following my blogs and social media who “found me on LinkedIn.” Was I lost? Lol. Media people always “find me on LinkedIn.”

It’s a running joke with Cindy and I. Cindy “how did they find us?” Wendy “apparently they were looking on LinkedIn.” We both laugh.

This journalist was initially only interested in my balcony elopement ceremonies at my home due to restrictions of group gatherings.

Love will find a way and for clients canceled by the venue, it did right in my front yard.

After discussing the challenges this virus has brought to my clients marrying an inmate in the many states that Cindy and I service, the interview switched over to “why and how I became a prison officiant in Texas?” Oh brother here we go again… I’m so controversial or so a few people think.

I had been marrying people in jails and federal facilities for many years in other states long before I began officiating in Texas state prisons.

Why? No one had asked me to officiate in a TDCJ facility until April 2017.

In three years now I’ve officiated several hundred Texas Department Of Criminal Justice weddings.

So many in fact that nearly my entire client base shifted to inmate weddings predominantly in Texas and California but also in 36 other states.

Other service area states only schedule inmate weddings 1 to 2 days per year. Mostly scheduling only occurs 1 day a year in many states which is why and how “we can cover so many states including Texas.”

Texas Units schedule EVERY inmate wedding at their facility two days a month.

Shocking as it may sound, I now regularly “turn down traditional bookings” unless the gig is at a venue that I’m on staff at such as Belltower Chapel.

For three years now, my client base has shifted to prison weddings which (not surprisingly) shocks anyone contacting me from media.

Don’t be shocked. I prefer inmate weddings. Why? Because there are no drunks at a detention center wedding that’s why. There is no drama. There are no divas. There are no guests.

When you’ve been planning and officiating events as long as I have you have seen drama. You have encountered drunks.

I’m picky about large Events and have been for years now. Why? Because I can be that’s why. I don’t have to work. I work because I enjoy the clients, the travel and the special moments I share with my clients.

My life is an adventure from one day right into the next. Retirement? How boring.

Cindy and I are born entrepreneurs. We created a people over profit based business to help anyone. Texas Twins Events and Texas Twins Treasures were merged in order to create a barter option, The Pawning Planners in 2015.

While other vendors laughed, we laughed all the way to the bank.

We helped rich people AND poor people along with any economic level in between. We opened a window to help low to middle income clients that had never existed.

Creative people are often laughed at until someone realizes they are successful.

In 2017, due to the demand for inmate weddings, we again rebranded and expanded Texas Twins Events to include inmate weddings in 38 states. Federal, ICE, Private, County or State operated.

“Entrepreneurs are people that will use any obstacle they encounter as a vehicle towards success.” Cindy Daniel

Now and then, someone noticing our success asks us to train them. This always takes me off guard a bit. I begin reading an email that starts with “I noticed you are the most sought after inmate officiant and decided I would like to start a business like yours. When can I call you to find out how?” Short answer? Don’t bother. I’m not hiring and my entire family work with me as inmate officiants. You will never be successful in the inmate officiant business without three critical components. What are they? Knowledge. Don’t ever walk into a Unit without being fully informed regarding policy and procedure. Educate yourself. Second you will need the clients to make your business successful. Third, you will be required to do far more than simply show up. You will need to assist your clients through a very lengthy paperwork process. Unless you can successfully do all of the above and support yourself financially in your quest to compete, you will fail. This role requires answering your phone 24/7. This role requires knowledge, passion and dedication. This role often requires answering 10-30 emails from the same client throughout the prison wedding planning process.

Traditionally, an officiant spends 30 minutes on site at a wedding and less than 2 hours preparing for the ceremony.

Inmate weddings involve travel. I can map out several Units on the same day and do on a regular basis. Are you ready to drive 2-4k miles a week? If you aren’t this isn’t the business for you.

“We don’t create competition that we don’t have.” We set out to be different from the start. Others laughed. Prison weddings? Where will they find the clients? Heads up we don’t they find us.

Bartering event services? Those twins are crazy. Yea, crazy like a fox. We have been flipping items for most of our lives. We are also experienced appraisers. If we can’t flip it we don’t take it in trade.

We also are capable of creating our own inventory and do including bouquets, bouteniers, veils and floral designs. We bring everything our clients need on wedding day. We own the inventory we loan.

Cindy and I were different from the beginning of Texas Twins Treasures by flipping refurbished items as early as 2003 with our first EBay account. We had to be creative! Why? Both of our husbands were unemployed.

Flipping items at Texas Twins Treasures literally saved our farms. We circled our wagons and figured it out. Cindy and I even sold our own furniture to pay the bills and replaced our homes with refurbished furniture items. We found flips then bartered the fabric then bartered the labor with a local upholsterer.

Cindy and I learned how to be creative. Why? We had no choice. We didn’t have parents to call for help. We had each other.

Poverty is a great teacher. You learn how to survive while learning to think outside the box. Cindy and I aren’t in the teaching industry. Sure if we had time we could be but we don’t. We have three businesses with a very diverse group of clients that warrant our attention.

Cindy and I are in the entrepreneurial industry. Experienced public speakers, problem solvers and selling geniuses. We’ve worked in sales for thirty years. We’ve also worked as brand ambassadors. People are either born to sell or they aren’t.

Cindy and I don’t just sell what other people sell. We sell what people want. Dedication, quality, transparency, honesty and integrity. You can build a business from the ground up. We did.

Cindy and I have built all of our businesses solely on happy clients referrals. Loyalty is important to us. We have never advertised or needed to.

“Without common sense your wealth today can become your poverty tomorrow.” Cindy Daniel

My candor often shocks media people contacting me now and then.

Perhaps they are unprepared for my transparency? Oh well that’s THEIR LUGGAGE and THEIR TRIP.

If you are contacting me for an interview, buckle up for transparency, honesty and candor. My life and my business are a wild mix. From an exclusive venue to a prison? You bet.

Any journalist contacting me is contacting me because they are either shocked we make our diversity work or surprised at our success.

Often, “media people” are equally taken back by our grit, drive, determination and ambition.

These Texas Twins are just as resilient as our clients. Our inmate wedding clients are warriors. They do it all and they do it on the outside alone. They are resilient, passionate and perseverant.

“If you don’t focus on your journey to success you will end up working for the person who did.” Cindy Daniel

Monday I was contacted by someone with the Dallas Morning News who had read my blog on Texas Twins Events regarding “Catfish Adoption Scams.”

Did I think at the time that the person contacting me was using me as bait to get to my client, Deanna? No. I thought someone contacting me because she wanted to give up her baby was a blessing.

After all, April 11 was and will always be a heartbreaking day for Deanna and Burt. It was the day they lost DeLilah at Harris Hospital. It was the day I baptized DeLilah.

Two days later I officiated Delilahs memorial.

Several months later, my niece and twin sister joined me at a photo shoot for the Villareal IVF fund.

Deanna needed family photos for her campaign. Months later Deanna learned she couldn’t conceive. Months later Deanna decided to try surrogacy. A year later, Deanna still had no success.

Fast forward November 2019. A message sent to my FB account by Lacey stated “I’m pregnant and I want to give my baby up for adoption.” It’s hard to surprise me.

FB hid this message from me until I was searching hidden messages last Tuesday and found it. No one was more shocked to see that message than I was.

But over the course of a few days, Lacey would show her true colors. Lacey never did speak to me on the phone. She always had an excuse. She would only correspond by text and messenger.

Lacey could have been a man for all I know. Here’s what I do know, Lacey wanted to get her claws on Deanna and used me to get to her.

Deanna would do anything for a baby and somehow some way Lacey knew it.

Each and every day I’m contacted by someone who is trying to accomplish this or do that and has no idea how. I’m accustomed to unique situations. I wasn’t familiar with the situation of someone like Lacey. I prefer transparency in all areas of my life.

I’m still reeling from Lacey and the drama that unfolded Easter Sunday. Deanna is too but we will both be far more cautious from this point forward.

If you missed the blog on Texas Twins Events, here’s my last eye opening blog post about Lacey and her for profit adoption scheme… Deception And Direct Deposit? Adoption Scam.

Back to county clerks chaos… Whether you find a clerk in time to obtain your marriage license or not, stay calm. We can send another Affidavit to the Unit.

For my county jail clients, it’s often easier to wait until the inmate is transferred. Why? Because currently no county inmates are being chained into the system. County Jails have no law library.

An Absentee Affidavit REQUIRES a notary.

If a County Jail won’t allow a mobile notary into their facility, you cannot obtain the Texas required Absentee Affidavit.

I’m off today to ship our latest addition to Texas Twins Treasures, logo designed face masks. We have sold out twice which is pretty surprising to Cindy.

Cindy and I are currently sold out of all Texas Twins Treasures logo detailed face masks and we will have new stock in two weeks.

Cindy and I will not be restocking Versace until mid May as Chanel and LV outsold the Versace masks hands down.

We sell what sells and apparently the Versace isn’t as popular. I don’t know why because I liked the Versace because it was different but apparently not everyone else did.

My twin grandnieces, Maryssa and Makenna are models our latest additions to Texas Twins Treasures. Maryssa is a ham for selfies anyway so she’s having fun hamming it up for the camera.

Why did we go into the mask business? The possibility of all my service area states and State as well as Federal Units possibly requiring not only Cindy and I but also all of our clients to wear masks after the Coronavirus exists.

Walking into a prison after Covid-19 wearing a mask will be different but it’s safety first issue.

Unable to find masks for ourselves or our clients, Cindy and I decided to make our own.

Our success by offering designer masks has shocked a few of our competitors who didn’t think of it themselves or who wonder where we are getting our fabric.

Our fabric is straight out of my closet. From designer scarves, dresses, slacks and pants to bathing suits, I’ve been collecting designer logo clothing for some thirty plus years now and used what I had on hand to create these amazing one of a kind designs.

We do not sell fabric for our masks or refurbished furniture items in my Texas Twins Treasures storefront. Why? Because the average Joe has no idea how expensive quality fabric is for one and for two it wouldn’t be a Texas Twins Treasure if you could find it anywhere.

“Some people may get jealous when you find success because they are too lazy to look for it themselves.” Cindy Daniel

Attitude, Aptitude And Experience Are Keys To Success.

This morning while preparing to fly from LAX to DFW, a call from Waco, Texas came in. The caller was planning to marry at TDCJ Robertson Unit. I take calls 7 days a week from 6AM to 9PM. Robertson is slow to or process paperwork. A few of my TDCJ Units are. How do I know? I have 7 clients waiting on paperwork or dates at Robertson and others waiting months at a handful of Units. Lock Downs stop paperwork. Patience in the planning process is a must. 

