Old And Bitter Or Covered In Glitter? Reality Bites Drama, Deception & Divas…

Yesterday while driving from Mercado Event Center to Belltower Chapel, an email from my November client planning a backyard wedding came through that confused me. “Brenda’s having car trouble but I will be available to keep our appointment.” This confused me because I was wondering why my client didn’t go pick Brenda up but, I had two hours before our meeting so I sent a text back that read “I’m on the West side and if you need to change the appointment, please let me know as my schedule is rather tight this weekend from Fort Worth to Shreveport to Winstar Casino and I’m not sure I can reschedule anything this weekend.” I didn’t hear anything back so I went ahead to my next appointment while running to pick up photos for my Wallace Unit, stopping by the post office, going to the cleaners, running into Mercado Event Center to meet my clients for a rehearsal then leaving to fill up my suv and running through a car wash before checking in with my Belltower clients to confirm our evening appointment and running to my clients home. 

What you are about to read will surprise you just as much as it did me. I thought this couple had everything going for them. They had just bought a new home together or so I thought and I had even driven them to the clerks office to get their marriage license. They were both excited about planning their wedding. The bride of course had several things important to her from a photo of the cake to the color of the linen and the groom wanted to be sure that whatever she wanted stayed within the budget. Nothing gave me any indication of any conflict. I saw two happy older people beginning a new life together but looks can be deceiving.

Driving to my destination, I mentally went over my week. As usual, it’s jam packed. The only issue I’ve had to concern myself with regarding this event was the weather. Why? It was outdoors. Texas weather is tricky. 

Arriving on site, I unloaded the champagne toasting glasses, gift card box, guest book and other items I had purchased for this event along with my tape measure. My client greeted me at the door and we went through  everything and I asked for a photo to be provided by the client. We also discussed my decorative ladder with garland blocking the front door and directing guests to the gate instead. We then went outside to check the direction of the sun and discuss where the guest tables, food tables and chairs would be for the reception and ceremony. None of this was unusual. In fact, it was an ordinary day of discussing details two weeks prior to the event. 

Once my client and I were on track regarding the slope in the  yard and where everything would go as well as the timelines, we went back into the house to finish business. My cell phone dinged. I didn’t answer. I never take calls or respond when I’m with a client. My cell phone then rang right after my clients cell phone did. Buckle up for one surprise after the next kids…

The fiancé of my client was calling and texting because she thought our meeting had been canceled. I was confused about this. My client watched me talk to his fiancé warily. I advised her of everything we had discussed and explained that I could not reschedule due to my schedule and apologized. 

Hanging up, my client advised me “Brenda didn’t really have car trouble. Her car was repossessed. This is the second time it’s happened. I’m concerned.” I WAS NOW CONCERNED TOO. Having your car repossessed is alarming. Having financial problems was why my client was getting cold feet too.

Two weeks prior to wedding day? An inkling and unsettling premonition of the dreaded “Sexually Transmitted Debt Due To Marriage?!” What else could be going on? I advised my client of very real possibility of debt lawsuits, tax liens and the fact that marriage merges debt. I also began asking more questions.

They met online a year ago. My client spent twenty years in Texas Prisons. My client had just bought a new custom home. My client had rebuilt his life and my client had FAR MORE to lose. I brought up the need for a Prenup. It’s a touchy subject but a necessary discussion. My role is to protect and advise my client of the need to protect his assets and I did. 

“My role and my experience when it comes to protecting my clients is varied. In certain situations, I’ve advised my client not to marry. In other situations I’ve advised clients of the need for a Prenup. Each client is different. Each set of circumstances is also unique. I have one set of clients marrying inmates, another set so fixed on income that they are bartering services and yet another set with enough income to have whatever they want. As a premarital counselor with an education of debt lawsuits and those affected by them, I spent years in courtrooms understanding how marriage merges debt. To prevent the result of marriage incurring sexually transmitted debts, advising clients to consider Prenuptial Agreements is alarming to other vendors. However, my candor, experience, honesty and integrity are why I’m sought after. I don’t HAVE to work which gives me freedom. I’ve never advertised and I put my clients first. What they don’t know they learn from me. EXPERIENCE MATTERS.”

Wendy Wortham

Should aging and the fear of being lonely lead you to jump into marriage? No. Does the glamour of wedding planning and the glitter of the gaiety blindside couples to problems that need to be addressed prior to  marriage? Absolutely. This couple have gone through not one but two premarital courses together. 

Why wasn’t finances discussed in either class? The number one cause of divorce is money or infidelity. Whoever was teaching those courses certainly should have touched on finances and budgets. I would have. Brenda called me last week minutes before pulling into Wallace Unit to “add on” a wedding arch. My contracts are very specific. There wasn’t anything in our contract for a decorated wedding arch. I also needed to get into the Unit with my client. I advised Brenda that I would have to get bids and revise her contract and that I was on site. 

I juggle 18-29 clients a month. I do not take calls or texts when I’m with another client either. Brenda is blinded by the glitter. Everyone is on Pinterest but no one is researching cost or delivery. I don’t have an inventory fairy. I do have an agreed upon budget. “Add Ons” require a new contract. 

“Love believes all things” or does it? I asked more questions. Two repossessions in one year? Where was her money going? I’ve already paid deposits and made purchases for a wedding that may not happen. My client needs to protect his finances and future. After all, he’s already lost many years of his life to prison. Mrs Right or Mrs Right Now? It was a very important turning point for my client who prior to my discussion with him was wholly and entirely unaware that debt is similar to poison ivy. It spreads to your partner.

This morning between bookings, I went to visit my niece who is currently in a six month treatment program at a church with other women in the same program. My heart was heavy. Will this program work? Will my family ever get Stephaney back? I wiped tears of fear entering the church. I had no idea what to expect. I wondered again why meth had taken nearly 17 years of my niece’s life? Why God had allowed me and my family to be drug through the destruction addiction brings to loved ones? My anxiety was high. 

For a person that regularly plans and marries people, I wondered if my niece would ever find a life partner too? Will Stephaney one day get her life in order and have a husband and her own home? What will happen when I’m dead and gone to my niece? I’m running out of time to get Stephaney on track. Cindy and I will be 55 next month. Stephaney is 34 years old. The twins are 15. I need my niece to realize that none of us can keep getting on the merry go round of “Stephaney being clean then she’s not clean anymore” because we can’t. Drugs destroy families. My mother’s addiction destroyed my childhood. My nieces addiction is destroying my adulthood. I hate addiction. I hate drugs. I don’t understand why weak people allow drugs to affect their decisions? Choose life. It’s not that difficult. Choose your family. You have a choice. 

The church was full. I had no idea where to find Stephaney. I took a seat in the back. I realized directly in front of me stood my niece praising God unaware of me behind her and started crying. I didn’t want her to see my emotion of all the years spent praying for her. I chose to compose myself before touching her back to let her know I was there. Stephaney was wearing clothes that I didn’t recognize. I had taken clothes to the facility as well as shoes and toiletries but didn’t buy the dress she was wearing.

I knew that seeing me alone wouldn’t be as celebratory as seeing me with Cindy and the twins. Steph had wanted her mom (my twin) and her twin daughters to join me but they had declined. I’ve always been the fixer. Re establishing trust between my family and my niece won’t be easy. It will be painfully challenging. 

I’ve lost my faith in God over and over again throughout my life. My path has never been easy. A family member sexually abused my twin sister and I for years until we ran away. We didn’t have a mother to protect us or anyone who cared. Why has my life always been a struggle? Where was God when I needed hope? My struggle and my faith have been tested time and time again. Hardship didn’t define me or my twin. Instead hardship empowered us both. We are warriors.

My mother was a heroin addict until debilitating accident occurred in 1989 that destroyed 60% of her brain that resulted in her forgetting her lifelong heroin addiction. I would never be able to confront her over her choices at tore our family apart. Hours prior to the accident, I had met my mother for the first time in 20 plus years. Why the separation? Our mother sold all four of her children for $50 each to go buy heroin. Hours prior to her accident, I paid her to meet me and answer my questions. The answers weren’t what I had expected. She could have lied and spared my heart but chose not to. That “rent money” she wanted to meet me? It was used to buy drugs that resulted in “the accident.” 

At our meeting, I was too shocked to express my anger. Fifty dollars? I was paying her $1500 to meet me and answer four questions. Cindy refused to go with me to this meeting. I went alone. The fantasy of her worrying or wondering what happened to us was shattered. The truth hurt. In fact it hurt so much that even today the scar remains. Guilt over money I paid her to meet me that resulted in a life altering accident also plagued me for years. Her answers to my questions haunt me. Why didn’t I react? Why didn’t I tell her that because she was such an awful and thoughtless mother that Cindy and I left home and chose homelessness over a broken home? 

Why didn’t I tell her I blamed her? Because my “dreaded dark stranger” a chronic stutter that has haunted me since our mother abandoned us at 6 years old had (as usual) grabbed my tongue. I was speechless. I couldn’t respond. I didn’t cry. I paid her the money with my head hung ashamed that Cindy had been right. 

Indignant that my mother hadn’t bothered to bathe or bother putting any degree of pride into her appearance while having ten full days notice of meeting me. I walked away. My entire childhood was spent fantasizing that my mother cared. That she wondered. That she had tried to find us. That she worried. She hadn’t given us a second thought. “I didn’t want kids and I certainly didn’t want twins.” I couldn’t believe those were her parting words. Driving back to San Clemente from Solvang, I hated my mother. I also hated myself for stupidly convincing myself she had spent years searching for us. I was an idiot. A sap. An easy Mark. 

“The accident” occurred in Santa Maria while I was driving to San Clemente. My mother’s mother called my home to let me know “your mother has been in an accident. She isn’t expected to live. This is your last chance to say goodbye.” I played it over and over again. I then drove to Santa Maria. This time with my sister and my nieces. I wasn’t alone but I felt alone. I didn’t want to talk about my meeting. I drove in silence. 

I could have never anticipated that she would be missing an eye and half of her brain when I saw her again the same night. I was devoid of any emotion after “the accident.” I was empty. Unable to feel pity for someone who had only hours earlier had no remorse whatsoever for her own choices or her actions that had affected an entire family. 

My niece became pregnant at 15 with twins. Maryssa and Makenna would never have the childhood Cindy and I did. We became the mothers we had never had. We took our own childhood and threw that book the trash. Deliberately and with forethought, we became the role models we had never known for the twins and our children. When Stephaney fell, we were there to pick her up. Over and over an over again. Cindy’s arms are weary. My heart is heavy. 

“An addict will find any reason to celebrate even if it’s the grand opening of a pack of cigarettes.”

Cindy Daniel

I understand my nieces twin daughters anger. I understand my twin sisters anger. I also know that unless I can convince my niece to never use drugs again that she will lose her family forever. I’m the only one still standing. Still praying. Still holding out hope. I’m standing alone. But today at a church filled with people singing the praises of God, I wasn’t alone. I was holding my nieces hand. I was listening to the sermon and I was regaining my faith that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I’m giving up my despair to God. I have to as my heart pertaining to my niece and my mother are heavy. Will Stephaney choose her family? I pray she does…

Perception isn’t reality. People tell me I’m lucky all the time. It’s untrue. I have never been lucky but I have always been resilient, passionate and perseverant…

Will my client overcome unexpected financial secrets? Will my niece choose her family? Will my family trust my niece again? I have no idea but I do have faith. 

It takes HEART not STRENGTH to lift a LOVED ONE back up when they are DOWN…

Loving an inmate requires dedication and perseverance. It’s not an easy path for any of my clients. But, love is stronger than than most people realize. 

Yesterday, a stranger called me who had been following my blogs for years. This person had decided to finally “reach out” in order to point blank ask me “how I became so compassionate towards others?” 

It’s confusing to others how I became the person I am today but, I’m open minded and determined, passionate and perseverant because I haven’t had an easy life. If I had, I might have been a different person but, a hard path didn’t define me or my sister. A difficult childhood empowered us both with strength, courage, tenacity and resilience. 

The truth is that throughout my childhood, Cindy and I as well as our stepsister had very little attention and much less compassion from those who were supposed to love and protect us. Our mother was a heroin addict. Our mother also sold all four of her children for $50 each to go buy heroin. 

Cindy and I were 6 years old and at our grandparents house alone with our grandfather while our grandmother and other family members were at another house planning a birthday party for my twin sister and I. Neither of us will ever forget this particular 6th birthday.

Why? Because my grandfather had played the tape recorded conversation with our mother (as he often would over the years) to remind us that no one wanted us before sexually assaulting us. I would stop speaking on my 6th birthday. I would for many years have difficulty speaking. 

People say “children learn what they live.” This is bullshit. Children can and do learn to break the chains. Cindy and I did. We both hate drugs. We both went to great lengths to protect our children and grandchildren from ever being hurt in the same way we had as children ourselves. We were never taught compassion by example. 

Instead, we learned to be compassionate regarding others because we knew lack of compassion by the examples of people who were supposed to love and protect us failing to do so throughout our childhoods. Cindy and I left home at 15. We never looked back. Instead, we looked forward.

Last Friday, my twin sister, Cindy was hospitalized with chest pain. After 16 years of the “carnival of chaos” Cindy’s youngest daughter, Stephaney has pulled us back on over and over again, the end result is that my sister has hypertension. Stephaney is a meth addict. 

Someone told me last year “don’t hate the addict. Hate the drug.” I’m assuming they must have been an addict because I know damn well that anyone who loves an addict would never say anything this stupid to someone who was yet again “Trying To Save Stephaney ONE MORE TIME.” 

The number of times I’ve told my niece “this is the last time” would astound you. The lengths Cindy and I have gone to in order to put her daughter on the right path would amaze you. We absolutely refused to give up. We can no longer go on. Yesterday was Stephaney’s last chance. I fear if she doesn’t choose to change, her choices will destroy our family once and for all. 

My niece and her choices have hurt my own health as well as my sisters. Stephaney’s choices have affected her twin daughters mental health and self esteem. Stephaney is self destructive. Stephaney has consistently backtracked. 

Last weekend after three months of sobriety, Stephaney backtracked again. Sunday, I was in the hospital with chest pain regarding Stephaney’s latest relapse. My sister and I as well as Stephaney’s twin daughters, Maryssa and Makenna were all (yet again) devastated. 

Yesterday, Stephaney was released from her 18th visit to JPS due to drug induced psychosis. My son had driven my niece to JPS while Cindy was in the ER with me. My daughter in law and son also took over my bookings last Sunday. I’m terrified that Stephaney’s choices will eventually kill my sister or myself. 

I drove my niece to rehab yesterday. I cried as she cried. I mourned the years she had lost with our family. I feared and continue to fear the future of my sisters health issues that Stephaney’s choices have burdened her loved ones with. How do you change an addict? How do you save them? 

People have asked “how did your mom stop being an addict?” She didn’t. High as a kite, a Los Angeles transit bus collided with my mother’s car. The “accident” took 60% of my mother’s cognitive ability and one of her eyes. 

In essence, my mother “forgot” that she was a heroin addict. I pray my niece decides to stop being an addict and chooses to be a part of our family instead….

Rainbows In The Dark & Country Roads Taking Me Home. Palo Pinto To Parker County & More Travels Of The Texas Twins….