The Certified Offender ID takes weeks and occasionally months to come in. Once it does, a copy takes an additional few weeks. It’s time consuming to wait on paperwork. Occasionally for my clients, it’s frustrating too. 

Planning your Prison Wedding requires paperwork and if you’ve never done this before, someone patient to lay out the process. I’m that person. 

While McClennan County will allow you to purchase a marriage license with a certified birth certificate and Absentee Affidavit, there are a number of counties who require the TDCJ Certified Inmate ID. Obtaining this ID can take weeks to months. Know this “going in.” 

For many clients, it’s by far easier to obtain a certified birth certificate but if you can’t, the long wait on an ID in Texas begins. Buckle up and be patient. 

You can go to ANY clerks office in Texas to buy a marriage license. Remember though that you cannot buy a marriage license in Texas without both parties being present UNLESS you have a notarized absentee affidavit explaining the absence of the other party. 

The absentee affidavit is critical to getting that license. While the option of an inmate ID or birth certificate exist there are no options regarding the absentee affidavit. 

A few clerks offices require the ID, Absentee Affidavit and Certified Birth Certificate. This is why having options to go to another clerks office are important. 

For a number of folks who think that ANYONE can officiate a Prison Wedding, it should be noted that only a handful of people actually can. That person must be authorized to walk into a Unit. That person should also know and follow all rules of procedure. That person should be reliable, honest and transparent. That person should also have a stellar track record. That person is me. 

Because the planning process can easily take 4-6 weeks in Texas, there are rolling clients on my books at any given time. Because of this, I limit new bookings and I don’t advertise. I am sought after for inmate Officiant services more than anyone else in this industry. Why? Because I care and because I know what I’m doing. I also know the ins and outs. 

A few people were surprised that LBGT prison weddings aren’t uncommon. Others offended about my diverse clients. Some of these people voice their opinions to me. Opinions are not my luggage and not my trip. 

If you are hiring a Prison Wedding Officiant, their role involves far more than just showing up. They should be holding your hand throughout a confusing planning process too. I do. My clients are important to me.What can you wear? From pantsuits to skirts and dresses to slacks, wear what’s within the guideline and what you feel comfortable in. You can wear ornamental headpieces but we must clear the Unit. You may be asked to remove hairpieces to enter the Unit. Don’t panic I will help you redress after clearing into the Unit. Who files the license? You can but I prefer to. Why? Because a license must be filed within 30 days of me signing it. I file licenses three days a week in person or by certified mail. I’m OCD. If you forget to file your license, we can request a duplicate or amend the license but it’s a lot of trouble. It’s easier for me to file it for you and I’m happy to do so.Why do you need a certified copy? The Unit and Inmate Records require a filed copy of your marriage license. While a copy is a few dollars cheaper it isn’t a legal copy. Please request a certified copy and mail it to the attention of inmate records at your Loved Ones Unit.

Why are some Unit photos better than others? Each Unit is different. One Unit has better equipment or a more skilled Correctional Officer taking photos. 

You offer free photos with your extensive inventory as a courtesy. Why? Because weddings are Life Events. I want my clients to have the flowers, the furs, the tiaras, the fascinators, the signs and fun they deserve on wedding day. I want them to have an opportunity to celebrate their marriage.My clients are warriors. They make their love story last. They endure. They persevere. They overcome all obstacles placed in their path. They are the strongest people I have ever met… 

Headed To Hobby With A Reschedule At Michael, Maddy Moving To California And More…

On my way to LeBlanc Unit Monday, a notification about a message came through. I quickly had Cindy read it to me. My Hobby Unit client was messaging me about being on site Thursday. Panicked because I go from one day to the next on a strict schedule, I had Cindy check my Thursday last week. Thankfully, I was at Green Bay Unit in the morning leaving plenty of time to “high tail it” from Fort Worth to Marlin, Texas. 

After posting photos on my page, I had several people contact me to ask “are they BOTH women?” The answer is yes. They are both women and this is my second biracial same sex wedding at Hobby. The guards remembered me from my previous wedding ceremony. Why? Because I’m friendly and courteous to TDCJ Staff at all times that’s why. 

My previous clients photo at Hobby Unit brought on harsh criticism and comments that I consistently deleted. Why did I delete these racist and homophobic comments? In order to protect my client. The internet has literally become a legion of bullies who will comment on damn near anything with negativity. Here’s the photo.For those unaware of this, I pose my clients for Unit photos. Why? Because they are already nervous and need direction and insight. At their wedding, I was laughing and obviously not posed or prepared for the group photo which is why my neck is at an odd angle. My clients were relieved to finally be legally married. All of my Prison clients are. The process is difficult and lengthy to marry an inmate. I don’t “normally” have an angled pose from the side but my client, Brianna, loved this photo even though I appear to be “awkwardly posed.” Stacie had encountered traffic driving to Hobby from Beaumont, Texas. Ironically, Cindy and I were just in Beaumont three days prior to being at Hobby. Because Stacie was running late, I went on in at Hobby to check in with the Unit and advise them that my client was due any minute. 

By the time Stacie walked into the clearing Unit, she was very nervous and fearful of vomiting. Throughout my years as an Officiant, I have been vomited on and if someone tells me they “feel like throwing up,” I move. Thankfully though, Stacie didn’t throw up and the ceremony went well. Stacie has known her partner for 13 years. 

While many assume that anyone marrying an inmate was a pen pal, I’ve yet to marry anyone who had never met the inmate in person although I did marry someone at Michael Unit who hadn’t seen her fiancée in thirty years until walking into Michael on wedding day. After leaving the Unit, Cindy and I decided to use the railroad tracks and backdrop of nature for Stacies bridal photo shoot with us. 

While waiting on the photos to print or even prior to entering the visitation area, all of my clients share their story of how they met their partner. Many of these journeys are fascinating to me. Why? Because choosing to marry an inmate is a huge commitment. The relationship of marrying an inmate can often be viewed as one sided on numerous points and dedication is a factor of making the union work. 

Loving an inmate is lonely and expensive. Loving an inmate is a difficult journey. Loving an inmate requires commitment.Stacie was a lot of fun and willing to try on anything I handed her as well as a hot pink cowboy hat. I love it when clients have a good time. The reason we almost always do photos after the ceremony is because clients are finally relieved the wedding is past them. They are also far more relaxed. 

Stacie will be hiring Cindy and I again for their unique Vow Renewal. What makes it unique? The couple will renew their vows on Halloween with a theme revolving around black. The last themed wedding Cindy and I did was Beauty and the Beast. We loved it. I can’t wait to see Stacie again and celebrate parole of her wife at the Walls Unit.

Headed back to Fort Worth for my rehearsal at Mercado Event Center, one of my Michael Unit brides called me because the notary at Michael refused to notarize a Corrective Affidavit. This was a long shot but I asked “can you contact the other woman and get her to sign the dissolution agreement?” Luckily, she could. Problem solved. When inmates sign these Informal Marriage Affidavits, they have no real idea that this document doesn’t magically disappear but, it doesn’t. TDCJ keeps the CLM Affidavit on file and your inmate status isn’t single instead it’s Common Law Married.

Most Units WILL notarize a Corrective Affidavit for an inmate. In fact, I’m marrying my Telford Unit client in August after undoing yet another “CLM status of the inmate to someone other than her situation” held us up for over two months in the planning process. 

My Roach Unit bride has had weeks of hurdles. WEEKS. I met her at the Tarrant County Clerks Office two weeks ago where she was denied issuance of a marriage license. This denial was due entirely to the law librarian not notarizing the Absentee Affidavit. 

I called the librarian at Roach Unit while sitting beside my crying client and explained the “missing notary stamp situation” and more importantly, the timeline of my clients scheduled and confirmed July 17th wedding at Roach Unit. 

Due to the problems of not having the notary stamp and waiting to get a notarized Affidavit for my client to purchase a marriage license, I was forced to move the confirmed date from July to August. 

After waiting months to get approved and get that date at Roach Unit, Ashley was devastated. I mailed a new Absentee Affidavit obtained from the Tarrant County Clerk with the old Absentee Affidavit because an Absentee Affidavit is ONLY VALID 30 days in Texas. From the post office, I again called the law librarian to advise her of what I was sending and why if she Notarized the original that due to the delay of Unit mail, by the time Ashley received it back that it would be effectively void and useless. 

It’s now been nearly two weeks since I sent the documents on Friday that arrived the following Monday. What’s the hold up? Buckle up because this one is a real struggle for me to understand and much less comprehend. First, the law librarian denied not notarizing the affidavit. I was holding it on my hand at the clerks office and obviously aware that she was incorrect. I don’t argue with anyone. Instead, I lay out the facts. I don’t have time to argue. I need solutions to problems not arguments. This Roach Unit issue was about to become even more frustrating as the days and weeks wore on. 

By last Thursday on my way to Hobby, Ashley called me because she still hadn’t received the Affidavit back. Without it, she couldn’t purchase a marriage license. I had already instructed Ashley to take the Texas Premarital Class, Twogether In Texas in order to waive the three day waiting period. When I see trouble ahead, I plan ahead. When someone at the Unit blatantly refuses to perform the task they have been given, I give them every opportunity to do so. I wait. I take several calls from my hysterical client while I wait. By Thursday though with a confirmed date at Roach on August 7th, I advised Ashley to contact the Courts in Huntsville, Texas. Contacting Access To Courts is the last option when waiting for someone to do the right thing is ineffective. I never suggest this first. I only suggest it last in Texas. My reason for having Ashley contact the Courts was because the law librarian had refused to return calls to Ashley or even me regarding notarizing the Absentee Affidavit. What happened? Why was she first denying sending the document without notarizing it and then refusing to notarize the new Affidavit? I have no idea. BUT, inmates have access to legal services per the Administrative Directive. 

The law librarian at Roach Unit was telling Ashley on the rare occasions that Ashley called and actually reached her in the law library that “Shane did not have access because he was in seg.” 

Let’s take a minute to review that statement. The inmate didn’t have access to a notary because he was segregated? “The Access to Courts Department is a statewide program that provides services to, and for, all TDCJ offenders. All offenders are afforded some type of access to a meaningful law library that, at a minimum, contains self-help publications, pertinent case law, codes, rules, and fill-in-the-blank legal forms. Depending on the classification of the offender, he or she will either be given direct or indirect access to the law library. Offenders with direct law library access are afforded an opportunity to receive a minimum of 10 hours of access per week. Offenders with indirect law library access are delivered three items of legal research materials per day, on three alternating days per week to their housing location.” 

There’s a valid reason I instructed Ashley to contact Access To Courts. The reason was that the law librarian was specifically denying or refusing to provide notary services. Inmates and even loved ones may very well be unaware of policy and procedure but, I’m not. Surprised? Don’t be. My role is by far more involved than anyone realizes. 

The law librarian was at fault for sending a document she knew very well required a notary seal. Furthermore, the consistent excuses and run around while refusing to notarize the new Affidavit was illogical to me. It’s a simple procedure. Why was this happening? I couldn’t understand why this continued to drag on. The ONLY option left with a ticking clock on a scheduled date to marry at the unit that requires a marriage license was to have Ashley contact the Courts. Since the law librarian was contacted by the Courts, the notarized Affidavit is in the mail. You see, the Courts know policy and procedure. But, for those unaware of notary services to inmates, I will elaborate… 

IV. Notary Public Services

A. Documents: Under both federal law (28 U.S.C. § 1746) and state law (Texas Civil Practice and Remedies Code § 132.001), offenders incarcerated in Texas may use an unsworn declaration under penalty of perjury in place of a written declaration, verification, certification, oath, or affidavit sworn before a notary public. 

Documents for which notarization is requested by an attorney, documents specifically exempted from the laws on unsworn declarations, and documents destined for another state or country requiring notary public service shall continue to require notary public service.

B. Scheduling: Offenders may request notary public service by submitting an I-60 to the unit ATC supervisor. Offenders requesting notary public service shall explain why an unsworn declaration will not be legally sufficient. Requests shall be acted upon, either denied or provided, within 72 hours of the receipt of the request.

Let’s review the Unsworn Declaration and why it cannot be used in place of an Absentee Affidavit in Texas. An Absentee Affidavit REQUIRES a notary seal. See where I’m going with this? 

What is an Unsworn Declaration? 

CIVIL PRACTICE AND REMEDIES CODE

TITLE 6. MISCELLANEOUS PROVISIONS
CHAPTER 132. UNSWORN DECLARATIONS
Sec. 132.001. UNSWORN DECLARATION. (a) Except as provided by Subsection (b), an unsworn declaration may be used in lieu of a written sworn declaration, verification, certification, oath, or affidavit required by statute or required by a rule, order, or requirement adopted as provided by law.
(b) This section does not apply to a lien required to be filed with a county clerk, an instrument concerning real or personal property required to be filed with a county clerk, or an oath of office or an oath required to be taken before a specified official other than a notary public.

(c) An unsworn declaration made under this section must be:

(1) in writing; and

(2) subscribed by the person making the declaration as true under penalty of perjury.

(d) Except as provided by Subsections (e) and (f), an unsworn declaration made under this section must include a jurat in substantially the following form:

“My name is __________ _________ ____________, my

(First) (Middle) (Last)

date of birth is _________________, and my address is

_____________, ____________, _________, ____________,

(Street) (City) (State) (Zip Code)

and __________________. I declare under penalty of

(Country)

perjury that the foregoing is true and correct.

Executed in _______ County, State of ________, on the ________ day of ________, ________.

(Month) (Year)

____________________

Declarant”

(e) An unsworn declaration made under this section by an inmate must include a jurat in substantially the following form:

“My name is __________ _________ ____________, my

(First) (Middle) (Last)

date of birth is _____________________, and my inmate

identifying number, if any, is __________________. I

am presently incarcerated in ________________________

(Corrections unit name) 

in _____________, _________, _______, ____________. I

(City) (County) (State) (Zip Code)

declare under penalty of perjury that the foregoing is true and correct.

Executed on the _____ day of ________, _______.

(Month) (Year)

I know there are folks out there who don’t love their job. I also know that there are folks out there who do. However, if your job function is being impeded because you don’t think inmates should marry or you simply want to exert power due to your position, there are valid reasons why policy and procedure exist. Unlike Ashley and Shane, I knew darn well that even in seg Shane had access to request a notary. But, rather than argue or even attempt to argue, I redirected Ashley to the Courts. 

Ashley doesn’t need more stress. Ashley like all of my clients “just wants to get married.” This issue at Roach has never come up before but again, I’m well versed on inmates having access to legal services. Why? I educate myself that’s why.

Most people especially arrogant people assume they are smarter than others. I don’t tell people I’m smart. I don’t need to because I show them instead. Experience is a great teacher but knowledge is power. 

The law librarian at Roach Unit for some reason that I may never understand deliberately sabotaged the Absentee Affidavit. I may never fully comprehend her reasons for sabotaging this wedding. 

I recognize and realize though that there are guards who don’t believe prisoners should have the right to marry. I’m also well aware that there are people within the free sector of the world who also don’t believe inmates should have the right to marry. 

A few days ago, someone not connected to me on LinkedIn commented on one of my posts “Inmates shouldn’t be allowed to marry. They are being punished.” Why he chose to voice his opinions on my post I have no idea. Generally though, I would have deleted this comment but, I chose not to. Why? Because I chose to respond instead. 

Ignorance is bliss for far too many people who assume that their opinions are important. This commenter and his opinions don’t affect my clients or their lives. Opinions of others don’t dictate anyone else’s life. 

My clients don’t care what others think of their unions. I don’t care what others think about my role as an open minded individual committed to making Dream Events affordable to anyone. 

My role is to make life events memorable. My role is to perform a task I’ve been retained to perform. My role isn’t to argue with someone who is opinionated. Frankly, his or anyone’s else’s opinions on inmate marriage or same sex marriage or even biracial same sex inmate marriage won’t and don’t have any impact my clients or me but, I decided to use this particular opinionated person’s comment as an opportunity to advise him of my belief that “love is love” because it is. 

Your frustrations can become your blessings if you look hard enough.

Monday morning, my niece and my beloved Maddy are headed to California for their big move. Cindy and I are heartbroken to see Maddy go. Our clients are too. This will be a very difficult transition for Cindy and I but, we will be in California again soon to see Maddy… 

Crain Unit, Country County Clerks, Chaos & Coming To The Rescue? Travels Of The Texas Twins…

Last night while at the Aladdin movie with my twin sister and twin grandnieces, a text from my Ferguson Unit bride asking “if I ever give rides to my clients” came through. With Makenna telling me “turn off my phone,” I walked out of the theater to call Savannah. In my line of work, there aren’t any “off days.” Cindy followed me out of the theater. We both have tight schedules and getting a text on a holiday is a literal “heads  up Houston because we may have a problem moment.” 

I need to know what’s going on in order to plan and prepare accordingly. All of my clients realize this because I reiterate it over and over again. Keeping me “in the loop” keeps you from encountering problems. I cannot fix what I’m unaware of.  If you are sitting in your car crying because the clerk wouldn’t issue your marriage license, CALL ME. If your car broke down and you don’t know how you are going to get three hours from home to a Unit, CALL ME. If you aren’t sure about what you plan to wear being okay, text me a photo. 

On a handful of occasions (based on the distance and my schedule), I’ve driven a few of my clients to their Unit Wedding and taken them home again. 

Certain clients are also very uncomfortable about driving in the country where deer freely bounce in herds across the road. Just call me, I will pick you up at your hotel near the Unit. I work with you to limit your anxiety. Stay calm. I’m not intimidated by a herd of deer. Cindy isn’t either. 

I also have a friend that has a transportation to and from Prison Unit based business. If you need her contact information, just let me know. She is based out of Houston and owns AM Transportations. She is also happy to help you by driving you to a visit or your wedding. I trust her to take great care of you. Remember though, there is a fee for this rideshare service. 

Based on your distance from my location to you and the Unit, there can be a fee for me to pick you up as well. Sadly, there isn’t a “gas fairy” filling up my tank. 

It’s rare for me to be a shuttle driver but it’s happened before and may happen again. Be aware that I’m based in Fort Worth though so I’m not going to drive to Houston to pick you up to go to Tennessee Colony. If you are more than one hour from my location, I will need you to use public transportation to get as close as possible to the Unit. Your officiant fee DOES NOT cover transportation. I will work with you to find a solution but remember I have several clients that warrant my time and attention. 

No one “plans” car trouble on wedding day. Once I’ve confirmed a wedding date with the Unit, we really need to honor the schedule. If you are having an emergency, please let me know ASAP so that I can notify the Unit and reschedule your date well within 48 hours. 

Rescheduled ceremony dates can and do give cause to the Unit to REQUIRE a new I60 and the entire process of getting permission to marry to start all over again. There’s a reason I frown upon reschedules. The reason is that the clock may very well start ticking all over again. I strongly encourage you to show up on a scheduled and confirmed wedding date because you’ve waited months to get that date. The next date (if you have rescheduled your original date) might not be as “easy to change as you think.” It most cases, it isn’t. Also, my own schedule is quite tight. If I’ve “held a date for you only to have you change it at the last minute,” you are effectively put back in line behind my other clients waiting on dates. There is no line jumping. Confirmed dates are important to the Unit. They are accommodating us into THEIR SCHEDULE. 

Line jumping “because you’ve changed your mind regarding a date” affects everyone else on my books. Please be courteous and understand that you are NOT my ONLY client. 

I’m generally juggling 10-20 clients per month planning prison weddings in Texas alone. We also service county jails and other states as well as Texas Twins Events Clients AND Pawning Planners Clients AS WELL as venues that I’m on staff at. “Changing your mind less than 48 hours before a confirmed event” affects everyone on my books. That “particular date” could have been used for another client after all. 

A few years ago, I needed a ride from Allred Unit myself. It’s highly irregular for me to need a ride. In fact, I doubt it Kay ever happen again. What happened? An ice storm had came through North Texas. I don’t drive on ice and had decided to take a Greyhound bus to Wichita Falls. The bus station in Wichita Falls had closed due to inclement weather and effectively left me afoot. No taxis and bad luck were making it look as if I would be finding a hotel. 

Thankfully, my wonderful new bride and her mother and new mother in law gave me a ride back to Fort Worth and my SUV at the Greyhound station. 

Hitching a ride can work in most cases and only takes a certain amount of “working it out” based on scheduling. If I can’t accommodate your needs, I can help locate public transportation or AM Transportations to get you where you need to be. 

Last year, my Estes bride was coming from Houston on Greyhound and needed a lift to the Unit. We enjoyed breakfast with my family at Ole South Pancake House before driving to Venus, Texas. Estes is nearly an hour from Fort Worth and my new friend and I had a great day together. After leaving Estes, I drove to the Fort Worth Botanic Garden to get bridal photos before driving my client back to Greyhound. 