Starting my day driving out to Palo Pinto County Jail, a call from my husband had me laughing regarding his statement “every song I sing, I sing for you. Everything I do, I do for you.” The statement itself wasn’t humorous but the memory of my Sanders Estes Client asking me to sing at her wedding a few years ago was. Frankly, I’m not a singer and although I’ve got the passion to belt out a line, I don’t have the voice. My husband doesn’t either but his attempts at singing are hilarious nonetheless. 

My Estes client had wanted music and music isn’t allowed at inmate weddings. To overcome this issue, she had asked me to sing the song for her. Always willing to give any request my best shot, I agreed to do so. Mid song at the Unit though, my bride turned and said “Miss Wendy, I really appreciate you trying to sing the song and all but it’s okay to just say the words instead.” I did lol. 

There are performers out there who really can’t sing but are so outrageous and animated that most people overlook their pitfalls. When it comes to singing, I’m animated but I’m not a singer. Like many of my friends who are drag performers though, I can lip sync and give a helluva performance but without music, my skills are limited to my talent as a singer. On the rare occasions that I have belted out lines, it was because the DJ either didn’t have the entrance music or the CD wouldn’t play. In such cases, I ask the guests to join me in singing whatever the song may be. With my back up, my singing skills or lack of them are barely noticeable. Why? Because there is strength in numbers that’s why. I’m not singing alone because the wedding guests are singing with me. 

One interviewer asked me “how would you describe your experiences as a Prison wedding Officiant?” This was an odd question because the majority of my “experiences” with a client are outside of the prison in the weeks and months of establishing a relationship with my clients. The inmate isn’t the client. The person on the outside is. Prison Weddings are Rainbows In The Dark. Prisons are dark places. Weddings are and always will be a joyous occasion for me regardless of where they take place. Searching my experiences with an army of amazing and determined prison wives and husbands who have chosen to marry an inmate, the best way I can describe my experiences is by first establishing a relationship with my client and then by holding their hand through a confusing and lengthy process before finally meeting on wedding day. My staff and I rarely spend more than an hour “inside” a Unit with clients. We frequently spend several hours driving to and from the Unit to meet our clients however. 

This morning my Estelle Unit client had sent me a text regarding the “Chaplain being evasive about the date.” My job is to be a hand holder. A problem solver. To solve this problem, I called the Unit and confirmed the date and time myself with the Chaplain. It’s always easier and speedier for me to contact the Unit than it is to wait for the Unit to contact me. #ProblemSolved. 

August 22nd is completely booked. Please do not tell any Unit that this date will work for you and I. It won’t. My schedule at Texas Prisons is booked 2-3 weeks out. 

If your Unit is within 2 hours of a confirmed booking at another Unit, I can perform my confirmed booking in the morning or afternoon and accommodate hours in the morning or afternoon. The secondary Unit must be within 2 hours of my currently booked and confirmed Unit. Certain Units and cities offer a degree of flexibility due to the number of Units nearby in Huntsville, Gatesville and Tennessee Colony. 

The busiest and most popular Texas days for a Prison wedding are Tuesday and Thursday. Be aware that Tuesday and Thursday are always booked first and don’t simply assume that I “can squeeze you in.” Double bookings or more than one Unit in any given day are subject to my availability and discretion. 

Bouncing from one Unit to the next takes a large degree of planning. For years now, I’ve performed 2 and on rare occasions even 3 weddings on the same day but…it’s stressful and exhausting. I prefer to “max” myself at 2 weddings per day whenever possible. I can do up to 6 weddings and the same Unit and I have which is far less stressful than moving to another location to perform another ceremony at a secondary Unit. 

This afternoon on a call to Leigh Ann after seeing 2 messages from California regarding prison weddings, yet another argument ensued about how “stressful” walking into a prison is for my niece. 

Cindy and I have been “footing the bills” for our adult children all of their lives and it’s not an easy decision to tell my niece to suck it up but, it is a conversation that I was forced to have with her because I cannot fly back and forth to California to perform prison weddings when my mainstay of bookings is in Texas and surrounding states. I have people contacting me for Prison Weddings in California. I have a niece that bought a new car against the wishes of her mother and I and I have a niece who is a shopaholic that loves living the fine life. On a seamans salary with a young child and eventually being stationed at Point Mugu, Leigh Ann must take on gigs in order to pay her bills. 

For nearly four years, Leigh Ann moved home while Alex was stationed abroad and didn’t pay rent or buy groceries. Her mother and I paid all of her expenses while she shopped, got her nails and hair professionally done and then decided months prior to moving to California to buy a new car? 

How do you teach your adult children about entitlement? How do you teach them to supplement their income by working gigs and figuring it out? The conversation with Leigh Ann was less than friendly because quite frankly, if I have to travel to California to perform these weddings myself, I’m assuredly not going to pay Leigh Ann while I’m performing the work myself. 

Conversations with Leigh Ann regarding money are consistently infuriating for not only I but also her mother. We love Leigh Ann but at some point educating her about caviar wishes on a beer budget are in order here. 

Her husband, Alex is studying to take a test that will increase their income however, the possibility that he won’t pass the test exists. I asked Leigh Ann “what are you going to do if Alex doesn’t pass?” It’s a valid question. Alex is shouldering all of the responsibility. 

I’m highly concerned about teaching Leigh Ann to budget or to work to supplement her income. I cannot book a gig in California unless I’m certain that Leigh Ann is going to show up. Cindy and I discussed this at length. “We could stack them and rent two cars then spread out and get everyone covered” Cindy suggested. 

Cindy is effectively “simplifying” our schedules because we are already booked in California with other events. I can’t be everywhere and Cindy can’t either. 

Will Leigh Ann overcome her fear of entering a prison without having a panic attack? Only time will tell. Leigh Ann can certainly book beach weddings as an Officiant and photography. She’s a very experienced photographer and has a portfolio. 

What will I do if my niece doesn’t want to continue performing prison weddings? Cindy and I will have to travel to other states as we do in Texas to perform them ourselves. 

Today Leigh Ann is upset with me but, when she realizes that her mother and I won’t continue to cover her expenses, reality is going to bite. 

Meanwhile, my son had called yesterday while leaving New Boston and heading to Chocktaw Casino to meet a couple who had met there and wanted to marry in a parking lot. I literally have no down time. Cindy listened as I explained that my son’s wife birthday party must be moved to Monday as there isn’t any way I can squeeze it in on Sunday. 

My son is acting very overprotective about his wife’s pregnancy and he’s also been pretty cranky lately. Last month he turned down a wedding at Tarrant County and told me “I’m not comfortable there. It’s difficult to park and a real hassle.” Hmm, working and travel are a hassle? Picking and choosing Units? I could go on and on here. 

Attempting to educate our adult children about finances is a never ending saga. I don’t have a money tree dropping bills every morning and no one else does either. Cindy and I are both overwhelmed with trying to keep our families happy while our families continue to want more, more, more. 

This afternoon in Parker County, my niece Stephaney told me “I’m bored. I hate staying at home. I want to go have fun.” What the? Go have fun? Fun costs money. 

For several months now, Cindy has been buying Stephaney’s cigarettes and gave her a credit card “for emergencies” when we are on the road. Those “emergencies” have included taking friends to lunch or dinner and buying cocktails. 

In one week alone, Stephaney charged over $300 for “emergencies.” As usual, Cindy told me “we eat at fast food restaurants, I never buy anything for myself. I color my own hair. I wear the same clothes and I cannot for the life of me get any help from anyone in my own house. The twins stay in their rooms unless they want something. Stephaney is bored and spending money like water. I bend over backwards trying to accommodate everyone putting my own needs last and now we are looking at the twins wanting cars and paying for drivers ed while Steph complains about not having a car. These people think we are rich. How do I tell her to stop charging this card up?” 

This was a problem. Cindy never tells me problems until they are so big that they begin to weigh on her. 

My twin is soft. She’s easy. I’m far more challenging when it comes to our adult children. Cindy and I walked into Whataburger to order a chicken salad while looking over the latest $300 plus charges to that “emergency credit card.” 

Sitting down to wait on our salads, I fell Cindy “here we are eating at Whataburger while I look at charges from Chili’s, On The Boarder and other “nicer than we are eating at” restaurants. What the? Your husband is eating at truck stops and we are either packing our lunches or hitting convenient spots to grab a bite on the run while Steph is out parting because she’s bored sitting at home? You cook, you clean, you pick up after the entire household and the last thing you need to be doing is handing out a credit card to someone who doesn’t work and has no plans to start. Steph needs to start pitching in and helping you. She’s never paid rent. She’s made plenty of mistakes. She wants another car because she’s went through 4 in 4 years AND NOW the twins each want their own car? Teach these people to fish. Let them go find a job and save up to buy a car while buying gas and insurance. Teach them to be thankful for what they have and what we go through to make sure they have it. Cut WAY back and the next time someone tells you they are bored, hand em a broom and tell em to start cleaning. We work our butts off. Our husbands work their butts off. We have given these people everything we never had and it’s still not enough. Start saying no before the stress of shouldering all of these monkeys kills you.” 

Over our $6 lunches, I also added “none of them appreciate all of the cars we’ve bought, all of the repairs we’ve paid for or anything we’ve given or provided that no one gave us. Fifteen years old and on our own, we figured it out. We had no one. They have both of us.” 

My son has a new truck and a new custom home. Leigh Ann and Alex are moving to a beautiful two story townhome and spending two months in a Marine Hotel in San Diego while spending their free time shopping and enjoying the beach with Maddy. 

Our kids live well but they live well because Cindy and I cover the overdrawn checking account here or there or we send money via Paypal and all of our children and grandchildren know that we will fix whatever because we are the fixers. 

But, one day my husband and Cindy’s husband will retire. One day this gravy train is going to stop rolling and when it does, I’m very concerned about our adult children and their expectations colliding. 

I’ve been trying to “ween” my family for ten years now. Since I turned 45 years old and realized that giving my son a credit card was a mistake. I had quickly realized that my son and his friends were having a grand old time at my expense. 

I’m “tougher” than Cindy and my sons question after months of living the high life were ended with him questioning me  “why are you taking my credit card?” HIS credit card? What the? 

Parents, do yourselves a favor and DO NOT GIVE your kids a credit card. Make them go to work and get their own credit cards. Make them pay the bill. Teach them to fish. 

Cindy has time to teach Steph to fish by taking that credit card back. Man, if our husbands had any real clue what we spend on our children and grandchildren, they would FLIP OUT. They have no children or grandchildren. Why these two have stuck around with our circus of a family I have no idea. Unconditional love must surpass everything is the only answer I can find to my consistent question of why my husband still comes home to “chaos central” around here. There’s always something going on. ALWAYS. 

Steve wishes he was home every night? Cindy wishes she was on the road 5-6 days a week and AWAY from home. You get the point. 

Cindy and I are literally all over the place the next few weeks and who knows what September holds as Prison Weddings in Texas aren’t scheduled until 7-10 days prior to the wedding. I was recently asked “what’s your schedule in October” by someone wanting to film in October. I can give you my weekend schedule but my weekdays go in 2 week intervals since I’m not notified of scheduling until 2 weeks prior to the event. 

My traditional bookings and Vow Renewals on evenings and weekends are scheduled years in advance but if you want me to tell you what Units I will be at in October, I have no idea until mid September in Texas. 

Other states only allow prison weddings once a year, twice a year, every three months and so on. Texas weddings are either on Tuesday, Weds, Thursday or Friday the 1st and 3rd weeks or the 2nd and fourth weeks. You may go a week doing nothing then the next week working Tuesday through Friday. Scheduling prison weddings is unpredictable and chaotic because the Officiant doesn’t control the scheduling. The Chaplain calls with dates but finding a date that works with my existing schedule is challenging. Often, I must choose the 2nd and rarely 3rd date options. 

I’m hoping that Leigh Ann adjusts in California and becomes bolder about walking into a prison. I’m also hoping my son and his wife learn patience with this pregnancy and Cindy learns to limit her generosity. I’m hoping that the twins starting school next Thursday flows smoothly and I’m hoping that eventually Stephaney decides to go back to work and buys her own car but, expecting Cindy and I to pay for everything for the rest of our lives isn’t going to continue to happen. We are trying to teach our children and grandchildren to be independent and it’s not an easy conversation or conversion… 

Connally Unit To Karnes To Telford Unit New Boston, Texas…

My brother in law, Steve has been a truck driver for fifty years now, Steve can tell me where I am by simply giving him a mile marker in Texas, California, Arkansas, Louisiana, Oklahoma and darn near any city in the United States. For twenty five years, Steve drove for Albertsons. Retiring from Albertsons, Steve took a fuel tank transport job in Balad Iraq for KBR at Camp Anaconda for 8 years. Steve has seen it all. He was also a survivor of the roadside bombing on Good Friday in Iraq. Driving over bombs during mortar attacks isn’t something anyone ever forgets and my brother in law won’t either. Steve is on the road 5-6 days a week driving for Ryder. Steve calls my twin sister, Cindy and I daily while we are driving here, there and everywhere. Steve knows the best places to buy lunch or grab gasoline. Steve knows exactly where we are by simply texting a photo or giving him a mile marker. This amazes my husband who always asks “what city is that next to? I’ve never heard of that highway. Is there a major highway nearby?” My husband worries while I’m on the road at least 3 days a week driving to Prisons. My brother in law doesn’t. 

Steve knows every back road there is. My husband doesn’t. Matthew is a Fort Worthian. He loves the city and he isn’t a road tripper unless it’s to go view land for a development. Matthew drives as much as I do but he’s driving to job sites Monday through Friday viewing jobs. He travels to the same locations while I’m always headed to somewhere new as well as somewhere I’ve been before. I have far more variety than my husband by a long shot. 

Last week, my husband took an unexpected week off from work and joined me at several client meetings and accompanied me to a few Prisons as well as county jails and two rehearsal lunches with my Texas Twins Event Client as well as a previous TDCJ Client who had rebooked her Vow Renewal with me. My husband quickly learned that I’m in the “people business.” My husband deals with contractors, foremen and plots of land or custom homes in various stages of development. He rarely interacts with people aside from contractors. 

Matthew is reserved while I am outgoing. We are a Compensating Personality couple. It works for us and it’s been working for years. Matthew is far less social than I am. Cindy’s husband, Steve can and does talk to anyone. Steve is a good ole country boy who grew up near San Antonio, Texas and like Matthew, has lived in Texas all of his life. Cindy and I have moved and even kept homes in more than one state for a number a years. My twin and I are far less tied down to Texas than Matthew and Steve. I doubt either of our husbands would consider moving from Texas. They’ve been here all of their lives. Cindy and I are originally from California and have moved back and forth several times throughout our lives. 

Last Thursday, Cindy and I rolled out at 4:30AM to head Kennedy, Texas and meet Victoria. It’s hard for others to understand that I rarely meet clients in person prior to their wedding day but, I’ve talked to them, I’ve texted them and I’ve emailed them. I text my clients from the parking lot to let them know I’m on site. We walk into the Unit together. We screen in together. We wait together for an escort. We walk into the visitation area and await the arrival of their fiancée. We begin our ceremony and end it with photos if they are available. I sign the license and we wait together for the photos to be printed. Occasionally, the Unit photos are printed in the wardens office while other times they are printed in the visitation area. These are the only photos that will have the bride and the groom in them. The quality also varies from Unit to Unit. 