Occasionally, I’m at more than one Unit on the same day. Taking a moment to look at my schedule next week, I told Savannah “I will need to leave Fort Worth to pick you up in Dallas by 9AM. There’s road construction of 45 so the estimated timeline of 2 and a half hours to Ferguson is incorrect. We need to leave Dallas 3 hours earlier in order to arrive with plenty of time to clear into the Unit.” I’m ALWAYS looking at timelines. 

Savannah had offered to meet me in Grand Prairie which is closer to my location. However, Savannah also wanted me to meet her in Dallas the following day (Thursday) to file her license (because she was uncomfortable having me file it and the clerk mailing it to her) I decided that I would drive her to the Unit and get bridal photos arriving early near Ferguson, perform the wedding, return to Dallas, file the license with her and THEN take her home. 

Thankfully, on the day of her wedding, I’m not scheduled at another Unit. Because I’m not, I have time to accommodate her need for a ride. 

I make exceptions frequently but, my schedule is key to “working it out.” If I have more than one Unit on the same day of another Unit wedding, the client needing a lift will be spending the entire day with me. I cannot “alter my schedule” to run you home. 

Let’s review more than one Unit in one day. I call this “Unit Stacking.” If your Unit is within 1-2 hour of another Unit, I stack the secondary Unit. If there is more than one client at the same Unit, you MUST ARRIVE on time in order to accommodate other clients. 

I’m going to catch everyone up on why I send you to cities to purchase a marriage license ONE MORE TIME. Coryell County Clerk now requires you to have a birth certificate, TDCJ ID and Absentee Affidavit. 

Crain Unit WILL NOT SEND the TDCJ ID or Absentee Affidavit and much less BOTH anywhere other than the courthouse. This is ongoing issue with Crain. On yet another phone call to the law library pertaining to two of my clients needing these documents in order to purchase their marriage licenses, the clerk at Crain literally told me “we will not send an ID to anyone other than the clerks office.” 

My suggestion FOR ALL CRAIN CLIENTS is to have Crain send the documents to ANY clerk other than Coryell County. 

Since April, Gary has been to Coryell County at least three times attempting to purchase a marriage license. The combination of Crain Unit and their refusal to mail the required documents to purchase a marriage license to the grooms (or brides) like every other Unit TDCJ Unit does along with the Coryell County Circus stipulations that no other County Clerk in Texas has have continued to “hold up the prison wedding planning process.” I’ve alerted the Courts In Huntsville to the fiasco regarding Crain refusing to mail the documents necessary to buy a marriage license to the people on the outside attempting to do so. 

Traditionally, the inmate will visit the law library to order a TDCJ ID. The person on the outside will send an Absentee Affidavit which will be notarized in the Law Library and mailed to the person on the outside to purchase the marriage license. 

Why Units “change things up” I have no idea. BUT a few Units do. If we cannot overcome their process, we instead hunker down and spend months going through THEIR process. 

Thankfully, Gary FINALLY has a birth certificate. Eric and Gary, I cannot wait to finally meet you both in person and get you married. Gary it’s been a process and had Crain simply allowed Aimee to mail you her ID and Absentee Affidavit, you could have easily purchased a marriage license in Harris County without going through repeated visits to Coryell. Smaller counties continue to make their own rules.

Last year, another client arrived to meet me at the Coryell County Courthouse for his photo shoot prior to driving to the Unit for the wedding. He had driven from Austin. He had also assumed that I had a “copy” of his license. There are no copies of the ORIGINAL marriage license. Only the person purchasing the marriage license has the marriage license. There is only one marriage license. PLEASE BRING IT WITH YOU. After your marriage license is signed by me AND filed at the clerks office, you can purchase a Certified Copy Of Your Marriage License. 

Since a question of name changing being automatic after marriage “came up” last week, your name is not “automatically changed because you are married.” Changing your name AFTER marriage is a legal process. To perform the process, you will take your marriage license AFTER I’ve signed it and filed it with the clerks office to the DMV to change your name. You will then go to SS to update your name there as well. The DMV has a fee associated with your new drivers license. I.E. it’s not free to change your state issued ID to reflect your new name. 

YOU MUST BRING your VALID ID and MARRIAGE LICENSE to Unit weddings at Prisons. We are on site specifically for a legal marriage. If you do not have the documentation, there will not be a wedding. Your Unit wedding will be rescheduled. Getting married at a prison is a process. However, getting your marriage license shouldn’t be as complicated as “country clerks” and a few TDCJ law libraries are making it out to be. For years now, I’ve sent my clients to CITIES to purchase marriage licenses. Country clerks in small towns are wholly and entirely unfamiliar with inmate marriage. Unless of course, the clerk is in a town near a prison unit in which case they may be aware of the legal rights for inmates to marry but, you are taking a chance if you don’t bother calling first I can assure you. 

A few days ago, my Ellis Unit bride, Amanda went to buy her marriage license in Eastland, Texas. The clerk refused to accept the documentation that ANY city clerk would. Amanda called me. Amanda had also taken the Twogether In Texas course that waives the three day waiting period. Since she’s marrying at Ellis Unit Tuesday, I suggested buying the marriage license from Huntsville on the morning of her wedding scheduled at 1PM and then filing it in Huntsville rather than trying to convince Eastland of her right to purchase a marriage license. 

I send you to cities because I’m all too aware of the issues that country clerks have put other clients through. How? Because like you, everyone else called me when they couldn’t buy a license too. Yes, my phone rings all day long and my role is to solve problems. I excel at problem solving on a regular basis. 

If you are near Dallas or Fort Worth, both counties are familiar with Absentee Affidavits and inmate marriage as is Harris County, Travis County, Bell County and many others. City clerks are friendly and helpful. Country clerks continue to upset clients by telling them they cannot buy a marriage license unless the absent applicant is armed forces. 

There’s a reason I’m sending you to a city. A few months ago, my Hobbs New Mexico bride was having problems getting a license and called me. I mapped out the closest clerks to her location and called them PRIOR to sending her to buy the license. Lubbock County issued the license. 

If you are having problems buying your license, contact me. Officiating your wedding involves FAR MORE THAN SIMPLY SHOWING UP. I cannot stress this point enough to ANYONE planning to marry an inmate. 

Everyone it seems is hopping on the TDCJ Officiant bandwagon but, not everyone knows how to solve unexpected problems. I do. I also keep my promises. The role of an Officiant pertaining to inmate marriage can be and is all encompassing. From a mother figure to the maid of honor to a bridesmaid to a photographer to a planner to an Officiant, my role covers every base. 

I hold your hand through a very confusing and lengthy process because I’m well aware that marrying an inmate isn’t “simple” and much less cut or dry.  A few weeks ago, LeBlanc refused to Approve a wedding for one of my clients because “the inmate is already listed as being married and therefore not entitled to a marriage ceremony.” I called the Chaplain and after a lengthy conversation, called the Courts in Huntsville to overcome the issue. Knowing how to address unexpected issues is part of the prison wedding process. If you are entrusting your prison wedding to someone who THINKS showing up on wedding day encompasses THEIR ROLE, you have hired the wrong person. When you run into a problem though, you will call me. I fix problems. I know how to. I’m seasoned and experienced. I know Procedures and Policies. For everyone else assuming that officiating a prison wedding is easy and they can do it too, good luck to you and please don’t call me to tell you how to perform a task you have no idea to do. 

I’m not in the “training others to compete with me business.” I’m in the wedding and event business and I know every aspect of my job or role. No one trained me. I educated myself to all aspects of any business I’ve ever worked in including prison weddings. I’m not going to train you either. 

For a few years now, other TDCJ Officiants have asked me to refer them my clients. Sorry kids, I trained my family members instead. Two generations of my family now handle prison weddings that I don’t have time to address myself in numerous states. They are educated to unexpected issues as well because I’ve trained them to be. Nearly once a week someone contacts me to “teach them how to do what I do.” I’m not about to create competition that doesn’t exist because you took the time to ask me to do so. I’m busy addressing my clients. 

For months now, undoing a CLM status at Telford Unit in order to obtain Approval to marry was another issue. It was also one that was overcome. Hire someone knowledgeable. I can’t stress this enough. I’ve been the 2nd and even 3rd Officiant my clients hired because they initially hired the wrong person. 

In certain circumstances like Hobby Unit, I’ve been hired AFTER a client has paid “other Officiants” not once but twice. I not only married her but even drove this client from Grand Prairie to Hobby and back again! This poor lady trusted not one but two other Officiants who let her down. I AM RELIABLE and trustworthy. If I tell you I’m going to do something, you can bet that I am. Unlike “other officiants” I exceed my clients expectations which is why I’m so sought after in this industry. I also took my Hobby Unit bride to lunch and shot her bridal photos on the way back to Grand Prairie. I’ve had questions regarding retakes of Unit photos. Please do not complain about the quality of Unit photos. Guards are not professional photographers. They are doing the best they can with the equipment they have. 

Holiday Unit is hit and miss on photos. We may have good photos at one wedding and fuzzy photos at the next. If you are on Instagram looking through Unit photos on my account and not paying attention to the Unit, the reason that Estes photos are clear is that they are emailed. The photo quality of emailed photos is crisper than printed photos.

McConnell does a great job on photos as does Hodge. Michael also has great photos too but, the ONLY photos we are going to have of you with the inmate are going to be Unit photos so please do not send complaints about your Unit photos to the Unit or the Courts. 

Outdoor photos and white clothing create a glare. This cannot be overcome. Overexposed photos are due in part to the camera as well as sunlight. Certain Units like Ferguson now have a disclaimer regarding photo quality they go over with us prior to taking photos at your wedding. They are doing the best that they can. 

Poses for photos. I will pose you for Unit photos. Don’t worry about how to pose at the Unit. I know you are nervous and in certain cases like the photo below, guards will hand me the camera to take the photo myself. I’m very familiar with photography and poses and want you to have the best photos you can at your Unit wedding. 

We cannot control the quality of your Unit photos. What I can do is give you beautiful wedding photos taken with me and my inventory before or after your ceremony to ensure you have beautiful photos to remember your wedding day. I’m at several Units in the coming weeks and looking forward to finally meeting all of you at your prison wedding. While getting your paperwork and buying your license can be somewhat stressful, pat yourself on the back because you’ve finally made it through the process. 

It’s a lengthy process but, you chose an Officiant (me) who walked you through the process and held your hand for weeks or even months and in the Torres Unit case, waited for over a year to finally meet you at your Prison Wedding. We did it. You’re married now. It wasn’t easy and it took time  (a year) but, you made it. Questions about the glass continue to roll in. If the inmate is G4 or G5, there will be glass. Accept this because the glass will be a part of your ceremony. It pains me as much as it pains you that your wedding will not be “sealed with a kiss” but, it’s something that cannot be changed.

I’m back at Holiday Unit in the coming weeks and will once again go over why wearing loose fitting clothing subjects you to a search. Although tight fitting clothing is not permitted, loose fitting clothing can hide many things which is why wearing a loose fitting, flowing garment will require a more thorough pat down in the privacy of the restroom. 

If you arrive at your prison wedding in a oversized garment or dress, be prepared to be asked to go into the restroom. 

Please do not argue with TDCJ personnel regarding this request for a private pat down. It’s actually not a request. 

We are on site and the entire Unit is accommodating your request to marry at a prison. Attire is outlined under the visitation dress code. Your attire on wedding day falls under the same guidelines. If your clothing is loose, you will be asked to go into the bathroom with a guard. If you are wearing an underwire bra or corset, you will also be asked to go into the restroom. You MUST CLEAR INTO THE UNIT. 

If you are wearing a weave, clips, pins or other metal items in your hair, you will be asked to remove them. DO NOT GET UPSET. We must clear into the Unit. 

Veils are allowed but must not cover your face. Veils must be worn in the fashion below with the fabric going over your back not pulled over the front. Hair clips, bobby pins, crowns, tiaras, fascinators, wigs, weaves, hairpieces and extensions containing metal products must be removed. Please be aware of this. You will be allowed to go into the restroom and put your hair back up or on. 

If you need assistance with your hair, I can help you after we’ve both cleared into the Unit. But, clearing the machine is a REQUIREMENT. Any metal products are going to set off the machine. From underwire bras to girdles or corsets, the wires are going to set off the machine. 

Wearing white. I’ve had many questions about my Estes bride wearing all white. She also wore a red scarf into the visitation area that was removed for her ceremony and put back on when leaving the visitation area. 

Inmates wear all white. Because of this, you will need to add another color to your attire on wedding day. Whether it’s a cami, scarf, or other item, it needs to be a color that isn’t white. 

I’m on site all weekend with traditional clients and rather than using FB or Instagram messaging, request that you text or email me as I’m rarely on social media on weekends. Thanks. 

Dallas County Jail To Michael Unit To Greyhound…Leaving The Driving To Others…

As usual, yesterday was a serious strain to my normal carefully orchestrated day. Let’s begin. At 8:30AM, Cindy arrived at WorthamWorld to visit and take notes on upcoming scheduling while going over the pick up and plan to get her daughter, Stephaney to Georgia. 

My son, Robbie or R.C. would arrive at WorthamWorld and drive on of my suvs to Tennessee Colony Michael Unit with a departure time of 9:30AM. Cindy would leave my home at 9:30AM to pick up Stephaney at Trinity Pavillion a JPS Mental Facility approximately 20 minutes from WorthamWorld. My niece was really excited to see her mom again and spend some time with her before she leaves for Georgia.

I should note that any time anyone on my team or family member travel for work or leisure, I handle the travel arrangements. I always have. Traveling by “the seat of your pants” isn’t my style. I orchestrate and coordinate hotels, cars, and in my nieces case, bus schedules. 

Also, I am always the A SUV at destination events and effectively, the leader. In Texas though, when I’m traveling to a Texas Prison, I’ve been known to have either my son, my niece or my twin sister drive one of our suvs while I tend to business on my phone if my schedule is burdened. During wedding season, it usually is. 

Multitasking is essential when I have no days off on weekdays due to Prison Weddings or weekends during wedding season. Tuesday was “one of those days where I had far too much to do and as usual, not enough time to relax and just drive. 

Cindy would also arrive early for this “pick up” with her daughter at Trinity Springs Pavillion and effectively, stay calm regarding what to expect from Stephaney since we never know what to expect when it comes to my niece, Stephaney. 

Cindy was to also “check in” frequently with either my son, Robbie or me while traveling from Fort Worth to Michael and upon leaving Michael with my son after stopping to get bridal photos, heading to Hodge Unit from Tennessee Colony, I would check in myself with Cindy when not with a client. I worried about Cindy and my unpredictable niece. 

Occasionally after a month or more long release from a mental hospital, Stephaney can be agitated and it’s often difficult to keep her medication on schedule. Stephaney is Bipolar One. 

I had also carefully accounted for any and all hurdles as my son drove my favorite SUV while I responded to emails and texts from traditional clients, TDCJ Clients and The Pawning Planners Clients regarding their event last week. 

A few of The Pawning Planners photos were a bit too risqué to post and Leigh Ann (my other niece) was texting why. At first glance, I missed the issue and called her back. It was windy and the bride was posing with the bridesmaids a precariously unique position. Due to the wind, the bridesmaid was overexposed “showing far too much.” 

I instructed Leigh Ann to “crop far left and overexposed bridesmaid” and “save the photo.” For several minutes, Leigh Ann sent additional photos of the groomsmen “mooning the camera” or the entire bridal party effectively “flipping off the camera.” 

Telling Leigh Ann “please do not to send me every troubling photo while I was en route and juggling other more critical things on my plate,” I knew we couldn’t post these photos after reviewing a handful myself. 

I discussed this intentionally inappropriate  “photo issue” with my son. His reply? “I’m pretty surprised that Leigh Ann didn’t say anything. We can’t use those photos. Leigh Ann wasn’t at the rehearsal because she was at the other event. Mom I think you may need to update your contracts regarding inappropriate behavior with photographers. After all, your contracts are so specific about behavior, photography needs to be addressed. The reason you probably haven’t included it is because you don’t do photography. We do.” He was right. 

It’s never come up before but, now I’m going to need to address it. Certainly my niece, Leigh Ann chose not to tell me about photo issues on location because she knew that I was overwhelmed? I decided to call and ask her about it. “Aunt Wendy, we had 6 events in two days. I wasn’t trying to be a tattletale or anything but, I’ve never had anyone at a wedding or anywhere else do that. I was surprised but didn’t want to argue about what they thought was funny that I didn’t.” Hmm, Leigh Ann was uncomfortable but, also unaware of how to react. 

Wearily, I wondered why people do this flipping off type of thing and especially pant dropping behavior in public? My son was right. For a person who shoots for perfection, unusable photos that require far more time to edit and try to salvage during wedding season are far from fun or even remotely funny. I was completely unaware that there were these types of photos at a family event with children on site. 

My son listened to Leigh Ann on Bluetooth to add his two cents in (as usual) Robbie: “Leigh Ann why not admit you didn’t want to tell mom there was a lot going on because she was already overwhelmed and you were too? Why am I the only one that readily admits my mom can blow a fuse when something goes wrong? Because I already know she’s going to get mad but I also know that she will fix it. I haven’t looked at all of the photos because I have my own photos to edit and also because I was at the 3 rehearsals that you weren’t last week because you had family photos and a wedding and you are still working on the weddings from Friday. I went to two rehearsals with mom on Thursday and Friday and I wasn’t lost or late at ANY weddings this weekend either. Update your navigation. You should have said something on location about the photos and issues rather than waiting until right when mom and aunt Cindy are overwhelmed. I’m not even with you and I already know that this “risqué photo stuff” probably started out innocently enough most likely and BECAUSE you didn’t say anything, it got worse.” Leigh Ann hung up. My son and my niece argue on a regular basis. Sigh. 

He was right though. We were both trying to get too much done while taking care of Stephaney and Leigh Ann ALWAYS calls about minor issues we can’t fix when we are dealing with far more important things. Leigh Ann fails to recognize this and she always has. 

This “consistent competition” between my family members literally “lights me up.” Sure, I get upset but I also FIX issues and if I don’t, Cindy does. Leigh Ann isn’t afraid to tell me something. She does it all of the time. Unlike Leigh Ann though, my son walks up on location. I never hear about problems from Leigh Ann until after the fact. 

I have decided to instruct Leigh Ann to go to her mom on location if she thinks I’m going to “lose it over a problem.” I’m not. Lose it? Oh brother. I encounter problems all of the time on location. I’m not running around acting crazy over them because I’m busy fixing the problem. 

We have had a few occurrences over the years of someone being “over exposed.” A few weeks ago, the grooms zipper was unzipped. Such things happen and may happen again but, deliberately being either offensive or even showing too much skin is normally far from intentional. 

On a regular occurrence, brides choose a strapless dress when they should have opted for a halter or strap style for support. 

Having everything up front rely “only on the dress” itself for support is and always will be a “mistake.” If you prefer a corset, try it on with your dress or opt for a strapless bra. Wedding day is a great time for anyone to get a photo on their phones. 

Here’s a perfect example of where a corset or strapless bra or even a wedding dress with a halter or straps attached would have prevented “fallout.”  

I have a photo of myself in a similar revealing pose. The reason? My twin grandnieces kept grabbing the front of my dress and effectively “pulled the front of my gown down.” Although it had boning in it, I should have opted for a corset. Looking back, I wish I had. 

Thankfully, my husband was in front of me hiding the “peek a boo” photo and effectively saving me from the embarrassment of inadvertently flashing everyone. 
Leigh Ann is overwhelmed with 382 photos from an event where half of the photos will most likely be lost due to being unable to use them in her public galleries gifted to clients. Instead, I will have to send such photos directly to the client. Another time consuming task.

We have spent years earning a stellar reputation and therefore, cannot allow unexpected behavior from others to “tarnish our brand or our reputation.” Please do not flip off my photographers and much less, moon them. 

We are on location giving you the event no one else would and such conduct falls under my “Outrageous behavior or conduct from clients or guests that prevent myself or my staff from completing the task that we had been retained to perform.” I.E. Legal Pages pertaining to Texas Twins Events, The Pawning Planners and TDCJ Officiant Services. 

Your contracts are VERY specific pertaining to anything that impedes our ability to work on location including drunkenness or other aspects that no one should be forced to endure while working including myself or my staff. 

Wedding season is a months long dive into unexpected overworked reality for me. I am literally “up and at it by 4:30-5AM daily. For those who ASSUME I have one job at one business, you couldn’t be further from the truth. I juggle numerous tasks and assume numerous responsibilities. 

My twin sister is also my back up and equally overwhelmed. If you call me and I don’t answer, I’m on location. Please don’t continue to call me over and over or Cindy. We are with clients and will return your call when we can. Ten to fifteen phone calls without a voice mail are harassing. 

Wouldn’t you want the same attention from my staff at YOUR event that we give others? Please be considerate and either leave a voice mail or email instead. DO NOT REPEATEDLY CALL, HANG UP and then CALL BACK. 