The Connally photos were exceptionally clear and Victoria was happy with them. I’ve had clients cry regarding the clarity of photos so when a client is happy, I’m happy for them. Weddings are Life Events for my Prison wedding clients too. Unit photos of prison weddings are the only wedding photos my couples have.While some Unit photos are clear and colorful, others are grainy and out of focus. It’s hit and miss finding great Unit photos but, correctional officers aren’t professional photographers. They do the best they can with the equipment they have. 

Cindy and I followed Victoria to file her marriage license after the wedding ceremony and loved the courthouse across the street so much that we used it for bridal photos. Jordan had exciting news. Her husband was finally released and they are now enjoying life after lock up. I’m thrilled for them as I am all of my clients who will no longer be lonely or driving hours to a prison or paying for expensive phone calls. 

Their journey beyond the bars finally begins and it’s a celebration you would need to see yourself to understand. Inmate release at Walls Unit is the most exciting place near a prison that I’ve ever been. Why? Because families and loved ones sons hours anxiously awaiting the release of inmates. They visit with each other. There are joyous tears. They’ve survived the painful journey of having a loved one locked up. For a few clients who couldn’t get permission to marry at the Unit due to a CLM status, I’ve married them just outside the Walls Unit. Others I’ve married at other locations. Previous clients and bookings have rebooked their Vow Renewal. 

Seeing my clients again at the Vow Renewal while wearing whatever they want without the rules, the fear the and anxiety of marrying inside a prison is something that words cannot adequately describe. The variations are so remarkably different. There’s cake. There’s guests. There’s music. There are no guards. There is joy. The journey of making it to the other side and planning a wedding ceremony where you can do all of the things that other couples do at their wedding is liberating and exhilarating. Not only for my clients but also for myself and my team. 

Heading to New Boston this morning, Cindy wasn’t surprised that I still had my Glen Campbell CD in from my trip to Connally Unit. In fact, I’ve been listening to it for over a week now and only occasionally change cd’s. Cindy swaps them out daily. My sister has her favorites of course but she gets tired of the same artists far more quickly than I do. 

My bride sent me a text letting me know where she was and checked in with me. I decided to leave my SUV at the end of the lot with Cindy answering client calls and still listening to my Glen Campbell CD. It was hot walking across the lot but my stunning bride looked truly amazing in a white wedding dress with flowing hair and impeccable makeup this morning. 

As usual, we walked in together. Screened in. Waited on our escort. We spent a little time visiting and sharing our lives together. My bride had booked months ago. There was a “hold up” due to a CLM status. It took months to overcome the status and get permission to marry. My bride was also just a little nervous. Walking into a prison to marry is nerve wracking. I’ve had brides nearly faint because they are THAT NERVOUS. 

There weren’t any walls I liked for the backdrop other than one colorfully painted wall. This wall had a heavy table in front of it. I moved it. Whenever possible, I try not to use the wall with glass visitation windows and telephones. Why? Because all of my clients who cannot have contact visits or weddings feature the glass, the phones and the isolation. Each weekend my clients drive hours to a Unit and many sit on the other side of the glass. No one “likes the glass.” Because of this, unless it’s without any other option, I choose a brightly colored or solid wall inside the visitation area. The ink in the printer (as usual) was uneven and for some reason in two of my three photos with the couple, my lipstick appears to be black rather than red. I have no idea why the ink made my lips darker in these photos but, Unit photos “are what they are” and my primary focus is on my clients. I want them perfect. I want the inmates Uniform collar straightened and my brides hair perfect. I want everything for them to be as close to perfect as I can possibly get it regardless of where the ceremony takes place. I’m OCD. Leaving the Unit to head for bridal photos, my SUV read 104 degrees outside. It certainly felt like it too. My bride was going to file her license, change her drivers license then to the social security office. I didn’t want her beautiful makeup to melt and due to the heat, Cindy and I tried to keep her in the shade but the shadows made lighting somewhat more challenging. Cindy and I had another great day with a great lady and the red doors on the building nearby made the perfect backdrop for my red multi bouquet. I love my clients and I’m blessed to have the honor of sharing their Life Event with them. Cindy and I headed off to meet our next clients at Choctaw Casino from New Boston. It was about forty minutes out. Due to traffic, of took us an hour but our Chocktaw clients lived in the city near the casino and understood that by being added to the calendar today that an approximate time would be set for them. Texas to Oklahoma? Sure. I drove it all of the time to meet my Oklahoma Prison brides too. 

It’s all in a days work and can’t wait to meet the rest of our clients this week at their inmate weddings as well as our weekend Vow Renewal and new bookings through Texas Twins Events. We love what we do and who we do it for. Our clients are amazing, resilient, warriors who overcome all odds to make their love stand the test of time… 

Out And About With Clients & More Questions Regarding Out Of State Marriage Licenses…

This morning while preparing to leave Bell Tower Chapel and head to a rehearsal brunch for my previous Coffield Unit clients wedding tonight, another question came through regarding using an out of state marriage license to marry in a Texas Prison. 

Let’s review this ongoing controversy and understand that while a marriage license from Texas CAN LEGALLY be used in other states that a prison Warden makes the final judgment on whether or not to allow an out of state marriage license at a Texas prison or any other prison for that matter.

“Can I use my Texas marriage license to get married in another state?” 

First and foremost- you should know that a Warden can and may refuse to allow you to marry in a Texas Prison with an out of state marriage license. Subsequently, a Prison in another state may refuse to allow you to marry in their state with a marriage license from another state. What’s “widely accepted” outside of Prisons isn’t always “widely accepted” inside Prisons. The Warden can and does make decisions pertaining to the inmate. The Unit also REQUIRES you have a marriage license on wedding day. 

It’s in your best interest to contact the Unit PRIOR to purchasing an out of state marriage license to inquire as to what the Unit requires by asking if an “out of state marriage license will be accepted by the Unit in place of an in state marriage license.” 

This question regarding out of state licenses continues to pop up but, each state has different rules. Each prison Warden makes the final call on what’s accepted and what isn’t. Please check with the clerks office  and ESPECIALLY the Prison Unit itself prior to purchasing an out of state marriage license for a Prison wedding in another state. 

A marriage license issued in the State of Texas can be used for ceremonies in other States. Texas law doesn’t “specifically dictate or mandate Prison Marriage” however and the Warden has the final say on what will be accepted and more importantly what won’t be accepted in terms of your marriage license on wedding day at his or hers Unit. 

Please contact your out-of-state officiate before applying for a State of Texas marriage license. 

Please also keep in mind your license will only be recorded in the County and State in which you applied for the license.

I’m going to once again strongly encourage you to contact the Unit prior to arriving on wedding day in Texas with a Louisiana marriage license or in Oklahoma with a Arkansas marriage license or in California with a Texas marriage license TO MARRY AT A PRISON. As many of you are already well aware, Prisons follow their own protocol. 

If I arrive at a Unit and the Unit denies you entry to marry based on your “out of state marriage license,” you will forfeit my fee as I’ve just driven or traveled several hours to meet you for your Prison wedding. 

If you have arrived with an out of state license “because you read on the internet” that you could do so without contacting the Unit to verify the facts, you did so at your own risk. I cannot stress this enough. 

Marriage licenses are closely scrutinized on wedding day at all prisons and the use of an out of state marriage license has been denied at Texas prisons before. 

The Warden makes the rules. Not the internet or someone posting that “you can use any other states marriage license for your prison wedding in Louisiana, Texas, Oklahoma and Mississippi.” You can only do what the Unit and the Warden authorize you to do. 

Be aware of false or misleading information as a wedding outside of a prison has BY FAR more flexibility. A wedding inside a Prison follows protocol. 

Call the Unit yourself if you have doubts but stop trusting “whatever you found on the internet to be accurate.” Stop sending me screenshots of what you read on someone else’s site too. She’s selling a service. She’s also pitching her product. She’s also not in Texas. I know who she is and I also know that her information is unverified. Are you willing to have your wedding cancelled because she gave you inaccurate information? No one else is either. Call the UNIT! 

Arriving at Fixe today to meet the wedding party for brunch before our rehearsal, I’d taken a few minutes to review the menu and loved the creative ideas for food options. Of course I opted for a spicy Bloody Mary (as usual). This was a really celebratory day. After two years, seeing my beautiful bride again was a joyous honor for me. I love happy endings. 

The brunch menu was biscuits and gravy, shrimp and grits and deviled eggs with sauerkraut and caviar along with a really unique salad featuring blue crab. I’d never tried caviar although my husband loves it and was surprised at the saltiness. 

All in all though, this was a fabulous, fun and memorable brunch. I really enjoyed meeting my brides closest friends, family and children. 

My husband checked in on me as I was preparing to head to the rehearsal. We timed the rehearsal after brunch so the wedding party had plenty of time to get ready for wedding hour on site. 

It’s unusual to have the rehearsal and the wedding on the same day for my clients but due to traveling to and from Fort Worth for the wedding, creativity was in order. My clients are leaving for a cruise from Galveston this evening. 

Cindy and Stephaney were working a Willow Lake Event Center wedding while my son was working a Baptism in Dallas. As usual on weekends, the team was split up. Leigh Ann was working a wedding in San Diego and recovering from her “near kitchen fire” yesterday afternoon at the Inns Of The Marines. Leigh Ann and Alex will be in San Diego for another 49 days before moving to their new home on the base at Point Mugu. Leigh Ann had tried to cook dinner last night for Alex and Maddy with disasterous results in San Diego. 

My niece and grandniece are adjusting to the California move aside from cooking of course and enjoying the beach. My sister, Tammy is meeting Leigh Ann this week and excited about seeing Maddy again. My sister lives in Lompoc and is “still trying to get used to driving in Los Angeles.” 

Although Cindy and I have no fear whatsoever of jumping on the highway, our older sister, Tammy prefers “driving in town.” We are working on getting Tammy comfortable on the 405 and 605. Los Angeles traffic isn’t for the faint hearted or nervous driver. It takes far too long to use the 101 from Santa Barbara all the way up the coast although Tammy loves the 101. 

If you have time to take the 101, it’s worth the drive alongside the ocean but, in the Prison wedding business, making out your location and the timeline is essential to getting to your Unit early which is why I frown on the leisurely 101. Sure, it’s less hectic but it’s also far more time consuming and riddled with red lights. I’ve driven the 101 for thirty years when I’m not in a hurry but prefer the freeway because it’s been years since I’ve had the luxury of taking my time to drive from one location to the next. 

My dog, Foxy Wortham hasn’t adjusted too well after his dental surgery and the bite marks on my fingers from trying to pry his mouth open look like I have poison ivy. 

Looking at my battered manicure while writing this blog, it should be noted that the vet suggested this idea after the ongoing battle to get Foxy to take his meds became just too much. I’ve decided that after Foxy there will be no more pets at WorthamWorld. I travel too much and my husband loves dogs but caring for a dog requires a lot of commitment. Foxy is nearly 13 years old now and set in his ways. Biting me is new but he’s old and cranky. I’ve accepted getting but every morning but it’s a pain I can assure you. 

Tomorrow I’m in Dallas County then headed to Winstar Casino to marry my “second time around senior couple” who met on a gambling trip to the casino. I love learning how my couples met and find their stories fascinating. Cindy and I will be hitting the slots as usual and looking forward to a few hours of fun. 

Tuesday I’m at Hilltop and Crain Units in Gatesville and my husband is joining me. A road trip with my husband isn’t nearly as fun as with my twin sister but, Cindy will be tied up getting the twins ready to go back to school. 

Wednesday I’m back in Parker County and looking forward to buying school supplies for the twins and grabbing a quick lunch with them. 

Thursday I’m at Connally Unit and Friday back at Buster Cole. Next week is jam packed too. I’m looking forward to finally meeting all of you in person to celebrate your wedding day. 

Like everyone else, I’m depressed and shocked at the recent shootings. Cindy and I both attended the garlic festival many times in California. I had told Leigh Ann and Alex not to stop in El Paso when they left for California last week for strong reasons. 

Thirty years ago, Cindy and I had stopped in El Paso on our way to my home in San Clemente and we’re nearly robbed. I am always aware of dangerous areas and the world is becoming a far more dangerous place. 

Tragedy seems to be occurring far more often than when I was younger. Danger lurks at every corner these days and because I’m always asked “why I prefer prison weddings to traditional events,” I will reiterate that I’ve never been hurt at a Prison wedding. I’ve never encountered a drunk on location at a Prison pushing me or being abusive. 

I’ve had some pretty wild and unpredictable occurrences at “traditional events” outside of prisons over the years and I don’t miss the open bars and brawls either. In fact, I will never miss them. My team won’t either. I’m too old to get hurt on location. I’m tired of dealing with Inlaws and Outlaws and parties of 250 and more guests. I’m picky and selective because I can be. I’m dedicated to making your Dream Event a reality and the last thing I need are broken ribs from drunken groomsmen fighting around me on location. Arrests at wedding? Yes. Over and over and over again. I prefer joy. I prefer fun and I prefer my Prison clients! 

Many of our previous clients were alarmed that I had posted pulling back from large events but the pulling back was meant for new clients. Rebookings are the mainstay of our business and Vow Renewals for our previous Prison clients are booked twenty years out. We love seeing all of you again. We are honored to have shared your journey. We are just as excited as you are to marry again long after lock up. The flowers, the friends, the cake, the champagne and all of the things you didn’t have at your Prison wedding are all of the things you will have at your Vow Renewal and we are as thrilled as you are about it. 

It was a long road for you. Many of you have told me “I was doing time too while he or she was inside. I was driving long hours to the Unit. Paying expensive phone calls. Going through the screening process. Waking up alone. Paying the bills alone and paroling out means that I will never have to make that drive along again. I paid my dues.” You’re absolutely right and the sacrifices you’ve made to make your marriage work are amazing. 

You are all warriors. You’ve overcome everything going against you to make your love last and you are the most inspiring and resilient group of amazing people I’ve ever met. I love ya all and I couldn’t be more honored to be sharing your Life Event with you whether it’s in a prison or long after lock up on the other side of the razor wire… 

Manipulated Into Marriage? More Drama & Tough Talks To Protect My Clients…

After a long weekend of “peopling” at events for twelve days in a row, Sunday evening our caravan of SUVs headed to Dallas, Texas for a 6:30PM birthday party at Pappadeux for my TDCJ Holliday Unit client Leantrinette who had requested photography services. Meanwhile, across the street at Pappasitos, a going away party for my niece, Leigh Ann and her daughter, Maddy was going on with retirement party at the same location. Three events at the same time? Yes! It isn’t easy being the Texas Twins ya all.

Arriving and jumping out of my SUV with Cindy while her husband got behind the wheel to follow Leigh Ann, Cindy and I met Leantrinette and her children in the parking lot. This was a surprise birthday party for her mother. We really enjoyed meeting everyone and were hoping our other events across the street were going well without us on site. 

Cindy and I spent about forty minutes visiting with Leantrinette and her family capturing photos and visiting awaiting her moms arrival to get photos of the entire birthday party group.The lighting inside Pappadeux was an issue so Cindy decided to move the families outside for group shots. Photography is and can be challenging when trying to capture the perfect shot.

Last week while trying to get four year old twins to pose perfectly in Dallas, my Ellis Unit client was determined for the perfect photo but working with children all of these years has taught us to let the children play or do what they want while keeping our cameras in sport mode. 