I’m a professional and cannot tolerate such childish and/or demanding behavior from anyone for any reason. Again, review “outrageous conduct.”

When I’m out of pocket, I also review photography as well as any other aspects of client needs from all three of my businesses including venues I’m on staff with as well as being the matriarch of my family and it’s not a job for the meek or unorganized. 

I create a daily itinerary each and every day of my life. I have to. After all, I’m juggling 4 businesses AND venues I’m also on staff at. What does this mean? It means I have numerous clients.  

A few of ya all have asked about my other businesses. Texas Twins Events was my first business. Years after starting Texas Twins Events, I decided to rebrand and expand by offering a barter option. To do so, I merged Texas Twins Treasures and Texas Twins Events to create a new business, The Pawning Planners. 

Later, I AGAIN expanded Texas Twins Events to include Texas Prison Weddings. I HAVE NEVER ADVERTISED OR HAD THE NEED TO ADVERTISE any Wendy Wortham business. I’m picky. I’m in high demand and 

I cannot and never have been able to control my niece, Stephaney who consistently disrupts my well orchestrated schedule. 

I do not tolerate “crazy, uncontrollable clients or prospects.” Why? I don’t have to. Secondly, I have crazy family members who try my patience all on their own that’s why. Seriously. 

Apparently, a few clients are more than a little predictable with my photographers too but, I cannot be everywhere all of the time on location. 

At the event in question, Cindy was off working inside the venue while I was helping in other areas and apparently, Leigh Ann was busy taking photos that went from posed to disrobed? Dang it! I cannot believe anyone finds outrageous behavior appropriate and will now address this in updated legal pages regarding client conduct. I’m overwhelmed. 

The consistent stress my niece, Stephaney has brought to our family is so incredibly stressful that no one (unless you have ever in your life dealt with a drug addict who relapsed over and over again could either comprehend or imagine). 

Yesterday was both trying AND stressful  for my twin, Cindy solely because I wasn’t with her for support due to my existing schedule that had left today “open” as Trinity Pavillion had given us this date rather than yesterday for her release from JPS. The change of the release date was a huge issue to my carefully orchestrated agenda. 

Because of the change, I now had my niece, Leigh Ann scheduled to pick up Maryssa and Makenna aka “the Twins” from Tison Middle School at 3:30PM in order to free up Cindy to go buy the bus pass to Georgia and make any and all other necessary purchases to accommodate Stephaney’s trip. 

The bus would leave the Fort Worth Terminal this morning at 4:30AM. Due to the early hour, I also located a hotel in Fort Worth for Cindy and Stephaney to go through clothing, toiletries and medication from JPS for Stephaney. 

As usual, my careful timelines had zero margin for error. ZERO. What could go wrong usually does and because of this, I had a Plan B already in place in the event that something unexpected occurred. 

On my phone (as usual) and addressing incoming questions, event changes and rental confirmations for this weekends event schedule as well as calling numerous Units to confirm dates and check in with India (Michael Unit) 2-3 times on my way from Corsicana to Tennessee Colony as my son drove on, construction caused a 13-15 minute unexpected delay. Good Lord. The unpredictability of road construction continues to be a “time killer” on my road trips. 

Aggravated about “losing time” on the road due to construction, and now clock watching and concerned, I sent India a text regarding my later arrival to the Unit at approximately 12:15 rather than the previously set time of my arrival at 12:00 and instructed my son to “bump the speed up from 60-70MPH to accommodate the timeline we had lost near Corsicana. 

My son pulled into Tennessee Colony General Store and jumped out. It was now 12:04. I was 5-7 minutes from Michael. But, road construction would delay my expected travel time. One lane was closed off with a “follow me truck” turned my usual 5-7 minutes into 8-11 minutes to Michael Unit. Damnit. Again? 

Fifteen minutes early is fifteen minutes late for me. Anxiously, I called India to advise her of my “hold up.” 

Pulling into the Unit, I walked around searching for a white Kia. A few rows over, I found my bride. Together, we walked into Michael Unit. The Unit is under lock down. Because of this, we were instructed to wait. Escorted to the Visitation Area, I decided to use our time together to learn more about my beautiful and excited bride. 

My bride had a really interesting job as a “fire watcher.” I’d never heard of this job before and found the aspects of travel interesting. I’m glad we had time to visit together and learn about my client. All of my clients have an interesting back story. 

Since Michael was on lock down, we had a great visit visiting and waiting together. About an hour later, the Law Library clerk advised us if another delay. About an hour and a half later, the clerk returned to advise us the inmate was being cleared at not one checkpoint but three and getting “shaked down.” 

A “shake” is a strip search. Three shakedowns would rattle anyone. I understood this and couldn’t imagine how stressful walking to your wedding and consistently being “cleared” must have been for him. 

By the time our groom did arrive, he was a little agitated. Working to ease his frustration, I took my time during the ceremony to allow him to relax. 

As usual, I brought $9 in quarters for photos. I posed the groom and India in several choreographed positions and finally got him to smile. I’m a lot of fun and weddings are meant to be celebrated wherever they might be. 

Leaving Michael, I picked my son up and headed for bridal photos with India before heading to Hodge Unit. 

Cindy and Stephaney were doing fine and having fun at lunch when I checked in again. I then headed to Hodge then back to Fort Worth to meet Cindy and Stephaney for dinner. 

I will admit that I’m melancholy regarding Stephaney going to Georgia but, I’ve consistently paid for rehab as her mother and tried everything humanly possible to fix her daughter, Stephaney and more importantly, Stephaney’s addiction. 

If I don’t change states, I will eventually be BURYING my niece. I’m a realist. I know this. It’s a difficult choice but, the only choice I have left. I must protect my sister at any and all costs. 

I called Cindy between Units to check on her emotional state and checklist for Stephaney’s trip. Cindy had to purchase numerous items including luggage as well as pick up Stephaney’s medications (30 day supply), buy another cell phone since Stephaney had lost the other new phone we had just bought her prior to being involuntarily committed for the 16th time last month. 

For those unaware of drug induced psychosis, it is often mistaken for mania or mental illness, drug induced psychosis has been regularly and consistently confused with mania regarding my niece, Stephaney as well as the fact that she is Bipolar One and consistently “goes off her medication” and self medicates with meth. These Psych Ward stints with Stephaney began nearly two years ago. 

Police REGULARLY have found Stephaney and subsequently have taken her to JPS. Stephaney gets released. We try to stabilize her. Stephaney finds drugs again. Stephandy is committed again and the entire cycle starts over. 

I cannot even begin to describe how this has affected my family. Specifically, my twin, myself and Stephaney’s twin daughters. If I sound intolerant regarding my family or outrageous behavior from clients, it’s because I am. I hate surprises. 

These “setbacks” with Stephaney are specifically why her mother, Cindy and I are sending her to Georgia. Stephaney knows where to find drugs in Fort Worth. We need her to change her environment and Georgia will. 

Stephaney is (hopefully) finally ready to change her life but it took 16 years to get her here. My sorrow over the number of years lost is quite profound. I cannot change the past but continue to hold hope for the future. 

For nineteen months now, losing Stephaney to the streets has happened over and over again. I’m mentally exhausted from the continued effort to force my niece to get her shit together while her mother is an emotional basket case who is not only waiting “for the next shoe to fall regarding Stephaney” but also, my partner in all of my businesses but also and more importantly, the primary custodial parent of Stephaney’s twin daughters, Maryssa and Makenna Mahaney. 

For fourteen years and counting, Cindy has assumed the role and responsibilities of raising her twin granddaughters. This is critical for you to understand because we are not simply “dealing with an addict” while conducting our businesses and our marriages but also raising twin teenagers. 

Anyone who has been through the “teenage years” will comprehend the challenges. However, most of you who have dealt with raising teenagers weren’t in your 50’s and in our husband’s case, your 60’s. 

Now you have a far clearer “picture.” Cindy and I are burdened with a “full basket” of responsibility and unexpected setbacks when it comes to her daughter, Stephaney. 

My father went “off the rails” last year. I don’t know why or how. I may never know. He became convinced people were living in his attic. I became exasperated about continually running three blocks from my home to his to re assure him or answering crazy phone calls and texts while driving to a Unit or on location with clients on weekends. 

It was actually while I was on location at Bell Tower Chapel (working as usual) that my father began shooting his own ceiling. I hate surprises but, nothing prepared me for dad AND Stephaney being committed at the same time in two different mental institutes. NOTHING. 

Cindy and I had  “learned the ropes” regarding Psych Wards specifically from visiting Stephaney. “What’s the patient number? What’s your relationship? You cannot bring black clothing. They can’t do this. Bla Bla Bla. Visiting Psych Wards especially since we work so much was exasperating! 

My father continued to complain “you missed a day” over and over and one day, I snapped. “We run from you to Stephaney to clients to bookings and we missed ONE day? Are you kidding me? We are the only two people bringing you this or doing that and there isn’t anyone ELSE standing in LINE to take our place. We were in Houston working!” 

I also couldn’t stand or tolerate continued phone calls and or idiotically “advice” from other relatives “about dad” who didn’t bother visiting themselves but wanted to tell us what else CINDY and I needed to do with dad OR Stephaney. 

The “Psych Ward Circus” of both dad and Stephaney from my “ring leading relatives” the past 19 months, have aged not only me but also my sister.

I now rarely bother to take calls from my “full of advice but completely devoid of action relatives” anymore. Why? I’m still mad about their idiotic assumptions. They had no idea how stressful these “visits” were with not only one but two relatives involuntarily committed were actually like for Cindy or I. They never will. Why? It’s easier for them to sit in the comfort of their home while we run around like lunatics that’s why. Attention relatives: if you want to be helpful, stop calling Cindy or I and telling us what we aren’t doing while you do nothing. The rampant stupidity of your advice is annoying, offensive and intrusive. 

This Georgia trip was and is our last effort to get Stephaney help. The reason we put her on the bus was solely to “test her.” If Stephaney does not make it to Georgia on Greyhound, after 16 years of dealing with the horrific pain and sorrow of consistent disruptions that Stephaney had brought into our lives and households, I and my twin must walk away. I know, you’ve heard it before. I’m hoping it won’t come to that. I’ve tried EVERYTHING. Cindy had tried EVERYTHING. We are frustrated and desperate. 

By 6:34AM this morning, my niece wasn’t answering her cell phone. Assuming the worst (as usual) that she had left the Dallas Terminal and found drugs again. Cindy called me crying and I threw up. I couldn’t just couldn’t go through this “cycle” with Stephaney again. 