When we are working with large groups, getting everyone facing the camera at the same time especially when children are on site isn’t always possible. Because of this, my twin and I have effectively learned   “roll with it” and allow children to express themselves naturally rather than instructing them to smile or pose on location. Letting children play and have fun together rather than trying to offer direction is the best way of capturing their personalities on film. Leantrinettes children and their cousins were happy and playful. Running from Pappadeux to Pappasitos since all of our SUVs were on site at Pappasitos, Cindy and I said a quick goodbye to Leantrinette and her mom after group shots to see how things were going at Pappasitos. A text had alerted me to the possibility of one of the retirement party guests having a “few too many” so I was anxious to get back across the street and address the issue. 

One of our clients at the retirement party had a bit too much Tequila and needed a cab. This happens at events with alcohol frequently so it’s essential that getting anyone home safely is planned well in advance. Thankfully, the retirement party went on without further interruption. 

Meanwhile at Leigh Ann’s going away party, her daughter, Maddy was having a great time. My other niece, Stephaney and her twin daughters love Pappasitos. It’s rare we have three events at the same time within a block of each other but, I always try to factor distance from Event A to Event B due to travel time. When Leantrinette needed a photographer on short notice, I had already decided that being within close proximity to the other celebrations would make everything work. 

Driving home with Cindy, Steve, Maryssa and Stephaney in my SUV, I saw a text from my Wynn Unit client that read “do you have time to talk?” I called her back on Bluetooth and spent forty minutes going over the reasons I would contact the Unit and cancel her wedding. This call was rare in that it’s not often I instruct clients not to marry. In general, all of my clients are determined to marry. But now and then, when I hear the details, I give solid reasons for my clients to step back and re evaluate. I also give them my reasons for doing so. 

An interviewer surprised that none of my Prison clients had divorced point blank stated “Wendy isn’t it true that even after marrying your clients that they contact you for advice and insight?” The answer was “yes, that it is true because my clients often have very little support on the outside.” 

I’m everyone’s mother. I never stop taking their calls and I don’t want anyone I’ve ever married to regret their decision to marry. Because of my firm belief that it’s far easier to marry than divorce, I will always advise any of clients with cold feet to hold off.

After listening to the history of my client and the inmate, alarm bells were going off not only with me but for everyone in my SUV. Apparently, this offender has a history of violence and drug abuse. 

My client has a child and she had previously believed that “the inmate would change.” After a recent visit at the Unit and subsequent two hours of verbal abuse from the inmate, my client like myself no longer believes this to be true. 

Driving back to Fort Worth, I continued to listen and grow even more concerned. Twenty three minutes into the call, I advised Melissa not to marry this inmate. “He calls up to thirty times a day which is very expensive. He’s demanding, angry and manipulating.” 

The list continued to grow. From demanding phone calls to accusations of infidelity and even having other inmates loved ones calling Melissa when she didn’t take his calls, this inmate was attempting to control her entire life “from the inside.” 

I told Melissa “he is thoughtless and has a history of violence towards you. He is destroying your emotions and your finances aling with any degree of peace or joy in your life. He is also not “the one.” 

Giving her a moment to grasp the reality and extent of control that was occurring with this inmate, I strongly advised Melissa “you must put your own needs first. You must put your child’s needs by far above the inmates. You must also change your phone number and move forward in your life. I will contact the Unit and cancel your paperwork. When you find Mr Right, call me. I will marry you myself.”

The plumbing at Cindy and Steve’s house was on the fritz due in part to having all three of her granddaughters as well as both of her daughters and her son in law, Alex and Cindy’s husband Steve in the same house. The shower wasn’t working Saturday morning which caused a great deal of chaos. I attempted to find a plumber but because we were off site all weekend working and Leigh Ann was moving to California on Monday, Cindy decided to wait until today to locate a plumber. She also instructed her entire household to “bathe in the pool.” Being overwhelmed is a constant factor at my sisters house and in her life. She has a peanut gallery of people living under her roof. 

Monday morning with a heavy heart, I drove to Weatherford to help pack up Leigh Ann and Maddy’s room. The loss of Maddy in Cindy’s house would be immense. I knew it. Cindy knew it. We also knew that Alex cannot pack a vehicle. How so? Three years ago, Alex attempted to pack a VW Jetta and it would be Cindy and I (as usual) who finally got the car packed for Leigh Ann and Alex.

Arriving at Cindy’s, there were bags everywhere. After seeing just how many items Leigh Ann WANTED to take and what would fit, I drove to Walmart and bought vacuum bags. Cindy began emptying the Ross bags Leigh Ann had filled while I began loading the vacuum bags. It was exhausting. 

Leigh Ann and Alex had waited until the last minute to even begin packing. When I tell you my family is unorganized without Cindy and I taking the wheel around here, I’m not kidding. With my dog, Foxy who had ridden with me to Weatherford for a 2PM vet appointment running wild and watching Maddy play with him while my twin grandnieces, Maryssa and Makenna cried about losing Maddy moping around the house, Cindy and I continued to get the work needed completed. Leigh Ann and Alex must check in at San Diego on August 31st. Leigh Ann and Alex were busy trying to add more items that were never going to fit without the use of vacuum bags. Their other household items are in Navy storage in Oxnard. Thank God the Navy packs and moves for them because if they didn’t, Wendy and Cindy would have to drop everything and go move Leigh Ann and Alex just like we move my son and his wife.

Alex arrived at DFW three weeks ago. Three weeks ago, Cindy and I knew we would lose Maddy. The baby who brought joy into Cindy’s home and our lives. We knew this day would come and yet we were unprepared for the sense of loss telling Maddy “goodbye for now.” We both worried about not being there to give sage advice about swimming lessons or worrying about Maddy falling or wandering off while Leigh Ann was busy shopping or preoccupied. We both strongly discussed the importance of watching Maddy at all times. Cindy and I were even more concerned when Alex was loading a few items Sunday morning and allowing Maddy to wander around in the driveway. Cindy had been backing out of the garage when her daughter Stephaney screamed “Stop! Stop! Stop!” Cindy was on her Bluetooth with her husband, Steve at Lowes trying to buy items to repair the shower and didn’t see Maddy walking behind her SUV. Poor Alex who hasn’t been around Maddy in two and a half years has no idea of how quickly taking your eyes off Maddy can turn into a dangerous situation. But, Cindy and I took this moment to advise both he and Leigh Ann that “nothing is more important than watching Maddy.” Alex loves Maddy but Maddy has had our entire family watching over her for three years. Maddy won’t have twin MiMi’s or twin cousins looking after her in California. Maddy will only have Alex and Leigh Ann. Am I worried about this? Yes. There are valid reasons I stood in Cindy’s driveway yesterday going over what not to do with two parents of a precarious and curious toddler who is a handful. The reasons are that Cindy and I won’t be there “watching over Maddy.” Leigh Ann is accustomed to our entire family watching Maddy. Alex isn’t accustomed to his young daughter saying no to everything he asks her to do. This is going to be a transition ya all. A huge transition. With their SUV finally packed, I went over removing electronic devices at the hotel there prevent a break in. I went over putting Maddy in the car seat before doing anything else. I went over putting Maddy in her stroller at the hotel. I went over using a buggy at grocery stores to keep Maddy from running off. I went over making sure Maddy can’t open doors by using the child safety locks Cindy had packed. I went over that Maddy needs constant attention at all times especially in public where she could wander off. Cindy went over never letting Maddy out of their sight. We both cried with Maryssa and Makenna and Stephaney while Maddy waved “bye see you soon.” My son and his wife are at their OB/GYN appointment this morning to check her pregnancy. I’m waiting and writing this blog while answering emails and worrying about Maddy. They made it to the hotel. Steve left for Canada at 6AM Monday. He’s on the road and worried about coming home to “no Maddy.” He will miss her. We all will. Good grief I’m heartsick as is Cindy.

I’m leaving my son and his wife’s appointment to pick up my Roach Unit client, Ashley who is afraid to drive in downtown Fort Worth to drive her to the clerks office myself to buy her marriage license. 

My schedule is jam packed and I’m working a California trip into October before Leigh Ann and Alex move to Point Mugu. Leigh Ann will almost certainly return to Texas for the holidays while Alex is on sea duty. Our homes are so empty without Maddy. 

Please keep my beautiful Michael Unit bride in your prayers as she continues her treatments. We love you Carmela.I’ve been emailing and calling plumbers since yesterday morning. Getting a plumber isn’t easy. Cindy and Stephaney attempted to repair the shower themselves with disastrous results last night. The end result? Cindy called the city to turn off the water. Ugh. 

Having plumbing problems and missing Maddy aren’t helping Cindy’s stress levels. My husband is on vacation next week an I’m on site at five different Units. My husband doesn’t understand my schedule or what I do. My husband has decided to join me at Hilltop Unit on Tuesday and Buster Cole Unit on Friday. Cindy will be rolling with me on Wednesday to Roach Unit to finally marry Ashley and on Thursday to Connally Unit to marry Victoria. 

Well the trip to the clerks office with Ashley was a bust because the clerks will no longer accept a notarized copy of the inmate ID. Clients, please make sure your inmates ID is on the TDCJ issued Offender Identification Certification Form photo of the ID. This form must be notarized. Here’s a sample photo of the correct form. Ashley called inmate records regarding getting another ID on the correct form only to learn that the inmate had Chained Out of Roach Unit so we will be following the groom again. Many Chain Outs are occurring in Texas. Please verify prior to visitation to ensure the inmate hasn’t been put on a chain ya all. The likelihood is high right now due to Trusty Camp closures. 

As usual, I’m on the run and returning calls to clients and plumbers. I haven’t heard from Leigh Ann and Alex. They were in New Mexico last night. Hopefully, a plumber gets to Cindy’s house soon because four females and no running water are a volatile mix…     

LeBlanc Unit To Dallas County To Hobby Unit & More Adventures With The Texas Twins…

Over a month ago, my client had called regarding a denial on her I60 because she was listed as Common Law Married on TDCJ records. The problem with this particular denial on the I60 was that the Warden was unaware that the new policy and updated Administrative Directive Pertaining To Inmate Marriage allows even a CLM status inmate the right to a legal wedding ceremony. The hitch? Only the same person that they are listed as being Common Law Married to in inmate records QUALIFY to legally marry in a Texas Prison.  The name of the parties MUST MATCH the name listed as CLM in inmate records. Tricky right? It’s confusing too. However, understanding the actual reason for the Denial on an I60 is key to either correcting the issue OR overcoming it. 

The inmate CANNOT marry someone else while listed as CLM to someone else. It’s a mess but so many people have filed this CLM affidavit it would literally make your head swim. All of them thought “they were just signing a piece of paper.” 

“A CLM to someone else situation” requires far more undoing. A corrective Affidavit is where you will start the unraveling process with inmate records. I can’t begin to tell you how many times a crying and hysterical client has called me about a denial for marriage based entirely on a CLM status filed by the inmate to “someone else” years ago. It’s actually a regular occurrence. Daily, Weekly, Monthly. 

However, if an inmate is “claiming they don’t recall filing this document” they are lying. They also filed this document in order to obtain contact visits with “the other woman.” 

For those assuming this issue only happens with female clients, it doesn’t. In fact, two years ago, my Crain Unit client called me days before an Approved ceremony to tell me “the Warden changed the approved date and denied the wedding ceremony. I’ve already paid for travel and everything.” I asked “why?” As usual. The shocking answer was a jolt since we had already gone through the I60 process for 7 weeks and had a date at the Unit to marry. My client further explained this weird turn of events to me by saying ” apparently my fiancée had listed herself as CLM to another inmate prior to her own incarceration.” WOW. This hasn’t happened before but my client was older and didn’t “want any trouble. I just want to get married.” The solution? Due to my client living in North Carolina and his fiancée being paroled within a few months, I met them at the Walls Unit and married them in Huntsville. Problem solved. 

This particular I60 denial at LeBlanc “because the couple were already listed as CLM” was “completely new to me.” I had yet to encounter such a denial with similar circumstances for any other client “because the couple were already listed as CLM and therefore considered married to each other.” The problem of my client and her fiancé BEING NOT LEGALLY MARRIED was obviously frustrating to my client who had called me while on location with my other clients at Main Event. I went outside to take her call and assure her that I would do everything within my power to get her married. 

My first “job duty” would be to further research the Administrative Directive Pertaining To Inmate Marriage AGAIN since I had not noticed anything regarding being listed as CLM to each other being a reason to deny the I60 Request For Inmate Marriage at a TDCJ Facility. 

Knowing the procedures and policies within TDCJ is a very important asset for me especially when overcoming an obstacle such as a denial to the I60 based on the sole reason that “TDCJ inmate records already listed the couple as common law married.” 

As shocking as this may sound, my first encounter with this “already CLM status and therefore not authorized to marry” TDCJ issue impeding the approval on an I60 would actually occur again at Gib Lewis Unit less than a month later. True story. What the? 

A CLM status within TDCJ is not a legally recognized marriage by the state of Texas. I also contacted Access To Courts after a lengthy conversation with the Chaplain at LeBlanc explaining this unique situation. The Chaplain was argumentative. I don’t argue. I don’t have time to argue.

Thankfully, the previous I60 Denial “based on an existing CLM status” was changed by the Warden to an Approval status and the wedding date was scheduled within a week.

I don’t give up easily as all my clients know and Larissa was thrilled to meet Cindy and I at LeBlanc on wedding day. 

When your job during the week is to officiate inmate weddings at Prisons, “your job” requires knowledge and conflict resolution as well. Education is paramount in the Prison wedding planning process. 

Occasionally, one of my clients will call me so upset that I’m forced to calm them down before fully comprehending the situation. 

Now and then, I’ve also talked a few clients out of marrying based on their feelings of being “pressured into marrying an inmate.” I listen far more than anyone realizes. 

Listening also is the real “key” to none of my Prison clients divorcing to date. I know many of you “have heard” all inmate weddings end in divorce. They don’t. I prefer to talk someone out of marrying an inmate than to have them go through with a wedding and subsequent divorce “down the road.” 

Planning a Prison wedding is a very lengthy process. You are going to be jumping through hoops and relying heavily on me to make it happen. This isn’t something anyone goes into with their eyes wide shut. This is something only someone determined to marry would even consider doing I can assure you. 

My clients call me often about unexpected issues they face in their marriage after marrying QUITE frequently. Remember, I’m everyone’s mother. 

This week my Bridgeport Unit bride told me she was considering a divorce. Alarmed, I asked “why?” Apparently, the inmate hadn’t made parole. Also, the inmate wasn’t valuing the sacrifices his new bride was making in order to accommodate his needs. My clients do time too. The time they do is “ON the outside by pulling their wagon alone.”

After advising my Bridgeport client about how to address and explain her feelings to the inmate “who had assumed that her working two jobs in order to put money on his books and pay for expensive phone calls or even drive several hours and rent a hotel to visit” was exasperating, lonely and expensive, I told her to point out these sacrifices made solely for his benefit. Communication is key to conflict resolution. 

My clients always call me when there’s a problem and even when there isn’t just to catch up. My clients are my friends. 

What many people don’t know is that my allegiance is to my client at all times. My relationship and friendship is with my clients. It’s a confusing discussion to others who assume the inmate is my client. They aren’t. The person in the free world is. 

I’m asked questions frequently about my job. What you are hiring when you hire me is a “go to gal.” Whether the clerk is giving your client a hard time or the Unit is denying your I60 or even if the inmate is listed as CLM to someone other than you or even you in this particular clients situation, listed as CLM to you, you need someone educated about TDCJ policy and procedure. You need someone reliable you can count on to address your concerns and “that someone” is me. 

Many wonder why and even how “I know so much about the process?” The answer is that I’ve spent years learning, comprehending and understanding the policy and procedure process within any state I conduct and officiate inmate weddings. 

Arriving at LeBlanc Unit, I parked beside Larissa and her aunt. I love it when my clients bring friends and family to join them in their photo shoot after the ceremony. 

Guests aren’t allowed at most Unit Weddings in Texas with Sanders Estes being the exception. I know many other states allow guests but, we always follow procedure and policy. The Warden has the final say on guests and unless the Warden allows guests, they cannot attend your ceremony. Media is a special exception to the guest rule. Media must be authorized to enter the Unit and follow protocol. 

While waiting in the lobby on Larissas soon to be husband to be escorted into the visitation area, Larissa and I attempted to dry off as a downpour hit just as we were entering the Unit. Luckily, I had packed two multi color umbrellas “just in case.”The bride and groom had incorporated the Vows of Ruth into their ceremony and I loved their creative input. 

Incorporating elements into your ceremony keeps it fresh and unique. The couple were thrilled to finally make it to wedding day after the hurdles of getting approved. I was (as usual) thrilled for them. Wedding Day regardless of where it takes place is a Life Event. 

Larissa had contacted me about the Beaumont Botanic Gardens near the unit and asked if we could do her bridal photos there. I loved the idea and Cindy captured some really great shots with Larissa and her aunt. 

If you’ve seen an amazing location for your bridal or groom photos, just let me know. Cindy and I will follow you there after the wedding. We love new places and backdrops.I’ve added several veils to our rolling inventory to keep photo shoots fun and loved the photo Cindy took of Larissa in my latest addition to our inventory. Cindy’s fascinators are always a hit with clients. We had a great day in Beaumont with two great ladies before hitting the road back to Fort Worth.

Yesterday, I took a call from my Ellis Unit bride, Naquitia about needing photos for her twin daughter’s fourth birthday. Of course we were all in. Cindy and I headed over to meet Naquitia and the twins before driving to Deep Ellum for the photo shoot. I can’t wait to finally marry Naquitia at Ellis and for all my Ellis Unit clients waiting on dates, my Holliday Unit bride, Leantrinette found a great photo location in Huntsville that you are going to love. Check it out on my FB Page, Prison Weddings With Wendy Wortham.

Oddly enough, I had an early morning phone call from my Gib Lewis Unit client crying because her I60 was denied. The situation was remarkably similar to Larissa at LeBlanc Unit. EXPERIENCE MATTERS. I solved “the I60 Denial” and remarkably “similar issue” at Gib Lewis Unit and will be marrying my clients August 14, 2019. My job isn’t to simply show up and conduct a ceremony. My job is to solve problems, address concerns, alleviate confusion and walk clients through the very difficult and time consuming task of marrying an inmate. 

Sunday evening, my team is meeting Leantrinette, my TDCJ Holliday Unit client in Dallas for a surprise birthday party for her mom. Cindy and I will be handling party planning and photography for Leantrinette and her family. 

I’m at Hobby Unit tomorrow with my beautiful brides and really looking forward to meeting everyone. It’s another busy weekend rolling up on us and we hope all of our clients and families are staying cool in this Texas heat.

A few of you have contacted me about being out of town because Cindy and I travel so much to other states. Have no fear dear friends as Wendy and Cindy regularly fly back and forth out of DFW or Meacham Field and can easily be back in Fort Worth within 48 hours. It’s not uncommon for me to travel to Oklahoma or Arkansas and even Louisiana or California within the same week. Cindy and I are seasoned destination event specialists who can be in one state one day and yet another state within 24 hours.  

The Texas Twins Travel and from California to Texas or Texas to California, its all in a days work so no worries. We are here when you need us… 

Learning Curves- When Love Isn’t Enough & Other Factors In The Prison Wedding Planning Process…

For several weeks now, I’ve been talking to one of my brides about not only her concerns but my own as well regarding marrying an inmate that she’s only “known since December.” The inmate is somewhat manipulative and controlling which highly concerns me. 

Yesterday’s phone call came while I was going down the list of calls to Chaplains and law libraries for several clients waiting on I60’s to be processed. I took a break to listen to Samantha’s concerns and scheduling at Jordan Unit. The inmate had requested a transfer to another Unit which effectively puts a “hold” on wedding scheduling. This “hold” would help give Samantha time to re evaluate marrying. 

Samantha had called me to advise me that the transfer had been denied. After twenty minutes of discussing whether or not Samantha wanted to move forward, it was decided that we would “stall this wedding” until July or August due to a number of things that the inmate was doing to control her life from behind bars. 

Let’s go over a few of these “issues” to better grasp the red flags flying high in what should be a joyous journey for the bride on the outside but, in Samantha’s situation, isn’t. 

A few weeks ago, on another phone call, Samantha told me that the inmate had her sending $200 a month “for their future.” I found this not only odd but also manipulative and voiced my concerns. I also listened carefully about other problems in the relationship. What were they? First, the inmate didn’t want Samantha to wear makeup or “look too attractive.” Samantha is a waitress and her appearance is important. Also, the inmate didn’t want Samantha to take her children swimming because “you will be wearing a bathing suit and I don’t want other men hitting on you.” The monetary demands along with Samanthas “life on the outside” were greatly being affected by the inmate who was also in a hurry to get married. The “hurry” was for the inmate to have more control. 

Slowing this wedding down was in Samantha’s best interest. In fact, canceling it would be in her best interest but, I can only give my clients advice. It’s not my role to tell them who not to marry. I carefully advise clients without overstepping bounds. I also point out things they may not realize while I’m at it. With Samantha, I’ve been worrying about her future for a month now. 

Meanwhile, my Diboll Unit bride has decided not to marry. She sent me a text last night wanting to gift her new with tags size 12 petite dress to another bride in an effort “to be part of the reason they smile on wedding day.” I found this selfless act while struggling with her own heartbreak just another reason of why my prison clients are such giving and compassionate individuals. 

For those unaware of this, the person “on the outside” is doing time too. They are pulling the wagon alone. They are paying all of the bills, raising children and making every sacrifice to make their relationship work. It’s astounding how determined and resilient they are. For Gabriella, her desire to give a dress she loved and planned to marry in herself is a wholly generous and selfless proposition. 

My clients are both passionate and perseverant. I pray that one day Gabriella finds someone worthy of her. When she does, I will marry her. 

After months of overcoming a CLM issue at TDCJ Telford Unit, I’m really looking forward to finally meeting my bride in August. CLM or CLW issues DRAMATICALLY slow the usual timelines of 4-6 weeks turnaround down. In fact, we can wait months to resolve an unexpected issue. Patience is a virtue in the prison wedding planning process. Knowing how to overcome an unexpected issue is key to moving forward. I find solutions. 

I’m headed back to Torres Unit in Hondo, Texas and looking forward to meeting two special brides who also plan to marry on the same day. My McConnell brides are too. 

Cindy and I are really looking forward to seeing Amanda again at Ellis Unit. We had met her a few months ago for family photos in Eastland, Texas and had a great time on location with my grandnieces and her children playing together. 

Many of my brides are sending me photos of what they plan to wear. This is always a great idea and I’m happy to go over your outfit with you. My Crain and Woodman Grooms don’t need to do this as they will be wearing dress shirts and slacks well within TDCJ guidelines. Please do not bring paper money on wedding day to purchase photos. Bring quarters. Unit photos are $3 each. I will buy three and make copies for you. If you wish to buy more, bring your quarters in a ziplock bag and do not bring more than $21 into the Unit. No cell phones. No paper money. No cameras. You MUST BRING your state issued ID or Passport AND your marriage license. If you have handwritten vows, hand them to me PRIOR to entry.  

I’d like to wish all of my July clients from years gone by a Happy Anniversary. I remember all too well how nervous and excited you were on wedding day. We’ve shared precious moments together on location. Meeting your families and sharing your joy is a gift to not only myself but also my staff. 

I am often asked “what I remember the most on location at events?” I remember my clients smiles, their joy and their immense gratitude at finding the love of their life. Soul mates are difficult to find but, my clients did. I remember being hugged walking up to you and how happy you were that the day had finally come. 

Weddings are and will always be my favorite events. Vow Renewals are equally joyous as are baptisms but seeing our families again for a celebration whether it’s the birth of a child or a Vow Renewal or even a birthday party is a family reunion for my Team and I. Clients are the fabric of our lives. Many people are surprised at how often previous clients rebook but they shouldn’t be. Our clients have established a bond with us. In many cases even a death in their family is a rebooking for a celebrant and planner at their loved ones memorial. 

I will always remember how joyous Burt and Deanna were on their wedding day. It had been raining in the park they chose to marry in. The tulips hadn’t bloomed so Burt planted imitation tulips. Burt paid attention to the details. Burt and his friends from Carswell AFB had also draped fabric from the trees. 

Two years after marrying Burt & Deanna, an email from Deanna trying to locate me through Gig Salad came in. “You married us and you may not remember us. We are a military couple from Carswell AFB. We need your help. We want you to baptize our baby.” Because Gig Salad limits correspondence unless the client books you, I was unable to share my phone number or contact information with Deanna. But, I easily located her phone number after walking into my home office and pulling files for the three years of weddings to locate my client records for Deanna. 

I keep detailed records of client correspondence and bookings. I quickly sent a text to tell her I would call her. She excitedly told me “we are pregnant and I wouldn’t want anyone but you to baptize our baby. Please tell me you will be available to Bless our child. We are overjoyed at this miracle.” 

Thinking to myself ” I WILL MAKE time,” I checked my schedule. Cindy and I were traveling back and forth to California as we were filming This Time Next Year but I went ahead and told Deanna that “if I needed to catch a flight from LAX to DFW on short notice I could fly to DFW and back to LAX in order to accommodate Burt and Deanna’s request.” 

I’m constantly checking distances and scheduling. The flights from DFW to LAX are easy and quick. I always leave a car at DFW and have a rental waiting at LAX. Fluidity and planning ahead are key to addressing our numerous clients. There isn’t a day that goes by I’m not checking distance from one prison unit to the next to see if I can move from Unit A to B and even C on the same day. I map out my timelines over and over again. If a Unit is within 2 hours of a booked Unit, it’s usually doable. But if the secondary Unit is 3 or more hours from the booked Unit, we must look at the next available date instead. 

Booked Prison Unit Dates are non moveable. Once I’ve confirmed a date, it’s literally “set in stone” at a prison. 

A few months later while in my home office preparing a ceremony for a house blessing, Deanna called me again. This phone call was far from the joyous earlier call. This call was drought with sad news. Deanna was crying. Baby Delilah phone had Trisomy and Deanna needed me to be able to get to Harris Hospital on short notice as Delilah was only expected to live a few short hours. I was crushed. 

In fact, I was speechless. I’d never heard of Trisomy. I grabbed a Merck Manual to educate myself. I can’t imagine how Deanna must have felt at her OB/GYN appointment during that check up. I couldn’t imagine how carrying a child with the odds of survival being so slim would affect anyone as joyous at conceiving as Deanna was could accept this devastating blow. I mourned for her. I grieved for the child that had blessed their marriage. I prayed. I also prepared. 

For a number of years, I was a volunteer hospice clergy at area hospitals. Sadly, the stress and reality of many patients facing death was simply too much for me mentally. I stopped volunteering after at Baylor and Harris. How doctors handle death daily it I have no idea.

Deanna had added “we will also need you to perform the memorial. Burt and I wouldn’t want anyone other than the person who married us to handle such an emotional and important role.” My heart sank. I knew how difficult it must have been for Deanna to place that call to me. I also knew that as she carried the baby she so desperately wanted that she was hoping for a miracle. I did too. I prayed Delilah would defy the odds. I would continue to pray for months. 

A few months later, the call came. Cindy and I were scheduled at Iheart radio in Dallas. We went to see Burt and Deanna first to check timelines of Delilahs possible birth. There was time to run to Dallas and return to Fort Worth. Cindy and I dashed through our interviews to run back to Burt and Deanna. Delilah was tiny. The smallest baby I’ve ever seen. Cindy and I were surprised by the number of Carswell military members in the room. 

Beyond Deanna’s bed were at least 15-20 AFB coworkers of Burt and Deanna. They were all crying. A room packed with crying soldiers is something you won’t forget. The sadness in the room literally sucked the air from my lungs. I tried to breathe deeply and focus on staying professional and remembering my role walking into that room and past the mourners. Hats in hand, their silent tears said it all. You could hear a pin drop and sniffles over the machines and medical equipment. 

Holding my composure and emotions inside in order to perform the bedside baptism was incredibly difficult. At that moment, I still harbored hope that Delilah would make it. Cindy looked at me from the back of the room with the military personnel to give me the “don’t cry. Your role is to comfort” pep talk as she too wiped away her tears. Cindy knew I was terrified of losing my composure. We had discussed it over and over again. 

Minutes after the above photo was taken, Burt and Deanna told me “we only have a few hours.” I was again literally crushed. I was also enlightened as to why Delilah wasn’t in an incubator. 

By the time I lifted baby Delilah to perform her baptism, my sorrow was so profound that my tears dropped silently on the child this couple had so desperately wanted. I couldn’t hide my sadness. 

A few days later, I performed baby Delilahs memorial wearing the same vestment that I had married Burt and Deanna in. Deanna had asked that I wear the same thing I had met them wearing two years prior at Sampson Park. Delilah wore a gown handcrafted from Deanna’s wedding dress. 

I remember staying up all night working on my ceremony. The details of how I had met the Villareals. The moment of Burt happily walking up to me. The look on his face as Deanna approached us. The man gently playing guitar behind us. The sun breaking through the grey summer day bringing light and promise. I remember every aspect of any ceremony that I’ve ever performed. 

Life Events are Life Moments. Saying goodbye to Delilah was the hardest ceremony that I’ve ever performed in my life as an Officiant, Planner and Celebrant. 

My role is to comfort families as a celebrant but, it was difficult to mask my own emotions. Loss always is. Death is a dark stranger but the death of a child is and always will be the most difficult role that I have ever played. 

Deanna never recovered from the loss of Delilah. I doubt she ever will. She has lost the ability to try to conceive again. Burt and Deanna are praying that they can adopt. I’m praying for them. They are wonderful people who would joyously love to parent a child together. 

The relationship I share with my clients is remarkably intimate. They trust myself and my Team to understand their journey. For some, the journey is far more difficult. Surprises. Setbacks. No one expects them but, whether you are planning an elaborate event or planning a prison wedding, there can be extraordinary circumstances that you didn’t expect. Rain at an outdoor venue. A transfer of the inmate less than 24 hours before their scheduled wedding. These things are beyond our control but, we will work through them together. 

For others like Samantha or Gabriella, they might need a kind word or even advice. I’m there for them. I listen to their concerns. I guide them. They need someone to listen. For my prison wedding clients, it’s not uncommon for them to tell me “you are the only person I can talk to.” In many cases, I am. 