This next statement MAY  offend a few of you but I AM honest, blunt and forthcoming and therefore will admit that during 16 years of my nieces meth use, on more than one occasion, my sister and I would have been actually been relieved if she had died. Why? What? You can’t believe I just said that. Get over yourself. Walk a mile in OUR SHOES. We are raising twins. We are running to Psych Wards. We are working 7 days a week. We are bleeding money on rehab and have been for years to attempt to save Stephaney. We also don’t want to die going through this again and again and again. We are nearly 55 years old. When will Wendy and Cindy finally be able to live a normal life? Now, you know (whether you accept the above statement or not) where Cindy and I are “at” in our lives and why we work 7 days a week to occupy our minds and focus on work rather than on Stephaney. 

After that collect call, I left my home office to go get my Xanax. Sick that Cindy was in Weatherford while I was in Fort Worth, I feared my sister would have ANOTHER heart attack due to her daughter, Stephaney. 

Cindy and I were calling each other and while trying to call Stephaney for over an hour, my sister was crying while throwing up while we both thought and assumed that we had “lost Stephaney again.” I cannot even describe how devastating this was to both of us. I can’t. 

You will never fully comprehend the damage and devastation an addict brings to your family and your life UNLESS you have been through it or you are currently going through it. Don’t judge me. I’m weary. I hate addiction. I don’t understand how addicts cannot comprehend the “sea of devastated victims” they leave in their wake. 

My mother was a heroin addict. I’ve lived through a childhood of addiction and for 16 years, I’ve been an adult who should be enjoying my life alongside my sister who couldn’t due entirely to her daughter, Stephaney. 

I’m unfamiliar with the Greyhound Terminal in Dallas. But, knew that if there were drugs, they were (most likely) available “in the area” around or near the Terminal. 

Angry at Stephaney and fearful of going to look for her again or keeping my promise to give up and FINALLY forget my niece (a joint decision by Cindy and I) because I couldn’t take or tolerate yet another relapse, it would be a collect call from Dallas County Jail that changed my furious anger to sadness instead. 

Like anyone getting a collect call from jail, I needed a credit card and subsequently ran over 2k feet across my home to go find my purse and a credit card while the recording droned on. 

Prison and jail phone calls are expensive. The ONLY person who has ever called me collect from jail was my niece, Stephaney. Waiting on more prompts and losing my patience, my niece FINALLY said “aunt Wendy I didn’t do anything wrong.” I’ve heard this so many times that not surprised to hear it again, I started screaming. “Why do you keep doing this to your mother and I? What have you done this time? I was trying to help you get a fresh start! Don’t you want to see your kids graduate? Get married? Have a baby? I cannot do this anymore. You are killing my sister. You are destroying any degree of peace in our family.” 

I was furious. Disappointed. Scared. Angry. Inconsolable. And, I had to tell Cindy….God. Another devastating blow to my fragile sister. 

I sat down on the floor of my entry hall of my “perfect home that was anything BUT a mirror to a perfect life” crying and screaming about hurting my sister even further by yet another unexpected call ABOUT STEPHANEY. My sister who has given her entire life up to care for others. My sister who took on the responsibility of raising Stephaney’s twins. 

My sister who has been drug into putting her own needs last her entire life. I’m fearful of dying not because I fear death. I’m fearful of dying because no one will attempt to protect my sister as I have over my entire life doing. I’m brutally honest. I can’t leave Cindy because I’m the strongest person in my entire family. I’ve always protected my sister. I will always protect my sister as long as I can breathe. I hate to hear my sister cry. 

At 6 years old, a family member (my grandfather) sexually abused both my sister and I. No one cared. At fifteen, we ran away together. I was pregnant. I had again protected my sister. Think about this statement. Now you fully understand and may possibly even comprehend how important protecting my sister is to me. The background of our lives is “enlightening for those who may not fully comprehend” the dynamics of our relationship. There is a reason for everything. The “reason for our inseparable relationship” has a long and painful history. 

Stephaney “collect called” her mother and as expected, had a similar conversation about “not doing anything wrong” with her mother. We are SO worn out over dealing with dad and Stephaney. WORN OUT. 

I called my niece, Leigh Ann to drive Cindy who was absolutely hysterical. I was frightened about Cindy having a heart attack coming in from Weatherford and already calling my entertainment attorney to locate a criminal attorney. I had no idea what had happened. I also had no idea there were so many Jails in Dallas. Who would? Stephaney hadn’t told us where she was. That’s right. Nothing in our lives has ever been easy. EVER. 

Stephaney continued to call either Cindy or I. We continued to be angry. I told Leigh Ann to meet me at Frost Bank as I knew that this would be another $1k-4K “Stephaney incident.” I went into the bank vault and withdrew 10 “just in case.” Jonathan called me back with “details” I was too angry to hear from my niece. 

I called Jonathan back as Stephaney was again trying to call me. All of our children and grandchildren do this first- call Wendy then call Cindy then call Wendy then call Cindy. They always have. Stephaney was doing it over and over while I tried to understand what Jonathan was describing to me as the reason for the arrest. 

An outstanding warrant in Oklahoma. A felony warrant. Omg. How did this happen? Everything was going so well. Cindy and Steph had a great day together. Steph was excited to be getting a fresh start but, Stephaney’s probation payment had been lost in the mail. 

Also, my niece had been beaten at the bus station and when the Dallas PD ran her license, the felony warrant from Cotton County “popped up.” Rather than calling an ambulance, my niece was arrested. 

Stephaney was trying to push one suitcase and pull the other with her purse around her neck when she was attacked and beaten this morning at 6:24 at Greyhound Terminal in Dallas, Texas. A victim of the knockout game. Targeted solely because she was struggling and an effectively “easy target.” 

Stephandy WAS ACTUALLY trying to get on that bus! But, Cindy and I had suffered so many setbacks with Stephaney that we were programmed to expect the worst and never imagined that while we were both calling her cell phone, my niece was being beaten. I’m sick about this. Cindy is equally sick about this. 

We for the first time ever WERE wrong about Stephaney? And, we were angry and screaming at her AFTER she had been beaten and arrested. We may never forgive ourselves for jumping to conclusions either. But, we have been programmed to expect or believe the worst from Stephaney. For years. 

Due to Stephaney’s probation payment in Cotton County being lost in the mail, Stephaney (although she was the assault victim) was subsequently arrested and taken to Dallas County Jail. 

My niece who was so proud she had made the decision to finally seek help and “win her twins love and trust back” was in the wrong place at the wrong time. After years of choosing to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, Stephaney was a victim rather than a drug addict. 

Jonathan suggested I call Cotton County and pay Stephaney’s entire probation balance in full. I did. I trust Jonathan and a probation violation would put my mentally ill niece in prison for 10 years due to the violation. It would effectively kill my sister. Having their mother in prison would also embarrass Stephaney’s twin daughters too. The rock thrown in the pond has a “ripple effect.” I was in quick sand AGAIN on my only day off months out. A day that I had planned to spend with Cindy and Stephaney preparing my niece for a fresh start. 

I HAVE NEVER BEEN LUCKY. Cindy hasn’t either. Each and every time someone tells me this “lucky” shit, I want to slap the crap out of them. “You two are so successful and lucky.” The idiocy of such a statement infuriates me. We have never been lucky. What we are and have been are two of the most resilient MF’s I’ve ever met or encountered. That’s the truth. That’s the accurate fact regarding our “success.” Not luck but driven determination. 

In Stephaney’s case, Cindy and I have consistently failed to be successful at achieving any degree of success. 

Meanwhile, I also had Cindy contact Trinity Springs JPS to fax Stephaney’s release papers (less than 24 hours prior) to Cotton County to prove she had just been released from a Psych Ward and couldn’t call to check in with Cotton County because she was involuntarily committed AGAIN over a month ago. 

Then I called Dallas County Jail and after making the payment in full to Cotton County and thanking Jonathan while crying and driving at the same time, headed to Dallas County Jail with Cindy. Or so we thought. Trying to wipe her eyes and stop dry heaving, my sister showed me her phone. Omg. There were SEVERAL detention facilities. We were losing it in Dallas, Texas. How I didn’t wreck my SUV or suffer a stroke, I have no idea. Thanks Xanax. 

Stephaney called again. I screamed “where are you? There isn’t one jail in Dallas! We have no idea where we are going! We are losing our minds.” Stephaney: “stop screaming. I don’t know where I am.” Jesus Christ. I cannot begin to describe how upsetting this was. Pulling over to dry heave myself, I told Cindy “pick one. We will go to all of them.” This was the worst day off I’ve ever had in my entire life. 

On route, I again called Cotton County to confirm the teletype that would rescind the warrant to Dallas County had been sent to them. Cotton County and JPS, God Bless You both for being so helpful while my normal composure flew out the window. I couldn’t even pump my own gas. Cindy has never seen me so upset. I’m the strong one. My sister finally pumped the gas for me. We were both crushed. I called Georgia still crying and advised them of the situation. Finally we got back on HWY 30 to Dallas to the FIRST Detention building on Google. 

The location from my niece? “It’s next door to Greyhound.” This information was so sketchy that I hung up AGAIN. Cindy got out and walked into numerous buildings. I finally parked and we walked the entire area around Greyhound together. We couldn’t find Stephaney. I cannot even describe our wild eyes, lost expressions or the devastated reality of our situation. Homeless people moved AWAY from Cindy and I. We were the scary and unpredictable people for a change. Crying, screaming and back in my SUV. A homeless guy with brass balls walked up to my drivers window. This wasn’t a “hey buddy have you got a dime (or dollar)” time to hit me up. BUT- maybe this guy knew where another jail actually was? We sure as Hell didn’t. Guess what? He did. He had just left the jail and gave us articulate and well informed directions. I gave him $20. We pulled out and headed to the North Tower Detention Facility Dallas, Texas.  

Crying all the way, we finally managed to get to the jail and wait in line an hour only to find that after hours in holding, Stephaney was still not checked in. Due to this, she could not be checked out. I asked “how long will the process take? Cotton County has been paid in full and rescinded the warrant.” The clerk looked at me and said “this is Dallas County Jail ma’am it could be late tonight or early in the morning before they process her in and tomorrow or Friday before they process her out.” Stunned, my exhausted and emotional sister and I had no other option other than to drive back to Fort Worth and wait. My eyes still burn from crying harder than I ever have all day long. Thank God I didn’t have work commitments today! 