Making arrangements and smoothing the path is my specialty. It’s very important to me that clients aren’t worried about things I can address on their behalf. Experience matters. I’m in the Life Events business. There are no do overs. My events are as humanly close to perfect as possible. Cindy and I give others the weddings we never had ourselves. We care far more than anyone realizes because we know how important the details are to our clients. 

I cried at Delilahs memorial and I cried at her baptism. I cried for the child my clients so desperately wanted but couldn’t keep. I will never forget the moments I’ve shared with any of my couples. 

Perhaps I’m different because I care so much but my clients are all like my own children. I want what’s best for all of them. I want them happy. I celebrate their successes and I mourn their losses. I pray Burt and Deanna find a baby to adopt and shower with love.

A special anniversary wish for my ladies who shared a friendship ceremony a few years ago goes out to three amazing ladies. 

Two of these ladies I married to each other and one of these three friends is still waiting to find the right partner. They are out there Lorraine and I know that one day you too will find a life partner.Bouncing from exclusive venues to Prisons, backyards, parks and other interesting and varied locations throughout wedding season keeps me from ever being bored. Cindy and I love to load up and hit the road on our way to meet amazing clients. 

Our Huntsville client who contacted us through The Pawning Planners several weeks ago loves her photos and is still trying to find Mr Right. We never did find a way to effectively “flip the two headed fox stole” she had bartered in exchange for her photo shoot. If you are interested in a two headed fox stole missing an eyeball, PLEASE give us a shout. We ship AND deliver. This stole needs a new home. 

If you missed the blog on the Huntsville client and the unique circumstances of her request for services, here’s the link– The Pawning Planners- Turning Trash Into Treasure. More Flips, Flops & Fun Adventures.

We have several Vow Renewals coming up over the next two years from previous prison clients who have contacted us to schedule. A special shout out of congratulations to my Darrington, Estes, Coffield, Michael, Bridgeport, Estelle, Hobby and Stiles Unit clients who have excitedly shared their good news with me. We look forward to seeing ya all again soon. 

One of my clients from Michael Unit wanted to plan her Vow Renewal for ten years away. This IS UNUSUAL. Another client I married a few months ago who asked me to wear camouflage attire to her wedding also has scheduled for ten years away. Good Lord, I hope I’m still alive. 

Ten years out is a lifetime away but, God willing, my Team and I will honored to see you all again.

From prisons to venues and everywhere in between, I’ve decided to cut back from large over the top events. 2019 will be our last year of chaotic and unpredictable events with too many Indians and not enough Chiefs on location. 

My reasons for declining future “large budget events” is based entirely on years of one surprise after another and clients opting not to hire enough security with open bars on site. From arrests to injuries on location, I have far more fun as does my Team with smaller parties of 200 or less guests.I’ve been asked about groom tossing. This tradition is fun but can also be dangerous. How so? The groom in California became entangled in the lights. He could also have fallen. Because of the liability associated with groom tossing, we ask about traditional aspects when planning your wedding or Vow Renewal to ensure that there aren’t accidents or injuries on location. We want your event seamless and worry free. 

I’m going to once again “go over” guests jumping in front of my photographers to get their own photos on location. For years now, my photographers have complained about trying to angle around guests who jump up to take their own photos. PLEASE REFRAIN from doing this. You are killing the shot for a photographer who has been hired to capture the shot. It’s often impossible to crop guests out of photos they’ve literally jumped into. 

A few weeks ago, this “guest with a phone or camera” scenario jumping into the shot ruined several photos. We have one shot at a photo on location. It’s a moment that cannot be duplicated. 

Please do not jump in front of photographers. If you’d like to take your own photo, give our photographers time to get the shot and THEN take your own photo. This isn’t a competition. It’s a Life Event. 

If you are in a photo taking a photo, it’s not only difficult and occasionally impossible to crop you but also time consuming adding more stress to my photographers during the editing process. Give the couple the opportunity to have beautiful photos of THEIR EVENT. The continued issues of people jumping into a shot roll on but, courtesy would mandate that if you see a photographer trying to capture a photo that you step out of the shot or… put your phone down and strike a pose instead. 

I’m at Ferguson, Ellis, Michael, Coffield & Green Bay Units in the coming weeks and as excited as you are that your wedding day has finally come to fruition. Please remember to err on the side of caution regarding your attire at your prison wedding.

For my California prison clients, the dress code is far more stringent. Be aware of this. If you need me to send you the dress code, I’m happy to do so. No one wants to wear a cafeteria smock. 

For my Arkansas prison clients, the wait is nearly over and we look forward to meeting you very soon at your wedding.

The continued questions regarding guests at weddings because you’ve seen guests in Louisiana at Prisons question keeps coming up. Louisiana allows guests. Texas in nearly ALL cases does not. The ONLY Unit in Texas that has allowed guests present is Sanders Estes Venus, Texas. Requests for guests must be submitted to the Warden by the inmate. BUT, I’ve never had ANY Unit other than Estes Approve a guest of guests at a prison wedding. We cannot bring rings to your prison wedding. Section K of the Administrative Directive pertaining to Offender Property in Texas specifically forbids ring exchanges. I’m sorry but, we follow ALL rules at prison weddings. 

If you’d like to bring friends or family with you to your prison wedding, you can but THEY MUST WAIT in the parking lot. They are WELCOME to join you at your photo shoot with us and I encourage you to bring friends or family with you to incorporate your friends and family into your photos. The more the merrier.Cindy and I will pack my SUV with enough bouquets, tiaras, furs, fascinators, signs and props to accommodate up to 6 other people at your photo shoot. 

I created an inventory that “rolls with me” to your prison wedding. From pink multi to teal multi to red multi bouquets and bouteniers or even mink coats and clothing in your size, my inventory is always a hit with our clients. We think of everything so you don’t have to. If you can’t wear your wedding dress to your Unit wedding, bring it with you and change clothes for your bridal photos. 

If you’d like to change clothes a few times to have a wider variety of photo options, bring additional clothing changes with you as well. Your photo location can be at a courthouse, city street, field, farm, abandoned building or anywhere near the Unit. It CANNOT be on Unit property though. We MUST leave the Unit to find a location nearby. Try to wear something without patterns on the fabric to your photo shoot in order for us to capture a “clean shot.” 

Solid colors are perfect for your photo shoot. Large, bold or busy patterns can be distracting. We have a wide array of tiaras and furs as well as scarves and shawls to add to your attire on photo shoot location events. 

It’s not unusual for our clients to bring their mother, grandmother, children and grandchildren to their photo shoot and we encourage making your photo shoot a family affair and opportunity to capture family photos together sharing your wedding day. 

From best friends to grandmothers and even pets, your photo shoot should incorporate what’s important to you. If there is someone special in your life sharing your journey from the outside, invite them along. We won’t be in the Unit for more than an hour in most cases. 

 Jozette brought her amazing grandmother to Torres Unit in Hondo, Texas. I packed an assortment of evening jackets as well as furs, bouquets and tiaras to bring fun. 

These two ladies were amazing good sports at an abandoned hotel near the Unit that I saw driving to Torres. My Coffield Unit bride loved the building near Tennessee Colony I saw driving past on my way to meet her. If you have noticed a unique old building, storefront or interesting building, just let me know. We will follow you there. 

I’ve been asked about our fascinators. Cindy and I stopped selling them a few years ago. Why? Because our clients love them. We incorporated them into our photo booth props instead. Cindy makes the fascinators by hand. I create the floral designs.  

We add to our inventory year round to keep it fresh and fun. From tiaras to furs to even wedding dresses, having everything our clients need is essential to exceeding their expectations. 

Buildings with murals also make great backdrops for location photography. My Bridgeport bride loved the unique wall art I found on my last trip to Bridgeport Unit and we found a wide array of great photo ops using the landscape of Bridgeport. Just keep your eyes open driving to visit and look for “out of the ordinary” locations. 

The best location for photos in Abilene is Jacobs Dream at Abilene Christian University. It’s perfect. If you are marrying at Robertson Unit, be sure to go by the university and check it out. Cindy and I along with the Texas Twins Events Team look forward to meeting you, your friends, your family and your inmate at your prison wedding soon. 

In unique situations, I become the mother I have never had to clients that need a friend. Samantha is reconsidering her decision to marry. It’s an important decision. Choose carefully. Life partners are worth waiting for. You can’t find the right one if you are “saddled up” with the wrong one… 

“UNLESS you have MADE the JOURNEY, never ATTEMPT to OFFER others, DIRECTIONS for their TRIP”

While going over event details with a client from my home office last night, my husband overheard me suggest hiring an outside bartender and security for an upcoming prom themed birthday party for 110-120 guests in November. My husband was getting a martini at the bar in my office. Occasionally when dealing with other vendors, I need a drink myself which is why I chose one of our three dens with an adjoining bar as my home office. True story. 

Many vendors will chase a dollar to make a dime. They lose businesses everyday over their inability to retain and keep clients. But, I don’t have the time to buy a venue and am therefore cautious with clients needing one. I ask the questions because I need the answers. My role as a planner is to make Events as affordable as possible. Budgeting is key. There are no friends in the events industry that can gain my client based on our relationship of friendship. Here’s how they can though- by offering the best value for my client. Sounds simple but, believe me it isn’t. Brand loyalty is built. 

Years ago, my husband bought not one but two Cadillac’s from me before getting the courage to ask me out to dinner. I also had advised him of ways to cut the costs of buying a luxury vehicle. I’m honest. My clients wouldn’t buy from anyone else at Cadillac, GMC or Hummer. Why? I earned their trust and whenever possible I also found and made the best car deal for them. 

My husband and I met while I was going through a divorce. It was a war. My ex had taken the car I believed he had bought in my name back and effectively left me without a vehicle. I had a son to get to school. I had to get to work. I also had to pay my lecherous attorneys. The solution? Visiting the dealership that serviced my vehicle. You know the one that I thought I owned and didn’t. I pitched myself as a salesperson. I also obtained a position within an industry that I had never worked in before. I had sold furs, jewelry, filmed commercials with Mel Tillis and worked as a high end print and commercial model for over twenty years at the time I married. 

But, I needed a car. Luxury car dealerships provided demos. I needed one. I also needed insurance and an income. Cadillac gave me all three. Building a client base required thinking outside the box. The old dogs on the sales floor had established clients. I needed my own. To overcome this obstacle, I hired my former photographer and ran my own print ads. Not just anywhere though. I ran these ads in area country clubs. Targeting consumers who could afford luxury cars. 

The same people at country clubs just like my rich and soon to be ex husband who played golf at, had drinks in the Men’s Only club at and dined at while I was effectively chasing a dime to make a dollar. 

The first ad at Ridglea Country Club shocked him. “Working as a car salesmen? What are my friends going to think? Come home and stop this. We can work it out. I will give you your Deville back. I don’t like everyone at the club seeing my wife in an evening dress pitching cars!” Hmm, I didn’t care. After all, my ex took the car he claimed to have bought me in my name back leaving me afoot with a son. He did this to force me into crawling back. Instead, I crawled away. 

That first ad sold 11 Cadillac’s, 2 Hummers and 3 GMC SUVs. I was smiling all the way to the bank. My ads brought clients in. My honesty sold them. My reputation earned me award after award. I was sought after. When people walked into the dealership holding a flyer from Ridglea, Colonial, Shady Oaks or Rivercrest Country Club they weren’t looking for my competitors on the sales floor, they were looking for me. If they didn’t have an appointment, they waited on me to be available too. 

I had also done something in the car industry no one had ever done before and I could support myself in style because of it. I didn’t need my Deville back. I needed an income, a vehicle, insurance and independence. Cadillac and my ability to think outside the box gave me all of the things I needed. My history surprises people. I’ve never been lucky. I’ve always been resilient. Did I expect to find a husband at Cadillac? No. I wasn’t looking. It was the first time in my entire life that I wasn’t worried about my future. I didn’t date. I wore my wedding ring to work and even had a photo of my ex in my office. I was all business all the time. 

My current husband had bought an SRX from me a year before walking into the dealership to tell me he hated it. I had another client in my office and asked him to wait in the lobby. I was concerned about him being upside down in the SRX and trying to find a way to save him money while closing a sale on an XLR. My solution? A demo. They are thousands less than new cars and carry a warranty. 

I brought him in and explained why I thought it was in his best interest to flip out of the SRX and into the Cadillac Escalade demo that I had been driving. “I’m not concerned about the cost. The SRX reminds me of my ex wife. Your husband must adore you and be so proud of you. I saw your billboard on the highway. You’re smart, successful, honest and upfront. He is a lucky man.” 

Snap. My faux personal life of being happily married was crushed and exposed. I started crying in my office on the salesfloor in front of all the salesmen. Damnit. My acting skills and my life were off fleek. Caught with my guard down. I had successfully created a faux personal life away from work that was so believable that I nearly believed it myself after years of faking it through my divorce. I’m a helluva actress but, Matthew broke my charade. 

I looked up and explained. “I’m not married. I’m divorced. I pretend to be married because I’m here to sell cars not find a date. It’s easier to pretend to be married.” This was how I met my husband. Shocking but true. I retired from Cadillac a year later. I didn’t need Cadillac anymore and started my own business instead. 

My new husband wanted me off the sales floor 50-60 hours a week and enjoying life with him, my son, my twin sister and new twin grandnieces. 

A few folks in the DFW area may remember my twin ad for Escalade “Got a big family? Get an Escalade.” Yes, even my family members were in my print ads. THAT ad sold the heck out of Escalades for me. Two sets of twins is a big family. My son and his equipment for sports was also used in another ad showing how much room for friends, kids and equipment the SRX had while being a crossover vehicle. 

My entire family became “models” during my years at Cadillac but, the twin ads and ads featuring me were my best car selling advertising. 

No one had ever been as creative at marketing as I was. But, poverty can define you or empower you. It empowered me. I was a survivor. I walked away from two marriages in twenty years with no money. I walked away with no vehicle both times. I would never do it again. All of my vehicles are paid for in cash and in my name. Although I can trust my current husband, I’ve learned to be independent and will never be dependent on anyone again as long as I live. My husband knows where I’ve been and understands that I refuse to be controlled. In fact, my agreement to marry years ago included a few rules. What were they? 1. I would own my own vehicle outright. 2. I would keep my own checking account and credit cards. 3. I would leave if infidelity ever occurred. 4. I would leave if violence ever entered our marriage. I wasn’t going back to where I had been and was very clear about the terms of committing myself to another husband. 

I don’t think like other people because I’ve also been a buyer. What would sell me? What would create brand loyalty? I’ve been a brand spokesperson for twenty years. I’ve pitched furs, jewelry, couture clothing and even Whatsburger. Building value in the product is essential to building a brand though and it’s difficult to create a great salesperson. Exceptional salespeople are born to sell. Although I’ve been in sales my entire life, I’ve never oversold a client. I’ve always tried to save money or offer discounts whenever possible because I’ve been on the other side as a buyer myself. What makes your product valuable? What makes buyers inclined to buy from you? Honor, integrity and treating my clients like family is why and how I outsold my coworkers in ANY industry I have ever worked in. They treated clients like numbers. I treated clients like family. I’m different. I care. If you’ve ever bought from me, you realize this. Previous clients buy and book with me over and over again. They also refer their friends and family to me. I’ve never advertised after leaving Cadillac and starting my own business. I’ve never had to. 

Kelley (a venue owner) had sent me a DM regarding renting her venue. The catch? Kelley REQUIRED using her own bartender and security. This would significantly “up the cost” to my client. Why? Because I have friends that work as bar tenders as well as retired military and police officers that work as security. Negotiating the additional cost to use Kelley’s security and bartender might or might not be a deal breaker but, due to the distance from the city to her venue, she would certainly need to be open to negotiating her “in season” fee. 

A lot of people fail to realize that there is an “off season” in the Events business but there is. Half of the year leaves venues like an abandoned motel, deserted and lonely. An experienced planner uses this knowledge to her clients benefit and, I often do. August is often too hot for anyone to book a venue with an outdoor area. October and November can be “iffy” too vecause Texas weather is unpredictable. 

Kelley was attempting to pad the bill by adding requirements to rent the venue. I knew it and she knew it too. Chasing a dime to make a dollar. This up charging was why I continued to get other bids from other venues. Kelley’s venue is remote. At least thirty minutes from Fort Worth and an hour from Dallas. 

If you have a venue in the country, lower your prices. Convenience is worth the upcharge to my clients and their guests. Seriously. I know a Burleson venue owner as well as an Azle venue owner that constantly call me to send them business. If your venue business is in the boonies though, attempting to charge the same rental rates as city venues is why you aren’t booking events. 

The client I’m planning the October/November event for has a son in the military. He’s coming home from Germany in late October to early November. She wants to celebrate his birthday and since he missed the prom years ago, incorporate the theme. She also wants a bar with beer and wine. She knows a friend with a barbecue restaurant that can handle catering. We need a building. Decorations. Bartender and security. Photography. DJ. We also have a budget and I always stay within my clients budgets. I will locate a building for her and it will be a building that is within her budget. 

Today after Estes Unit, I’m going to 3 venues. I’m also using this “venue hopping” to price out an anniversary party for August 31st for 70 guests with no bar and a budget remarkably close to the prom themed event. Meaning, the Vow Renewal with far fewer guests and no alcohol will be far easier to come in under budget on. An open bar can easily add $2k and up to the overall budget. Catering can run $12-25 per person and the Vow Renewal client is by far well within the budget he’s given. It’s going to be a stretch with the Prom Themed Birthday Party with an Open Bar and up to 120 guests. A tight stretch. A make every penny count stretch. If the client can secure catering outside of the budget she’s given me, it will be far easier to pull this off but, if she can’t, Wendy and Cindy will be shopping venues first and shopping everything else second since the largest expense is the venue rental. 

Both clients need a venue first. The venue being the most expensive investment. One of these days when I have time, Cindy and I will buy our own venue to alleviate the need to find one for clients but it won’t be this year. We are overwhelmed. 

A few years ago, Kelley called me to send her clients. I thought this was funny. Why? Because Kelley has never referred our services that’s why. It’s always ironic to me that folks who never throw you a bone want you to throw them a steak. 

Luckily though, I don’t need referrals from venue owners. I’m on staff at Belltower Chapel and have been for years. I limit my affiliation with other venues. Why? Because Belltower supports ACH and foster children. I donate 70% of my fee to ACH. 

Other venues outside of Belltower are all about the money. That’s okay. It’s business. 

But- my clients ARE MY BUSINESS and therefore, building value for their buck is why I don’t pitch them a venue just because I know the owner. Instead, I shop them. 

My clients warrant value. I don’t have any “friends” owning a venue who can supersede my clients. I don’t want any friends expecting me to pad their pockets at my clients expense either. 

Last year, another venue owner called me. “We are going to go out of business. We doubled our prices and can’t get any bookings.” I sat my coffee down to rerun what I just heard. 

If common sense was spare change, a few folks couldn’t afford a coffee. “Perhaps you should lower your prices. If a product doesn’t sell, you discount it.” The venue owner wasn’t interested in solving her own problems. “Amazingly, you have never advertised and have grown year after year. Send me your clients. We will even take on LBGT couples. We need what you have.” What the? “Take on LBGT clients?” I was offended. 

My affiliation within the LBGT community was EARNED. Also, I don’t pass around my clients like peanuts at a bar. Humph. How to be politically correct in an obviously incorrect conversation? I went to my office bar and poured myself a chocolate martini. 

This was going to be a LENGTHY CONVERSATION. “Our clients are loyal to us because we are loyal to them. Inflating your costs is why you are losing clients. This should be common sense. You cannot squeeze everything WITHIN THEIR BUDGETS OUT of them. Venue rentals are a buyers market. As a seller, you need to be affordable and when building your brand, you need to be open to other events and clients outside of solely weddings. Weddings have a season. Off season though, you can promote corporate events, family reunions, birthday parties, Christmas parties and other bookings to sustain you through the off season.” 

Of course, this “intelligent and knowledgeable advice” fell on deaf ears. As a businessperson, if you are a business owner, wake up. I can’t wake you up. I can however shop your venue in my clients best interests and budget. “Don’t ask me for an apple and expect me to bake you a pie.” 

Other vendors ARE NOT MY CLIENTS OR MY PROBLEM. MY CLIENTS ARE MY PRIORITY. If you haven’t figured this out yet, I can’t help you. Loyalty is always directed at my clients not people AKA vendors who are crazily expecting me to BUILD THEIR BUSINESS. 

This morning while organizing my floral arrangements for Michael and Coffield Units Tuesday, I took a call for Salano State Prison in California. 

Our existing bookings in California are stacked meaning finding time to travel to a Unit 6 hours from LA, San Diego, Santa Barbara or even Lompoc (all cities Cindy and I will be at during our trip to meet clients, film commitments and family) is tricky. I ran the distance several times from several cities. 

This Unit is at least five hours from any city that Cindy and I will be at in August. Normally, this could be factored in to an off day during our travels but we have two destination event bookings as well as a family reunion and meeting our sister at Magic Mountain on one day as well as filming a sizzle reel on another in LA. I.E. this is another jam packed trip for the Texas Twins. If I can get to the Unit and find time though, I will. 

Leigh Ann is taking over California Prison Weddings however, she will be based in San Diego August and September while her husband, Alex is in training at the Naval Base before moving to base housing at Point Mugu. 

California like Texas is a big state. Because of this, my stepsister, Tammy is also going to be handling Prison Weddings. 

Due to Cindy and my schedule while in California on this trip, trying to judge distance from cities on our itinerary to the location of the prison may or may not work out for me to personally officiate your Prison Wedding. However, if I can’t, Leigh Ann or Tammy can. I’m moving my bookings to predominantly Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana and Missouri as the majority of my bookings are in Texas. 

Because of the burgeoning schedules of Cindy and I, my son and his wife are also coming on board to address Oklahoma and Arkansas bookings as well as county jail requests in Texas. 

I’m going to go over stacking because it’s essential if you are stacked at a Unit that you are on time. Tuesday, I have two clients at Michael and two at Coffield. These two Units are within 7-9 minutes of one another. Because of this, I frequently move from Michael to Coffield or Coffield to Michael. 

However, if you are running late on wedding day, other clients at the same Unit or the Unit I’m moving to are going to be inconvenienced due to your tardiness. Please be considerate of other clients and arrive at least 15 minutes prior to your scheduled wedding time.

UPDATE ON MICHAEL UNIT CLOTHING- Dresses are now allowed but you cannot wear solid white. Why? Inmates wear white. Please incorporate color or patterns to white. Please keep hemlines not shorter than 2 inches above the knee. Please wear a cami of your dress reveals any cleavage. Please wear a slip if your clothing is sheer.

I’m off to shop venues, meet clients and looking forward to meeting all of our new clients soon at your Prison Weddings and especially excited to see our former clients at your Vow Renewal Ceremonies with Cindy and our Team in the coming months.

As always, we appreciate your trust and your loyalty. We are thankful for the opportunity to meet amazing people from all walks of life and to have the ability to finally spend time together that my career in sales as well as Cindy’s career took from us both for over twenty years. Texas Twins Events gave us the opportunity to give the gift of Dream Events one family at a time while subsequently giving us time to spend with each other. 

For all of the clients that the twins or Maddy jumping into your photos laughed with us, God Bless You. Our grandkids always thought a camera was meant for them. Maddy still does. 

When I look back over the hundreds of families and good times we’ve shared with ya all over the years on location for your bridal photos with my grandnieces hugging your leg or holding your bouquet, I’m reminded what amazing people you are. The love and kindness you’ve brought to Cindy and I as well as our children and grandchildren is a gift. Creating Texas Twins Events was a partnership. Cindy and I knew affordable options didn’t exist. Cindy was also taking on the responsibility of raising her twin grand daughters. Cindy had given up her income as a salesperson to raise her grandchildren. My twin sister is selfless. She is hilarious and she’s never met a stranger. She is also my best friend. Texas Twins Events gave us the opportunity to load up our kids and grandkids and go off to meet wonderful people who wanted a Dream Event. Amazing people who welcomed not only my Team but our entire family. People who became far more than clients. People who became the fabric of our lives. We love ya all… 

A Flawed Flower Will Still Bloom- Torres Unit To Roberts Unit To Bridgeport Unit To Cook’s Childrens Hospital…

The past week of my life has been spent bouncing from the joyous occasions of wedding ceremonies to the shock, despair and disbelief of my personal life. 

Last Thursday, a stunning revelation that would rattle my entire family. How did we get here? My grandniece, Makenna had “met a new friend at school a few weeks ago” and was spending more and more time on her phone. 

Cindy and I had no idea that this “new friend” would result in my grandniece being hospitalized after an overdose of her antidepressant medication due entirely to bullying from “her new friend.” Her new friend would literally push and keep pushing my beautiful grandniece into taking all of her Lexapro. Her new friend was doing this on the cell phone Cindy pays for. Yes, we are angry this outsider got to Makenna and yes, we are devastated about it but, our focus is on getting Makenna healthy mentally and physically. 

Looking back over the past week, I wish Cindy and I had taken time to view text messages prior to finding ourselves in the ER with Makenna reading text messages that ended with RIP from her new friend “Michael.” How could we have known what was going on? Still, we blame ourselves. Our busy schedules. Our inability to see “trouble with Makenna.” 

My highly intelligent grandniece took her entire bottle of Lexapro Thursday at approximately 4:15PM while Cindy and I along with Leigh Ann and Madyson were in Abilene, Texas with my Roberts Unit bride, her daughter, mother and grandmother. 

We could have had no idea that while Cindy’s Husband, Steve was outside mowing and Makenna’s twin sister, Maryssa was filming a makeup tutorial and the twins mother, Stephaney was making dinner that Makenna was texting Michael that she was “so depressed over their break up that she was going to take her entire bottle of Lexapro.” Michael had egged Makenna on. Teen suicide is real. If your teen is talking or texting someone you don’t know- get involved. Ask questions. 

At 4:19PM last Thursday, the last text from Michael had read “RIP.” At 4:20PM, Makenna had sent a text to Cindy and I both while in Loves Truck Stop with Leigh Ann and Madyson that read “I took my bottle of Lexapro. I’m scared. I need to go to the hospital.”

If you are a parent, grandparent or guardian, you would have been as horrified reading this text as we were. Our straight A student. Our beautiful Makenna with the heart of an Angel had just taken an entire bottle of Lexapro? We were over an hour from Cindy’s home. I called Cindy’s Husband then Maryssa while Cindy called 911 in Parker County from Abilene. 

Maryssa had found her twin sister convulsing on the bathroom floor and also called 911. Thankfully, Medstar arrived within minutes and transported Makenna to Cook’s Childrens Hospital. Steve was devastated and too shocked to compose himself and stayed behind at home with Maryssa. I drove 95-100 MPH from Abilene to Cook’s with Cindy, Leigh Ann and Maddy. 

My brother in law, Steve has only cried three times in 27 years that I’ve known him. The first time was when his mother died. The second time was while under attack at Baghdad Airport immediately following the roadside bombing on Good Friday. The third time was last Thursday. 

Makenna was incoherent when Cindy and I walked into her room. She was also on an IV and “under suicide observation.” Due to Serotonin Syndrome, Makenna was also on oxygen. 

Nothing and I mean NOTHING prepares you for a moment like this. Had Makenna NOT sent those texts to Cindy and I, we or someone else at Cindy’s house would have found Makenna dead in the bathroom Thursday. Thank God Makenna sent those texts prior to going into convulsions. 

Living in a hospital with clinical observation while wondering if Makenna’s heart would recover since Thursday has been stressful, terrifying and a literal family affair of “tagging out and tagging in by family members due to our booked clients.” From sending my son to Collin County to running to Bridgeport Unit Friday as well as Green Bay Unit and Belltower Chapel Saturday, clocking in and out of the hospital has left all of us emotional basket cases. 

Over the past two plus years, my niece (the twins mom) Stephaney has been involuntarily committed. Makenna’s twin sister, Maryssa played the choking game and was also committed. My father thought intruders were living in his attic and was also commited. To say this merry go round of Psych Ward visits has left Cindy and I with pom poms missing streamers would be an understatement. We have circled our wagons, walked into visits as cheerleaders lost, confused and hopeless. Walked into client meetings confident and with direction. Smiled when we felt like crying and juggled work and family with the fluidity of a triathlete. But, we had no choice. Our clients and our families are priorities. We had prayed for Stephaney and Maryssa to straighten up and they both finally had. We never saw an issue with Makenna coming and wonder if it’s our fault that we didn’t? 

It takes a village and thankfully, we have one. Going over the events leading up to this past week has run through my mind over and over again. What did we miss? We should have asked more questions about Michael. Instead, we found it cute that Makenna had a boyfriend although they had never went anywhere together alone and this “relationship” was mostly via her cell phone. Cindy and I didn’t see the red flags. We wish we had but, we didn’t. 

On Monday night, Cindy stayed with me to leave at 4AM for Torres Unit in Hondo, Texas. We checked in frequently with the twins and their mom from the road. Everyone seemed fine. We finished our photo shoot in Hondo, Texas and headed back to Fort Worth. Cindy and I stopped at a meat market for her husband, Steve who had frequented this meat market as a child. I took several calls driving back as I had several prison weddings last week with traditional and county jail weddings this weekend. My days and nights are filled with client questions and bookings. I rarely have a day off in season. 

On Wednesday, Cindy and I had several county jail weddings with meetings for traditional clients. I also took my secretary,  Virginia to lunch to celebrate her birthday. 

Everything seemed normal. Makenna had opted out of going to the movies with her mother and twin sister but that wasn’t unusual. Makenna was working on her 9th grade schedule for school. Makenna is and always has been a stellar student. Makenna has always been driven, dedicated and focused on school. Maryssa never has. 

Thursday, I left my home office to drive to Weatherford and pick up Leigh Ann, Cindy and Madyson. I checked on the twins before hitting the highway and asked “if they wanted to join us?” Since Steve was home after two weeks of driving for Ryder, he had a list of chores and Stephaney was washing clothes and cleaning. It was a normal day. 

On our way to meet Jennifer and her family, we stopped at The Smokestack for breakfast. Again, we checked in at Cindy’s house. I also checked in with my husband, Matthew. 

Maddy was a fireball at breakfast and kept jumping up to go sit with other diners. I.E. dining out with Maddy is always an adventure. Leaving the Smokestack, I checked in with Jennifer as we were meeting her early to do photos since we were on the schedule at Roberts Unit at 3PM. 