I’m picking up my Hobby Bride tomorrow at 7AM to drive her to the Unit myself and now concerned that Stephaney will be released while I’m in Waco. I blame myself for not flying Stephaney to Georgia. Cindy is so upset about this that I nearly had to carry her upstairs to put her in my guest room. We are both weary. I have no idea how long it will take Dallas County Jail to process her out but, when they do, I’m taking my niece to Baylor or Harris for medical treatment and filing a police report. Less than 24 hours after being released from Trinity Springs, my battered and helpless niece is waiting for her mom and I to save her. After all of these months of trying and failing to save my niece, nothing prepared me for this. I don’t believe anything could have.

I will be flying Stephaney to Georgia instead as soon as she is well enough to travel. We have no idea how badly she’s been beaten. 

I now wait for my niece to be released. Like my clients, the waiting is the hardest part… 

Why Vow Renewals Are Not Offered At TDCJ Prison Units…

This evening after returning home from a long drive to Huntsville, Texas, I had a message through my FB Page, Texas Prison Weddings With Wendy Wortham regarding Vow Renewals. 

The Administrative Directive is specific pertaining to inmate marriages and a requirement on “wedding day” is a marriage license from the County Clerk as well as your state issued ID or passport. 

Because you cannot legally marry the same person twice, Vow Renewals are a popular way of celebrating your life together. 

However, since such ceremonies aren’t authorized by TDCJ, I came up with a new way to celebrate Clients anniversaries by having them print a Vow Renewal for their years together or if I’ve married the couple, providing one myself as a courtesy.

There are a number of sites with free downloads to say “I Do” all over again and, inmates are thrilled to receive these certificates in the mail. 

If you’d like to check out one of my favorite sites for free downloadable certificates, here’s the link– I Do Still Free Download Vow Renewal Certificate.

All you need is a computer and if you like, you can buy luxe paper to print on at Office Depot or other retailers. 

Congrats to all of my TDCJ Brides and Grooms on their upcoming anniversaries and looking forward to Vow Renewals for my previous clients who have finally made it through the storm and freedom. My team and I look forward to meeting ya all again at your celebrations this year.

I’m all over in March from Allred to Hobby to Stiles to Bridgeport to Coffield and numerous Units in Huntsville and Tennessee Colony. Mid month bookings have been moved to accommodate existing bookings that already have been assigned dates.

Due to my schedule, bookings are on a first come first book basis. If you are booking mid month, your wedding will be scheduled the following month. The timeline for Prison Wedding Planning is generally 4-6 weeks. 

The ID often takes up to 3 weeks on its own. The TDCJ ID will also need to be notarized. The Law Library at all Units is where the inmate will get the notary seal. You will also need an Absentee Affidavit which will also be notarized in the Law Library. Using both of these documents, you will purchase a marriage license. 

After the inmate has obtained notary seals of both the ID and the Absentee Affidavit, you will have him or her go back to the Law Library to file an I60 Request For Marriage Form. The I60 Form requires up to 6 signatures and your TDCJ Approved Officiant MUST be listed on it or it will NOT be APPROVED. 

Since the I60 Form requires so many signatures, it is passed from signee to signee. If a signer is on vacation or our sick, the form waits for them to return and sign it before passing it to the next signer. Because of this, there is no set timeline for a marriage ceremony to be Approved. The Warden is the last person to sign off on this document before passing it to the Chaplain who then contacts me to go over my availability before “setting” the date and time.

I require all clients to sign a contract. My reasons for this are that I almost never have met my TDCJ Clients in person until wedding day. Your behavior reflects on me as you are my client. Because of this, my TDCJ contract outlines all of the possible “no no” situations ahead of time. From what to wear to what you can or cannot bring to respectful behavior inside a Texas Prison as well as when to arrive, my contract covers all of the bases. This is key to us enjoying a worry free wedding day with no surprises. 

As my client, you will at no time be alone or without me by your side once we enter a Prison or Jail. Unless of course, you need to use the restroom. In such cases, I will wait for you outside the restroom. 

Most clients are nervous on wedding day because no one expected to be marrying at a Texas Prison. You will be okay. I will make sure of it. There will also be guards to escort us and the possibility of the Warden, Chaplain or both witnessing your ceremony. Focus on your fiancée and don’t be nervous. 

There is no open mouth kissing, groping or inappropriate contact allowed. You can hold hands, hug and kiss (closed mouth) at the end of your ceremony.

Certain Units allow a brief visit following the wedding ceremony of 10-20 minutes but, this varies from Unit to Unit. 

Certain Units offer photos of your Prison Wedding. Again, this varies from Unit to Unit. However, if photos are offered, I bring $6 in quarters and purchase 2 photos that I copy and mail clients as a courtesy. Clients can purchase up to 6 photos (if they are offered).

If you are marrying at a Death Row Unit, the circumstances are completely different than those mentioned above. Traditionally, the location is in the Visitation Area. However, Death Row Units often do not allow the inmate to leave the cell area. No photos are allowed in cell areas. Please be aware of this.

The ring issue continues to “come up.” However, the Administrative Directive specifically forbids the exchange of property to an inmate (Section K). 

As my client, I must insist that you DO NOT attempt to sneak anything into the Unit. Such behavior will suspend your marriage and your ability to visit.

Because I’m committed to giving you a worry free wedding day, I’m once again revisiting the wedding ring issue. But, only a special exception from the Warden can override this rule and in three years, I’ve never seen an exception made regarding a ring exchange. 

However, you can wear your ring in and hand it to me mid ceremony thus allowing the inmate to put it upon YOUR finger. If desired, I can also bless your ring as part of the ceremony. I’m happy to do so and love creative input from clients making their ceremony unique and memorable.

I strongly encourage all of my TDCJ Clients to write poetry, scripture, song lyrics or something you haven’t said before in order to make your ceremony as special as you are. By writing something yourself, you extend our time with your fiancée as certain Units only allow us to have the ceremony and then leave without the benefit of a brief visit. By writing things down and handing them to me prior to entry, I can hand them back to you and extend our visit by 5-10 minutes based on the length of your notes. 

Complimentary Bridal or Groom Photography is offered to all of my TDCJ Clients as a courtesy. I have a rolling photo booth of props, bouquets and more to bring fun to your photo shoot. I make double prints of photos as a courtesy so clients can send their new spouse copies.

Wedding dresses are RARELY allowed at Prison or Jail Weddings unless it’s a minimum security Unit. It’s so rare that a bride is allowed to wear a wedding dress that I’m pointing this out. 

However, if you wish to change clothes for your photo shoot with me, I encourage you to bring your dress with you. 

Visitation Attire is expected at your Prison Wedding. Please do not wear tight or revealing clothing. The last thing you want is to be handed a cafeteria smock. It’s happened and it always breaks my heart. I don’t want my brides crying on wedding day so, I strongly discourage anything that might be deemed “risqué.” The Unit has the final call on Attire. 

While guests are rarely allowed at maximum security Units and especially, Death Row Units, occasionally at minimum security Units such as Estes, the guest exception has been granted but, it’s only ever happened at Estes.

If you’d like to bring friends or relatives, I encourage you to because it makes your drive far more pleasant and because they are welcome to join you in photos after we leave the Unit.

Laying Out. What is it and what does it mean? I ask all TDCJ Clients to have the inmate lay out the day prior to the wedding. My reasons for this are that if the inmate is in class or working on wedding day, it’s difficult for staff to locate them on the premises. It’s not uncommon to wait up to 3 hours for a Unit to find the inmate. If the inmate has laid out, they stay in their cell and are easy to locate and move to the Visitation Area. 

You cannot bring a change of clothes for the inmate. This rule is also specifically addressed in the Administrative Directive under “offender property.” I know you’d like your loved one to wear something other than state issued attire but, we cannot change the rules. 

Please do not drink PRIOR to your Prison Wedding or bring anything onto the property that shouldn’t be there. Leave mace, wasp spray and other similar items at home. Your car may very well be searched and the last thing you need on your wedding day is a problem with something in your vehicle. Even if you own a firearm and are licensed to carry it, you CANNOT under ANY circumstances bring a firearm or cell phone into a Prison Unit. 

By knowing what to expect at your Prison Wedding, I’m hoping it makes your day seamless and as close to perfect as we can get it. Please arrive at least 15 minutes prior to your scheduled wedding time to allow a search entering the Unit. 

If you wear a wire bra, corset or other lingerie with metal, you may be asked to go to the bathroom for a private screening. Please be courteous to staff during this process. The guards are following protocol and it will always be a female or if you are a male, a male guard conducting a private search.

Your hands and feet will also be screened. Because of this, I can help you remove your shoes but once cleared, I cannot assist you putting your shoes back on. There are generally benches or seating available to give you a place to sit and put your shoes back on.

Please be aware that expired ID will not be accepted to enter a TDCJ Facility. If your ID is soon to expire, I strongly encourage you to replace it. Passports are accepted as ID as well as state issued drivers licenses.

I always ask clients if they wish for me to file their marriage license? There are valid reasons for this. First, marriage licenses have a shelf life. Once signed by me, they must be filed within 30 days. If you wish to file your license in person on your own, PLEASE do so quickly. If you’ve lost your license, contact me immediately and visit the clerks office as I will need to sign a duplicate. 

It’s best to allow me to file your license as I file them on Monday, Wednesday and Friday every week. If your license is from a clerk more than one hour from my location in Fort Worth, Texas, I mail it Certified/Return Receipt in order to track it and ensure it arrived timely and safely to the clerks office. 

If you have any other questions, comments or concerns not addressed in today’s blog, you can email me directly wendy@texastwinsevents.com I answer emails every 1-2 hours. 

Many clients and prospects are messaging me on Instagram (wendywortham) or FB. My FB page alerts me to new messages while Instagram does not if you aren’t following me or I’m not following you, Instagram “hides” your message. Because of this issue, a delay in my responding to you might occur. Please email me or call me (682-229-6838) if you have messaged me on Instagram and more than a few hours have elapsed. My clients are important to me and a priority. The last thing I want is for someone to assume that I’ve overlooked them or weren’t addressing their needs immediately.

I’m inside Units Monday through Friday or traveling to Prisons or Jails. If I don’t answer your call immediately, I assure you as soon as I get back in my vehicle, I will. 

Weekends are workdays for me too as I own Texas Twins Events, Texas Twins Treasures and The Pawning Planners as well as work at numerous DFW based venues I’m on staff at. If you are contacting me on a weekend or evening, I may be working and occasionally, my twin sister, Cindy will field calls and take messages for me.

Responding to all inquiries is important to myself and my staff. Exceeding our clients expectations will always be a priority to us.