At 12PM, I pulled into the address Jennifer had given me to meet her at Jacobs Dream at Abilene Christian University. 

Maddy jumped out to “climb rocks.” Maddy also takes off her shoes to put her feet in the pond. Leigh Ann takes a few photos to check the lighting before Jennifer and her family arrive at 12:30PM. 

Meeting Jennifer in person and excited about our location, I begin unloading tiaras, furs, bouquets, fascinators and other props from my SUV with Cindy. 

Again, we would have no idea that Makenna is even contemplating taking her entire bottle of prescribed medication, Lexapro. I WISH WE HAD KNOWN. 

We are on location and enjoying a great day with Jennifer and her family. We believe that our family at home is fine. We are also sadly and profoundly mistaken. Maddy (as usual) jumps in on a few wedding photos. Leaving the university, our caravan heads to Walmart. Cindy checks in with Steve. We decide to buy Jennifer’s granddaughter a pair of shorts because hers and Maddy’s were both wet from the pond. 

Checking my watch, we still have an hour before we are scheduled at Roberts Unit. I decide to go to McDonalds and buy the kids happy meals before heading to the Unit. 

Our mood and vibe are relaxed and happy. Cindy and I are convinced everything is fine back home and we are enjoying our new friends.

Jennifer and I walk into the unit leaving our families parked side by side to wait on us.

Arriving in check in, the chaplain leads us to the visitation area. Jennifer is excited and nervous. This is completely normal for my clients. I’m every Clients mother. The handwritten vows are emotional and beautiful. It’s 3:00PM. 

At exactly 3.30PM, Jennifer and I will walk back to our families and our cars parked side by side. After showing our families the Unit photos, I escort Jennifer back to her car beside mine and visit for a few minutes before heading black to Fort Worth. 

At 4:11PM, we pull into Loves. Maddy wants milk. Maddy is also going nuts inside the truck stop and we spend at least five minutes longer than we planned to chasing her around. 

At 4:20PM, we are loaded back into my SUV when I first see the text. Sitting in the Loves Truck Stop parking lot, Cindy, I and Leigh Ann are NOW in an all out panic. 

By the time we arrive at Cooks, we are emotional basket cases. Cindy and I cannot stop crying. We are crushed. Devastated. Broken. 

Friday morning, Cindy and Stephaney are at the hospital with Makenna. Leigh Ann, Maddy and I are headed to Bridgeport, Texas. 

It’s difficult to put Makenna out of my mind and focus on the client but, I do. I’m an excellent actress. I’ve had 38 years of experience in front of a camera and I’m not going to ruin Michelle’s wedding day by being upset. 

Instead, I must put Makenna, my twin and Stephaney as well as my fear aside. It’s an invisible box in my mind. I put things away I can’t deal with until I can. I’ve done this since I was a child. 

Michelle had wanted a hair and makeup artist but, we couldn’t find anyone available. I decided that I would do her hair and makeup myself. 

Leigh Ann and I arrived at 9:30AM at Michelle’s hotel room. The wedding was scheduled at 11AM. No one looking at these photos could see my heartache. 

Again, I’m an excellent actress and have often had to put away or compartmentalize issues that would otherwise affect my demeanor or performance “on duty.”  While Leigh Ann chases Maddy in the hotel room and checks her equipment, I realize that I have no idea how to apply false eyelashes. Luckily, Michelle accepts this and we pack up the room to head to Bridgeport Unit.

Leigh Ann and Maddy wait in my SUV. Walking into the Unit to check in, Michelle is nervous but wearing red Air Jordan’s that go perfectly with her wedding dress.We have 20 minutes “inside the Unit.” Michelle is so nervous that I read her handwritten vows for her. 

Walking back out to my SUV, I’ve already chosen photography locations and head there with Michelle behind me.I’ve checked in with Cindy en route to downtown Bridgeport. I had packed furs and tiaras with numerous other items for fun photos. Leigh Ann is still working on the edits.

Leaving Bridgeport to Cook’s Childrens Hospital. I stop at a corner market for hospital snacks and milk for Maddy. 

I’m weary. I’m mentally exhausted and I can finally cry away from my client. Leigh Ann knows my fear. My uncertainty. My inability to know what lies next for Makenna and my family. Leigh Ann and I are both crying driving into Fort Worth. We are scared. I know everyone in my family is terrified and questioning how we were unaware of this situation? Guilt haunts us. 

Arriving at Cook’s to relieve Cindy and Stephaney to go downstairs and eat, my grandniece is still on the heart floor and under observation. Maddy runs and jumps onto Makenna’s bed. Makenna is happy to see Maddy. It’s the first time since Thursday I’ve seen Makenna smile. 

Cindy is obviously exhausted and can barely walk after trying to sleep in a straight backed chair. Cindy has 13lbs of steel fusing her spine and nueropathy from an accident that nearly killed her in our 20’s. Cindy and Stephaney refuse to leave the hospital at night. 

I’ve offered to stay overnight at Cook’s but my sister and niece won’t give up a night shift. They are weary and disheveled. My sister forgets what day it is? They are running together. Lack of sleep has affected my entire family. I forget where I park over and over. 

My sister is beyond exhausted. I read Makenna a story while Leigh Ann takes Maddy to the playroom. I then begin a rotating written schedule for my family members to tag in and out while giving everyone sufficient time for my son and his wife as well as Leigh Ann and myself to get to client events throughout the weekend. My tears run the ink on my day timer. I had no idea the energy to cry was still in me. 

I’m terrified. I’m always in control but I cannot control this situation. I’m OCD. I’m a planner but nothing prepared me for this. Cindy and I have spent two years visiting our relatives at Psych Wards. Once Makenna is released, we will continue to do so. This time at Mesa Springs. We are equally apprehensive about having the capacity to walk in happy, hopeful and positive to visit Makenna. 

We must prepare and get our act together. Deep breaths in the parking lot. Know your mark. Hide your fear. You are ON. We’ve done this at 4 different Psych Wards over the past two years. Cindy and I have been screened in as if we were entering a prison unit. Entering a Psych Ward is remarkably similar. The vending machines are a focal point to inmates as well as patients. Bring quarters. 

Cindy and I are now professional Psych Ward visitors. We’ve had plenty of practice. Cindy’s daughter, Stephaney has been involuntarily committed 16 times. 

The family members visiting Psych Wards are similar to visitors at Cooks. Everyone is uncertain. Shell shocked. Battle worn and weary. We all walk hunched over. A building of zombies. Our fear leads us through the days, nights and afternoons. Haunted eyes and grimaced faces walk the halls.

Saturday morning, I feel my blood pressure go up. I have low blood pressure but, I’m a mirror image twin. I know Cindy hasn’t taken her blood pressure pills. I can feel it. I call her. I’m right. She’s forgotten them and my key to her house is in her bathroom. The same bathroom Maryssa found Makenna in. I call Tom Thumb Pharmacy and explain why my twin doesn’t have her medication. Medication I just filled less than a week ago. I’m crying on this phone call. Explaining where Makenna is hurts me deeply. 

The pharmacist agrees to give me four pills to get Cindy through the weekend and I will call Dr Richwine to get a refill on Monday. The pharmacist tells me her son committed suicide and she will never recover. She’s crying too. 

Leaving Tom Thumb, I see an elderly lady being mugged a few blocks away. I pull over and grab my mace to scare off the attackers. I put the woman, Ginger in my SUV and give her water while calling 911. 

The police arrive. They ask “weren’t you scared getting involved?” I answer “not at all. You don’t know where I’ve been or what I’ve been through.” I describe the assaulants fully and completely from their clothing to height and weight descriptions. I also fill out a witness report and I wait on an ambulance for my new friend, Ginger. I text Cindy and Leigh Ann to let them know I’ve been delayed. Ginger is elderly and fragile. She’s also homeless. I discuss where I can find her shelter after treatment and give her my business card. Medstar transports her due to the head injury she’s suffered at the hands of two thugs. 

Arriving at Cook’s, Makenna’s heart is still struggling. It’s now been 3 days since our lives were changed forever. My Pampas Unit bride calls me. I put her on my schedule. My Ellis Unit client calls me regarding being removed from visitation. She’s crying and upset. She drove to the Unit only to be turned away. I explain the appeal process and timeline to file an appeal just outside Makenna’s room. 

I will also help Naquitia file with the DRC and Courts on Monday. I’ve memorized TDCJ procedure. I know things that surprise my clients. I must. It’s my job. 

I take another call from a Belltower Chapel client and the “observers” in Makenna’s room wonder why my phone never stops ringing to each other. They talk about my family and Makenna in front of us. I view this as highly unprofessional. No one has sent a psychologist. No one has bothered to check on Makenna’s muscle spasms. I go out and call the administrator. I file a complaint about this “openly discussing Makenna in front of her.”

My clients and my family and now even Ginger are all a part of my life. My life requires multitasking. Cell phones and electronic devices are not allowed in Makenna’s room. 

Apparently, observers watching Makenna are failing to document her legs uncontrollably shaking or the fact that a clinical psychologist has never even entered her room continue to infuriate me. I continue to bring her depression and muscle spasms up to the observers. I continue to ask where the child psychologist is? I continue to ask the observers not to discuss Makenna, her story or her family in front of her. I want her moved as soon as her heart stabilizes. I continue to call Mesa Springs myself. 

My sister now has her high blood pressure medicine. I worry this stress will give her a heart attack and I fear losing Cindy. It is my greatest fear. My twin is my best friend. My twin is my partner. My twin and I have never had an easy life or path. There have been times that we have lost our faith. There have been times we’ve felt that God was testing our faith. There have also been times that we’ve realized that hardship rather than defining us instead empowered us. Ours is not an easy life. We must hold steadfast. 

Sunday morning, I check in with Leigh Ann before meeting clients at Belltower. I’m stressed but I shake it off. I’m a professional. I dig deep to find peace and remind myself that it’s my clients day. They deserve my best. All of them do. I give it to them. Show girl smile ready, I enter the Chapel, officiate the wedding, smile for photos and run back to Cook’s. I also cry in my SUV. I don’t know how much longer I can act normal. 

Sunday afternoon, the doctor comes in to talk to me. Cindy and Stephaney are home bathing and changing clothes. I’ve just “tagged my husband out.” Makenna’s heart has stabilized. It’s time to send paperwork to Mesa Springs. Makenna will be moved to a Psych Ward for depression and suicidal ideation. The “Psych Ward Visit Cycle” will begin again for the Texas Twins. 

I call Mesa Springs again and explain what happened. I then put Makenna on the list for a bed. Cindy and I will be back bouncing from a Psych Ward to work and clients while trying to act normal. We will be actresses on our marks and taking our cues. We will pray that Makenna realizes her value. We will cry alone away from clients and family. We will move forward putting our painful past behind us and we will find hope that one day we are never visiting another relative in a Psych Ward but, we will also be prepared for the possibility. We now know that life and mental illness are chaotic. Unpredictable. Unplanned. Frustrating. 

I roll into a parking space to relieve Cindy and Stephaney for dinner AKA to tag them out. A family member must be present at all times in the room. Tagging out is the only break. Beside me, I see a woman crying in her vehicle. I walk over and ask “what’s wrong? Can I help you?” I’ve realized that many parents and grandparents cry in public bathrooms at Cook’s or the parking garage. No one cries in front of their loved ones including my family. We wear a mask. We hide our pain. We shuffle about in wrinkled clothing from sleeping on chairs or roll a way beds and we are effectively prisoners of war to save our children. Everyone is the same here. The despair. The grief. The anxiety. 

The lady in the car next to me opens her door. “My daughter is here. I’m divorced. I’m afraid I will lose my job. My ex won’t come and sit with her.” I open my trunk and get her a bottle of water. She has a heavy cross to bear. 

I get in her SUV and ask “when was the last time you ate?” She can’t remember. She’s been struggling to save money for parking. I tell her “drive out and drive back in. Get a new ticket. Parking is free on weekends.” This surprises her. But, it’s something I’ve shared with others. Not refreshing their parking ticket runs into hundreds of dollars. The cafeteria is expensive and the food is nothing to write home about. My new friend, Mary joins me at Camelot Court. I buy her dinner and sit with her. I also give her my card. We will be moving to Mesa Springs and I worry about her. 

My other new friend, the victim of a mugging on Saturday, Ginger is at Harris Hospital. I’ve been feeding her feral cats since Saturday night. I call her and let her know they are okay. 

I’m bone weary but also help a man find the B elevators who is lost, uncertain and afraid. When we get to the third floor, he turns to me and says “I’m not ready. I’m afraid. I don’t know what I’m walking into.” I grab his hand and tell him “I will walk with you. You aren’t alone. Everyone here is afraid. Everyone here is tired and anxious. Everyone here has a child they are concerned about.” I walk him to the room where he “tags out” his daughter and show him where to find coffee. Tell him the hours of the cafeteria and get him a blanket and pillow. He’s going to be okay. I will check on him again and my new friend Mary tomorrow. 

Hopefully, Ginger is released from Harris tomorrow as I’m at Coffield and Beto Units in Tennessee Colony Tuesday. I’m also meeting a pregnant woman in Corsicana who contacted me about letting Burt and Deanna adopt her baby. She’s not in a position to keep her baby and heard I was trying to help my former clients find a child to love. Burt and Deanna don’t care what color the child is. They know that any child is a gift from God. They are good people. I married them four years ago. I baptized Baby DeLilah and officiated her memorial. 

The tragedy of losing a child isn’t lost on me. I’ve witnessed the pain. I’ve prayed with the families to find strength and I’ve cried silent tears alone in my SUV. I don’t understand why children are taken far too soon. I never will. 

Being a parent teaches you resilience. You will jump in front of a train to protect your child. Parenting doesn’t end at 18. In fact, it never ends. Being a parent, grandparent of guardian is the hardest job you will ever have. You will become stronger for it. You will become more resilient and you will become dedicated to forsaking your own needs in order to care for another. Trust me. 

Cindy and I are everyone’s mother. From clients to strangers, there isn’t anyone we wouldn’t try to help. Why? Because we’ve never had anyone to help us aside from each other and our husbands. 

Hardship can define you or empower you. Love is sacrifice. We pray Makenna learns to love herself. We pray that others won’t take advantage of her and we pray thanks that she sent those texts to Cindy and I. We pray for strength in the journey ahead. We pray for guidance and finally we pray we can find it in our hearts to forgive Michael for pushing Makenna into thinking her life wasn’t worth living. Over someone she knew less than two weeks? We will though pursue criminal charges against Michael to prevent this from happening to anyone else’s child. 

Teenagers are fragile. They are impressionable and they are easily hurt. Please check your children’s phones. Find out who they are talking to and more importantly, what they are talking about. 

Seventh grade was too stressful for Makenna. Her twin, Maryssa is social. Makenna isn’t. Cindy and I homeschooled Makenna in 7th and part of 8th grade. Makenna asked to return to public school a few months ago. Had she been safe at home away from bullies this wouldn’t have happened to our family but Makenna felt isolated in homeschooling. 

Tomorrow I’m up at 4AM to tag Cindy and Stephaney out. Tomorrow, I’m helping my Ellis Unit Client file an appeal with the Courts and DRC. Tomorrow I’m packing for a day back in Tennessee Colony and tomorrow I’m praying Mesa Springs has a bed for Makenna…